(_Humbly imitated from Henry Luttrel's "Burnham Beeches."_)
A Bard, dear Muse, who pluck would sing,
Your friendly aid beseeches.
Help me to touch the lyric string
On--brave O'BRIEN'S breeches!
What though the splendour of my lines
To SWINBURNE'S height ne'er reaches?
The theme, if not the thrummer, shines;
That theme's--O'BRIEN'S breeches!
They wouldn't let O'BRIEN talk,
Or make "seditious" speeches.
They quodded him, his plans to baulk,
And--tried to bag his breeches!
But brave O'BRIEN'S blood did burn
(Say, who his pluck impeaches?)
He up and swore in accents stern,
"I _won't_--wear convict breeches!"
Those gaolers deep about him hung,
They stuck to him like leeches.
But he, the eloquent of tongue,
Stuck to--O'BRIEN'S breeches!
If "sermons be in stones," I'll bet
A prison patience teaches.
The prisoner to bed must get;
They watched--and boned his breeches!
The captive of the cold complains,
His breechless bones it reaches.
But yield? No, rather he remains
In bed--without his breeches!
In vain the prison-clothes they show;
Badge of dishonour each is.
Patriots prefer to lie below
Bed-clothes--without their breeches!
But friends unto the dungeon hie,
No gaoler marks (or peaches),
They hand O'BRIEN, on the sly,
_Another_ pair of breeches!
Black BALFOUR'S myrmidons are fooled!
A lesson high this teaches:
A plucky people is not ruled
By--stealing patriot's breeches!
BRIAN BORU they sang of yore,
But when her goal she reaches,
Erin will sing, from shore to shore,
O'BRIEN--and his breeches!
Her bards will praise the patriot true,
His long and fiery speeches,
His bearding BALFOUR'S brutal crew;
But, above all,--his breeches!
Oh, ne'er may the potheen pass round
But--Erin so beseeches--
The Isle may with one theme resound,--
O'BRIEN--and his breeches!
Hold! Though I'd fain be jingling on,
One rhyme, experience teaches,
You can't ring on for aye! I've done.
Farewell, O'BRIEN'S breeches!
* * * * *
The Shakspearian Question.
_An Actor's opinion on the Bacon v. Shakspeare controversy, expressed in
a strictly professional cryptogrammatic style._
"SHAKSPEARE written by a chap called BACON, my boy? Very likely; I
always found 'lots of fat' in it."
_Another (at Brighton, by an Ancient Mariner who sticks to the "Old
Ship")._
"BACON wrote SHAKSPEARE? Well, perhaps he did. He was a clever chap, was
dear old ARTHUR BACON; but still, somehow, I don't think he wrote
SHAKSPEARE. At least not all of it."
* * * * *
[Illustration: INTERIORS AND EXTERIORS. No. 54.