Weel, Fitz, I'm here; the mair's the pity,
I'll wad ye curse the vera city
From which I write a braid Scots ditty
Afore I learn it;
But gif ye canna mak it suit ye,
Ye ken ye'll burn it.
My grunzie's got a twist until it
Thae damn'd Scotch aighs sae stuff and fill it
I doubt, wi' a' my doctor skill, it
'll keep the gait,
Not e'en my pen can scratch a billet
And write it straight.
Ye're aiblins thinking to forgather
Wi' a hale sheet, of muir and heather
O' burns, and braes, and sic like blether,
To you a feast;
But stop! ye will not light on either
This time at least.
Noo stir your bries a wee and ferlie,
Then drap your lip and glower surly;
Troth! gif ye do, I'll tell ye fairly,
Ye'll no be right;
We've made our jaunt a bit too early
For sic a sight.
What it may be when summer deeds
Muir shaw and brae, wi' bonnie weeds
Sprinkling the gowan on the meads
And broomy knowes,
I dinna ken; but now the meads
Scarce keep the cows.
For trees, puir Scotia's sadly scanted,
A few bit pines and larches planted,
And thae, wee, knurlie, blastic, stuntit
As e'er thou sawest;
Row but a sma' turf fence anent it,
Hech! there's a forest.
For streams, ye'll find a puny puddle
That would na float a shull bairn's coble,
A cripple stool might near hand hobble
Dry-baughted ever;
Some whinstone crags to mak' it bubble,
And there's a river.
And then their cauld and reekie skies,
They luke ower dull to Yankee eyes;
The sun ye'd ken na if he's rise
Amaist the day;
Just a noon blink that hardly dries
The dewy brae.
Yet leeze auld Scotland on her women,
Ilk sonzie lass and noble yeoman,
For luver's heart or blade of foeman
O'er baith victorious;
E'en common sense, that plant uncommon,
Grows bright and glorious.
Fecks but my pen has skelp'd alang,
I've whistled out an unco sang
'Bout folk I ha' na been amang
Twa days as yet;
But, faith, the farther that I gang
The mair ye'll get.
Sae sharpen up your lugs, for soon
I'll tread the hazelly braes o' Doon,
See Mungo's well, and set my shoon
Where i' the dark
Bauld Tammie keek'd, the drunken loon,
At cutty sark.
And I shall tread the hallowed bourne
Where Wallace blew his bugle-horn
O'er Edward's banner, stained and torn.
What Yankee bluid
But feels its free pulse leap and burn
Where Wallace stood!
But pouk my pen! I find I'm droppin
My braw Scots style to English loppin;
I fear amaist that ye'll be hoppin
I'd quit it quite:
If so, I e'en must think o' stopping,
And sae, gude night.