We have had a few days very hard fighting. It was shocking. War may
be a necessary occupation, but it is scarcely a respectable one. A
gentleman ought to be gentle, above all. When I enlisted I thought
there would be much sport. There is very little. I also thought that
it would be soothing for my sorrow. But I am still mortified, though
you probably do not believe me when I assert it. And I have the feeling
that after the war everything will be changed and that there will be
quite another world, yet that it will not be any better. Still, I am
one sheep in a herd, and I have to do as the other sheep do, namely,
follow the lead of our bellwethers, although I am sure that sheep are
not born murderers.
And least we ought to have waited for Sergeant Young's recovery. He
cheers us up. He believes in it. And he fights for something: for his
commission. We have felt very lonely without him. Fancy, feeling lonely
in a battle.
So, having a few days' rest and having been ordered to the rear, a
couple of miles or so from the firing line, we decide, three of us,
Cotton, Pringle, and I, to call upon Charles Young. Right we were to do
so, for he is as stimulating as a pick-me-up.
"Hallo!" he cries, as soon as he sees us, and his bandage all over the
nose gives him an American accent, "that's nice of you two to call."
"Two?" asks Cotton astonished, and tries to count the three of us. "I
think we are more."
"What's the use of thinking?" replies the Sergeant, "thinking is the
drawback of all learned men. You are two."
"We are three."
"In theory perhaps. But your theory fights in vain against facts. I'm
as sure that you are two, as I am sure of getting my commission."
"How is that?" ask the three of us (for we are three in spite of his
denial).
"Well, the surgeon who has arranged my nose, a very clever chap by the
way, promised me to use his influence with the first general who would
be wounded. That can't last _very_ long, can it?"
"I don't want to undeceive you," points out Cotton, "but you had better
tell me why we are two and not three. If it's true I will believe in
the coming of your commission."
"Right!" says Charlie. "Patrick Cooper is one P.C., and Pringle Cotton
gives another P.C., therefore the three of you are two P.C.'s. It's as
clear as a chemical formula."
"There is something in that," answers Guncotton seriously.
"Otherwise your brain is not affected?" inquires Pringle, full of
anxiety.
"I am not sure," answers the Sergeant, and assumes as mysterious an air
as his bandage permits. "I guess," (this in his most American nasal
pronounciation), "that there is something the matter with my brain.
Tell me, when the other day I tried to be lighter than air and flew up,
only to show that I was heavier than air and fell on my nose, how long
was I ... Hun-conscious?"
"Three minutes," says Cotton.
"Four," I correct.
"Five," asserts Pringle.
"Is that all?" asks Charlie pensively. "I should have thought that it
was hours from the vision I had. Vision or dream, as you may call it."
"Oh!" says Cotton, "that need not disturb you in the least. The great
rapidity of dream thought has often been proved, for instance, by an
experience of Lord Holland, who fell asleep when listening to his
secretary reading to him, had a long dream, and yet awoke in time to
hear the end of the very sentence which had lulled him to sleep and of
which he remembered the beginning."
"To judge from the length of that sentence," observes Pringle, "it must
have been a German book the secretary was reading."
"In my opinion," goes on Cotton, "the rapidity of dream thought depends
on the kind of food one had last, on the amount of its several chemical
constituents. Suppose you had some Methyl alcohol, CH₃.HO...."
"Bosh!" interrupts the disrespectful Pringle, and turns to the
Sergeant. "Tell us your vision."
"Well it was thus:
"We were at a certain place, which had a certain name, which for fear
of the Censor I cannot call by its real denomination, but which our
boys called Mince from the amount of Germans which for many days had
been chopped there into mince-meat. And remember, our men had done it
this time without the help of St. George and his Agincourt Bowmen.
There were thousands of dead Germans lying in front of our lines, and
the enemy sent up still more men and still more guns; but the men were
shattered by us and the guns battered into scrap iron.
"At last, when evening came, the thunder calmed down. If we had wanted
we could have broken through, but we had no orders to advance. I
suppose that our General wanted Mince to become more worthy still of
its title.
