August was a miserable month for Katherine in the hot attic, hard at
work on her own pictures, and too often finishing the various orders for
black and white which Knowles had after all managed to put in Ted's way.
She could have stood the hard work if she had not been more than ever
worried on Ted's account. With her feminine instinct sharpened by
affection, she foresaw trouble at hand--complications which it would
never have entered into the boy's head to consider. For reasons of her
own Audrey was still keeping her engagement a secret. She was less
regular, too, in making appointments, fixing days for Ted to go over and
see her; and more often than not he missed her if he happened to call at
Chelsea Gardens of his own accord. At the same time she came to Devon
Street as often as, or oftener than, ever, and there her manner to Ted
had all its old charm, with something added; it was more deeply, more
seriously affectionate than before. And yet it was just in these tender
passages that Katherine detected the change of key. That tenderness was
not remorse, as she might have supposed. It had nothing to do with the
past, being purely an emotion of the passing moment. Audrey was playing
a new part. Her mind was swayed by a fresh current of ideas; it had
suffered the invasion of a foreign personality. The evidence for this
was purely psychological, but it all pointed one way. A sudden display
of new interests, a startling phrase, a word hitherto unknown in
Audrey's vocabulary, her way of handling a book, the alternate
excitement and preoccupation of her manner, they were all unmistakable.
Katherine had noticed the same signs in the days of Audrey's first
absorption in Ted. She had caught his tricks, his idioms, his way of
thinking. She had even begun to see, like Ted, the humour of things, and
to make reckless speeches, not quite like Ted, that shocked cousin
Bella's sense of propriety. Katherine had smiled at her innocent
plagiarism, and wondered at the transforming power of love. And
now--Audrey was actually undergoing another metempsychosis. Under whose
influence? Here again Katherine's instinct was correct. It was Wyndham's
presence that in three weeks had brought about the change. Yes; in that
impressive affection, in the pleading tremor of her voice, in her smiles
and caresses, Audrey was acting a part before one invisible spectator.
She played as if Wyndham were standing by and looking on. Her love for
Ted had been a reality; therefore it served as a standard to measure all
emotions by--it made this new passion of the imagination a thing of
flesh and blood. No wonder that she would not announce her engagement.
At the best of times her fluent nature shrank from everything that was
fixed and irrevocable--above all from the act of will that trammelled
her wandering fancy, the finality that limited her outlook upon life.
And now it was impossible. The three weeks in which she had known
Wyndham had shown her that, compared with that complex character, that
finished intellect, Ted was indeed little better than a baby. Not that
she could have done without Ted--far from it. As yet Wyndham was still
the unknown, shadowy, far-off, and unapproachable. The touch of Ted's
hand seemed to make him living, to bring him nearer to her. Ted still
stood between her and the void where there is no more revelation, no
hope, no love--and Hardy would be in London in another week.
Katherine had not guessed all the truth, any more than Audrey had
herself; but she had guessed enough to make her extremely anxious.
Audrey was not the wife she could have wished for Ted: she disapproved
of his marriage with her as a certain hindrance to his career; but,
above all, she dreaded for him the agony of disappointment which must
follow if Audrey gave him up. She had no very clear idea of what it
would mean to him; but judging his nature by what she had seen of it,
she feared some shock either to his moral system or to his artistic
powers. She longed to speak to him about it; but Ted and she were not
accustomed to handling their emotions, and of late they had avoided all
personal questions not susceptible of humorous treatment. After this
persistent choosing of the shallows, she shrank from a sudden plunge
into the depths. She felt strongly, and with her strong feeling was a
bar to utterance.
At last an incident occurred which laid the subject open to frivolous
discussion.
Katherine was painting one afternoon, and Ted was leaning out of the
window, which looked south-west to Chelsea, his thoughts travelling in a
bee-line towards the little brown house. Suddenly he drew his head in
with an exclamation.
"Uncle James, by Jove! He'll be upon us in another minute. I'm off!" And
he made a rush for his bedroom.
