"Love, how it sells poor bliss
For proud despair!"
SHELLEY.
It was Sunday morning, and it was something more. There was a subtle
change in the air, a mystery in the sunshine. Autumn and summer were met
in tremulous wedlock. But the hand of the bride trembled in the
bridegroom's. In the rapture of bridal there was a prophesy of parting
and death. The birds knew it. In the songless silence the robin was
practising his autumn reverie. Joy and sadness were blent together in
the solemn beauty of transition.
The voice of the brook was sunk to a whisper to-day. Through the still
air the tangled voices of the church bells came from the little grey
church in the valley. A rival service was going on in the rookery on
Moat Hill, in which the congregation joined with hoarse unanimity.
Miss Fane did not go to church in the morning, so John and Di went
together down the steep path through the wood, across the park, over the
village beck, and up the low hollowed steps into the churchyard.
Overleigh was a primitive place.
The little congregation was sitting on the wall, or standing about among
the tilted tombstones, according to custom, to see John and the
clergyman come in. And then there was a general clump and clatter after
them into church; the bells stopped, and the service began.
Di and John sat at a little distance from each other in the carved
Tempest pew. The Tempests were an overbearing race. The little rough
stone church with its round Norman arches was a memorial of their race.
"Lord, Thou hast been our Refuge from one generation to another," was
graven in the stones of the wall just before Di's eyes. Beneath was a
low arch surmounting the tomb of a knight in effigy. Beyond there were
more tombs and arches. The building was thronged with the sculptured
dead of one family--was a mortuary chapel in itself. Tattered flags hung
where pious hands, red with infidel blood, had fastened them. With a
simple confidence in their own importance, and the approval of their
Creator, the Tempests had raised their memorials and hung their battered
swords in the house of their God. The very sun himself smote, not
through the gaudy figures of Scripture story, but through the painted
arms of the Malbys; of the penniless, pious Malby who sold his land to
his clutching Tempest brother-in-law in order to get out to the
Crusades.
Had God really been their Refuge from all those bygone generations to
this? Di wondered. In these latter days of millionaire cheesemongers who
dwell _h_-less in the feudal castles of the poor, what wonder if the
faith even of the strongest waxes cold?
She looked fixedly at John as he went to the reading-desk and stood up
to read the First Lesson. It was difficult to believe the dead were not
listening too; that the Knight Templar lying in armour, with his drawn
sword beside him and broken hands joined, did not turn his head a
little, pillowed so uncomfortably on his helmet, to hear John's low
clear voice.
And as John read, a feeling of pride in him, not unmixed with awe, arose
in Di's mind. All he did and said, even when in his gentlest mood--and
Di had not as yet seen him in any other--had a hint of power in it;
power restrained, perhaps, but existent. How strong his iron hand looked
touching the book! She could more easily imagine it grasping a
sword-hilt. He stood before her as the head of the race, his rugged
profile and heavy jaw silhouetted in all their native strength and
ugliness against the uncompromising light of the eastern window.
She looked at him, and was glad.
"He will do us honour," she said to herself.
Some one else was watching John too.
"I will arise and go to my Father," John read. And Mr. Goodwin closed
his eyes, and prayed the old worn prayer--our prayers for others are
mainly tacit reproaches to the Almighty--that God would touch John's
heart.
Humanity has many sides, but perhaps none more incomprehensible than
that represented by the patient middle-aged man leaning back in his
corner and praying for John's soul; none more difficult to describe
without an appearance of ridicule; for certain aspects of character,
like some faces, lend themselves to caricature more readily than to a
portrait.
Mr. Goodwin was one of that class of persons who belong so entirely to a
class that it is difficult to individualize them; whose peculiar object
in life it is to stick in clusters like limpets to existing, and
especially to superseded, forms of religion. Their whole constitution
and central ganglion consists of one adhesive organism. The quality of
that to which they adhere does not appear to affect them, provided it is
stationary. To their constitution movement is torture, uprootal is
death. It would be impossible to chip Mr. Goodwin from his rock, and
hold him up to the scrutiny of the reader, without distorting him to a
caricature, which is an insult to our common nature. Unless he is in the
full exercise of his adhesive muscle in company with large numbers of
his kind, he is nothing. And even then he is not much.
_Not much?_ Ah, yes, he is!
His class has played an important part in all crises of religious
history. It was instrumental in the crucifixion of Christ. It called a
new truth blasphemy as fiercely then as now. By its law truth, if new,
must ever be put to death. But when Christianity took form, this class
settled on it nevertheless; adhered to it as strictly as its forbears
had done to the Jewish ritual. It was this class which resisted and
would have burned out the Reformation, but when the Reformation gained
bulk enough for it to stick to, it spread itself upon its surface in due
course. As it still does to-day.
