Transcriber's notes: Unusual and inconsistent spelling is as printed.
New original cover art included with this eBook is granted to the
public domain.
[Illustration: Edah speaks kindly to Jack.]
The Sign of the Cross;
OR,
EDAH CHAMPLIN.
BY
LUCY ELLEN GUERNSEY
AUTHOR OF "SOPHIE KENNEDY'S EXPERIENCE," ETC., ETC.
——————————————
"IF ANY MAN WILL COME AFTER ME, LET HIM DENY HIMSELF, AND
TAKE UP HIS CROSS, AND FOLLOW ME."—ST. MATT. xvi. 24.
——————————————
NEW YORK:
GENERAL PROTESTANT EPISCOPAL S. S. UNION
AND
Church Book Society,
637 BROADWAY.
1856.
———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————
Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1855, by
THE GEN. PROT. EPISCOPAL S. S. UNION and CHURCH BOOK SOCIETY,
In the Clerk's Office of the District Court for the
Southern District of New York.
———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————
R. C. VALENTINE,
STEREOTYPER AND ELECTROTYPIST,
17 Dutch-st., cor. Fulton, N. Y.
TO THE
TRUE FRIEND OF MY EARLY DAYS,
THE BELOVED
PRINCIPAL OF THE ROCHESTER FEMALE ACADEMY,
THE FOLLOWING PAGES
ARE RESPECTFULLY DEDICATED BY
THE AUTHOR
PREFACE.
————
THE following pages were written with a desire of awakening in the
minds of the younger members of our Church, the inquiry, "Am I
living up, in any degree, to the promise and vow made in my name at
my Baptism? Have not I sometimes been ashamed to confess the faith
of Christ crucified, at least in deeds and in my daily life and
conversation? How many combats have I ever fought under His banner
against sin, the world, and the devil, since the Sign of the Cross was
first imprinted upon my forehead in the holy Sacrament?"
It is to be feared that too many, even of those who have by their
own act ratified and confirmed those solemn promises in the presence
of the Bishop and congregation, are living in indifference to
them. They acknowledge their obligations indeed in words, but the
mainspring of their daily actions is very far from being a principle
of self-sacrifice and self-consecration. They offer at the Communion
themselves, their souls, and bodies, to be a reasonable, holy, and
living sacrifice; but no sooner have they retired from the Holy Table,
nay, sometimes before they are out of sight of it, than they act as
though body and soul were their own, and had never been bought with
a price, nor offered anew, in both the Sacraments, to Him who bought
them. How many are there, especially of young ladies, with whom one
might be in habits of familiar intercourse for weeks, without ever
suspecting that they had renounced the vain pomp and glory of the
world, with all covetous desires of the same! Nay, might not one rather
imagine that these very pomps and glories were the very end and aim
of their lives? The account of the debut of an eminent concert-singer
or tragedian possesses more interest for them than the story of the
most triumphant success obtained by the missionaries of the Cross
over the darkness and misery of heathenism; and they would rather a
dozen western Sunday Schools should go without books, than that they
themselves should want the latest fancy of lace or trimming.
It is not often that we are called upon to make any great sacrifice
to our religious obligations, though perhaps such occasions would
present themselves more frequently if we were more willing to see them;
but there is not a day which does not bring with it some opportunity
of self-denial and self-sacrifice, or some necessity for an open
declaration of our principles either in words or actions. Let us be
careful that we do not heedlessly overlook or wilfully shut our eyes to
these opportunities as they occur. If faithfully improved, though the
plant be thorny to grasp, it will yield golden fruit of discipline and
strength; if weakly shunned, or boldly trodden down, the thorns will
remain to vex us, long after the occurrence is forgotten. It is often
difficult to perform our duty in this respect with a serene and quiet
temper; but for this, as for all graces, let us ask of Him who giveth
liberally and upbraideth not, and in due time we shall reap, if we
faint not.
L. E. G.
ROCHESTER, _Dec._ 1855.
CONTENTS.
————
CHAPTER.
I. INTRODUCTORY.
II. CHANGING PLANS.
III. THE NEW HOME.
IV. NEW FRIENDS.
V. THE SHOCK.
VI. THE RESOLUTION.
VII. THE DAY OF SMALL THINGS.
VIII. NEW LABORS AND NEW PLEASURES.
IX. THE CHRISTMAS SERVICE.
X. LETTERS.
XI. "OF SUCH IS THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN."
XII. "ARISE AND BUILD."
XIII. LENTEN SERVICES—BAD NEWS.
XIV. THE JOURNEY.
XV. THE EASTER SERVICE.
[Illustration: The Sign of the Cross]
The Sign of the Cross;
[Illustration]
CHAPTER I.
