DESPAIR.
"What have I done? what have I done? Am I mad?" asked the wretched woman
of herself, as she rocked herself to and fro uneasily, sitting in an
arm-chair by the fire. The weather was warm but Catherine King had lit
the fire; she felt chilly and ill, and could not bear to be left alone
in that still room without some moving thing by her, were it only the
leaping flames.
It was early in the evening of the day after her interview with Mary
Grimm. She sat in the little parlour of her house in Maida Vale gazing
at the red embers, waiting for the arrival of the two leading Sisters of
the Inner Circle. They were coming to learn from her own lips the result
of her visit to Farnham, to prepare for the execution of the traitor.
How could she meet them, how to tell them what she had done? She could
not herself distinctly call to mind how it had all happened. She had
gone down to the country with a firm resolve, and had been driven by she
knew not what to act in direct opposition to that resolve and strong
desire. She had done what she now cursed herself for doing.
"Yes, I am mad--I must be mad to have done this thing!" she muttered to
herself with impatient fury. "With my own hands I have ruined the Cause.
It is all over. I am mad."
As the time of the appointment drew near, the repugnance she felt to
entering into a personal explanation with the Sisters intensified. No!
she dare not meet them--she would write to them; so she put on her
bonnet and cloak, and was just about to leave the house when a ring came
at the street bell, and the maid-servant announced Sisters Susan and
Eliza.
"Good-evening, Sisters," said the Chief, "I did not expect you so soon;
you are before your time."
"I think we are," said Sister Eliza. "The fact is, we were anxious to
learn how you fared at the cottage yesterday."
"Fared!" exclaimed Catherine bitterly.
"Yes, Sister Catherine," Susan said, "we are very anxious to get that
girl up here as soon as possible. For my part, I cannot feel safe as
long as she is away."
"Then I am afraid you will never feel happy again, Sister Susan,"
Catherine replied with a mocking ring in her voice.
"What do you mean?" exclaimed Susan.
"Sit down--sit down, Sisters! I think you had better hear the worst at
once," said the Chief with a reckless laugh.
The other two women looked at each other when they heard these
discouraging words; Susan's face turned very pale.
Catherine observed her and laughed again. "No, no! Susan, it is not so
bad as _you_ think--we are not betrayed--your pretty neck is not
endangered _yet_."
The strange manner of the Chief--the savage despair of her tones were so
different from anything they had ever noticed with her before, that the
women were too startled to question her. They sat in awed silence while
Catherine paced up and down the room restlessly. Suddenly she stopped,
and turning to the elder of her two accomplices said, "Sister Eliza! I
will tell you what I have done--I will hide nothing from you--I am too
maddened to care what you may think. I know after this, all my influence
will be lost, but it matters not now. I have seen Mary Grimm. I have
done exactly the reverse of what I went down to do. I did not invite her
to town--but I made her swear to keep out of our way. I have given her
her freedom. I told her the Society was broken up, that we should need
her no longer, I did all this--What do you think of it? Eh! What do you
think of it?"
She spoke very rapidly and wildly; then she sat down in the chair by the
fire and turned her head away from them.
For several minutes there was a complete silence in the room, none of
them made the slightest movement. At last Catherine turned abruptly and
exclaimed with passionate vehemence, "Are you both dumb? Can you not say
anything?"
Sister Eliza first recovered her composure. "Sister Catherine," she
said, "I do not understand you. You are not yourself this evening. You
are ill and excited. We will wait until to-morrow morning, then you will
explain this matter to us. I have sufficient faith in you to know that
you have acted for the best."
"And I," exclaimed Susan with a contemptuous bitterness in her voice,
"believe that this is the beginning of the end. I foresee that the
Society has received its death-blow. This weakness of yours will leak
out, Sister Catherine. Oh, yes! I understand what you have done. You
_must_ know what will happen now. When the Sisters discover that the
Chief has so little care of their safety, that she refuses to remove a
great danger, because forsooth to do so stands in the way of her private
affection, do you think they will believe in her any more, trust her
again? Why, they will never know from what side to expect danger next.
They will desert the Cause in panic, seeing that their very general has
betrayed them."