Let who will sweat and agonize for the sake of a new truth, or a newer
and purer form of an old one. There will always be those who will stand
aside and coldly regard, if they cannot crush, the struggle and the
heartbreak of the pioneers, and then will enter into the fruit of their
labours, and complacently point in later years to the advance of thought
in their time, which they have done nothing to advance, but to which,
when sanctioned by time and custom and the populace, they will _adhere_.
John shut the book, and Mr. Goodwin, taken up with his own mournful
reflections, heard no more of the service until he was wakened by the
shriek of the village choir--
"Before Jehovah's awful throne,
Ye nations bow-wow-wow with sacred joy."
When the clergyman had blessed his flock, and the flock had hurried with
his blessing into the open air, Di and John remained behind to look at
the nibbled old stone font, engraved with tangled signs, and unknown
beasts with protruding unknown tongues, where little Tempests had
whimpered and protested against a Christianity they did not understand.
The aisle and chancel were paved with worn lettered stones, obliterated
memorials of forgotten Tempests who had passed at midnight with flaring
torches from their first home on the crag to their last in the valley.
The walls bore record too. John had put up a tablet to his predecessor.
It contained only the name, and date of birth and death, and underneath
the single sentence--
"Until the day break, and the shadows flee away."
Di read the words in silence, and then turned the splendour of her deep
glance upon him. Since when had the bare fact of meeting her eyes become
so exceeding sharp and sweet, such an epoch in the day? John writhed
inwardly under their gentle scrutiny.
"You are very loyal," she said.
He felt a sudden furious irritation against her which took him by
surprise, and then turned to scornful anger against himself. He led the
way out of the church into the sad September sunshine, and talked of
indifferent subjects till they reached the Castle. And after luncheon
John went to the library and stared at the shelves again, and Miss Fane
ambled and grunted to church, and Di sat with her grandmother.
There are some acts of self-sacrifice for which the performers will
never in this world obtain the credit they deserve. Mrs. Courtenay, who
was addicted to standing proxy for Providence, and was not afraid to
take upon herself responsibilities which belong to Omniscience alone,
had not hesitated to perform such an act, in the belief that the cause
justified the means. Indeed, in her eyes a good cause justified many
sorts and conditions of means.
All Saturday and half Sunday she had repressed the pangs of a healthy
appetite, and had partaken only of the mutton-broth and splintered toast
of invalidism. With a not ill-grounded dread lest Di's quick eyes should
detect a subterfuge, she had gone so far as to take "heart-drops" three
times a day from the hand of her granddaughter, and had been careful to
have recourse to her tin of arrowroot biscuits only in the strictest
privacy. But now that Sunday afternoon had come, she felt that she could
safely relax into convalescence. The blinds were drawn up, and she was
established in an armchair by the window.
"You seem really better," said Di. "I should hardly have known you had
had one of your attacks. You generally look so pale afterwards."
"It has been very slight," said Mrs. Courtenay, blushing faintly. "I
took it in time. I shall be able to travel to-morrow. I suppose you and
Miss Fane went to church this morning?"
"Miss Fane would not go, but John and I did."
Mrs. Courtenay closed her eyes. Virtue may be its own reward, but it is
gratifying when it is not the only one.
"Granny," said Di, suddenly, "I never knew, till John told me, that my
mother had been engaged to his father."
"What has John been raking up those old stories for?"
"I don't think he raked up anything. He seemed to think I knew all about
it. He was showing me my mother's miniature which he had found among his
father's papers. I always supposed that the reason you never would talk
about her was because you had felt her death too much."
"I was glad when she died," said Mrs. Courtenay.
"Was she unhappy, then? Father speaks of her rather sadly when he does
mention her, as if he had been devoted to her, but she had not cared
much for him, and had felt aggrieved at his being poor. He once said he
had many faults, but that was the one she could never forgive. And he
told me that when she died he was away on business, and she did not
leave so much as a note or a message for him."
"It is quite true; she did not," said Mrs. Courtenay, in a suppressed
voice. "I have never talked to you about your mother, Di, because I knew
if I did I should prejudice you against your father, and I have no right
to do that."
"I think," said Di, "that now I know a little you had better tell me the
rest, or I shall only imagine things were worse than the reality."
So Mrs. Courtenay told her; told her of the little daughter who had been
born to her in the first desolation of her widowhood, round whom she had
wrapped in its entirety the love that many women divide between husband
and sons and daughters.
She told Di of young Mr. Tempest, then just coming forward in political
life, between whom and herself a friendship had sprung up in the days
when he had been secretary to her brother, then in the Ministry. The
young man was constantly at her house. He was serious, earnest,
diffident, ambitious. Di reached the age of seventeen. Mrs. Courtenay
saw the probable result, and hoped for it. With some persons to hope for
anything is to remove obstacles from the path of its achievement.
