It was a slow train. The slowest train that there is, is, of course,
far, far quicker than any other mode of conveyance practicable in a land
journey, but it does not seem so. It seems as if it were delay
personified to the eager traveller, especially on the Continent. In
England, when it stops at a multiplicity of stations at which there is
nothing to do, it at least goes on again in most cases after it has
dropped its half-passenger or taken in its empty bag of letters. But
this can never be said of a German or even of a brisker Belgian train.
The one in which Aubrey was meandered about Liege, for instance, till he
had mastered every aspect of that smoky but interesting place. It
stopped for what looked like an hour at every little roadside station,
in order, apparently, that the guard might hold a long and excited
conversation about nothing at all with the head man of the place. And
all the while the little electric bell would go tingling, tingling upon
his very brain. Thus he made his slow and weary progress through the
afternoon and evening, stopping long at last at a midnight station
(where everything was wrapped in sleep and darkness) for the arrival of
the express, in which the latter portion of the journey was to be
accomplished more quickly. If there had been anything wanted to complete
the entire overthrow of a spirit in pain it was such an experience. All
was dismal beyond words at the place where he had to wait--one poor
light showing through the great universe of darkness, the dark big world
that encompassed it around--one or two belated porters wandering through
the blackness doing mysterious pieces of business, or pretending to do
them. A poor little wailing family--a mother and two children, put out
there upon a bench from some other train, one of the babies wailing
vaguely into the dark, the other calling upon “mamma, mamma,” driving
the poor mother frantic--were waiting like himself. It gave Aubrey a
momentary consolation to see something that appeared at least to the
external eye more forlorn than he. He remembered, too, that there had
once been a baby cry that went to his heart, and though all the
associations connected with that had now turned into gall and
bitterness, so that the sound seemed like a spear penetrating his very
being, and he walked away as far as the bounds of the station would
allow, to get, if possible, out of hearing of it--yet pity, a better
inspiration, at last gained the day. He went up and spoke to the woman,
and found that she was an English workman’s wife making her way home
with her children to a mother who was dying. They had turned her out
here, with her babies, to wait--ah, not for the express train which was
to carry on the gentleman, but for the slow, slow-creeping third-class
which only started in the morning, and which would, after other long
waits at other places, reach England sometime, but she could scarcely
tell when.
“And must you pass the night here out in the cold?” said Aubrey.
“It isn’t not to call a cold night, sir,” said the woman, meekly, “and
they’ve got plenty on to keep them warm.”
“I’ll try and get them to open the waiting-room for you,” said Aubrey.
“Oh, no, sir; thank you kindly, but don’t take the trouble--the rooms
are that stuffy. It’s better for them in the open air, and they’ll go to
sleep in a little while. Baby will be quite warm on my lap, and Johnny’s
lying against me.”
“And what is to become of you in this arrangement?” said Aubrey, looking
pitifully, with eyes that had known the experiences both of husband and
father, upon this little plump human bed, which was to stand in the
place of down pillows for the children.
“Oh, I’ll do very well, sir, when they go to sleep,” she said, looking
up at him with a smile.
“And when does your train go?”
“Not till six in the morning,” she replied; “but perhaps that’s all the
better, for I’ll be able to get them some bread and milk, and a good
wash before we start.”
Well, it was not much of an indulgence for a man who was well off. He
might have thrown it away on any trifle, and nobody would have wasted a
thought on the subject. He got hold of one of the wandering ghosts of
porters, and got him, with a douceur, to change the poor woman’s cheap
ticket for her into one for the express, and commissioned him, if
possible, to get her a place in a sleeping carriage, where, I fear, she
was not likely to be at all a warmly welcomed addition to the luxurious
young men or delicate ladies in these conveyances. He saw that there was
one found for her which was almost empty when the train came up. He
scarcely knew if she were young or old--though indeed, as a matter of
fact, the poor little mother, bewildered by her sudden elevation among
the gentlefolks, and not quite sure that she would not have preferred to
remain where she was and pick up in the morning her natural third-class
train, was both young and pretty, a fact that was remarked by the one
young lady in the carriage, who saw the young man through the window at
her side, and recognised him in a flash of the guard’s lantern, with
deep astonishment to see him handing in such a woman and such children
to the privileged places. He disappeared himself into the dark, and
indeed took his place in the corner of a smoking carriage, where his
cigar was a faint soother of pain. In his human short-sightedness, poor
Aubrey also was consoled a little, I think, by the thought that this
poor fellow-passenger was comfortable--she and her children--and that
instead of slumbering uneasily on a bench, she was able to lay the
little things in a bed. It seemed to him a good omen, a little
relaxation of the bonds of fate, and he went away cheered a little and
encouraged by this simple incident and by the warmth of the kindness
that was in his heart.