INTRODUCTORY.
"THE Bishop of this Diocese will hold a Confirmation service in this
church on Sunday morning, the twelfth of May. Any persons intending to
come forward at that time will please give their names to the Rector
as soon as possible. A course of lectures preparatory to the rite will
commence on Wednesday evening of this week."
Such was the notice read by the Rev. Mr. Wardwell one Sunday morning
before sermon, at the same time that he gave notice of the Communion,
and other matters to be published. There had not been a Confirmation
in the parish for more than three years, during which time it had been
without a settled Rector, and in the course of these three years a
number of young persons of both sexes had come to years of discretion
to answer for themselves. There was, moreover, a large boarding-school
in the village, kept by a lady who was a member of the Episcopal
Church, and it might reasonably be expected that some of its members
would be among the number who should present themselves at this time.
Mr. Wardwell had occupied his present station about six months and he
had found things upon his arrival in rather a dilapidated state, as
might be expected in a flock having no shepherd for so long a time. The
number of regular communicants was very small; the Sunday School was
scattered, and the books lost; the church itself was out of repair, and
the people were rather unwilling to do any thing towards putting it in
better condition. Mr. Wardwell was a wise man, and knew very well that
it was not desirable to undertake too much at once, so he said nothing
at first about church repairs, but visited his people vigorously,
preached fervently, and prayed earnestly, and by and by things began
to look up. A new library was obtained, and the Sunday School started.
People began to come to church and to the Communion who had never been
seen there before. Many children and some grown persons were baptized,
and a general feeling of seriousness was apparent in the congregation.
All this was very encouraging: the faithful minister's heart sang for
joy; and when the Bishop informed him of his intention to visit the
parish at no very distant period, Mr. Wardwell had a confident hope of
being able to present a goodly number to receive the holy ordinance of
the laying on of hands.
When church was out, and the congregation was on their way homewards,
there might be heard from different groups various conjectures as to
who would come forward and who ought to come forward, while several
might be observed walking silently and with serious faces, as if
thinking deeply on some subject of importance. Among these last were
two girls (perhaps they should be called young ladies) belonging to
Miss Anderson's school. They were both rather remarkably well-dressed,
and both very pretty—the elder being perhaps about eighteen, and the
other a year younger.
They walked at least half the way down the long street without
exchanging a word, when the younger said, in a half-sportive tone, "How
sociable we are! A penny for your thoughts, Edah!"
"I was thinking of the notice Mr. Wardwell gave about the Bishop," said
Edah; and then added, rather abruptly, after another moment's silence,
"I suppose you mean to be confirmed this time, don't you?"
"Not that I know of," replied Milly, "at least I have not thought any
thing about it. Why did you think I meant to be confirmed?"
"Why, because—you are old enough, and I know you never have been, so I
thought it natural enough that you should take this opportunity, as you
will so soon be going into society."
"What of that?" asked Milly. "Cannot one go into society without being
confirmed? I have known many people very much in society who never
troubled their heads about the matter."
"But I suppose you think every one ought to be confirmed, some time,
don't you?" asked Edah. And as her companion did not reply, she went on
urging various reasons in favor of the rite.
Millicent listened in silence, and when Edah paused, she said, abruptly—
"After all, Edah, what is the difference?"
"The difference!" said Edah. "I don't know what you mean, Milly."
"I mean, what difference does it make whether a person is confirmed
or not? Take ourselves, for instance. You have been confirmed, and I
have not, and what is the great difference between us? We are both
good scholars, and tolerably obedient and tractable. We should either
of us be ashamed to engage in any such foolish cabals and pranks as
some of the girls do. If there is any difference, I think I am rather
more careful in keeping rules than you are. But in other respects I
do not see any thing to choose. You are as fond of dress and company,
and every thing of the sort, as any girl in school, and spend as much
time upon them. I always thought that religious people were fond of
the Bible, and loved prayer; but we have roomed together for more than
three years, and I cannot see that you care any more for such things
than myself. To be sure you could go to the Communion if you chose, but
then you never do choose, and, as I said, what is the difference after
all?"