Katherine had only time to wipe the paint from her brush, to throw a
tablecloth over the Apollo and a mackintosh over the divine shoulders of
the Venus--Mr. Pigott was a purist in art, and Katherine respected his
prejudices--when her uncle arrived, panting and inarticulate.
"Well, uncle, this is a surprise! How are you?"
"No better for climbing up that precipice of yours. What on earth
possessed you to come to this out-of-the-way hole?"
"It's a good room for painting, you see----"
"_What's_ that? Couldn't you find a good room in West Kensington,
instead of planting yourself up here away from us all?"
This was a standing grievance, as Katherine knew.
"Well, you see, it's nicer here by the river, and it's cheaper too;
and--how's aunt Kate?"
"Your aunt Kate has got a stye in her eye."
"Dear me, I'm very sorry to hear it. And you, uncle?"
"Poorly, very poorly. I ought not to have got out of my bed to-day. One
of my old attacks. My liver's never been the same since I caught that
bad chill at your father's funeral."
Uncle James looked at Katherine severely, as if she had been to blame
for the calamity. His feeling was natural. One way or another, the
Havilands had been the cause of calamity in the family ever since they
came into it. Family worship and the worship of the Family were
different but equally indispensable forms of the one true religion. The
stigma of schism, if not of atheism, attached to the Havilands in
departing from the old traditions and forming a little sect by
themselves. Mr. Pigott meant well by them; at any time he would have
helped them substantially, in such a manner as he thought fit. But, one
and all, the Havilands had refused to be benefited in any way but their
own; their own way, in the Pigotts' opinion, being invariably a foolish
one--"between you and me, sir, they hadn't a sound business head among
them." As for Ted and Katherine, before the day when he had washed his
hands of Ted in the office lavatory, uncle James had tried to play the
part of an overruling Providence in their affairs, and the young
infidels had signified their utter disbelief in him. Since then he had
ceased to interfere with his creatures; and latterly his finger was only
to be seen at times of marked crisis or disturbance, as in the
arrangements for a marriage or a funeral.
An astounding piece of news had come to his ears, which was the reason
of his present visitation. He hastened to the business in hand.
"What's this that I hear about Ted, eh?"
"I don't know," said Katherine, blushing violently.
"I'm told that he's taken up with some woman, nobody knows who, and that
they're seen everywhere together----"
"'Who told you this?"
"Your cousin Nettie. She's seen them--constantly--in the National
Gallery and the British Museum, carrying on all the time they're
pretending to look at those heathen gods and goddesses"--Katherine
glanced nervously round the studio. "They actually make
assignations--they meet on the steps of public places. Nettie has
noticed her hanging about waiting for him, and some young friends of
hers saw them dining together alone at the Star and Garter. Now what's
the meaning of all this?"
Katherine was too much amused to answer yet; she wanted to see what her
uncle would say next. He shook his head solemnly.
"I knew what it would be when you two had it all your own way. As for
you, Katherine, you took a very grave responsibility on your shoulders
when you persuaded your young brother to live with you here, in this
neighbourhood, away from all your relations. Your influence has been for
anything but good."
"My dear uncle, you are so funny; but you're mistaken. I know Miss
Craven, the lady you mean, perfectly well; she and Ted are great
friends, and it's all right, I assure you."
"Do you mean to tell me he is engaged to this young lady he goes about
with?"
Katherine hesitated: if she had felt inclined to gratify a curiosity
which she considered impertinent, she was not at liberty to betray their
secret.
"I can't tell you that, for I'm not supposed to know."
"Let me tell you, then, that it looks bad--very bad. To begin with, your
cousin Nettie strongly disapproves of the young woman's appearance, so
loud and over-dressed, evidently got up to attract. But it lies in a
nutshell. If he's not engaged to her, why is he seen everywhere with
her? If he is engaged to her, and she's a respectable woman--I say _if_
she's respectable, why doesn't he introduce her to his family? Why
doesn't he ask your aunt Kate to call on her?"
