"WHEN A WOMAN WILL, SHE WILL."
"Although
The airs of Paradise did fan the house,
And angels offic'd all, I will be gone!"
--SHAKESPEARE.
"And underneath that face, like summer's oceans,
Its lip as noiseless, and its cheek as clear,
Slumbers a whirlwind of the heart's emotions,
Love--hatred--pride--hope--sorrow--all, save fear."
--FITZ-GREEN HALLECK.
It was January, and the keen, cold sea-air swept over Norfolk,
freezing the snow as it fell, and chilling the very marrow of the
few pedestrians whom necessity compelled to be abroad that inclement
morning. The fast-falling flakes obscured everything from view, but
Mrs. Winans stood at a window of her elegant home gazing wistfully out
at the scene, though the richly appointed room, the fragrance of rare
exotic flowers that swung in baskets from the ceiling, the twitter of
two restless mockingbirds, all invited her gaze to linger within. But
the delicious warmth, the exquisite fragrance, the sweet bird-songs,
held no charm for the fair and forlorn young wife to-day. Now and then
she moved restlessly, disarranging the fleecy shawl of soft rose-color
that was thrown about her shoulders, and turning at last, she began to
walk swiftly across the floor, wringing her little white hands in a
sort of impotent pain.
"I can't bear this, and I won't!" stopping suddenly, and stamping a
tiny slippered foot on the velvet carpet that scarcely gave back the
sound. "I am to stay here because _he_ says so; because he chooses
to desert me. He wearies, perhaps, of his fetters. Why cannot I go
to Washington, if I choose, for a few days anyhow? I could go up to
the capitol vailed, and see _his_ face, hear his voice once more.
Ah, heaven! that I should have to steal near enough to _see him_! My
darling--beloved, though so cruel to me--how can I bear this and live?
I must, must go--must look in for the last time in life, on your dear,
too cruelly dear face!"
The violet eyes brightened strangely as the words fell from her lips
whose firm curves showed a fixed resolution.
"Yes," she whispered to herself, firmly, "I _will_ go!"
What was it that seemed to clutch at her heart like an icy hand,
freezing in her veins the warm blood that but a moment before had
bounded with passionate joy at thought of seeing her husband again?
What meant that chill presentiment of evil that seemed to whisper to
her soul, "You are wrong--do not go!"
"I _will_ go!" she said again, as if in defiance of that inward
monitor, and folding her arms across her breast, she resumed her slow
walk across the floor.
The pretty shawl fell from her shoulders, and lay, like a great
brilliant rose, unheeded on the floor; the long, sweeping train of her
blue cashmere morning-dress flowed over it as she walked, the white
ermine on her breast and at her throat trembling with the agitated
throbs of her heart. Her pure, pale cheek, her eyes darkening under
their black lashes, the white, innocent brow, the mobile lips, all
showed the trace of suffering bravely borne; but now the patient
spirit, tried too deeply, rose within her in desperate rebellion.
For this one time she would take her own way, right or wrong. Go to
Washington she would, see her husband, herself unseen, once more,
she would; then she would go back to her dull, wearisome life--her
rebellion extended no farther than that. But she wanted, oh, so much,
to see how he looked; to see if suffering had written its dreary line
on his face as on hers; to see him because--well--because her whole
warm, womanly heart hungered, thirsted for a sight of the dusk-proud
beauty of her husband's face.
The honest Irish face of Norah, entering with little Paul, clouded as
she took in the scene. She had grown wise enough to read the signs of
emotion in the face of the young lady, and now she saw the stamp of
pain too plainly written there to be misunderstood.
"Pretty mamma!" lisped the toddling baby, stumbling over the pink
shawl in his eagerness to grasp the skirt of the blue dress in his baby
fingers.
She stooped and lifted her idol in her arms, pressing him closely and
warmly to her aching heart.
"What should I do without my baby, my darling? Why, I should die," she
cried, impulsively, as she sunk among a pile of oriental cushions and
began to play with the little fellow, her soft laugh blending with his
as he caught at her long sunny curls, his favorite playthings, and
wound them like golden strands about his fingers.
The shadow of her clouded life never fell upon her child. In her
darkest hours she was always ready to respond to his mirth, to furnish
new diversion for his infant mind, though sometimes her heart quailed
with a great pang of bitterness as the laughing dark eyes, so like his
father's, looked brightly up into her face.