Edah was silent, and Milly thought she was angry at the freedom with
which she had spoken. She hastened to say, "Do not be angry with me,
Edah. I don't say this by way of finding any fault with you, of course,
but only because—because I want to understand you. You know we always
say just what we think to each other."
"I am not angry, my dear Milly," said Edah, forcing herself to speak;
"I was only thinking of what you have been saying, and I am afraid it
is too true."
"It has never seemed to me," continued Millicent, "that I should wish
to be confirmed in that way, as if it were a mere ceremony, which was
in some way necessary to one's being grown-up. It appears to me to be a
much more solemn thing than that. I never heard much about it at home,
for my friends are not what you would call religious people, as you
know very well. Father is busy in his office from morning till night,
and almost from night till morning, and Aunt Maria cares for nothing
but society. But I used sometimes to hear old Dr. Shelly speak on the
subject, and from him I got what few ideas I have. It never seemed
to me that I should be willing to take such solemn vows upon myself,
unless I were sure of keeping them, and I am quite certain that I
should have to be something very different from what I am now to do
that."
"What vows?" asked Edah.
"Why, the baptismal vows, to be sure. I believe, after all, I know
more about it than you do. But here we are at home: how slowly we have
walked! I do not mean to say," she added, "that I shall not think of
Confirmation, and I mean to attend the lectures, at any rate, if Miss
Anderson will give me leave."
"I should like to stay at home this afternoon, Miss Anderson," said
Edah, with some hesitation, as the bells sounded for afternoon service.
Miss Anderson looked surprised.
"How is that, my dear? Are you not well?"
"My head aches a little, but that is not the reason I wish to stay at
home. I feel as if I should like to be alone a little while."
"Well, Edah," said Miss Anderson, "I think I may venture to give you
permission, though I would not do so for every one. But I know very
well that I may depend upon you—that you will not spend the time
improperly."
Edah was glad to be so trusted, and she was still more glad to have
the time to herself. Millicent's remarks had awakened a new train of
thought in her mind, which she felt in a manner obliged to follow out.
Edah had been rather peculiarly situated. Her mother died when she
was very young, and her father had married again very soon. She had
inherited some property from a distant relation, who, by his will, had
placed her under the care of another relative, a rich and childless
man, with whom she had resided almost entirely when she was not in
school.
She had once or twice made very short visits to her father's house, now
filled with a young family, but she had never found these visits very
pleasant. Mrs. Champlin was kind to her, but she was not very refined
in manners or conversation, and her children were perfectly ungoverned
and unruly. Her father had never seemed the same since his first wife's
death. He was now careless in his dress and manners, indifferent to
business, and Edah feared he sometimes drank. She had stayed a week,
and then departed, without much regret on either side, for Mrs.
Champlin felt herself rather constrained in the presence of her really
refined and fashionable stepdaughter; and Edah thought the children
perfect little barbarians, as it must be confessed they were.
Edah had received very little religious instruction. Miss Anderson
contented herself with seeing that her young ladies were all provided
with Bibles and Prayer-Books; that they went to church regularly, and
behaved well while there; and the younger ones were required to recite
the Church Catechism every Saturday morning, sometimes to a teacher,
but more frequently to some of the older girls, who were not very
particular as to the sense, provided the tongue was able to rattle off
the words glibly.
At one time when she was at home, several of her most intimate
companions had been confirmed, and she had joined them, with the
consent of her guardian, who thought it a matter of little consequence
one way or the other. She had made some good resolutions at the time,
but the duties of school, and the gaieties of home, soon effaced them
from her mind, and she stood just where she did before, except that she
had learned to feel a kind of dependence on her Confirmation, as if
that alone insured her salvation. She had now and then a feeling as if
she were not living exactly as she ought; she felt that the things of
another world were very seldom in her thoughts, and had no influence
upon her life and conversation. But these impressions had never yet
been deep enough to produce any lasting change in her conduct.
Millicent Amory was about her own age, and there were a good many
points of resemblance between them. They were both pretty and
intelligent, fond of study and reading, self-respecting, and somewhat
proud. Miss Anderson always felt that she could trust them without any
particular surveillance, and apply to them in any case of difficulty;
and they were oracles among the younger girls, who always appealed to
the one or the other in any perplexity or trouble.