He spoke to them again on one or two occasions on the way, sent the poor
woman some tea in the morning, bought some fruit for the children, and
again on the steamboat crossing, when he listened to the account of how
they were going on, from Dover, with a certain interest. When they
parted at the train he shook hands with the mother, hoping she would
find her relation better, and put a sovereign into Johnny’s little fat
hand. The lady who had been in the sleeping carriage kept her eye upon
him all the time. She was not by any means a malicious or bad woman, but
she did not believe the poor woman’s story of the gentleman’s kindness.
She was, I am sorry to say, a lady who was apt to take the worst view of
every transaction, especially between men and women. People who do so
are bound in many cases to be right, and so are confirmed in their
odious opinion; but in many cases they are wrong, yet always hold to it
with a faith which would do credit to a better inspiration. “I thought
young Mr. Leigh was going to marry again,” she said to a friend whom she
met going up to town.
“Oh, so he is! To the nicest girl--Bee Kingsward, the daughter of one of
my dearest friends--such a satisfactory thing in every way.”
“Wasn’t there something,” said the lady of the sleeping carriage, “about
a woman, down at his place in the country?”
“Oh, I don’t think there was ever anything against him. There was a
woman who was a great friend of his poor wife, and lived with them. The
wife was a goose, don’t you know, and could not be made to see what a
foolish thing it was. My opinion is that he never could abide the woman,
and I am sure she made mischief between them. But I believe that silly
little Mrs. Leigh--poor thing, we should not speak ill of those that are
gone--made him promise on her deathbed that this Miss Something-or-other
should not be sent away from the house. It was a ridiculous arrangement,
and no woman that respected herself would have done it. But she was
poor, and it’s a comfortable place, and, perhaps, as there was no
friendship between them she may have thought it was no harm.”
“Perhaps she thought she would get over him in time and make him marry
her.”
“Oh, I can’t tell what she thought! He rushed off in a hurry at a
moment’s notice, nobody knowing what he intended, after the poor baby
died, the very day of its funeral. Not much to be wondered at, poor
young man, after all he had gone through. I don’t know how things were
settled with Miss Lance, but I believe that she has gone at last. And I
am delighted to hear of his engagement. So will all his neighbours in
the county be.”
“I should not like a daughter of mine to marry a man like that.”
“Why? I wish a daughter of mine could have the chance. Everybody likes
him at home. Do you know anything of Aubrey Leigh?”
He did not know in the least that this talk was going on as the train
went rushing on to town; his ears did not tingle. He was in the next
carriage, divided only by a plank from these two ladies in their
compartment. The woman who took the bad view of everything did not wish
him any harm. She did not even think badly of him. She thought it was
only human nature, and that young men will do that sort of thing,
however nice they may be, and whatever you may say of morals and so
forth. I do not think, though she had made that little conventional
speech, that she would at all have hesitated to give her own daughter to
Aubrey, provided that she had a daughter. His advantages were so
evident, and the disadvantages, after all, had so little to do with
actual life.
Aubrey did not present himself before Colonel Kingsward that night. He
did not propose to follow him to Kingswarden, the old house in Kent,
which was the sole remnant of territorial property belonging to the
family. He wanted to have all his wits about him, to be cool and
self-possessed, and able to remember everything, when he saw the man who
had given him Bee and then had withdrawn her from his arms. He already
knew Colonel Kingsward a little, and knew him as a man full of
_bonhommie_, popular everywhere--a man of experience, who had been about
the world, who knew men. By this time Aubrey had recovered his spirits a
little. He thought it impossible that such a man, when a younger than
himself laid bare his heart to him, could fail to understand. It was
true that the Colonel was probably a martinet in morals as he was in his
profession, and Aubrey had that behind him which he could not deny. He
would not attempt to gloss it over, to make excuses for it. He would lay
his life in this man’s hand as if he had been his confessor. And
surely, surely the acknowledged sin would find absolution, the
extenuating circumstances would be considered, the lie with which that
accusation was accompanied would recoil upon the accuser. The young man
buoyed himself up with these thoughts through the long evening. He did
not go out or to his club, or anywhere where he was known. In September
there are not so many inducements to stray about London. He sat in his
room and thought of Bee, and wrote little letters to her, which were a
relief to his mind though he knew he could not send them. By this time
he reflected they must have started. They were beginning their journey
as he ended his. He hoped that Charlie, that lout, would have the sense
to take care of his mother, to see that she suffered as little as
possible, to prevent her from having any trouble--which I fear was not
the view at all that Charlie took of his duty to his mother. Aubrey,
like all outsiders, had a clearer view of Mrs. Kingsward’s condition
than her family had arrived at. He was very sorry for her, poor,
delicate, tender woman--and grieved to the bottom of his heart that this
trouble should have come upon her through him. Bee was different. There
would be so many ways, please God, if all went well--and he could not
bring himself to think that all would not go well--in which he could
make it up to his Bee. Finally, he permitted himself to write a little
letter to meet his darling on her return, and enclosed in it another to
Mrs. Kingsward, directed to Kingswarden. They would receive it when they
entered their house--and by that time, surely by that time, his letters
would not be any longer a forbidden thing.
