_(The GERMAN CROWN PRINCE and Marshal HINDENBURG)._
_Hindenburg._ So your Royal Highness proposes to leave us again?
_The Prince._Yes, Marshal, I'm going to leave you for a short time. I have
made arrangements which will render my absence from the Front as little
disadvantageous as may be possible. My orders have been carefully drawn up
so as to provide for every contingency, and I trust that nothing the enemy
can do will find my stout fellows unprepared, while I am devising fresh
triumphs for them in my temporary retirement.
_Hindenburg._ We shall all regret the absence of your Royal Highness from
those fields in which you have planted new proofs both of German courage
and of German intellectual superiority; but no doubt your Highness will be
all the better for a short rest. May I, perhaps, ask the immediate cause of
your Highness's departure from the Front?
_The Prince._ No, Marshal, you mustn't, for if you do I shall not answer
you fully. _(Hums) Souvent femme varie; fol qui s'y fie_--do you know what
that means, you rogue?
_Hindenburg._ I know your Highness spoke in French, which is not what I
should have expected from one who stands so near to the throne.
_The Prince._ Now, you mustn't be angry; only dull people ever get angry.
_Hindenburg._ Your Royal Highness means to say--?
_The Prince._ I mean to say that you're not dull--not _really_ dull, you
know, and that therefore you can't be allowed to get angry about a mere
trifle. Besides, our predecessor, the GREAT FREDERICK, always spoke in
French and wrote his poetry in French--very poor stuff it was too--and had
a violent contempt for the German language, which he considered a barbarous
jargon.
_Hindenburg._ I care not what the GREAT FREDERICK may have thought as to
this matter--there are other points in which it might be well to imitate
him first rather than to remember what he thought and said about our noble
German language--but for me it is enough to know that the Emperor and King
whom I serve holds no such ideas.
_The Prince. _Of course he doesn't; he holds no ideas at all of any kind.
_Hindenburg._ At least he would be angry to hear such--
_The Prince. _Of course he would; he's dull enough in all conscience for
that or anything else.
_Hindenburg (after a pause)._ Your Royal Highness will, perhaps, forgive me
if I draw your gracious attention to the fact that I have much work to do
and but little time to do it in.
_The Prince. _Of course, my dear Marshal, of course. They're making things
warm for you, aren't they, in the direction of Arras? I was saying to
myself only this morning, "How annoying for that poor old HINDENBURG to
have his masterly retreat interrupted by those atrocious English, and to
lose thirteen thousand prisoners and one hundred-and-sixty guns, and I
don't know how many killed and wounded. Where's his wall of steel now, poor
old fellow, and his patent plan for luring the enemy on?" That's what I
said to myself, and now that we have met I feel that I must offer you my
condolences. I know what it is, though of course it wasn't _my_ fault that
we failed to bring it off against the French at Verdun. Heigho! I'm really
beginning to believe that I shall never see Paris.
_Hindenburg._ !!! !!! !!!
_The Prince._ You needn't look so stuffy, dear old thing. I'm going. But
remember _I_ shall be your Emperor some day; and then what shall I do with
you? I know; I shall have you taught French.
* * * * *
[Illustration: DYNASTIC AMENITIES.
LITTLE WILLIE (_of Prussia_). "AS ONE CROWN PRINCE TO ANOTHER, ISN'T YOUR
HINDENBURG LINE GETTING A BIT SHAKY?"
RUPPRECHT (_of Bavaria_). "WELL, AS ONE CROWN PRINCE TO ANOTHER, WHAT ABOUT
YOUR HOHENZOLLERN LINE?"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Sergeant._ "PUT YOUR THUMBS DOWN BEHIND THE SEAMS OF YOUR
TROUSERS, NUMBER SIX! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK THE SEAMS OF YOUR TROUSERS
ARE PUT THERE FOR?"]
* * * * *