Thus far they were alike, but in many things there was an essential
difference. Edah was warm, hasty, and quick-tempered. Millicent,
on the contrary, was never known to be angry, and only under the
strongest pressure of emotion did she ever manifest any signs of mental
disturbance. Edah was fond of undertaking new and difficult studies,
at which she worked very hard for a time, and then became discouraged;
while Milly, cautious in regard to new undertakings, was never known to
give way to any difficulty short of an absolute impossibility. Edah was
very particular in regard to her dress and personal appointments, and
was always anxious to have every thing, from a bonnet to a shoe-tie, in
the latest and most elegant fashion; while Milly, though essentially
neat, and always appearing well-dressed, was somewhat indifferent as to
minor matters, and sometimes distressed her friend by wearing collars
and mantles out of date, and declining the trouble of having her
dresses altered to suit the present mode.
Their worldly circumstances were somewhat similar, for both were
motherless, and had spent nearly all their lives at school. They were
both very liberally supplied with money, so liberally, indeed, that
Miss Anderson sometimes said such allowances would be ruinous to
any other girls. It had long been decided that as soon as they left
school, Edah was to spend a year with her friend, and the girls were
anticipating a great deal of pleasure from going into company together.
Mr. Liston, Edah's guardian, expected soon to make a voyage to India,
and remain there a year or two, and he was pleased to have his ward so
well provided for in his absence.
When the girls had departed, and Edah was left alone in her room,
she took her Prayer-Book, and sat down to read over the Confirmation
Service, with which she was not at all familiar. The Preface was the
first thing that attracted her attention, and she read that, and the
Bishop's address, several times over.
"I knew the Church Catechism, from beginning to end, long before I was
confirmed," she said to herself, "so, as far as that goes, I am well
enough prepared; but this renewing of the baptismal vows—I am afraid
I did not think much about them. I know I made some good resolutions,
but I am sure I have never kept one of them. The address of the Bishop
seemed very solemn, and so did all the circumstances—the standing up
before all the people, and kneeling at the Chancel; and I remember how
I trembled when the Bishop's hands were laid on my head; but after all,
I did not realize what I was doing. And these baptismal vows—I hardly
know at this moment what they are."
She turned over and read them, and as she did so, the grace of God
enabled her to understand and feel their solemn meaning.
"Dost thou renounce the devil and all his works, the vain pomp and
glory of the world, and all covetous desires of the same, with all
sinful desires of the flesh, so that thou wilt not follow, nor be led
by them?"
"Dost thou believe all the Articles of the Christian faith, as
contained in the Apostles' Creed?"
"Wilt thou then obediently keep God's holy will and commandment; and
walk in the same all the days of thy life?"
Edah dropped the book in a kind of terror—she had never so much as
thought of keeping any of these promises. She could not but see that
she thought more of the vain pomp and glory of the world—of her
dress and appearance in company—of the pleasures of society, and
being looked up to and admired, than of any thing else. Her studies
and accomplishments were all means to the same end, and her liberal
allowance was disposed of for almost no other purpose. One of her
greatest pleasures consisted in anticipating the time when she should
leave school, and be placed at the head of a fine establishment in her
guardian's house, able to dress as magnificently as she pleased, and to
indulge to their fullest extent all those elegant tastes which she was
conscious of possessing. True, she had never committed any gross sins,
because she had never been exposed to them, but she could not build
much upon that, as long as she had yielded to almost every temptation
that came in her way.
As to walking by the rule of God's commandments, she had hardly thought
of such a thing: she reviewed the events of the past week, and could
not discover that once during that time she had so much as considered
whether what she was about to do would be pleasing to Him or not. The
more she thought upon the subject, the more she became aware that she
had never confessed the faith of Christ crucified; nay, had she not
absolutely denied that faith, by turning her back upon the Table of the
Lord time after time? She had never fought one single combat under His
banner in all her life.
The return of the girls from church, and the entrance of Milly
interrupted her meditations. She was about to return her Prayer-Book
hastily to its place, when the words she had just read, "ashamed to
confess the faith of Christ crucified," returned to her mind, and she
still retained it in her hand. Millicent, however, took no notice of
her studies: she seemed rather serious than otherwise, and instead of
sitting down to write a composition, or prepare some daily lesson, she
placed herself by the other window, and remained some time silent.
"Was any thing more said about the Confirmation?" asked Edah at length.