"Now, you remember how the Angels of Mons had knocked over ever so
many Germans. In Germany, a country ruled by scientific principles,
they thought at first that we had employed an unknown gas of poisonous
nature. But the _Evening News_, and in particular Mr. Arthur Machen,
gave the secret away. And then the Germans knew all about it.
"Well, to come back to that dreadful day of Mince; night had fallen and
I was dozing, when I saw suddenly two men in a red uniform, with black
tippets and with a red feather on their red cap. The one had a crooked
moustache and the other a very high collar.
"'Father,' said the latter, 'this business does not seem to go exactly
as we had calculated. What are we going to do?'
"'Little Silly,' answered the one with the crooked moustache, 'I have
lost some of my prestige, but I still know what costume to put on and
on what occasion. If the English have called to their help the Angels
of Mons, we will answer with a new frightfulness. You see our costumes.
Understand that we are going to call the Devils of Mince.'
"'_Some_ frightfulness!!' said little Silly acquiescently.
"'Hither Beelzebub! Hither! Dear devil, quick to our aid!' cried the
one with the crooked moustache.
"At once I heard a great voice:
"'Here I am, Monseigneur, Allhighest Superdevil, here I am, Satan!'
"And a little man with sharp eyes and a big walking stick, but
otherwise dressed like the two others in red and black, appeared.
I need not give you a further description, as you may read it in
Macaulay's essay on Frederick the Great.
"The one with the crooked moustache said at once:
"'Great Grandfather, I have called you to succour us. Come now and aid
us.'
"Thereupon Beelzebub-Frederick answered:
"'Sonny, thou art the Superdevil, and although I was a greater general
than thou ever wilt be, I do not dare to give thee advice, especially
as I have none to give.'
"The Allhighest Superdevil shrugged his Imperial shoulders and called
again:
"'Hither, Mephistopheles! Hither! Come and grant us good deliverance.'
"And another devil appeared, an insignificant looking one. But he
answered:
"'Monseigneur, as true as my name on earth was Treitschke, I am good
only at writing about frightfulness; but I am not a practical devil.'
"Again the Superdevil called:
"'Hither, Asmodeus! Hither! Sweet devil, high chevalier, defend us!'
"This time there came a very big one, bulky and fat, unable to hide all
his baldness under his red feathered cap.
"'Monseigneur,' he said sweetly, 'I would willingly have concocted a
new Ems telegram for you; but when you ascended your Satanic throne
your first move was to send me to hell, where I am still dwelling.
Bismarck refuses to help you!'
"The Allhighest Superdevil called many more--with no result however.
Nietzsche's excuse was that he had become mad. Moltke declared that,
having been a silent man during all his earthly life, he did not want
to talk now that he was living in hell. And thus each of them had an
excuse.
"At last little Silly whispered something in the ear of his Satanic
Majesty.
"'This time you are right, my boy,' replied the one with the crooked
moustache, 'receive my Imperial thanks. I will give you a supplementary
Iron Cross of real gold, if there is any left. May our old God bless
you.'
"Then, once more, he cried:
"'Well then, sweet devil, Messire, Wicked one, Hostile one, Strong one,
thou real Tempter, quick, quick to our aid!'
"Deep bells began to ring, and yet another devil appeared. He was very
small with a big head and wore a sailor's beard under his chin. He had
no red-feathered cap on his head like the other devils, but a soft
velvet toque.
"'You have not treated me as I deserved,' he said solemnly. 'I had made
so much fuss about my works that four-fifths of the world mistook me
for a real composer. You have made of my sublime music dramas a means
of propaganda, of Pan-German propaganda. And you have done worse.
You have accepted that rubbish by Richard Strauss as equal to my own
immortal work. Some call him Richard the Second, and some Strauss the
Second; Second he may be, but never First. And you have abandoned my
poor family when you refused to prolong the Copyright of my works, my
poor wife who had been so heroically unfaithful to her husband for my
sake, my poor son who in spite of my undeniable paternity has not the
slightest musical talent. And further, you have allowed my _Parsifal_
to be played everywhere, against my wish, and so revealed to the
world its real value. Still, I will help you and show you at once the
strength of my _Parsifal_ and the real frightfulness, the one, the only
one which will frighten the English.'
