There was no sleep for Ted that night. Towards morning he fell into a
doze, broken by unpleasant dreams, and woke with a confused
consciousness of trouble. It had been connected in his dreams with
Hardy's return, and, once awake, the knowledge that he was in the same
house with him was insupportable. Not that he had yet guessed how
Vincent stood to Audrey; he had simply a nervous dread of hearing him
talk about her. The casual utterance of her name went through him like a
sword, and in his present mood Vincent's boisterous spirit disturbed and
irritated him. More to get away from him than with any definite idea of
work, he spent his morning at the National Gallery, touching up the copy
of the Botticelli Madonna which Katherine had begun long ago for Audrey.
He had set to work almost mechanically, with a sense that whatever he
did at the present moment was only provisional,--only a staving off of
the intolerable future; but soon the technical difficulties of his task
absorbed him, and he became interested in spite of himself. He was so
passive to the spiritual influences of line and colour, that perhaps the
beauty of the grey-eyed girl Madonna may have given him something of its
own tranquillity.
Unfortunately the good effects of his morning's industry were undone
when he got home, by finding Hardy alone in the studio, sitting before
Audrey's portrait. He had dragged the easel to the light, and had been
studying the canvas for some minutes before Ted came in. The boy stifled
an angry exclamation.
"Ted," said Hardy, "what do you want for this picture?"
"I don't want anything for it."
"Nonsense! Every good picture has its price."
"This one hasn't, anyway."
"Look here, and don't be a young fool. This is the best thing you've
done in your life or ever will do. I'm in rather low water at present,
but wait till I've heard from my British Columbian agent, or, better
still, wait till the Pioneer-book comes out, and I'll give you a hundred
for it, honour bright, if you'll let me have it at once."
"I can't let you have it at once, and I won't let you have it at all."
"The deuce you won't! Come, fix your own price."
"I'm not a swindling dealer, and I'm not a liar, though you mightn't
think it. I told you I wasn't going to let you have it at any price."
"H'm. Do you mind telling me one thing? Are you going to sell it to any
one else?"
"I'm not going to sell it to any one. I'm going to keep it myself."
They looked at each other with steady eyes, each understanding and each
defying the other's thought. Hardy's face was the first to soften. He
put his hand on Ted's shoulders. "All right, old boy. We've hit each
other hard this time. The least we can do is to hold our tongues about
it." And he left him.
Hardy spoke with the magnanimity of imperfect comprehension. He had been
defeated in his purpose of buying Audrey's portrait; but however great
his discomfiture, he, being the successful lover, could afford a little
pity for Ted as the victim of a hopeless passion. To Ted, on the other
hand, the revelation of Hardy's feelings threw light on Audrey's
conduct. It accounted for everything that was most inexplicable in it.
It must have been the news of Hardy's return that made her break off her
engagement so suddenly. His instinct told him that she had probably
given her word to her cousin before he left England; jealousy suggested
that she had cared for him all the time. He tried to reason it out, but
stopped short of the obvious conclusion that, if these things were
altogether as he supposed, her engagement to himself must have been
merely an amusement hit upon by Audrey to fill up a dull interval. He
preferred to regard it as a mystery. And now all reasoning gave way
before the desire to see her again, and know the truth from herself once
for all.
To Audrey, as the fountain of truth, he accordingly went, choosing a
time between half-past two and three when she was most likely to be in.
As he reached her door, it was being held open for her to go out, and
she was standing in the outer hall buttoning her gloves. She drew back
when she saw Ted, but escape was impossible. He saw the movement and the
flash of her little white teeth as she bit her lip with annoyance.
She came forward smiling.
"Oh, is it you, Ted? As you see, I'm just going out."
"You will see me before you go?"
"I can't possibly. I've got to go and call on an uncle and aunt at the
Hotel Metropole."
"I'm very sorry. But I won't keep you more than ten minutes."
"I can't spare ten minutes. I'm late as it is, and I have to be back by
half-past three. I've got an appointment."
"You've not time to get there and back. You'd better put it off."
"I can't, Ted. They're only up from Friday till Monday. Dean Craven has
to preach at the Abbey to-morrow. Come again."
"I can't come again."
"Well, then----" she hesitated. "You may walk part of the way with me."
He went with her down the short flagged path that led to the gate. Once
out of the servant's hearing, he stopped, and looked firmly in her face.
"I must see you now, and it had better be in the house. I've only one
question to ask you. Five minutes will be enough for that--at least it
won't be my fault if it isn't."
She had laid her hand on the gate, which Ted held shut, and her mouth
was obstinately set. Something in his voice conquered her self-will. She
turned and led the way to the house.
"You had better come into the morning-room."
He followed her; she closed the door, and they stood facing each other a
moment without speaking.
"Well, Ted?" Her voice went to his heart with its piercing sweetness.
"Audrey, why did you write that letter?"
"Because it was easier to write what I did than to say it. Do you want
to hold me to my word?"
"No. I want to know your reasons for breaking it. You haven't given me
any yet."
"I did, Ted. I told you it had all been a mistake--yours and mine."
"Speak for yourself. Where was my mistake?"
"The mistake was in our ever getting engaged at all--in our thinking
that we cared for each other."