"The notice was repeated," replied Milly, "and Mr. Wardwell invited all
those who wished to converse with him upon that subject, or any other
connected with it, to call upon him between the hours of four and six
in the afternoon, and also on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday evenings.
I heard some of the Sunday School teachers talking about it; and they
seemed to think that a number of the scholars were interested in the
subject."
"Would you not like to go into the Sunday School sometimes, Milly?"
asked Edah, as if struck with a sudden thought. "I don't mean to teach,
of course; but just to see how they go on. I never was in one in my
life."
Milly assented, and there was another interval of silence. Edah was
considering whether she ought to make up her mind to approach the
Communion on the following Sunday. She could not decide: for the first
time she felt that she should be guilty in turning away, yet she feared
to be more so in going.
"Milly," she said at last, "do you think there would be any harm in my
going down to Mr. Wardwell's to-morrow afternoon? I want to see him
very much, and one is never sure of finding him at home."
"No harm certainly; what harm could there be?"
"You know the notice was intended for those who are thinking of
Confirmation."
"The subject of Confirmation, or any thing connected with it, he said.
But will you not feel rather awkwardly to go there? You do not know
them very well."
"No; but after all he is the Rector, and seems the proper person to
apply to. I wish you would go with me."
"I would rather not, at present," said Milly: "I have not at all made
up my mind about being confirmed, and would rather wait a little before
saying any thing about it. But that need not hinder your going."
The next day Edah obtained of Miss Anderson the requisite permission,
and presented herself, not without trepidation, at the door of Mr.
Wardwell's study.
That gentleman received her with kindness, and after some little
indifferent conversation, said, "I presume, Miss Champlin, you have
called in consequence of the notice given yesterday. Are you thinking
of being confirmed?"
"No, sir," replied Edah; "I have been confirmed."
Mr. Wardwell looked surprised. "Indeed!" said he. "How long since?"
"Almost two years ago, sir."
"I do not remember that I have ever seen you at the Communion since I
have been here: how has that happened?"
Edah was silent, and Mr. Wardwell continued gravely: "Six months is
a long time for a servant of the Lord Jesus to absent herself from
His Table. I should hope you had some very good excuse to offer, Miss
Champlin."
"I have never been to the Communion at all," said Edah, speaking
with some effort; "I do not know that I ever thought of going till
yesterday, when something that Milly said made me consider the subject."
"And what was the result of your considerations?"
"I could not make up my mind about it, sir. I fear you will think me
very ignorant; but I hardly know what is necessary in order to partake.
I could not satisfy myself at all in the matter, and I came to see if
you would help me?"
"I am very happy to see you, my dear young lady, and shall gladly do
all in my power to direct and assist you. You know your Catechism?"
"Yes, sir."
"What is required of those who come to the Lord's Supper?"
"To examine themselves, whether they repent them truly of their former
sins, steadfastly purposing to lead a new life; have a lively faith in
God's mercy through Christ, with a thankful remembrance of his death;
and be in charity with all men," answered Edah.
"Right," said the Rector. "Here, you see, we have all the necessary
qualifications of the communicant expressed in a very few words; and
you will find the same ideas expressed in the Communion Service. The
first thing requisite is true and hearty repentance of all past sins,
and this same repentance is made the condition of all God's spiritual
favors towards us.
"'Repent and be baptized,' says St. Peter to the inquirers at Jerusalem
on the day of Pentecost. 'Except ye repent, ye shall all likewise
perish,' says our Saviour.
"There is not a person living upon earth who has not need of this
repentance. You may perhaps consider that your life thus far has been
very innocent and harmless, and yet if you consider it in the light of
God's law, I venture to say that you will see enough in it to make you
cry, 'God be merciful to me a sinner.'
"Nay, your very forgetfulness, if not denial of Christ, in thus turning
your back upon His Table, at which you were an invited guest, is alone
enough to condemn you, especially after you have, in the presence
of so many witnesses, solemnly renewed your baptismal covenant, and
acknowledged yourself bound to believe and to do all those things which
you then undertook, or your sponsors undertook for you. How those other
vows have been kept, I will not ask you: that is an affair between God
and your own heart."
"They have not been kept at all," said Edah, struggling with her tears:
"I have always been ashamed of the faith of Christ crucified, and have
never fought under His banner. I see very well that the Lord's Table is
no place for me."