"Well, you see, supposing they are engaged, they wouldn't go and
proclaim it all at once; and in any case, that would depend more on Miss
Craven than Ted. I can't tell you any more than I have done; and I'd be
greatly obliged if you wouldn't allow Ted's affairs to be gossiped
about by cousin Nettie or anybody else."
She was relieved for the moment by the entrance of Mrs. Rogers with the
tea-tray.
"Tea, uncle?"
"No, thank you, none of your cat-lap. I must see Ted himself. Where is
he?"
"I'm not sure, but I _think_ he's gone out."
Mrs. Rogers looked up from her tray, pleased to give valuable
information.
"Mr. 'Aviland is in 'is bedroom, m'm; I 'eard 'im as I come up."
"Oh, I'll go and tell him then."
She found Ted dressing himself carefully before calling on Audrey. She
wasted five minutes in trying to persuade him to see his uncle. Ted was
firm.
"Give him my very kindest regards, and tell him a pressing engagement
alone prevents my waiting on him."
With that he ran merrily downstairs. His feet carried him very swiftly
towards Audrey.
Katherine gave the message, with some modifications; and Mr. Pigott,
seeing that no good was to be gained by staying, took his leave.
Ted came back sooner than his sister had expected. He smiled faintly at
the absurd appearance of the Venus in her mackintosh, but he was
evidently depressed. He looked mournfully at the tea-table.
"I'm afraid the tea's poison, Ted, and it's cold."
"It doesn't matter, I don't want any."
"Had tea at Audrey's?"
"No."
He strode impatiently to the table and took up one of the illustrations
Katherine had been working at.
"What's up?" said she.
"Oh--er--for one thing, I've heard from the editor of the 'Sunday
Illustrated.' He's in a beastly bad temper, and says my last batch of
illustrations isn't funny enough. The old duffer's bringing out a
religious serial, and he must have humour to make it go down."
Katherine was relieved. To divert him, she told him the family's opinion
as to his relations with Audrey. That raised his spirits so far that he
called his uncle a "fantastic old gander," and his cousin Nettie an
"evil-minded little beast."
"After all, Ted," said Katherine, judicially, "why does Audrey go on
making a mystery of your engagement?"
"I don't know and I don't care," said Ted, savagely.
Surely it was not in the power of that harmless person, the editor of
the "Sunday Illustrated," to move him so? Something must have happened.
What had happened was this. As Ted was going into the little brown house
at Chelsea he had met Mr. Langley Wyndham coming out of it; and for the
first time in his life he had found Audrey in a bad temper. She was
annoyed, in the first place, because the novelist had been unable to
stay to tea. She had provided a chocolate cake on purpose, the eminent
man having once approved of that delicacy. (It was a pretty way Audrey
had, this remembering the likings of her friends.) She was also annoyed
because Ted's coming had followed so immediately on Wyndham's going. It
was her habit now, whenever she had seen Wyndham, to pass from the
reality of his presence into a reverie which revived the sense of it,
and Ted's arrival had interfered with this pastime. The first thing the
boy did, too, was to wound her tenderest susceptibilities. He began
playing with the books that lay beside her.
"What a literary cat it is!"
She frowned and drew in her breath quickly, as if in pain. He went on
turning over the pages--it was Wyndham's "London Legends"--with
irreverent fingers.
"I should very much like to know----" said Audrey to Ted, and stopped
short.
"What would you very much like to know, Puss?"
"What you saw in me, to begin with."
"I haven't the remotest idea--unless it was your intellect."
"I should also like to know," said Audrey to the teapot, "why people
fall in love?"
"The taste is either natural or acquired. Some take to it because they
like it; some are driven to it by a hereditary tendency or an unhappy
home. I do it myself to drown care."
"Will you have any tea?" asked Audrey, sternly.
"No, thank you, I won't."
She laughed, as she might have laughed at a greedy child for revenging
on its stomach the injury done to its heart. Poor Ted, he was fond of
chocolate cake too! She would have given anything at that moment if she
could have provoked him into quarrelling with her.