Catherine paid no heed to Susan's angry words, but rose slowly from the
chair, and said in an absent weary way, "I wish to be alone. I have told
you everything. If you desire to know more come to-morrow--but leave me
alone now, I pray you--good-night!"
"This is the shortest meeting we have ever had," said Susan with a
sneer; "but if the business of the Society is to be transacted in this
way, it looks as if we are likely to have a last shorter meeting still
some day--one in front of the gallows. Treachery--"
"Silence, Sister Susan!" interrupted the boarding-house keeper, sternly.
"Let us go. Sister Catherine, I will come here to-morrow morning.
Good-night! you want rest; sleep will do you good."
"Sleep!" echoed Catherine in a despairing voice. Sister Eliza looked
over her shoulder anxiously at her Chief, as she went out of the room
with Susan Riley, and the woman was once more left alone with the
thoughts that were killing her.
Sister Eliza and Susan Riley walked together down the Edgware Road. For
some time neither spoke. Each in her different way was dismayed at the
prospect before the Secret Society, and was pondering over the
situation.
Susan felt absolutely ill with rage and disappointment. Her scheme of
vengeance against the girl she hated had been frustrated, at any rate
for the time. But this was not all. She clearly saw that the Chief's
line of conduct with regard to Mary, boded great peril to the Society.
She felt that Catherine King would never recover her self-esteem and
consciousness of power. She knew the woman's character too well. And she
was well aware what an unstable institution that Society was, how soon
it would be scattered when the master-mind failed to hold its sway.
Susan's passion for intrigue and conspiracy had made her an enthusiast a
selfish one it is true, of the Cause. It had now become a necessity of
her life, and she trembled as she thought how near the collapse of it
threatened to be.
She spoke in a low voice to her companion as they walked along: "Eliza!
the Chief will never recover from the results of this piece of folly. I
know her: she is lost, and after her the Cause."
"I don't know," replied the boarding-house keeper. "She has not fully
explained her motives to us yet. Wait until to-morrow, then we will
understand everything. I cannot believe that she has not acted for the
best. Her wisdom is not ours, Susan."
"Ha!" laughed Susan, contemptuously, "I understand you. You amuse me.
You remind me of what happened a few years back when the prime minister,
that then infallible idol of England, committed that terrible mistake in
his foreign policy. Do you remember how all the thinking men of his own
party, though they perceived his errors, tried to stifle their
convictions and reason? You remember with what timid vague speeches, men
who ought to have known better, defended that suicidal policy in the
House. They thought that venerated man, whose gigantic intellect so
towered above their own, could not be at fault. They said to themselves
that he must be right in everything. He doubtlessly saw what they could
not. Who were they to question his wisdom? Well, Eliza, that's exactly
the way you always think and talk about your infallible idol, our Chief.
You believe she must be right somehow, though you can't see how, though
she seems to be acting as wrongly as possible. But you will soon find it
out, Sister Eliza, very soon. Catherine King will never again hold up
her head, and dictate to the Sisterhood as she could two days ago. Her
power of compelling them to believe in her, will all go. You will see
it, I tell you--you will see it."
Susan spoke excitedly. Sister Eliza's sinking heart told her that the
words were true, but she was unwilling to confess this. "Take care,
Susan," she said, wishing to turn the conversation. "The street is
rather too crowded for discussion of these matters. We shall be
overheard, if you don't take care."
"Trust me," was the reply, "I'm keeping my eyes open; besides, I shall
say nothing that can possibly be understood by passers-by. But tell me,
Sister Eliza, don't you agree with what I said?"
"No! I cannot yet see wherein lies the very great danger of sparing this
wretched girl."
"Not see it! but this is absurd, you do see it. You know what she now
is, religious, love-sick, and a lunatic to boot. How can you expect such
a one to keep a secret like ours? Sister Eliza! you must understand as
well as I do, the meaning of what has happened. You see that the Chief
has sacrificed the Cause to her private feelings. You know how she will
hate and despise herself when she awakes from her folly, and then she
will be as weak as Samson after the loss of his locks; for she will have
lost what is _her_ strength, _her_ secret of success--belief in herself.
And without Catherine King what do you think will happen to the Cause?"
"I am afraid, without her, it will be lost."
