_Another Exhibitor (accompanied by Friend with Catalogue)._ I ain't
come across my Buck yet. He took a prize, I heerd. (_Stops at Cage._)
Ah, this looks like him.... Third Prize, yer see--not so bad, eh?
[_Chuckles._
_The Friend._ Hold on a bit! (_Refers to Catalogue._) "Number seven
'underd and two. PARTON. Buck. Eight months." _Your_ name ain't
PARTON.
_Exhib._ Then it's mine in the next. _Second_ Prize! Better'n Third,
that, ain't it?
_The Friend._ They've got _that_ down as PARTON'S too.
_Exhib._ Well, I _thought_ some'ow as----_this_ is him anyway. Look
'ere! _First_ Prize! And deserves it, though I sez it myself!
_Friend (not without a certain satisfaction)._ No--no, you're wrong
again. I'll show you where _you_ are. See. "Seven 'underd and five. W.
CROPPER. Buck. Ten months." _That's_ you!
_Exhib. (incredulously)._ That? that ain't never _my_ cream buck!
(_The rabbit remains wrapt in meditation._) I'll soon show yer.
(_Blows in rabbit's face. Mutual recognition. Tableau._) It _is_ my
buck! And only 'ighly commended! (_Recovering himself._) Well, I arsk
you if he oughtn't to ha' done the other--him as they've given the
First Prize to? Why, there ain't no comparison between them two
rabbits!
_The Cock (encouragingly)._ Crorky-rorky-roo!
_The Friend (losing all further interest)._ Well, it's all chance
like. Let's go and 'ave a look at them Lops.
_Crowd of Admirers around pen containing gigantic gander._
_First Admirer._ That's _WILKINSES'_ gander, that is.
_Second Admirer._ A fine-grown bird, I _will_ say.
[_Handsomely, as if he would hardly have expected such a person as
WILKINS to produce anything as good as THAT._
_Third Admirer._ Monster, ain't he? Why, yer might _ride_ on him!
_Small Child (pointing delightedly at the Gander)._ 'Ook, Mozzer,
pitty duck!
_Fond Parent (admiringly)._ I declare it's wonderful how quick he gets
the names--it _is_ a fine duck!
_The Cock (with a touch of correction)._ Crorky--rorky--roo!
_A Connoisseur (inspecting pigeon)._ Now, _there's_ a nice
pigeon--that _is_ a nice pigeon; but I tell yer what it is--he ain't
got the space to do hisself justice in there. Give him a bigger pen,
and a brick to stand on, and you'd soon see the difference!
_Fellow Conn._ They ought to ha' give him more room to show off his
tail in--else what's the good of a bird _'aving_ a tail, come to that?
_First Conn. (sententiously)._ Ah, you've 'it it.
_Competitor (apparently, unsuccessful)._ I say, (_with bitter
sarcasm_) 'Are yer seen the pair as take a Fust? Birds I wouldn't pick
up if I found 'em in the street--no, _that_ I wouldn't! Fust Prize to
them--hor-hor! Well, the world's comin' to a pretty pass, I must say!
Arter _that!_---- [_Eloquent aposiopesis._
_Amandus (tolerantly, to Amanda)._ Well, pidgings _are_ pretty much
alike, unless you've been brought up to know the differences. I 'ad a
_Uncle_ a breeder.
_Amanda (feeling that her ignorance is no longer a discredit)._ Then
_you'd_ know! [_They go out arm-in-arm, silent but sympathetic._
* * * * *
INTERIORS AND EXTERIORS. No. 52.
[Illustration: PLATFORM ORATORY. By Our Travelling Special.
[Our Politicians now, in humble imitation of the Great Original, are
adopting the fashion of making speeches from railway carriages,
or utilising the ten minutes allowed for refreshment by addressing
constituents on the platform. The Railway Companies, in order to
observe strict neutrality, should re-construct carriages to suit and
carry the political leaders, and should re-build or increase existing
stations on the line, so as to accommodate the public with various
"platforms."]]
* * * * *
"Enter-tainments" are not now so much the object of our Fireproof
Theatrical Managers as "Exit-tainments." At TERRY'S new theatre
everyone feels perfectly secure. It is only the Lessee, who always
appears terry-fied.
***
DEPARTURE OF DISTINGUISHED FURRY-NERS.--The _Standard_ said last week
that two thousand live rabbits were on the eve of being despatched
to British Columbia. Fifty thousand onions should be sent with them.
What's a Rabbit without onions? _L'Onion fait la force._
* * * * *