"Oh, Love's but a dance,
Where Time plays the fiddle!
See the couples advance,--
Oh, Love's but a dance!
A whisper, a glance,--
'Shall we twirl down the middle?'
Oh, Love's but a dance,
Where Time plays the fiddle!"
AUSTIN DOBSON.
It was the night of the fancy dress ball.
The carriages were already at the door, and could be heard crunching
round and round upon the gravel. Sir Henry, all yeomanry red and gold,
was having the bursting hooks and eyes at his throat altered in his
wife's room. Something had to be done to his belt, too. At last he went
blushing downstairs before the cluster of maids with his sword under his
arm. The guests, who had gone up to dress after an early dinner, were
reappearing by degrees. Lord Hemsworth, in claret-coloured coat and long
Georgian waistcoat and tie-wig, came down, handsome and quiet as usual,
with his young sister, whose imagination had stopped short at
cotton-wool snowflakes on a tulle skirt. An impecunious young man in a
red hunt coat rushed in, hooted on the stairs by Mr. Lumley for having
come without a wedding garment. Madeleine sailed down in Watteau
costume. Two married ladies followed in Elizabethan ones. Presently
Archie made his appearance, a dream of beauty in white satin from head
to foot, as the Earl of Leicester, his curling hair, fair to whiteness,
looking like the wig which it was not. Every one, men and women alike,
turned to look at him; and Mr. Lumley, following in harlequin costume,
was quite overlooked, until he turned a somersault, saying, "Here we are
again!" whereat Sir Henry instantly lost a hook and eye in a cackle of
admiration.
"We ought to be starting," said Madeleine. "We are all down now."
"Not quite all," said Mr. Lumley, sinking on one knee, as Di came in
crowned and sceptred, in a green and silver gown edged with ermine.
Lord Hemsworth drew in his breath. Madeleine's face fell.
"Good gracious, Di!" she said, with a very thin laugh. "This is dressing
up indeed!"
The party, already late, got under way, Mr. Lumley, of course, calling
in falsetto to each carriage in turn not to go without him, and then
refusing to enter any vehicle in which, as he expressed it, Miss
Tempest was not already an ornamental fixture.
"This is getting beyond a joke," said Lord Hemsworth, as a burst of song
issued from the carriage leaving the door, and the lamp inside showed
Di's crowned head, Sir Henry's violet complexion, and the gutta-percha
face of the warbling Mr. Lumley.
Di sat very silent in her corner, and after a time, as the drive was a
long one, the desultory conversation dropped, and Sir Henry fell into a
nasal slumber, from which, as Madeleine was in another carriage, no one
attempted to rouse him.
Di shut her eyes as a safeguard against being spoken to, and her mind
went back to the subject which had been occupying much of her thoughts
since the previous evening, namely, the fact that she should meet John
at the ball. She knew he would be there, for she had seen him get out
of the train at Alvery station the afternoon before.
As she had found on a previous occasion, when they had suddenly been
confronted with each other at Doncaster races, to meet John had ceased
to be easy to her--became more difficult every time.
Possibly John had found it as difficult to speak to Di as she had found
it to receive him. But however that may have been, it would certainly
have been impossible to divine that he was awaiting the arrival of any
one to-night with the faintest degree of interest. He did not take his
stand where it would be obvious that he could command a view of the door
through which the guests entered. He had seen others do that on previous
occasions, and had observed that the effect was not happy. Nevertheless,
from the bay window where he was watching the dancing, the guests as
they arrived were visible to him.
"He! he!" said Lord Frederick, joining him. "Such a row in the men's
cloak-room! Young Talbot has come as Little Bo-Peep, and the men would
not have him in their room; said it was improper, and tried to hustle
him into the ladies' room. He is still swearing in his ulster in the
passage. Why aren't you dancing?"
"I can't. My left arm is weak since I burned it in the spring."
"Well," rejoined Lord Frederick, who as a French marquis, with cane and
snuff-box, was one of the best-dressed figures in the room, "you don't
miss much. Onlookers see most of the game. Look at that fairy twirling
with the little man in the kilt. Their skirts are just the same length.
The worst part of this species of entertainment is that one cuts one's
dearest friends. Some one asked me just now whether the 'Mauvaise
Langue' was here to-night. Did not recognize the wolf in sheep's
clothing. More arrivals. A Turk and a Norwegian peasant, and a man in a
smock frock. And--now--what on earth is the creature in blue and red,
with a female to match?"
"Otter-hounds," suggested John.
"Is it possible? Never saw it before. There goes Freemantle as a private
in the Blues, saluting as he is introduced, instead of bowing. What a
fund of humour the youth of the present day possess! Who is that
bleached earwig he is dancing with?"