Instead of quarrelling, he stroked her beautiful hair as if she had been
some soft but irritable animal. He said he was sure her dear little head
was aching because she was so bad-tempered; he implored her not to eat
too much cake, and promised to call again another day, when he hoped to
find her better. So he left her, and went home with a dead weight at his
heart.
Towards evening his misery became so acute that he could no longer keep
it to himself. They were on the leads, in the long August twilight,
Katherine sitting with her back against the tall chimney, watching the
reflection of the sunset in the east, the boy lying at her feet, with
his heels in the air and his head in the nasturtiums. The time, the
place, the attitude were all favourable to confidences, and Ted wound up
his by asking Katherine what she thought of Audrey? Now was the moment
to rid herself of the burden that weighed on her; Ted might never be in
so favourable a mood again. She spoke very gently.
"Ted, I am going to hurt your feelings. I don't quite know how to tell
you what I think of her. She's not good enough for you, to begin
with----"
"I know she's not intelligent. She can't help that."
"And she's not affectionate. Oh, Ted, forgive me! but she doesn't love
you--she can't, it's not in her. She loves no one but herself."
"She _is_ a little selfish, but she can't help that either. It makes no
difference."
"So I fear. And then she's years older than you are, and you can't marry
for ages; don't you see how impossible it all is?"
Her voice thrilled with her longing to impress him with her own
conviction. His passion was wrestling with a ghastly doubt, but it was
of the kind that dies hard.
"Of course it's quite impossible now"--neither he nor Katherine
considered the question of Audrey's money, they had never thought of
it--"but, as she said herself, in five years' time, when she's thirty
and I'm twenty-five, the difference in our ages won't be so marked."
"It will be as marked as ever, even if your intellect grows at its
present rate of development."
"I've admitted that she's a little deficient in parts; and, as you
justly observe, stupidity, like death, is levelling. We should suit
each other exactly in time."
"Ah, if you can see that, why, oh why, did you fall in love with her?"
"_She_ asked me that this afternoon. I said it was because she was so
clever. It was because I was a fool--stupidity came upon me like a
madness--I wish to heaven I'd never done it. It's played the devil with
my chances. I was sitting calmly on the highroad to success, with my
camp-stool and my little portable easel, not interfering in the least
with the traffic, when she came along like a steam-roller, knocked me
down, crushed me, and rolled me out flat. I shall never recover my
natural shape; and as for the camp-stool and the portable easel--these
things are an allegory. But I love her all the same."
Katherine laughed in spite of herself, but she understood the allegory.
Would he ever recover his natural shape? To that end she was determined
to make him face the worst.
"Ted, what would you do, supposing--only supposing--she were to fling
you over for--for some one else?"
"I should blow my brains out, if I had any left. Verdict, suicide while
in a state of temporary insanity."
"Suicide of a genius! That would be a fine feather in Audrey's cap."
"She always had exquisite taste in dress. Besides, she's welcome to
it--or to any little trifle of the kind."
It was useless attempting to make any impression on him. She gave it up.
Ted, however, was so charmed with the idea of suicide that he spent the
rest of the evening discussing ways and means. He was not going to blow
his brains out, or to take poison in his bedroom, or do anything
disagreeable that would depreciate Mrs. Rogers's property. On the whole,
drowning was the cheapest, and would suit him best, if he could summon
up spirits for it. Only he didn't want to spoil the river for _her_. It
must be somewhere below London Bridge, say Wapping Old Stairs. Here
Katherine suggested that he had better go to bed.
He went, and lay awake all night in a half-fever. When Katherine went
into his room the next morning (ten o'clock had struck, and there was no
appearance of Ted), she found him lying in a deep sleep; one arm was
flung outside the counterpane, the hand had closed on a crumpled sheet
of paper. It was Audrey's last note of invitation--the baby had taken it
to bed with him.
"Poor boy--poor, poor Ted!"
But, for all her sympathy, love, the stupidity that comes on you like a
madness, was a thing incomprehensible to Katherine.