"And yet, Di," said Mrs. Courtenay, "I can't reproach myself. They
_were_ suited to each other. It is as clear to me now as it was then.
She did not love him, but I knew she would; and she had seen no one
else. And he worshipped her. I threw them together, but I did not press
her to accept him. She did accept him, and we went down to Overleigh
together. She had--this room. I remembered it directly I saw it again.
The engagement had not been formally given out, and the wedding was not
to have been till the following spring on account of her youth. I think
Mr. Tempest and I were the two happiest people in the world. I felt such
entire confidence in him, and I was thankful she should not run the
gauntlet of all that a beautiful girl is exposed to in society. She was
as innocent as a child of ten, and as unconscious of her beauty--which,
poor child! was very great.
"And then he--your father--came to Overleigh. Ten days afterwards they
went away together, and I--I who had never been parted from her for a
night since her birth--I never saw her again, except once across a room
at a party, until four years afterwards, when her first child was born.
I went to her then. I tried not to go, for she did not send for me; but
she was the only child I had ever had, and I remembered my own
loneliness when she was born. And the pain of staying away became too
great, and I went. And--she was quite changed. She was not the least
like my child, except about the eyes; and she was taller. Mr. Tempest
never forgave her, because he loved her; but I forgave her at last,
because I loved her more than he did. I saw her often after that. She
used to tell me when your father would be away--and he was much
away--and then I went to her. I would not meet _him_. We never spoke of
her married life. It did not bear talking about, for she had really
loved him, and it took him a long time to break her of it. We talked of
the baby, and servants, and the price of things, for she was very poor.
She was loyal to her husband. She never spoke about him except once. I
remember that day. It was one of the last before she died. I found her
sitting by the fire reading 'Consuelo.' I sat down by her, and we
remained a long time without speaking. Often we sat in silence together.
You have not come to the places on the road, my dear, when somehow words
are no use any more, and the only poor comfort left is to be with some
one who understands and says nothing. When you do, you will find silence
one degree more bearable than speech.
"At last she turned to the book, and pointed to a sentence in it. I can
see the page now, and the tall French print. 'Le caractere de cet homme
entraine les actions de sa vie. Jamais tu ne le changeras.'
"'I think that is true,' she said. 'Some characters seem to be settled
beforehand, like a weathercock with its leaded tail. They cannot really
change, because they are always changing. Nothing teaches them.
Happiness, trouble, love, and hate bring no experience. They swing round
to every wind that blows on one pivot always--themselves. There was a
time when I am afraid I tired God with one name. "Jamais tu ne le
changeras." No, never. One changes one's self. That is all. And now,
instead of reproaching others, I reproach myself--bitterly--bitterly.'
"And she never begged my pardon. She once said, when I found her very
miserable, that it was right that one who had made others suffer should
suffer too. But those were the only times she alluded to the past, and
I never did. I did not go to her to reproach her. The kind of people who
are cut by reproaches have generally reproached themselves more harshly
than any one else can. She had, I know. It would have been better if she
had been less reserved, and if she could have taken more interest in
little things. But she did not seem able to. Some women, and they are
the happy ones, can comfort themselves in a loveless marriage with
pretty note-paper, and tying up the legs of chairs with blue ribbon. She
could not do that, and I think she suffered more in consequence. Those
little feminine instincts are not given us for nothing.
"She never gave in until she knew she was dying. Then she tried to
speak, but she sank rapidly. She said something about you, and then
smiled when her voice failed her, and gave up the attempt. I think she
was so glad to go that she did not mind anything else much. They held
the baby to her as a last chance, and made it cry. Oh, Di, how you
cried! And she trembled very much just for a moment, and then did not
seem to take any more notice, though they put its little hand against
her face. I think the end came all the quicker. It seemed too good to be
true at first....
"Don't cry, my dear. Young people don't know where trouble lies. They
think it is in external calamity, and sickness and death. But one does
not find it so. The only real troubles are those which we cause each
other through the affections. Those whom we love chasten us. I never
shed a single tear for her when she died. There had been too many during
her life, for I loved her better than anything in the world except my
husband, who died when he was twenty-five and I was twenty-two. You
often remind me of him. You are a very dear child to me. She said she
hoped you would make up a little to me; and you have--not a little. I
have brought you up differently. I saw my mistake with her. I sheltered
her too much. I hope I have not run into the opposite extreme with you.
I have allowed you more liberty than is usual, and I have encouraged you
to look at life for yourself, and to think and act for yourself, and
learn by your own experience. And now go and bathe your eyes, and see if
you can find me Fitzgerald's 'Omar Khayyam.' I think I saw it last in
the morning-room. John and I were talking about it on Friday. I dare say
he will know where it is."