"I think it is Miss Crupps, the heiress."
"H'm! Might have known it. That is the sort of little pill that no one
takes unless it is very much gilt. Here comes the Verelst party at last.
Lady Verelst has put herself together well. I would not mind buying her
at my valuation and selling her at her own. She hates me, that little
painted saint. I always cultivate a genuine saint. I make a point of
it. They may look deuced dowdy down here--they generally do, though I
believe it is only their wings under their clothes; but they will
probably form the aristocracy up yonder, and it is as well to know them
beforehand. But Lady Verelst is a sham, and I hate shams. I am a sham
myself. He! he! When last I met her she talked pious, and implied
intimacy with the Almighty, till at last I told her that it was the
vulgarest thing in life to be always dragging in your swell
acquaintance. He! he! I shall go and speak to her directly she has done
introducing her party. Mrs. Dundas--and--I don't know the other woman.
Who is the girl in white?"
"Miss Everard."
"What! Hemsworth's sister? Then he will be here too, probably. I like
Hemsworth. There's no more harm in that young man than there is in a
tablet of Pears' soap. A crowned head next. Why, it's Di Tempest. By
---- she is handsomer every time I see her! If that girl knew how to
advertise herself, she might become a professional beauty."
"Heaven forbid!" said John, involuntarily, watching Di with the intense
concentration of one who has long pored over memory's dim portrait, and
now corrects it by the original.
Lord Frederick did not see the look. For once something escaped him. He
too was watching Di, who with the remainder of the Verelst party was
being drifted towards them by a strong current of fresh arrivals in
their wake.
The usual general recognition and non-recognition peculiar to fancy
balls ensued, in which old acquaintances looked blankly at each other,
gasped each other's names, and then shook hands effusively; amid which
one small greeting between two people who had seen and recognized each
other from the first instant took place, and was over in a moment.
"I cannot recognize any one," said Di, her head held a shade higher than
usual, looking round the room, and saying to herself, "He would not have
spoken to me if he could have helped it."
"Some of the people are unrecognizable," said John, with originality
equal to hers, and stung by the conviction that she had tried to avoid
shaking hands with him.
The music struck up suddenly as if it were a new idea.
"Are you engaged for this dance?" said Mr. Lumley, flying to her side.
"Yes," said Di with decision.
"So am I," said he, and was gone again.
"Dance?" said a _Sporting Times_, rushing up in turn, and shooting out
the one word like a pea from a pop-gun.
"Thanks, I should like to, but I am not allowed," said Di. "My
grandmother is very particular. If you had been the _Sunday at Home_ I
should have been charmed."
The "Pink 'un" expostulated vehemently, and said he would have come as
the _Church Times_ if he had only known; but Di remained firm.
John walked away, pricking himself with his little dagger, the sheath of
which had somehow got lost, and watched the knot of men who gradually
gathered round Di. Presently she moved away with Lord Frederick in the
direction of Madeleine, who had installed herself at the further end of
the room among the _fenders_, as our latter-day youth gracefully
designates the tiaras of the chaperones.
John was seized upon and introduced to an elderly minister with an
order, who told him he had known his father, and began to sound him as
to his political views. John, who was inured to this form of address,
answered somewhat vaguely, for at that moment Di began to dance. She had
a partner worthy of her in the shape of a sedate young Russian,
resplendent in the white-and-gold uniform of the imperial _Gardes a
cheval_.
Lord Frederick gravitated back to John. No young man among the former's
large acquaintance was given the benefit of his experience more
liberally than John. Lord Frederick took an interest in him which was
neither returned nor repelled.
"Elver is down at last," he said. "It seems he had to wait till his
mother's maid could be spared to sew him into his clothes. It is a pity
you are not dancing, John. You might dance with your cousin. She and
Prince Blazinski made a splendid couple. What a crowd of moths round
that candle! I hope you are not one of them. It is not the candle that
gets singed. Another set of arrivals. Look at Carruthers coming in with
a bouquet. Cox of the _Monarch_ still, I suppose. He can't dance with
it; no, he has given it to his father to hold. Supper at last. I must go
and take some one in."
John took Miss Everard in to supper. In spite of her brother's and Di's
efforts, she had not danced much. She did not find him so formidable as
she expected, and before supper was over had told him all about her
doves, and how the grey one sat on her shoulder, and how she loved
poetry better than anything in the world, except "Donovan." John proved
a sympathetic listener. He in his turn confided to her his difficulty in
conveying soup over the edge of his ruff; and after providing her with a
pink cream, judging with intuition unusual to his sex that a pink cream
is ever more acceptable to young ladyhood than a white one, he took her
back to the ball-room. The crowd had thinned. The kilt and the fairy and
a few other couples were careering wildly in open space. John looked
round in vain for Madeleine, to whom he could deliver up his snowflake,
and catching sight of Mrs. Dundas on the chaperon's dais, made in her
direction. Di, who was sitting with Mrs. Dundas, suddenly perceived them
coming up the room together. What was it, what could it be, that
indescribable feeling that went through her like a knife as she saw Miss
Everard on John's arm, smiling at something he was saying to her? Had
they been at supper together all this long time?