"Four young knights of Hell approached him carrying a glass jar. It was
not filled with blood as you may believe, not with the holy blood of
the Grail, but with the purest strawberry jam.
"'Uncover the jam!' said Wagner, acting the last scene of _Parsifal_
and not noticing that the glass jar was not covered. He began to pray;
little round rubies seemed to shine in the jam. And all the devils
cried:
"'Oh marvel! Marvel of the highest frightfulness!'
"Then, as in _Parsifal_ the white dove, a black crow this time
descended and remained soaring above Wagner's head, who exclaimed
triumphantly:
"'Hurrah! Hurrah! Monseigneur! All the strawberry jam of England is
changed into plum jam--plum jam with stones to prove what it is!'
"I fainted. Then somebody threw water on my face, and I woke again."
* * * * *
"You must have had too much bacon for breakfast," says Cotton, "to
judge from the rapidity of your dream. The chemical composition..."
"Rubbish!" interrupts Pringle, "but you will remember, Sergeant, that
we were talking of _Parsifal_ just before the action began."
And I add:
"Sergeant, I have every respect for you, but I must say, you have given
your Wagner-Devil one of my favourite ideas to talk on, and I put it to
you that you have stolen it from me."
"Don't use strong language."
"All right, Sergeant, but that cackle about Richard II. and Strauss II.
is my intellectual copyright."
* * * * *
When I was a tiny boy, the mater used to tell me the story of a
shepherd who came, with his thousand sheep, to a bridge so narrow that
only one sheep at a time could cross the brook which it spanned. "And
now, little Pat," she would say, "you must wait until all the thousand
sheep have passed, and in the meantime you may go and play with your
ball."
Now, Mr. Reader, you believe yourself mighty clever because you think:
Ha, ha! That's the trick he has employed, and while he told us Charlie
Young's dream yarn, he may himself have got rid of his cold. Well, you
are mistaken. It is not a trick, and the intermezzo of the preceding
pages has its importance. Nor will you be spared to undergo the story
of my cold, and the only thing I can do for you is to wish you that it
may not prove contagious.
It was a bad cold.
Now, a cold where you merely weep and sneeze and sniff and blow your
nose which by degrees becomes somewhat like a burning Zeppelin--by the
way, if you never have seen a burning Zeppelin, I take this opportunity
to inform you that it is, of course, like the splendid, brilliant,
luminous, glaring nose of one who has such a cold--such a cold may
be _called_ a bad cold, but it _is_ not. It is a coryza. It is a cold
in the head, an unimportant part of the human body when the point
in question is a cold. With such a cold you are only more or less
ridiculous.
But when you begin coughing and spitting, and when high fever sets in,
when you think that you would not like to die yet, especially from
pneumonia, and when your Mr. Doblana recognizes with real regret that
he must interrupt the lessons and will be unable to charge you for the
time lost; when the doctor must be called, and when after a fortnight
you begin to recover but still feel weaker than a child, then you have
a bad cold, one of these perfidious colds you catch in May.
However, if you possess one of those sunny natures such as I pride
myself of having, if you know how to find roses among thorns, if you
can remember that old Jew who used to say whenever he could: "_Gamsoo
l'towvo_," which means: "This too leads to the best"--you see, being
on the classical side I was taught Hebrew in the Special Class and
never forgot that sentence--then, m'dear, you will only remember that
this bad cold was very nice, inasmuch as it brought you nearer to your
beloved Mitzi. You will ever recollect that sweet contact which will
have made of your nasty illness a time of continuous joy.
I felt as if I had only begun to live since I was ill, and I was
sure that she also experienced for the first time a great, primitive
emotion, and that to her nothing else was worth thinking of. She was
taking care of me and seemed made quite glorious by this obligation
imposed on her. And yet we did not speak, we were awed, all words
seemed futile.
The medical man who attended to me was Doctor Bernheim, the same whose
acquaintance I had made at the Tobacco Pipe. He was a very intelligent
fellow, and we sympathized as much as such a thing is possible between
two individuals of thirty years' difference of age. He was a man
interested in politics as well as in art, and, what is more remarkable,
he was nevertheless a good doctor.
One day I told him how thoroughly incomprehensible the quarrel between
Doblana and the other members of the Round Table had seemed to me.