But sad as her life was, it would have been unendurable without her
baby. He was so bright, so intelligent, so full of rosy, sturdy health
and beauty. The slowly increasing baby-teeth, the halting baby-walk,
the incoherent attempts at speech, were all sources of daily interest
to Grace, who was ardently fond of babies in general, and her own in
particular. And this baby did for Grace Winans what many another baby
has done for many another wretched wife--saved her heart from breaking.
"Norah," she said, looking suddenly up with a flitting blush, "what do
you say to a trip to Washington next week, after this snow-storm is
quite cleared away--do you think it would be safe for little Paul?"
"Hurt him! I think not. He is so strong and healthy; but has the
Senator written for you to come on?" asked Norah, eagerly.
"No"--her brow clouded, and that warm flush hung out its signal-flag on
her cheek again--"he has not. I do not mean for him to know anything
about it. I shall stay but a day or two, only taking you and baby; then
we shall return as quietly as we went, and no one be the wiser; and
now, Norah, baby is falling asleep, take him to his nursery, and bring
me the Washington papers, if they have come in yet."
"They came hours ago; it is eleven o'clock, Mrs. Winans, and you have
taken no breakfast yet. Won't you have it sent up here to you?" said
the kind-hearted nurse, solicitously.
"Have I not taken breakfast? I believe I do not want any; I have
been thinking so intently I have lost my appetite, and was actually
forgetting that I had not breakfasted," then noting the pained look
that shaded Norah's face, "Oh, well, you may bring me a glass of milk
with the papers."
But Norah, after depositing her sleeping burden in his crib in the
nursery, brought with the papers a waiter holding a cup of warm cocoa,
a broiled partridge, stewed oysters, warm muffins and fresh butter, the
specified glass of milk crowning all. Depositing the waiter on a little
marble table, she wheeled up a comfortable chair and installed Mrs.
Winans therein.
"You are to take your breakfast first," she said, with the authority of
a privileged domestic, "then you can read the papers."
She laid them on a stand by the side of her mistress and softly
withdrew to the nursery. And lifting the glass of milk to her lips
with one hand, Grace took up the Washington _Chronicle_ with the other
and ran her eyes hastily over the columns, devouring the bits of
Congressional news.
As she read her cheek glowed, her pearly teeth showed themselves in a
smile half-pleased, half-sorrowful. Praise of her husband could not but
be dear to her, but her pride in him was tempered by the thought that
he cared not that she--his wife--should be witness of and sharer in his
triumphs.
And turning away from the record of his brilliant speech on Southern
affairs, she glanced indolently down the column of society news,
recognizing among the names of women who stood high in the social scale
many who had been among her most intimate friends the preceding winter.
She had been the queen of them all then, reigning by right of her
beauty and intellect no less than by her wealth and high position--best
of all, queen of her husband's heart--and as the thought of all
that she had been "came o'er the memory of her doom," the dethroned
queen sprang from her chair and paced the floor again, burning with
passionate resentment, stirred to her soul's deepest depths with the
bitter leaven of scorn, not less a queen to-day though despoiled of her
kingdom.
And thus one vassal, still loyal, found her as the servant ushered him
quite unceremoniously into the bright little parlor, startling her for
a moment as he came forward, a few wisps of snow still clinging to his
brown curls, and melting and dripping down upon his shoulders in the
pleasant warmth diffused around.
She glanced at him, shrank back an instant, then came forward with
rising color and extended hand.
"Captain Clendenon! This is indeed a pleasant and very welcome
surprise."
He bowed low over the slim white hand, murmured some inarticulate words
of greeting, and stooped to replace the shawl that still lay unheeded
where she had dropped it on the floor.
"Allow me," he said, with grave courtesy, and folded it with his one
arm very carefully, though perhaps awkwardly, about her shoulders.
Then a momentary embarrassing silence ensued, during which he had
seated himself in a chair indicated by her, and opposite the one into
which she had languidly fallen.
In that silence she glanced a little curiously at the face whose dark
gray eyes had not yet lifted themselves to hers. She had not seen him
in some months before, and he looked a little altered now--somewhat
thinner, a trifle more serious, but still frank and noble, and with
an indescribable respect and sympathy in the clear, honest eyes that
lifted just then and met her glance full.
