THE REBEL DIVISION GENERAL
The sentinel listened very patiently to the explanation of Owen Raynes;
but, as he proceeded, the face of the soldier relaxed till his muscles
had contracted into a broad grin. The sergeant of the guard was then sent
for, and the explanation repeated. At its conclusion, both the sentinel
and the sergeant seemed to be disposed to laugh in the faces of the twin
friends, so keenly were the former alive to the ludicrous.
"That's a very pretty story, my men! You, without the pass, are going to
see that everything is right about the man that has the pass; in other
words, the devils are going to see that the angels don't do anything
wicked," said the sergeant, laughing at the awkward position of Owen and
Allan, and perhaps quite as much at the sharpness of his own
illustration.
"We are entirely satisfied in regard to this young man," said Owen; "but
we have come in order to satisfy another person, who believes that he is
an impostor. We promised to take him to Major Platner."
"You can't enter these lines without a pass," replied the sergeant
firmly. "This man can go through; for he has a pass," he added to Somers.
"As I am all right, and in a hurry, I will proceed to the brigade
headquarters," said Somers. "Now, good-by, my friends; I am very glad to
have met you, and much obliged to you for the trouble you have taken to
come so far with me."
"You take it coolly," laughed Owen.
"Perhaps, if you desire to go to the brigade headquarters, the sergeant
will let you pass, if I will vouch for you," continued Somers with great
good humor.
"We are not very particular."
"What do you say, sergeant?"
"My orders are to permit no stragglers from other camps to pass these
lines, and I shall obey my orders to the letter," replied the official,
who, for some reason or other, seemed to be prejudiced against Somers's
friends.
"Stragglers!" exclaimed the sensitive Allan. "I think we have gone far
enough."
"I think you have," added the sergeant; "and, if you don't leave at once,
it will be my duty to arrest you."
"Whew!" exclaimed Owen. "That would be carrying the joke altogether too
far. I think my _pater_ ought to be satisfied with what we have done."
"Move on," said the sergeant.
They did move on; and Somers, attended by the officer of the guard,
walked towards headquarters.
"Those are the coolest fellows that ever came near my lines," said the
sergeant. "Men without a pass looking out for one who has a pass!"
"Well, they are good fellows; but I played a joke upon them, which makes
them a little sour towards me," replied the scout. "I am even with them
now."
"What was the joke?" demanded the sergeant, who was filled with interest
at the mention of the word.
Somers gave him a modified account of the affair at the house of Mr.
Raynes; which he embellished a little for the occasion, to allay any
suspicion which might arise in the mind of the auditor. But the officer
of the guard had no suspicion. Why should he have any? for Somers, armed
with a pass signed by the officer of the day, was walking as directly as
he could towards the headquarters. The sergeant of the guard left him
when they reached the guard tent; and Somers proceeded to report in due
form to the major, whom he found smoking his cigar under a tree as
complacently as though there was not a traitor or a spy in the land.
"Well, young man! you have returned promptly at the time specified," said
the major, as Somers very deferentially touched his cap to this magnate
of the rebel army.
"Yes, sir; I have endeavored to discharge my duty faithfully," replied
Somers.
"Did you find the regiment?"
"No, sir; I lost my way; and finding I should not have time to go to the
place where it is, without overstaying my time, I hastened back, knowing
that the service upon which you wished to employ me was very important
indeed."
"You did right, young man. Where is your coat?"
"It was one I picked up just after I had passed the lines, and a soldier
down below claimed it. I gave it up when he convinced me it was his
property."
"You are very honest as well as patriotic."
Somers bowed, but made no reply to the compliment; which, however, was
fully appreciated.
"You seem to be a young man of good address, and you can render your
country a great service, but it will be at the peril of your life," said
the major with impressive formality.
"I am willing to serve my country, even with my life."
"I do not doubt it. I was impressed by your manner, and I have
recommended you to the general for the service he has in view. I hope you
will do credit to the selection I have made; for the most important duty
which a commander has to perform is to select proper persons for the
execution of special missions."
"I will endeavor to serve my country to the best of my ability; and I am
satisfied that I can go all over the Yankee camps without difficulty."
