MRS. WARREN
BETTY
MRS. LAWTY
MRS. ROMNEY
MRS. PICKERING
MRS. LAWER
CLARA
_The play takes place in MRS. WARREN'S little living room during
the early Victorian period. At the left is a door leading to
another part of the house. A door at the back opens into the
entrance hall. As the curtain rises, MRS. WARREN, seated in a large
chair, is talking to her maid, CLARA._
MRS. WARREN. Gossip is malicious, my dear girl, positively malicious.
Doesn't the Bible say--(_The knocker sounds._) There, isn't that the
door? (_CLARA starts to go_.) Oh, Clara, before you open the door, be
sure and dust off the table in the hall and----
(_CLARA goes out. MRS. WARREN arranges her dress and the little
lace cap on her head._)
CLARA. (_From the door_) It's Mrs. Lawty, ma'am.
MRS. WARREN. Oh, the dear soul! Have her come right in--right in,
Clara.
(_CLARA goes out. MRS. LAWTY enters._)
MRS. LAWTY. Good afternoon--good afternoon, Mrs. Warren.
MRS. WARREN. Good afternoon, my dear. Do sit down, Mrs. Lawty--do sit
down.
MRS. LAWTY. Oh, thank you. I have just dropped in for a moment. I am on
my way to the meeting of the "Helping Hand Society," and as I had to
pass this way I just came in to see how you were. I hope I am not
interrupting any work you may be doing, my dear.
MRS. WARREN. Oh, dear, no. I was just giving my maid a little lecture
... on gossip.
MRS. LAWTY. Gossip?
MRS. WARREN. It is _so_ malicious.
MRS. LAWTY. Positively unladylike! One could almost compare a lady who
gossips to a ... to a pirate.
MRS. WARREN. A what, Mrs. Lawty?
MRS. LAWTY. A pirate. They are sort of wild thieves, you know, and steal
things from perfectly innocent people, Mrs. Warren. The South Sea
Islands are full of them ... pirates, I mean. Why, I read in our
missionary paper, just last week, that one poor man was overtaken by
pirates who took away his watch and, I hesitate to say it, his trousers!
MRS. WARREN. His trousers! Dreadful!
MRS. LAWTY. The rest of the story is too indelicate to repeat.
MRS. WARREN. Yes ... yes, some things are often better left unsaid.
(_Pause._) But one need never be ashamed to speak the truth. What is the
rest of the story, Mrs. Lawty?
MRS. LAWTY. The poor man was forced to come into port with a bad cold in
his head ... and in his pajamas!
MRS. WARREN. Oh!
MRS. LAWTY. And that is why I call a woman who gossips a pirate.
MRS. WARREN. Yes ... yes. Though one can hardly think of _any_ woman
unlawfully taking a poor gentleman's trousers.
MRS. LAWTY. Hardly. But to steal one's good name is to take one's cloak
of righteousness, so to speak. And, oh, my dear, few people can face the
world without it. The soul is so much more important than the body.
MRS. WARREN. One should keep _both_ properly clothed.
MRS. LAWTY. Yes ... though on the South Sea Islands the people wear
nothing but grass skirts.
MRS. WARREN. One could hardly do that in England.
MRS. LAWTY. Oh, but the people there, in the South Seas, are like little
children ... pure of mind. And so it is one of the very first rules of
the "Helping Hand Society" that no gossip shall pass our lips.
MRS. WARREN. Such a worthy organization. I am sure the ladies of
Northampton are doing a noble work.
MRS. LAWTY. Oh, yes, indeed, Mrs. Warren. Why, only last week we sent
off a large box of soap to the natives of East Africa and now we are
getting a box of napkins and tablecloths ready. We are doing such
splendid work for our less fortunate brothers and sisters in a far land.
MRS. WARREN. Brothers and sisters! One hardly feels that way toward
them, Mrs. Lawty. I am told they are quite black.
MRS. LAWTY. Nevertheless they are Gaud's creatures.
MRS. WARREN. My dear, I shall have Clara make you a hot cup of tea. It
will rest you. (_She calls_) Clara ... Clara!
MRS. LAWTY. Oh, no, thank you ... really. I mustn't stop. I always like
to get to the society meetings early ... otherwise one misses so much
that is interesting. (_She rises._)
(_CLARA appears._)
MRS. WARREN. Never mind, Clara. (_CLARA starts to go._) Oh, Clara,
Clara----
CLARA. Yes, ma'am.
MRS. WARREN. Clara, will you put the water on to boil? And make the tea
rather strong ... but not too strong ... just so.