With her usual impetuosity, she was rising to go, when Mr. Wardwell
detained her.
"Stay a moment, Miss Champlin; there is something else to be
considered. You say very truly that the Lord's Table is no place for
unrepentant sinners, but have you reflected also that it is the most
proper place for those who do truly repent them of their sins? Have you
truly reflected that there is but one place for the unrepentant sinner?
"'He that cometh to Me I will in no wise cast out,' says our merciful
Saviour; but He also says, 'Whosoever shall deny Me before men, him
will I deny before the angels in heaven.'
"God in His mercy has awakened from your spiritual lethargy, and
convicted you of sin; He has set your duty plainly before you, and
placed within your reach the means to perform it. You may refuse
both the duty and the grace, but it will be at the peril of your
undying soul. You must repent; you must yield Him your full unreserved
obedience, or you are lost."
Edah trembled so excessively that she was glad to resume her seat.
After she had composed herself a little, she said—
"I see that what you say is true, Mr. Wardwell, and I only wonder that
I never saw it before. I wish with all my heart that I had never been
confirmed!"
"And how would that help you, my child? Confirmation creates no new
duties; it is only an acknowledgment of those already existing. You
would be just as much bound to yield obedience to God if you had never
confessed before the world that such was your duty. But why are you
unwilling to yield this obedience? Cannot you make up your mind to the
sacrifices it implies?"
Edah hesitated.
"I think I could," said she; "I am not sure. But how strange it is, Mr.
Wardwell, that I never thought of these things before!"
"It is indeed strange, that any one, believing the truths which our
Church so strongly sets forth, and hearing them repeated from Sunday to
Sunday, can yet be indifferent to the eternal welfare of his soul. But
I trust, Miss Champlin, that you now see the absolute necessity of a
heartfelt repentance, not only as a preparation for the Communion, but
also as necessary to your welfare here and hereafter."
"I do indeed, sir; but I fear I have never felt this repentance. What
must I do?"
"You must earnestly beseech God to grant you repentance, and His Holy
Spirit, my dear child. You must ask Him, for Christ's sake, to forgive
you all that is past, and to grant that you may henceforth serve and
please Him in newness of life. You must go to Him, believing that He
is, and that He is the rewarder of them that diligently seek Him. You
have every encouragement to seek Him, in His promises; in His love, as
manifested in the death of His dear Son, for the redemption of man. Let
me entreat you, my dear young friend, to settle this matter now: do not
be diverted from it by any thing. Give yourself no rest or peace till
you feel that you have so repented of your sins, and have such a lively
faith in God's mercy, that you can with safety approach His holy Table.
I hope to see you again soon, and have some further talk with you."
The conversation was now interrupted, and Edah returned home, after
being furnished by the Rector with some reading suitable to her state
of mind.
Milly had too much delicacy to take any notice of the marks of recent
agitation which appeared on her countenance.
For once Edah wished that she had no lessons to prepare. She could
hardly fix her mind upon her studies sufficiently to understand them,
and she gladly laid them aside the moment the bell rung for half-past
eight, and took up one of the volumes that Mr. Wardwell had lent her.
Looking up a few moments after, she was glad to see that Millicent had
opened the other, and appeared interested in it, for she had so long
depended on Milly for sympathy that the thought of having any separate
interest was painful to her.
Catching Edah's eye at the moment, Milly said with her usual directness—
"Edah, I wish you would tell me about your conversation with Mr.
Wardwell. I do not see why we should not talk about this matter as
freely as any other; even if we do not think alike, it will do no harm
to compare our thoughts."
Edah was very glad that her friend had broken the ice, and she related
to her the substance of the conversation, not without some tears. Milly
was also affected, though as usual she endeavored to conceal all signs
of emotion.
"Do you mean to go again?" she asked.
"Oh, yes! I shall go again on Wednesday. I do not mean to let the
matter rest till it is settled. Will you go with me?"
"I think I will. Setting aside any feeling on the subject, it seems
unworthy of a rational being to live as we have done—so thoughtless of
every thing but the present moment."
The night-bell was now rung, and the girls put away their books, and
prepared to go to rest. Edah knelt down by her bedside without any
diffidence, without even thinking whether any one was looking at her or
not. Milly did not kneel, but she was very silent and serious.
The girls were very thoughtful all the next day, and did not join at
all in the merriment of recess and playtime. No one made any remark
about it, however; for it happened that a good many others were in the
same situation.
