"I look up, sir, an' you might 'ave knock me over with a ninepin, for
there was Joey, lookin' as spry as spry. 'Joey,' says I, takin' it as
one does, sir, for all them sayin's of ninepins and feathers and such
like, quite calm, 'so you're not dead?'
"'Na! lad,' he says back, as calm like. 'Aw'm go[=a]n t' be married,
an' a've coom t' get t' best man.'
"It took me all of a 'eap, sir, sorter Malachi an' the minor prophets,
sir, as things does sometimes. 'Joey, my boy,' I says, 'you ain't
never goin' to marry a female _gaze?_' says I.
"But 'e was, sir. Ter cut a long story short, she'd found 'im an'
nursed him. An' we all knows wot that means, white or black, sir. 'E'd
a 'eap to tell--though Lord knows where 'e got it, for 'e didn't know
no 'Industani to speak of, sir--about 'ow she lived in quite a fine
'ouse an' 'ow her father an' brothers 'ad bin killed, so as she kinder
'adn't no choice but _gazing_. But I wasn't to be took with chaff, so
I says to 'im quite solemn like, 'Afore I'm best man, I've got to
know, Joey--is she square?' 'E just looked at me, sir, as if I were
slush.
"'She'd gotten ma hair in t' buzzum,' he said, an' said no moor.
"So I gave my word to be best man, sir, an' 'e sighed like as a weight
was took off him. 'Then coom awa' wi' me t' passon,' says 'e, 'fur I'm
go[=a]n t' be marrid afoor aw goes with t' army to-morer.'
"'Then you've 'ad the banns cried,' says I, for my father bein'
bell-ringer same as give me my name in 'oly baptism, sir, I was up to
them dodges. 'E give me a real Apollyon frown, sir.
"'Na, lad; aw've no[=a]n had nought cried, but aw'm go[=a]n t' wed her
fair afoor a' fight, so save t' breath an' coom t' passon.'
"Well, sir, parson wasn't a bad chap, as I knowed, 'aving seen 'im
doing dooty stiddily like the rest o' us, but 'e'd got 'is black coat
on agin, an' 'e were by nature, the canonised red bricky sort; so 'e
wouldn't none o' it, though I stood solemn for Joe like as if I bin
godfather, tellin' 'im 'ow Joe would 'ave bin a deader but for 'er,
an' 'ow she was willin' to become a Christian in 'oly baptism wen she
'ad a chanst, an' 'ow Joe wouldn't never 'ave bin in a 'urry without
bridesmaids but for bein' that eager to fight 'is country's foes
agin--for of course, sir, 'e 'adn't 'ad a look in at anythin' but
beef-tea an' barley water till we took the city.
"'Why doesn't he wait decently till he comes back?' says parson. 'The
sacrament of marriage is not a responsibility to be entered into
unawares, my good--'
"Joe rose up--Lord bless you!--two 'eads taller nor parson. 'Coom
awa'! best man,' 'e says. 'It's waaste toime heere, an' aw'll need tha
at t' mosque; passon theer ar'n't so scrumfumptious, an' she towt ma
t' Kulma this marnin' foor fear'--that's their creed, sir, same as the
_Gazes_, male an' female, yell when they're a stickin' of you.
"Well parson 'e brought up sharp at this an' said, 'Stay a bit.' Then
'e look at Joe, an' Joe look at 'im.
"'Tha see she's gotten t' be ma wife, man,' said Joe apologetic like,
an' parson 'e push 'is red bricky prayer-book away fretful.
"'But I don't know anything,' he said. 'I don't even know if she is a
spinster or a widow. Will you swear she hasn't a husband living?'
"Well, sir, Joe looked at parson, and then 'e looked at me, an' then
'e scratch 'is 'ead--the curls 'ad grown tight as ever, sir--an' then
sudden 'e smile--one o' them smiles like the sun on a daisy, sir.
"' Aw dunnot rightly knaw,' says 'e, 'aw nivver arst her,' an' parson
'e look at me an' at 'im and at the solemnisation o' 'oly matrimony as
'f 'e didn't know which was which.
"Well, the end o' it was that the three o' us went down to one o' them
light an' shady open-air houses with a tree growin' out o' a wall, and
a lot o' pigeons. Parson 'e stood in one o' the arches raise up a step
or two, an' they stood in the space below, right in the sun, an' I
stood 'twixt an' between, for you see, sir, I was clerk as well as
best man.
"'Will you take this woman to be thy wedded wife?' arst parson.
"'Such is my desire,' says I, in order; but Joe Banks wouldn't none o'
that.
"'Fur better fur worse,' 'e says, 'fur richer fur poorer, domed if a'
doan't.'
"So 'e was wedded to the Most Nailin' Bad Shot in creation."
"And was she pretty?" I asked of Craddock.
He shook his head. "I niver set eyes on her, sir, though I was best
man. She was wrap up in a white veil, an' 'e kep' her so--said she
liked it--they does, sir, when they've got a good 'usband."
"So they lived happy ever after?"
"Not for long, sir--" here Craddock slipped his hands into his pockets
as the first step towards slouching off. "That sort o' thing don't
somehow last long, sir," here his eyes caught the gold of the setting
sun, as they had a trick of doing when they grew soft. "Seems to
me--savin' your presence, sir--as if there was too much o' the Noo
Jerewsalem about that sort o' thing fur this world; that's 'ow it is.
She died, sir, a few years after, when 'e was back in the Canals, in a
God-forsaken spot, where there wasn't no one to--to be best man like.
An' so they found 'im lying beside 'er with a bullet in 'is brain. So
I was a minor prophet after all, an' Joey Banks got nicked at last by
the Most Nailin' Bad Shot in creation."