"What a striking face your cousin has!" said Mrs. Dundas. "I do not
wonder that people ask who he is. I used to think him rather alarming,
but Miss Everard does not seem to find him so."
"He can be alarming," said Di, lightly. "You should see him when he is
discussing his country's weal, or welcoming his guests."
"Why did I say that?" she asked herself the moment the words were out of
her mouth. "It's ill-natured and it's not true. Why did I say it?"
Mrs. Dundas laughed.
"It's the old story," she said. "One never sees the virtues of one's
relations. Now, as he is not _my_ first cousin, I am able to perceive
that he is a very remarkable person, with a jaw that means business.
There is tenacity and strength of purpose in his face. He would be a
terrible person to oppose."
Di laughed, but she quailed inwardly.
"I am told he is immensely run after," continued Mrs. Dundas. "I dare
say you know," in a whisper, "that the duchess wants him for Lady
Alice, and they _say_ he has given her encouragement, but I don't
believe it. Anyhow, her mother is making her read up political economy
and Bain, poor girl. It must be an appalling fate to marry a great
intellect. I am thankful to say Charlie only had two ideas in his head;
one was chemical manures, and the other was to marry me. Well, Miss
Everard. Lady Verelst is at supper, but I will extend a wing over you
till she returns. Here comes a crowd from the supper-room. Now, Miss
Tempest, do go in. You owned you were hungry a minute ago, though you
refused the tragic entreaties of the Turk and the stage villain."
"I was afraid," said Di; "for though the villain is my esteemed friend
in private life, I know his wide hat or the turban of the infidel would
catch in my crown and drag it from my head. I wish I had not come so
regally. I enjoyed sewing penny rubies into my crown, and making the
ermine out of an old black muff and some rabbit-fur; but--uneasy is the
head that wears a crown."
"I am very harmless and inaggressive," said John, in his most level
voice. "The only person I prick with my little dagger is myself. If you
are hungry, I think you may safely go in to supper with me."
"Very well," said Di, rising and taking his offered arm. "I am too
famished to refuse."
"She is taller than he is," said Miss Everard, as they went together
down the rapidly filling room.
"No, my dear; it is only her crown. They are exactly the same height."
* * * * *
No one is more useful in everyday life than the man, seldom a rich man,
who can command two sixpences, and can in an emergency produce a
threepenny bit and some coppers. The capitalist with his halfcrown is
nowhere--for the time.
In conversation, small change is everything. Who does not know the look
of the clever man in society, conscious of a large banking account, but
uncomfortably conscious also that, like Goldsmith, he has not a sixpence
of ready money? And who has not envied the fool jingling his few
halfpence on a tombstone or anywhere, to the satisfaction of himself and
every one else?
Thrice-blessed is small-talk.
But between some persons it is an impossibility, though each may have a
very respectable stock of his own. Like different coinages, they will
not amalgamate. Di and John had not wanted any in talking to each
other--till now. And now, in their hour of need, to the alarm of both,
they found they were destitute. After a short mental struggle they
succumbed into the abyss of the commonplace, the only neutral ground on
which those who have once been open and sincere with each other can
still meet--to the certain exasperation of both.
John was dutifully attentive. He procured a fresh bottle of champagne
for her, and an unnibbled roll, and made suitable remarks at intervals;
but her sense of irritation increased. Something in his manner annoyed
her. And yet it was only the same courteous, rather expressionless
manner that she remembered was habitual to him towards others. Now that
it was gone she realized that there had once been a subtle difference in
his voice and bearing to herself. She felt defrauded of she knew not
what, and the wing of cold pheasant before her loomed larger and larger,
till it seemed to stretch over the whole plate. Why on earth had she
said she was hungry? And why had he brought her to the large table,
where there was so much light and noise, and where she was elbowed by an
enormous hairy Buffalo Bill, when she had seen as she came in that one
of the little tables for two was at that instant vacant? She forgot that
when she first caught sight of it she had said within herself that she
would never forgive him if he had the bad taste to entrap her into a
_tete-a-tete_ by taking her there.
