MRS GEORGE. Those are my orders, Sinjon. I cant have you marry
another woman until George is tired of you.
HOTCHKISS. Oh, if I only didnt selfishly want to obey you!
The General comes in from the garden. Mrs George goes half way to
the garden door to speak to him. Hotchkiss posts himself on the
hearth.
MRS GEORGE. Where have you been all this time?
THE GENERAL. I'm afraid my nerves were a little upset by our
conversation. I just went into the garden and had a smoke. I'm
all right now [he strolls down to the study door and presently
takes a chair at that end of the big table].
MRS GEORGE. A smoke! Why, you said she couldnt bear it.
THE GENERAL. Good heavens! I forgot! It's such a natural thing to
do, somehow.
Lesbia comes in through the tower.
MRS GEORGE. He's been smoking again.
LESBIA. So my nose tells me. [She goes to the end of the table
nearest the hearth, and sits down].
THE GENERAL. Lesbia: I'm very sorry. But if I gave it up, I
should become so melancholy and irritable that you would be the
first to implore me to take to it again.
MRS GEORGE. Thats true. Women drive their husbands into all sorts
of wickedness to keep them in good humor. Sinjon: be off with
you: this doesnt concern you.
LESBIA. Please dont disturb yourself, Sinjon. Boxer's broken
heart has been worn on his sleeve too long for any pretence of
privacy.
THE GENERAL. You are cruel, Lesbia: devilishly cruel. [He sits
down, wounded].
LESBIA. You are vulgar, Boxer.
HOTCHKISS. In what way? I ask, as an expert in vulgarity.
LESBIA. In two ways. First, he talks as if the only thing of any
importance in life was which particular woman he shall marry.
Second, he has no self-control.
THE GENERAL. Women are not all the same to me, Lesbia.
MRS GEORGE. Why should they be, pray? Women are all different:
it's the men who are all the same. Besides, what does Miss
Grantham know about either men or women? She's got too much self-
control.
LESBIA [widening her eyes and lifting her chin haughtily] And
pray how does that prevent me from knowing as much about men and
women as people who have no self-control?
MRS GEORGE. Because it frightens people into behaving themselves
before you; and then how can you tell what they really are? Look
at me! I was a spoilt child. My brothers and sisters were well
brought up, like all children of respectable publicans. So should
I have been if I hadnt been the youngest: ten years younger than
my youngest brother. My parents were tired of doing their duty by
their children by that time; and they spoilt me for all they were
worth. I never knew what it was to want money or anything that
money could buy. When I wanted my own way, I had nothing to do
but scream for it till I got it. When I was annoyed I didnt
control myself: I scratched and called names. Did you ever, after
you were grown up, pull a grown-up woman's hair? Did you ever
bite a grown-up man? Did you ever call both of them every name
you could lay your tongue to?
LESBIA [shivering with disgust] No.
MRS GEORGE. Well, I did. I know what a woman is like when her
hair's pulled. I know what a man is like when he's bit. I know
what theyre both like when you tell them what you really feel
about them. And thats how I know more of the world than you.
LESBIA. The Chinese know what a man is like when he is cut into a
thousand pieces, or boiled in oil. That sort of knowledge is of
no use to me. I'm afraid we shall never get on with one another,
Mrs George. I live like a fencer, always on guard. I like to be
confronted with people who are always on guard. I hate sloppy
people, slovenly people, people who cant sit up straight,
sentimental people.
MRS GEORGE. Oh, sentimental your grandmother! You dont learn to
hold your own in the world by standing on guard, but by
attacking, and getting well hammered yourself.
LESBIA. I'm not a prize-fighter, Mrs. Collins. If I cant get a
thing without the indignity of fighting for it, I do without it.
MRS GEORGE. Do you? Does it strike you that if we were all as
clever as you at doing without, there wouldnt be much to live
for, would there?
TAE GENERAL. I'm afraid, Lesbia, the things you do without are
the things you dont want.
LESBIA [surprised at his wit] Thats not bad for the silly soldier
man. Yes, Boxer: the truth is, I dont want you enough to make the
very unreasonable sacrifices required by marriage. And yet that
is exactly why I ought to be married. Just because I have the
qualities my country wants most I shall go barren to my grave;
whilst the women who have neither the strength to resist marriage
nor the intelligence to understand its infinite dishonor will
make the England of the future. [She rises and walks towards the
study].
THE GENERAL [as she is about to pass him] Well, I shall not ask
you again, Lesbia.
LESBIA. Thank you, Boxer. [She passes on to the study door].
MRS GEORGE. Youre quite done with him, are you?
LESBIA. As far as marriage is concerned, yes. The field is clear
for you, Mrs George. [She goes into the study].