"Very well! You have confidence in yourself; and that is the first
requisite of success. If you discharge this duty with fidelity and skill,
you may be sure of being made a sergeant the moment you return."
"Thank you, Major Platner. I am very grateful to you, sir, for the
opportunity you thus afford me to distinguish myself."
"You will find me a good friend, if you are faithful and intelligent."
"Thank you, sir."
"Now you shall go with me to General M----'s headquarters, and he will
give you your final instructions."
Major Platner led the way; and Somers reverently followed a pace or two
behind him, flattering the officer in every action as well as word. They
reached the division headquarters, and our hero was ushered into the
presence of the general. He was a large, red-faced man, and had evidently
taken all the whiskey he could carry, at his dinner, from which he had
just returned.
"What have you got there, Platner?" demanded the general, in a tone so
rough, that Somers was reminded of the ogre in Jack the Giant-killer.
"The young man of whom I spoke to you this forenoon. He is a person of
remarkable address, courage and skill; and is just the man you need."
"All right; adieu, major!" added the general, bowing to the other.
Major Platner took the hint, and took himself off, leaving Somers
standing alone and somewhat abashed in the presence of the great man.
"Young man!" said, or rather roared, the rebel general, as he raised his
eyes from the ground, and fixed them with a half-drunken leer upon our
hero.
"Sir!"
"How much whiskey can you drink without going by the board?"
Somers did not know, had never tried the experiment, and was utterly
opposed to all such practices. But he desired to conciliate the tipsy
general; and, if he had not been fearful of being put to the test, he
would have signified his belief that he could carry off half a dozen
glasses. As it was, he did not dare to belie his principles.
"Not any, sir! I never drink whiskey," he replied, with the utmost
deference in his tones.
"Hey?" gasped General M----, darting a sudden glance at the young man.
"I never drank a glass of whiskey in my life, sir," added Somers.
The general jumped off his camp-stool with a sudden jerk, and stared at
our lieutenant in silence for an instant.
"Give me your hand," said he.
Somers extended his hand.
"Yes! you are flesh and blood. You are the first man I ever saw that
never drank a glass of whiskey. You drink brandy, don't you?"
"No, sir! I never drank a glass of liquor or wine of any kind in my
life."
"Give me your hand," said the general again.
"Flesh and blood! You are the first man I ever saw that never drank a
glass of liquor or wine of any kind. 'Tis a bad practice," he added with
an oath.
"I think so, sir," replied Somers with due deference.
"Young man!"
"Sir."
"The greatest enemy--hic--that the Confederate army has to contend
against is whiskey. Yes, sir! whiskey. If the Confederate States
of--hic--of America ever win their independence, it will be when the
whiskey's all gone."
"I am very glad to hear officers of your high rank condemning the
practice," said Somers, alive to the joke of the general's proceedings,
but prudently looking as serious as though it had been a solemn tragedy
instead of an awful farce.
"Yes, sir! I'm opposed with all my might to the practice. Yes, sir!
Whiskey is the greatest enemy I have on the face of the footstool, young
man."
Somers believed him.
"Always be temperate, young man. You are in the sunshine of--hic--of
life. Never drink whiskey. It will ruin your body and soul. Don't touch
it, young man," added he, as he sank back on the camp-stool, whose center
of gravity was nearly destroyed by the shock, and closed his eyes, as if
overcome by the potency of his great enemy, which was just then beginning
to have its full effect, and which produced a tendency to sleep.
"I will endeavor to profit by your good advice, sir," said Somers.
"That's right; do so," added the general, as he jerked up his head to
banish the drowsy god, who was struggling for the possession of his
senses. "That will do, young man. You may go now."
The general, in his drunken stupor, had certainly forgotten the business
for which Major Platner had brought him to the division headquarters; and
Somers began to fear that he should have no errand that day.
"I beg your pardon, general; but Major Platner was kind enough to say
that you had some service for me to perform."
"Eh?" demanded he, tossing up his head again.
Somers repeated the remark more explicitly than before.
"Exactly so; I remember. Do you know what I was thinking about just then,
young man?" said the general, spasmodically leaping to his feet again, as
though the thought was full of inspiration.
"No, sir; a man in my humble position could hardly measure the thoughts
of a great man in your situation."