But he had shown at once that he had no such intention. Was this
dignified, formal man, with his air of distinction, and his harsh
immobile face, and his black velvet dress,--was this stranger really the
John with whom she had been on such easy terms six weeks ago; the John
who, pale and determined, had measured swords with her in the dusk of a
September evening?
And as she sat beside him in the brilliant light, amid the Babel of
tongues, a voice in her heart said suddenly, "That was not the end; that
was only the beginning--only the beginning."
Her eyes met his, fixed inquiringly upon her. He was only offering her
some grapes, but it appeared to her that he must have heard the words,
and a sense of impotent terror seized her, as the terror of one who,
wrestling for his life, finds at the first throw that he is overmatched.
She rose hastily, and asked to go back to the ball-room. He complied at
once, but did not speak. They went, a grave and silent couple, through
the hall and down the gallery.
"Have I annoyed you?" he said at last, as they neared the ball-room.
She did not answer.
"I mean, have I done anything more that has annoyed you?"
"Nothing more, thanks."
"I am glad," said John. "I feared I had. Of course, I would not have
asked you to go in to supper with me if Mrs. Dundas had not obliged me.
I intended to ask you to do so, when you could have made some excuse for
refusing if you did not wish it. I was sorry to force your hand."
"You will never do that," said Di, to her own astonishment. It seemed to
her that she was constrained by a power stronger than herself to defy
him.
She felt him start.
"We will take another turn," he said instantly; and before she had the
presence of mind to resist, they had turned and were walking slowly down
the gallery again between the rows of life-size figures of knights and
chargers in armour, which loomed gigantic in the feeble light. A wave of
music broke in the distance, and the few couples sitting in recesses
rose and passed them on their way back to the ball-room, leaving the
gallery deserted.
A peering moon had laid a faint criss-cross whiteness on the floor.
The place took a new significance.
Each was at first too acutely conscious of being alone with the other to
speak. She wondered if he could feel how her hand trembled on his arm,
and he whether it was possible she did not hear the loud hammering of
his heart. Either would have died rather than have betrayed their
emotion to the other.
"You tell me I shall never force your hand," he repeated slowly at last.
"No, indeed, I trust I never shall. But when, may I ask, have I shown
any intention of doing so?"
Di had put herself so palpably and irretrievably in the wrong, that she
had no refuge left but silence. She was horror-struck by his repetition
of the words which her lips, but surely not she herself, had spoken.
"If you ever marry me," said John, "it will be of your own accord. If
you don't, we shall both miss happiness--you as well as I, for we are
meant for each other. Most people are so constituted that they can marry
whom they please, but you and I have no choice. We have a claim upon
each other. I recognize yours, with thankfulness. I did not know life
held anything so good. You ignore mine, and wilfully turn away from it.
I don't wonder. I am not a man whom any woman would choose, much less
_you_. It is natural on your part to dislike me--at first. In the mean
while you need not distress yourself by telling me so. I am under no
delusion on that point."
His voice was firm and gentle. If it had been cold, Di's pride would
have flamed up in a moment. As it was, its gentleness, under great and
undeserved provocation, made her writhe with shame. She spoke
impulsively.
"But I _am_ distressed, I can't help being so, at having spoken so
harshly; no--_worse_ than harshly, so unpardonably."
"There is no question of pardon between you and me," said John, turning
to look at her with the grave smile that seemed for a moment to bring
back her old friend to her; but only for a moment. His eyes contradicted
it. "I know you have never forgiven me for telling you that I loved you,
but nevertheless you see I have not asked pardon yet, though I had not
intended to annoy you by speaking of it again--at present."
"No," said Di, eagerly. "But that is just it. It was my own fault this
time. I brought it on myself. But--but I can't help knowing--I feel
directly I see you that you are still thinking of it. And then I become
angry, and say dreadful things like----"
"Exactly," said John, nodding.
"Because I--not only because I am ill-tempered, but because though I do
like being liked, still I don't want you or any one to make a mistake,
or go on making it. It doesn't seem fair."
"Not if it really is a mistake."
"It is in this instance."
"Not on my part."
There was a short silence. Di felt as if she had walked up against a
stone wall.
"John," she said with decision. "Believe me. I sometimes mean what I
say, and I mean it now. I really and truly am a person who knows my own
mind."
"So do I," said John.
Rather a longer silence.
"And--and oh, John! Don't you see how wretched, how foolish it is, our
being on these absurd formal terms? Have you forgotten what friends we
used to be? I have not. It makes me angry still when I think how you
have taken yourself away for nothing, and how all the pleasure is gone
out of meeting you or talking to you. I don't think you half knew how
much I liked you."
"Di," said John, stopping short, and facing her with indignation in his
eyes, "I desire that you will never again tell me you _like_ me. I
really cannot stand it. Let us go back to the ball-room."