"Of course it will. But we must do our best. Even the Inner Circle must
not know how it is that the judgment on Mary Grimm has not been
executed. We must see Catherine to-morrow. We must concoct between us
some plausible lie for the Sisters. We might make them believe that the
girl is dead, anything rather than let them guess the fatal weakness of
the Chief."
"That does seem the only thing to do," said Sister Eliza, thoughtfully.
"I will try and think the whole matter over to-night."
"There is one other way out of the difficulty."
"And what is that?"
"Cannot we execute this judgment still, without consulting Catherine
King? But, no, no!" she continued, in tones of suppressed rage, "that is
too dangerous now; she told us that she has actually warned the girl
against us. Why, the Chief herself is a traitor!"
"Sister Susan, I should advise you to take care what you say," quietly
observed the boarding-house keeper.
"Ah! yes, I know," said Susan, contemptuously. "You are a strong friend
of hers, you will stick to her through anything. You believe in all she
does."
"Well, here we are in Oxford Street," interrupted the other, "I think I
shall get into this omnibus. I will call on you early to-morrow morning,
and we will talk over everything before we see Catherine King."
"I feel very upset," said Susan to herself after they had separated.
"All seems to be going wrong just now; but it won't do to worry--worry
brings grey hairs. I must amuse myself--I must have dissipation to-night
to keep the blues away. Let me see, it's only six o'clock now; a stroll
in the Burlington, and a few glasses of sherry, will be a good
beginning." So she got into a hansom and drove to Piccadilly, touching
up her complexion on the way, with the apparatus she carried in her
little hand-bag.
She sauntered up and down the Arcade several times, looking into the
shop windows, and feeling quite happy again when she perceived that she
attracted a satisfactory share of the attention of the men.
"How do you do, Miss Riley?" said a quiet voice by her side.
She started, and turning round saw Dr. Duncan.
"Why, doctor!" she exclaimed, rather confused. "You are the last person
I should have expected to meet here."
"Well, it is not very often I am to be seen in the Burlington," he
replied; "but as it happened to lie on my way, I am strolling through
it."
"And I," she said, with a laugh, "have been calling on my bootmaker."
"I have not seen you since you left the hospital, Miss Riley."
She saw that he glanced with some surmise at her fashionable and
expensive attire, so different from the simple dress of the hospital
nurse he had always been accustomed to see her in. It might prove
inconvenient to her, at some future time, were this man to entertain any
suspicions as to her mode of living, so she said, with a pretty attempt
at a bashful smile, "You must not call me Miss Riley now, Dr. Duncan. I
have changed my name."
"Let me congratulate you? May I ask by what name I am to call you for
the future?"
"Well I have changed my name and yet not changed it--I am Mrs. Riley--I
have married a cousin. But, doctor! I am so glad to have met you, I am
anxious to know how poor Mary Grimm is now. Have you heard from your
sister lately?"
"I am very glad to have good news to tell you, Mrs. Riley. I saw Miss
Grimm yesterday. Her health is certainly improving very rapidly. I am
looking forward to her complete recovery, at an early date."
"Ah! you saw her yesterday; did she say whether her aunt had been there
lately?"
"I don't think Mrs. King has been down there for about a week."
"Indeed! She told me she was going to Farnham yesterday."
"She was certainly not there before I left, and that was late in the
afternoon."
"And shall you see Mary again soon, doctor?"
Mary's letter was in his pocket; he had received it that morning, and
had been beside himself with delight ever since. His exultation rang in
his voice as he replied:
"I am going to see her to-morrow morning."
Susan perceived the expression in his eyes, and his joy irritated her
excessively. "Well, good-night, Dr. Duncan," she said, in a harder tone.
"Thank you for your good news. When you see Mary, to-morrow, give her my
love, and please tell her that I inquired about her. Say that I have not
forgotten her and won't. Don't forget will you, doctor?"
"I don't like that cunning face of yours, Mrs. Riley," he said to
himself when she had gone. "I distrust you. It is foolish of me, but I
cannot help it. I cannot help imagining you dislike my poor little bird
down there--and yet you seemed very anxious about her when she was ill.
There is thorough malice in your voice and eye, but we don't fear you."
His love for Mary had inspired him with a subtle instinct, that told him
when danger to her was near; and he felt a strong antipathy for the
pretty woman with the wicked languishing eyes.