Wednesday afternoon found Edah again at Mr. Wardwell's, and this time
Milly accompanied her. She now felt more at home, and better acquainted
with the Rector, and she did not hesitate to open her whole heart to
him. The conversation was long, and very interesting, and Mr. Wardwell
was rejoiced to see that his young friend had been led to see her
sinfulness, and to seek for grace where alone it is to be found.
"I shall be most happy to welcome you to the Communion Table next
Sunday," he said, "and I trust you will find there still more grace,
a deeper conviction of your own unworthiness, and of the boundless
mercy of God in Christ. But let me repeat to you once more: Be not
satisfied with any faith which does not show itself in your life and
conversation. If you truly love God, His will and His glory will be
your ruling motive. In all you do, you will be desirous to please Him
and to this test you will bring every action of your life, even the
most trivial. You must bring captive every thought into the obedience
of Christ, and unless you are willing to do this, you must not be
satisfied with your repentance."
"I do not understand that expression, doing all to the glory of God,"
said Milly, speaking almost for the first time. "I have heard it used
several times, and I do not understand it at all. I do not see how the
glory of God can depend upon men."
"It does indeed seem strange that such beings as we are can glorify our
Maker by our action but He has so said, and we are bound to believe it.
"'Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit,' says our
Saviour. 'Whether ye eat or think, or whatever ye do, do all to the
glory Of God,' says St. Paul.
"On the contrary, He speaks of those who, by falling away, have
crucified the Son of God afresh, and put Him to an open shame. Suppose,
Miss Amory, you were going among strangers who had heard of your
father, and who would naturally judge of him and his character by you,
would you not be very anxious and very careful that nothing in your
conduct should give an unfavorable impression of him? Would you not
endeavor to be kind, generous, and self-denying, if, in so doing, you
could win the regard of your companions to your father?"
"Certainly, sir!"
"Well, my dear, this is a case in point. If people who are careless on
the subject of religion, or even those who directly oppose it, see the
professed disciples of Christ patient, unselfish, consistent, honest,
and so forth, will they not, even against their wills, be forced to
respect the principle which leads to all these good results? And if, on
the contrary, they behold these professed disciples seeking their own
interest, dishonest, busybodies, and the like, will they not at once
conclude that their profession is all a falsity, or, if it is not so,
that it is not worth considering?"
"Yes, sir, I suppose so. But, Mr. Wardwell, this is a great task to
undertake. It seems to me that it would be a burden too heavy for any
one."
"Would you then feel it a great task to behave in the manner I at first
supposed when your father's honor and reputation were concerned?"
"No, sir, because I love my father, and that would make it light. It is
not hard to make sacrifices for those we love."
"Then do you not see that when you love God as you do your father, this
difficulty would become a pleasure?"
"But is that possible?"
"I trust you will come to see the time when you will wonder that any
thing else is possible. When you come to understand the exceeding
great love of our Master and only Saviour the dying for us; when you
appreciate the amazing greatness of His sacrifice for sin, and feel
that that sacrifice was made for you personally—that the crucified
Jesus is your Saviour, your friend—that He now loves you, intercedes
for you, watches you—that God the Father is your Father, and has sent
His only-begotten Son into the world to redeem you—that He sends His
Holy Spirit to touch your heart, and bring you to a sense of your
sins—that He is more than ready to receive you, as soon as you are
willing to be received,—when you realize all this, you will not think
it much to devote your time and your talents wholly to him."
Millicent appeared more affected than Edah had ever seen her.
"I should not indeed," she said, in a trembling voice, "if I could only
once feel that this was true. But it hardly seems possible that He
should so love me, and when I have never obeyed Him—never thought of
Him."
"But it is true, my child. God commended His love to us in that, while
we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. And He not only died for us,
but He ever liveth to make intercession for us.
"'Behold, I stand at the door and knock.'
"He is now knocking at your door. The moment you are ready, He is
willing to wash away your sins, and to give you strength to serve and
please Him in newness of life."
"I must think a little more, Mr. Wardwell, before I can come to a
decision," said Milly. "I do not feel as though I quite understood the
matter."
"Think and pray both, my friend, but above all, pray. Your prayers will
be heard, if you are sincere in them. I trust and believe that you will
be guided aright, and that I shall yet have the happiness of seeing you
fighting under the banner of the Cross."