This was the beginning of a series of conversations, during which
Doctor Bernheim first explained me the complicated question of Austrian
nationalities, the struggle between the different races.
There was, above all, the continual strife for superiority between the
Western (Austrian) and the Eastern (Hungarian) half of the Monarchy.
Then there were in both parts internal contests, for neither was the
population of Austria entirely German, nor that of Hungary entirely
Magyar. In both halves of the country a large percentage of Slavs was
to be found, among which the rising Czech people, both intellectual and
industrial, could not be neglected. Of late years German influence had
become observable, and there was now in Austria a distinct Pan-Germanic
tendency. A tacit understanding existed between the German and
Hungarian population, whose purpose was the suppression of all Czech
aspirations.
Then there was a Polish question, the Galician Poles demanding to be
united with the Russian and German Poles into one Kingdom,--an Italian
question, Trieste and Gorizia as well as the Trentino wishing to be
incorporated into Italy,--a Rumanian, a Ruthenian, a Serbian question.
Nor was that all. A violent Anti-Semitic movement had been originated
by the clerical party, which was jealous of the ever brisk business
capacity of the numerous Jews--of which the Doctor himself was one.
In one word, there was everywhere contrariety and quarrelling,
dissension and discord.
Mitzi, who sometimes was present at our discussions, was very
intransigent. She had an inborn hatred for all what was German and
Hungarian, although German was her mother tongue. In her heart she was
a Czech. Of modern music she loved only Italian, French, and Czech, but
she loathed the modern Germans for their utter lack of feeling. On this
point as on so many others there was complete agreement between her
and me. I had myself observed that the unrivalled reputation of Vienna
as _the_ musical city _par excellence_ was upheld above all by Italian
and Slav musicians. The Germans, although they made much ado about
themselves, played an inferior, if a not altogether, secondary part.
I suppose I had a good time. Most people know the course of events,
when by degrees an agreement of affections is changed into ...
tenderness. So I dare say you can do without my description.
But one day something happened. It was quite an insignificant incident,
yet it is one which I cannot forget. Simply it was that Mitzi sang to
me. It was the fourth or fifth day since I had been allowed to leave my
bed. I had never heard her except for a few exercises.
Her voice is not a very strong one, but there was never one as warm nor
as expressive. It went at once into my heart, as Mitzi herself that day
went into my life. What she sang mattered little, short folksongs, I
believe, quite simple, yet her voice has that incomparable faculty of
changing all what she sings into purest gold, as Midas did to all he
touched.
Yes, it was rather an insignificant, little incident. Nor was there any
revolution in me. No, but an evolution began. Slowly, vaguely, feelings
came to me. Feelings, not thoughts. They were all inside my breast
and--my word--they did hurt. Mitzi had with her singing struck a chord
of gold, which was vibrating in my heart.
"_Fräulein_ Mitzi," said I, for I had not yet learned to call her by
her name alone; "if you will help me a little, and encourage me, I
will write an opera for you. There is something exceedingly tender and
impressive in your voice, something childlike.... I am sure you will
inspire me, you will be my Muse."
Possibly you imagine that she was flattered, or at least pleased.
Nothing of the sort, my dear. She just looked doubtful. She ought to
have begun at once with the encouragement business I had suggested. A
little phrase as, for instance, "That would be nice!" would not have
cost her much. Any English girl would have said it. True, it would not
have meant much, either, and she wasn't an English girl. Yet--I owe
you some frankness, don't I?--I was somewhat disappointed. If I am not
greatly mistaken, she turned up her nose a little when she said:
"Are you sure you will be able to write an opera?"
"For you, _Fräulein_ Mitzi, I will be able to do anything!"
Indeed, such was my feeling. Yes, her very indifference was encouraging
me. Such is man when he is in love. Her apathy made me suffer, and my
wretchedness only stimulated me. Sure, I would show her of what I was
capable. Her insensibility only augmented my emotion.
"I don't like your calling my voice childish, and if you compose
something for me it will have to be heroic."
"I never said that you had a childish voice."
"You did."
"I did not. I said 'childlike.'"
"There is no great difference."