"I cared enough for you, didn't I?"
"No, you didn't. You only thought you did. Katherine told me----"
"What did Katherine tell you?"
"That you hadn't any feelings, that you really cared for nothing but
your painting, that you'd only a ru--rudimentary heart."
"Really? That is interesting. When did she tell you that?"
"The very day we were engaged."
"And you believed her?"
"Not then. I did afterwards."
"How long afterwards--the other day?"
"Ye-yes; I think so."
"I see--when you wanted to believe it. Not before."
She was trembling, but she gathered together all her feeble forces for
the defence.
"No, no; don't you remember? At the very first--the day of our
engagement--we were both so miserable at the idea of your going away--we
did it all so recklessly--before either of us thought. You see, Ted, you
were so very young."
"It's a pity that didn't strike you before."
"It did, it did; but I wouldn't think of it. I blinded myself. The fact
is, we were both as mad as hatters. You know people can't get married in
that state. We should have had to wait for a--a lucid interval."
Ted recognised the miserable pleasantry; it was what he had said to her
himself a day or two after their engagement. The phrase had amused
Audrey at the time and lodged in her memory. She borrowed it now in her
hour of need, and laughed, unconscious of her plagiarism.
"I understand perfectly. You want to get rid of me as a proof of your
own sanity. Is that it?"
She looked up in the utmost surprise. "Not to get rid of you, Ted, of
course not. I shall still keep you as my best friend."
"Thanks. You had better not try to do that. I'm told I've no talent for
friendship."
"Then I suppose, after this, you'd rather I cut you, if we meet?"
"You can please yourself about that."
"You may be sure I shall. Oh, Ted, I didn't expect that from you! But
it's quite right. Hit hard, I can't defend myself."
"Please don't attempt it, there's no occasion to. Only tell me one
thing."
"Well?" She sat down as if wearied with this unnecessary trifling.
He paused.
"It's evident that you don't care about _me_. Do you care for any one
else?"
"You've no right to ask me that."
"Haven't I? I thought I had; and, if you'll only think a minute, you'll
agree with me."
She put her head on one side as if gravely considering the question.
"No. You've no right to ask me that."
"Let me put it differently--since your feelings are sacred, you needn't
tell me anything about _them_. Were you engaged to Hardy before you knew
me?"
"That question is even more impertinent than the last."
"I beg your pardon then. Don't answer it, if you don't like to."
He turned away.
"Don't go yet, Ted. I haven't done. Listen. I was thoughtless, I was
mistaken" (Audrey was anxious to escape the imputation of a big fault by
the graceful confession of a little one), "but I'm not as bad as you
think me. You think I cared for Vincent. I didn't. I never cared a straw
about him--never. You were the first."
"Was I? Not the last though, it seems."
"Perhaps not. But I deceived myself before I deceived you."
"Well, you took me in completely, if it's any satisfaction to you. Never
mind, Audrey; you've done your best to remedy that now."
He had turned, and his hand was on the door to go, when he heard her
calling him back softly.
"Ted----" She had followed him to the door, he felt the touch of her
little gloved hand on his coat-sleeve; under the black meshes of her
veil he saw her eyes shining with tears that could not fall. He
hesitated.
"Forgive me," she whispered.
"Not till you have answered my question."
"Which question, Ted?"
"The impertinent one."
"About Vincent?"
"Yes."
Her eyes had been fixed on the ground, now they glanced up quickly.
"Did Vincent tell you I was engaged to him?"
"No."
Her eyelids drooped again; then, urged to desperation by her own
cowardice, she raised them and looked in his face to answer. And as she
looked, she saw for the first time how changed it was. Its bloom was
gone, the lines were set and hard: Ted looked years older than his age.
"Don't believe him if he ever says so. I am not engaged to him, and I
never was."
"Thanks. That was all I wanted to know."
He turned on his heel and left her. He knew that she had lied.
He left her in a state of vague consternation. She had been prepared for
an outburst of feeling on Ted's part, in which case she would have
remained mistress of the field without loss of dignity. As it had
happened, the victory was certainly not with her. This was contrary to
all her expectations. She had looked for protestations, emotions--in
short, a scene; but not for cold, dispassionate cross-examination. It
was so unlike Ted--Ted, who was always giving himself away; it was more
the sort of thing she could have fancied Wyndham saying under the same
circumstances. She had seen something of this impersonal manner once or
twice before, in those rare moments when they had discussed some
picture, or Ted had talked to her about his work or Katherine's. It had
annoyed her then; she thought it showed a want of enthusiasm. Now the
boy's heartless self-possession amazed and overpowered her. Audrey was
incapable of imagining what she had not seen, and she had never got to
the bottom of the Haviland character; never divined its gravity under
the mask of frivolity; never proved its will, nor reckoned with its
pride. Three days ago she would have laughed at the idea of referring
any moral question to Ted's judgment, for she had taken no pains to hide
her faults from him; she had been selfish, reckless, vain, capricious,
by turns and altogether, and it had made no difference then. Now she
felt that he had condemned her. To be sure, she had told him a lie; but
what was that in the catalogue of her offences?
It was everything. He could have forgiven anything but that.