"I must ask your pardon for intruding on the entire seclusion that you
preserve, Mrs. Winans," he said, with the slight pleasant smile she
remembered so well. "The fact that I am your husband's lawyer, and that
I come on business, must plead my excuse."
She bowed, then rallied from her surprise sufficiently to say that an
old and valued friend like Captain Clendenon needed no excuse to make
him welcome in her home.
A faint flush of gratification tinged his white forehead an instant,
then faded as a look of pain on the lovely face before him showed that
some indefinable dread of his mission to her filled her mind.
"I am not the bearer of any ill news," he hastened to remark.
"Ah! thank you--I am glad," the fading color flowing back to her lips,
"we women are so nervous at thought of ill news--and--and I get so
depressed sometimes--I suppose all women do--that I can conjure up all
sorts of terrors at that word--the woman's bugbear--'business.'"
"Yes, I presume all women _do_ get depressed who preserve such
inviolate seclusion as you do, Mrs. Winans," he answered, gravely, "and
that brings me to my object in coming here this morning. I had a letter
from your husband yesterday, in which he made special mention of you
in alluding to various reports which have reached him relative to your
utter retirement from society."
"Well," she asked, coldly, as he paused, a little disconcerted by her
steady gaze, and by his consciousness of touching on a delicate subject.
"And," he went on, "your husband seemed annoyed, or rather fearful that
your health might suffer from such unwonted seclusion. He begged me to
speak with you on the subject, and assure you that he would rather hear
that you took pleasure in the society of your friends, and passed your
time in walking, driving, and, in short, all the usual pursuits that
are so conducive to your health and the diversion of your mind from
brooding over troubles that cannot at present be remedied."
A faint sarcastic curve of her red lip betrayed her contempt before it
breathed in her voice:
"Is that all?"
"Not quite," he flushed again beneath her steady gaze, and said,
abruptly, "Mrs. Winans, I trust you do not blame me for fulfilling your
husband's trust. It is not intended, either by him or myself to wound
you, and I have undertaken it, not--well, because I thought I could
express his wishes regarding you, to you better than another."
"I am not thinking of blaming you," she said, gently, "not at all. I
thank you for your kindness; I do indeed. Captain Clendenon, you should
know me well enough to think better of me than that implied. Please go
on."
"There is but little more," he answered, more at ease. "You will
recollect, I suppose, having signified to Senator Winans a wish to
revisit the home of your childhood?"
She slightly bowed her head.
"He merely wished me to tell you that should you still desire it, you
are at liberty to visit Memphis now, or whenever you wish to do so, to
remain as long as you please."
He rose at the last word, and she rose also, pale, proud, defiant,
woman-like, having the "last words."
"Ah, indeed! I may go to Memphis, then, if it so please me?"
"Yes, Mrs. Winans;" and taking a step forward, he looked down at the
fair face that he saw for the first time shaded with contempt and
anger. "You are not angry?"
A mutinous quiver of the red lip answered him; just then it seems
impossible for her to speak. A great, choking lump seems to rise into
her throat, and prevent her from speech. Her heart is in a whirl of
contending emotions--joy that her husband remembers and cares for her
comfort--grief, pain, indignation evoked by his message--he is willing
she should go far away from him, he is indifferent about seeing her,
while she--she has been so wild to see him.
While she stands thus, the captain says, in his grave, singularly sweet
tones:
"Mrs. Winans, I have known you so long, and am so much older, and
perhaps, wiser, than you--I have learned wisdom knocking around this
hard old world, you know--that you will pardon a word of advice from
an old friend, as you were kind enough to call me just now. Try and
overlook what seems to you injustice in your husband. His course toward
you seems to him the wiser one, and he is perhaps the best judge
of what was right for him--in this lately expressed wish of his he
seems actuated solely by a desire for your comfort and happiness--he
wishes ardently that you may content yourself during the period of his
voluntarily enforced absence. Think as kindly as you can of him. I am
sure that all this tangled web of fate will come straight and plain at
last."
She responded to his wistful smile with another, as chill and pale as
moonlight.
"Thank you; and, Captain Clendenon, you may tell your correspondent
that I shall avail myself of his gracious permission to visit another
city--not Memphis. I have no desire to visit there at present."