That morning it rained, and the London skies hung very low. The world
had the effect of a room with a low roof, stifling and without air. He
set out to walk to Colonel Kingsward’s office. I forget whether the
Intelligence Department of the War Office was in existence at that time,
or if it has always been in existence only not so much heard of as in
our vociferous days. If it did exist then, it was, of course, in Pall
Mall, as we all know. Aubrey set out to walk, but soon recollected that
muddy boots detracted from a man’s appearance, especially in the eyes of
a spick and span person like Colonel Kingsward, who never had a speck
upon any garment, and accordingly he got into a hansom. It did not go
any faster than the beating of his heart, and yet he could have wished
that it should only creep along like the heavier cabs. He would have put
off this interview now had he been able. To think that you are within an
hour at most of the moment when your life shall be settled for you
absolutely by another person’s will, and that your happiness or
unhappiness rest upon the manner in which he will look at the question,
the perception he will have of your difficulties, the insight into your
heart, is a terrible thing--especially if you know little of the person
who has thus become endowed, as it were, with the power of life and
death over you--do not know if his understanding is a large or limited
one, if he has any human nature in him, or only mere conventionality and
the shell of human nature. It is seldom, perhaps, that one man is thus
consciously in the power of another--and yet it must come to that more
or less, every day.
Colonel Kingsward was in his room, seated at his writing table with
piles of books and maps, and masses of newspapers all round him. He was
an excellent linguist, and there were French papers and German papers,
Russian, Scandinavian--all kinds of strange languages and strange little
broadsheets, badly printed, black with excessive ink, or pale with
imperfect impression, on the floor and the table. He had a large paper
knife at his hand in ivory, with the natural brown upon it, looking like
a weapon which could cut a man, not to say a book, in pieces. He looked
up with an aspect which Aubrey, whose heart was in his mouth, could not
read--whether it was mere politeness or something more--and bade Mr.
Leigh be seated, putting aside deliberately as he did so the papers with
which he was engaged. And then he turned round with the air of a man who
says: Now you have my entire attention--and looked Aubrey in the face.
The young man was facing the light which came in from a large high
window reaching nearly to the roof. The elder man had his back half
turned from it, so that his regard was less easy to read. It was not
quite fair. Aubrey had everything against him; his agitation, his
anxiety, an expressive tell-tale face, and the light searching every
change that took place in it; whilst his opponent was calm as his own
paper knife, impassive, with a countenance formed to conceal his
emotions, and the light behind him. It was not an equal match in any
way.
“I have come direct from Cologne,” Aubrey said.
“Ah, yes. I believe my wife says so in her letter.”
“You have news from them to-day? I hope that Mrs. Kingsward is better.”
“My wife never at any time speaks much of her health. She was a little
fatigued and remained another day to rest.”
“She is very delicate, sir,” said Aubrey. He did not know why, unless it
was reluctance to begin what he had to say.
“I am perfectly acquainted with Mrs. Kingsward’s condition,” said the
Colonel, in a tone which was not encouraging. He added, “I don’t suppose
you took the trouble to come here, Mr. Leigh, in order to speak to me
about my wife’s health.”
“No. It is true. I ought not to waste the time you have accorded me. I
do not need to tell you, Colonel Kingsward, what I have come about.”
“I think you do,” said the Colonel, calmly. “My letter to my wife, which
I believe she communicated to you, conveyed all I had to say on the
matter. It was not written without reflection, nor without every
possible effort to arrive at the truth. Consequently, I have no desire
to re-open the subject. It is in my mind concluded and put aside.”
“But you will hear me?” said Aubrey. “You have heard one statement,
surely you will hear the other. No man is condemned unheard. I have come
here to throw myself upon your mercy--to tell you my story. However
prejudiced you may be against me----”
“A moment, Mr. Leigh. I have no prejudice against you. I am not the
judge of your conduct. I claim the right to decide for my daughter--that
is all. I have no prejudice or feeling against you.”
“Colonel Kingsward,” cried Aubrey, “for God’s sake listen! Hear what I
have to say!”
The Colonel looked at him again. Perhaps it was the passion of
earnestness in the young man’s face that touched him. Perhaps he felt
that it was unwise to leave it to be said that he had not heard both
sides. The end was that he waved his hand and said:
“My time is not my own. I have no right to spend it on merely private
interests; but if you will make your story as short as possible I will
hear what you have to say.”