"I'll tell you; I was thinking about issuing a division general order on
the subject of temperance. What do you think of it?"
"It would be an excellent idea," replied Somers.
"Young man!"
"Sir."
"I believe you said--hic----"
Somers did not say anything of the sort; but he waited patiently for the
rebel general to recover the idea which he appeared to have lost.
"I believe you said you never drank any whiskey?"
"I never did, sir."
"Then you never was drunk?"
"Never, sir."
"Young man!"
"Sir."
"Are you a--hic----"
Somers was not a "hic;" but he was an impatient young man, and very
anxious to be instructed in regard to his difficult and dangerous
mission.
"Are you a minister of the gospel?" demanded the general, after a mighty
effort.
"No, sir; I am not."
"I'm sorry for--hic--for that; for I wanted to appoint you a division
chaplain, to preach against whiskey to the general officers. Some of them
are--hic--drunken fellows, and no more fit for a command than the old
topers in the streets of Richmond."
"I am sorry I am not competent to fill the office; but I think, if you
should lecture them yourself, it would have a better effect."
"My words are--hic--powerless. They laugh when I talk to them about the
error of their ways," added he with a string of oaths, which seemed to
exhibit a further necessity for a chaplain on the division staff.
"I beg your pardon, sir; but I am afraid your interest in the moral
welfare of your officers----"
"That is it, young man!" interrupted the drunken general, catching at his
idea with remarkable promptness. "My interest in the moral welfare of
my--hic--of my officers! You are a trump, young man [big oath]. You are a
major now?"
"No, sir."
"Only a captain?"
"No, sir; nothing but a private."
"Then you shall be a captain. I haven't heard any such--hic--sentiments
as you expressed used in this division before. You ought to be a--hic--a
brigadier-general."
"Thank you, sir. You are very kind. I came to you for instructions in
regard to my mission over to the enemy."
"Bless me! yes; so you did. Well, I have not written them yet."
"I only want a pass from you, general, with such verbal instructions as
you may please to give me."
"So you do; the fact of it is, my interest in the moral welfare of my men
had driven the matter out of my mind."
The general called an orderly; and Somers was sent off to the adjutant
for the pass, which was given to him under the name he had assumed. When
he returned, the general was sound asleep on his camp-stool, rolling
about like a ship in a gale, with a prospect of soon landing at full
length on _terra firma_. Somers would gladly have received some military
information from the general, who was in a condition to tell all he knew;
which, however, could not have been much, under the circumstances. He
concluded that it would be best for him not to awaken the tipsy moralist;
and, after waiting a short time on the spot to avoid suspicion, he joined
Major Platner, who was smoking his cigar under a tree near the
headquarters.
"Well, young man, did you obtain your instructions?"
"Yes; all I require."
"Perhaps we ought to have seen the general before dinner," added the
major, using the remark as a "feeler" to induce his companion to inform
him what had transpired during the interview.
"Perhaps it would have been more agreeable to the general. However, he
seemed to be in a very talkative mood."
"He commonly is after dinner."
"He is a very jovial, good fellow."
"Very."
"But he appears to feel a deep interest in the moral welfare of those
under his command. He expressed himself as very averse to habits of
intemperance."
"Humph!" coughed the major.
"He said that whiskey was the great enemy the army has to contend
against, and intends to issue a general order directed at the vice of
intemperance."
"Did he?"
"He did; but I ought to add, that he took me to be a major in the
service; a mistake which was very natural, since I wore no coat."
"Very natural--after dinner," replied Major Platner suggestively.
"I told him I never drank any strong drink; and he kindly advised me
never to do so."
"The general is a brave man, and I hope he will be able to overcome all
his enemies."
The major permitted the conversation to go by default, and Somers
respectfully dropped a pace or two behind him. They reached the brigade
headquarters, and then repaired to the guard tent, from which the scout
took his departure upon his arduous and difficult mission, with the best
wishes of the rebel officers.
With his pass he had no difficulty in going through any line, and made
his way down to the woods on the left of the open fields. He began to
feel easier when he had passed the field-works, and experienced a
sensation of exultation as he thought of the reception which awaited him
at headquarters as well as in the regiment.