The General buries his face in his hands. Mrs George comes round
the table to him.
MRS GEORGE [sympathetically] She's a nice woman, that. And a
sort of beauty about her too, different from anyone else.
THE GENERAL [overwhelmed] Oh Mrs Collins, thank you, thank you a
thousand times. [He rises effusively]. You have thawed the long-
frozen springs [he kisses her hand]. Forgive me; and thank you:
bless you--[he again takes refuge in the garden, choked with
emotion].
MRS GEORGE [looking after him triumphantly] Just caught the dear
old warrior on the bounce, eh?
HOTCHKISS. Unfaithful to me already!
MRS GEORGE. I'm not your property, young man dont you think it.
[She goes over to him and faces him]. You understand that? [He
suddenly snatches her into his arms and kisses her]. Oh! You.
dare do that again, you young blackguard; and I'll jab one of
these chairs in your face [she seizes one and holds it in
readiness]. Now you shall not see me for another month.
HOTCHKISS [deliberately] I shall pay my first visit to your
husband this afternoon.
MRS GEORGE. Youll see what he'll say to you when I tell him what
youve just done.
HOTCHKISS. What can he say? What dare he say?
MRS GEORGE. Suppose he kicks you out of the house?
HOTCHKISS. How can he? Ive fought seven duels with sabres. Ive
muscles of iron. Nothing hurts me: not even broken bones.
Fighting is absolutely uninteresting to me because it doesnt
frighten me or amuse me; and I always win. Your husband is in all
these respects an average man, probably. He will be horribly
afraid of me; and if under the stimulus of your presence, and for
your sake, and because it is the right thing to do among vulgar
people, he were to attack me, I should simply defeat him and
humiliate him [he gradually gets his hands on the chair and takes
it from her, as his words go home phrase by phrase]. Sooner than
expose him to that, you would suffer a thousand stolen kisses,
wouldnt you?
MRS GEORGE [in utter consternation] You young viper!
HOTCHKISS. Ha ha! You are in my power. That is one of the
oversights of your code of honor for husbands: the man who can
bully them can insult their wives with impunity. Tell him if you
dare. If I choose to take ten kisses, how will you prevent me?
MRS GEORGE. You come within reach of me and I'll not leave a hair
on your head.
HOTCHKISS [catching her wrists dexterously] Ive got your hands.
MRS GEORGE. Youve not got my teeth. Let go; or I'll bite. I will,
I tell you. Let go.
HOTCHKISS. Bite away: I shall taste quite as nice as George.
MRS GEORGE. You beast. Let me go. Do you call yourself a
gentleman, to use your brute strength against a woman?
HOTCHKISS. You are stronger than me in every way but this. Do you
think I will give up my one advantage? Promise youll receive me
when I call this afternoon.
MRS GEORGE. After what youve just done? Not if it was to save my
life.
HOTCHKISS. I'll amuse George.
MRS GEORGE. He wont be in.
HOTCHKISS [taken aback] Do you mean that we should be alone?
MRS GEORGE [snatching away her hands triumphantly as his grasp
relaxes] Aha! Thats cooled you, has it?
HOTCHKISS [anxiously] When will George be at home?
MRS GEORGE. It wont matter to you whether he's at home or not.
The door will be slammed in your face whenever you call.
HOTCHKISS. No servant in London is strong enough to close a door
that I mean to keep open. You cant escape me. If you persist,
I'll go into the coal trade; make George's acquaintance on the
coal exchange; and coax him to take me home with him to make your
acquaintance.
MRS GEORGE. We have no use for you, young man: neither George nor
I [she sails away from him and sits down at the end of the table
near the study door].
HOTCHKISS [following her and taking the next chair round the
corner of the table] Yes you have. George cant fight for you: I
can.
MRS GEORGE [turning to face him] You bully. You low bully.
HOTCHKISS. You have courage and fascination: I have courage and a
pair of fists. We're both bullies, Polly.
MRS GEORGE. You have a mischievous tongue. Thats enough to keep
you out of my house.
HOTCHKISS. It must be rather a house of cards. A word from me to
George--just the right word, said in the right way--and down
comes your house.
MRS GEORGE. Thats why I'll die sooner than let you into it.
HOTCHKISS. Then as surely as you live, I enter the coal trade to-
morrow. George's taste for amusing company will deliver him into
my hands. Before a month passes your home will be at my mercy.
MRS GEORGE [rising, at bay] Do you think I'll let myself be
driven into a trap like this?
HOTCHKISS. You are in it already. Marriage is a trap. You are
married. Any man who has the power to spoil your marriage has the
power to spoil your life. I have that power over you.
MRS GEORGE [desperate] You mean it?
HOTCHKISS. I do.