He looked down at the sweet, flushed, mutinous face with a yearning
pity in his eyes, and a great throb of pain at his heart--the anguish
of a man who sees a woman that is dear to him bowed beneath sufferings
that he cannot alleviate.
All he could do was to clasp the small hand in sympathetic farewell,
and beg her earnestly to call on him if ever she needed a friend's
services.
"Since you will not go to Memphis," he said, relinquishing the small
hand.
"No, I will not go--at least, not now," she answered, supplementing the
harsh reply by a very gentle good-by.
When she _did_ go, Paul Winans would have given all he possessed on
earth to have recalled that freely accorded consent.
"I like Captain Clendenon so much," she wrote, in daintiest of Italian
text, that night, within the sacred pages of her journal. "There is
something so supremely noble about him, and to-day he looked at me so
sorrowfully, so kindly, as I have fancied a dear brother or sister
might do, had I ever been blessed with one. I used to shrink at seeing
him; he brought back the first great shock of my life so vividly,
and does still, though not so painfully as of old. It is only like
touching the spot where a pain has been now--'what deep wound ever
healed without a scar?' And I do not mind it now, though the unspoken
sympathy in his great gray eyes used to wound my proud spirit deeply.
I don't think he ever dreamed of it, though. Mrs. Conway used to think
that he liked me excessively. I don't know--I think she was mistaken. I
cannot fancy Willard Clendenon loving any woman except with the calm,
superior love of a noble brother for a dear little sister. And he has
a sister, though I have never seen her--charmingly pretty, Norah says
she is. I believe I should like to know her, if she is at all like her
brother. But all women, as a rule, are so frivolous--or, at least,
all those whom fate has thrown in my way. At least, I should like to
have a brother like this quiet, unselfish captain--this sterling,
irreproachable character with the ring of the true metal about it--and
a sister like what I fancy his pretty sister must be. Oh, Paul, were
you not so cruel my poor heart would not be throwing out its bruised
tendrils so wildly, seeking for some sure support on which to lean its
fainting strength. It is so hard to stand alone----"
She closed the book abruptly at a sound of baby laughter from the
nursery, and gliding into the room stood looking at Norah's busy
movements. She was giving Master Paul his nightly bath on the rug in
front of the fire. Up to his white and dimpled shoulders, in the marble
bath of perfumed water, the little fellow was laughing and enjoying
the fun to his heart's content. It won the child-like young mother to
laughter too. She seated herself on a low ottoman near him, and watched
the dear little baby, with its graceful, exquisite limbs flashing
through the water, a rosy, perfect little Cupid, and something like
content warmed her chilled and perturbed spirit.
"I can never be utterly desolate while I have him," she murmured,
running her taper, jeweled fingers through the clustering rings of his
dark hair.
Norah, looking across at her mistress, asked, timidly, if she were
quite resolved on going to Washington next week.
Mrs. Winans' soft eyes fixed themselves on the bright anthracite fire
in the grate, as if an answer to the question might be evoked from its
mystic hearth. Her baby seized the opportunity thus afforded to catch
the nearest end of one of her floating ringlets, and dip it in the bath
with mischievous fingers. She caught it from his fingers with a fitful
smile, and began wringing the water from the golden tendrils, and
asking absently:
"What was it you asked me, Norah?"
"I asked if you really intended visiting Washington next week,"
explained Norah, clearly and intelligibly. She was an educated
Irishwoman, and did not affect the brogue of her countrymen.
"Yes, I certainly do so intend," decisively this time, and leaning a
little forward, twisting the damp curl into a hundred glittering little
spirals, she went on: "for a few days only though, as I believe I told
you this morning."
"You will not take much baggage, then, I suppose?"
"No," smiling at the baby's antics in the water, and dodging the drops
he mischievously splashed in her direction, "only a small trunk with
necessary changes for baby and myself. I certainly shall not stay more
than three days at the most."
_Shall not?_ On the mystic page of our irrevocable destiny our resolves
are sometimes translated crosswise, and _will_ sometimes becomes _will
not_, and _shall not_ oft becomes _shall_! We, who cannot see a moment
beyond the present hour, undertake in the face of God to say what we
shall or shall not do in the unknown future! But poor human hearts,
"Feeble and finite, oh! what can we know!"