Thus our quarrelling began. And I may well say that the same hour which
saw the birth of my love also germinated the origin of its end.
Ladies have many uses for their tongue. Amongst other things, they
sting with it. And therefore we love them.
However, important as this may be, surely it does not interest you, to
whom my philosophy is of no use. So I return to my story.
I went to Mr. Bischoff as soon as my health was a little restored. I
wanted to write a music drama on _Macbeth_ as he had suggested. Should
he not be willing to write a libretto on the basis of those wonderful
ideas he had exposed to me? I was sure that I would succeed in making
with his aid a real masterpiece.
* * * * *
If you consider with what an important personality I had chosen to
deal, you will not be surprised when hearing that it was not "on the
basis of those wonderful ideas he had exposed to me" that Mr. Bischoff
agreed to write the said libretto. He wanted the basis to be more ...
substantial. I need therefore hardly tell you what the next step was.
And, still considering that Mr. Bischoff was the first Viennese actor,
and had refused offers for mere translations from a London firm at ten
shillings a thousand words, you will easily imagine which figure I
asked Daniel Cooper & Co., Ltd., to put on his next cheque. But I tore
my letter immediately into pieces and wrote another, asking for £50
more, I could as well bleed my poor dad of £300 as of £250, couldn't I?
And the supplement would enable me to show my intense gratitude to my
charming nurse, and even to show it more than once.
I deeply regret to announce that Miss Doblana exhibited a much greater
satisfaction when I offered her a beautiful fan of white ostrich
feathers than when I had opened to her the perspective of my opera.
She was really winsome as she thanked me, oh! so winsome. Yet, to-day,
after years, I think that it was very foolish of me to make her such a
gift. Most men will share this opinion, although most girls will judge
it otherwise. As for Mitzi, I fear that she foresaw more gifts and
decided there and then to take my opera into the bargain.
Anyhow, that fan was bought (but not paid for) and offered to the
lady of my heart before the cheque arrived from London. And then
something very awkward occurred. Daniel Cooper & Co., Ltd., sent me a
cheque for £300, not payable to me but to Mr. Bischoff. I am sure this
mischievous move was caused by mother. For while father's letter was
nice and gentle as ever, and while he stated being sure that with such
a librettist I would achieve something remarkable, mother wrote that
in her idea it was nonsense to attempt an opera before having well
learned how to write one; and there was something between the lines
that read as if she was smelling a rat.
Now, what was I going to do with my cheque for £300? I could not well
go to Mr. Bischoff and ask him for change, for if I knew little of
women and even less of men, I knew already a lot of the third sex,
viz.: the artists. There was no probability of his being able to
give me change for £50, and, candidly, I did not trust any artist
sufficiently, especially not Mr. Bischoff whom I scarcely knew, to let
him have the cheque as it was, and wait for the £50 change until he had
cleared it. I felt like a schoolboy, comfortless and wretched, and as
usual: silly.
For three days I went about absolutely miserable with my big cheque in
my pocket. My state of mind could not escape Mr. Hammer who, finding a
few bad mistakes in a fugue of mine, declared that this and the rest
of my behaviour proved clearly that I was in love, an accident that
had befallen him in former years every six weeks, so that he had a
sufficient experience to pass judgment on other people. Now, if even
Hammer saw my uneasiness, you will understand that it was soon noticed
by Mr. Doblana who, although a musician too, was far more a human
being. He inquired. He insisted. For one of the results of being so
human was a certain degree of curiosity.
"It must have something to do with your opera," he asserted at last.
"How far have you got with it?"
"Oh!" said I, "I have not begun yet."
"Then," cried he, "why do you make such a face as if you had lost your
score?"
I am sure that, when I heard this question, I looked at him in the most
idiotic fashion you may imagine. And I must have looked at him for a
long time, say, twenty seconds, which is much longer than most people
think. Two ideas had flashed up through my brain, (or whatever you may
call it).
The second--which was probably the result of the excitement caused by
the first one--the second was to return the £300 cheque to my father,
and to ask him for several smaller cheques which I could hand Mr.
Bischoff in proportion to the work done, a proceeding which certainly
would please the mater, for it proved me to be an earnest chap.
Yes. And the first idea?