Not many days after my discourse with Philo the Alexandrine, when I
returned from the Great Library to my uncle’s house, a messenger was
waiting for me, bearing a letter from Rabbi Jonathan. Opening it I read
that my mother was suffering under a grievous disease, and being, as she
thought, nigh unto death, she would fain see me before she died. So I
straightway made all things ready for my journey, and having bidden
farewell to my uncle, I set sail on the morrow from Alexandria, and on the
fifth day arrived in Jerusalem; where, according to my mother’s desire, I
purposed to offer sacrifice unto the Lord, and to make vows for my
mother’s health.
The sun was well nigh set when I came to Jerusalem. But on the morrow, as
I went up to the Temple through the narrow ways, amid the throng of them
that sold oxen and sheep and doves, new thoughts and doubts rose in my
heart, such as I had never felt before when I had gone up to sacrifice
during the three great feasts. Methought the Lord must needs turn His face
from so much traffic and disorder and defilement of His Holy House. On
both sides of the gate Horæa, as far as Solomon’s porch, were shops of
merchants and stalls of money‐changers. Even in the Court of the Gentiles,
which is a part of the Temple itself, there were penned flocks of sheep
and oxen, with drovers and salesmen. Pilgrims and proselytes from all
parts pressed and thronged; buyer reviled seller, and seller buyer; from
the stalls of the money‐changers one might hear the clink of money mixed
with the sounds of contention. The stench also of so many cattle, being
increased by reason of the great heat, made the ill‐savour of the place
almost past bearing. Also I could not but marvel at the greediness of the
sellers. For the Chief Priests had let out the right of selling offerings
at a great price, to make profit thereof for themselves, insomuch that a
single dove was sold for a gold piece.
Then, again, when it came to the offering of the sacrifice, I must needs
wait for the space of an hour whilst others were offering up their
sacrifices; and the Levites and priests seemed all in haste, and did their
work rather as an handicraft than as worship; and many others were
sacrificing at the same time, and the cries and struggles of the victims,
and the smoke and reek of the fat, and the blood flowing on all sides,
caused the place to seem rather like a butcher’s shambles than like the
House of the Lord. Now all this I had known and seen aforetime, yet had I
never taken it to heart. But now there came to my mind certain words of
Philo touching the sect called the Essenes, how they worship the Lord with
an exceeding carefulness of purity: wherefore they think it not meet to
sacrifice the blood of beasts unto the Lord, but they offer up their own
hearts, purified so as to be a fit offering for Him. Also at this time
(perchance because I was but freshly come from the lecture‐rooms of the
philosophers of Alexandria, or belike because the Lord would have it so to
be, willing by easy degrees to open mine eyes, and to reveal unto me His
Messiah) so it was that I could think of naught but the words of Isaiah
the Prophet wherein the Lord saith, “I am full of the burnt offerings of
rams, and the fat of fed beasts, and I delight not in the blood of
bullocks, or of lambs, or of he‐goats.” These words, I say, so possessed
my soul that, even when the victim was being slain, I could not refrain
from repeating them to myself again and again; albeit against my will,
being fearful to pollute the sacrifice of the Lord. But though I made
shift to dissemble my trouble until the sacrifice was ended, for fear of
offending the priests, yet when I had returned to my lodging in the city,
I could not forbear weeping; for behold, all worship seemed as vanity, and
the children of men were in mine eyes as beasts of the field, void of
understanding and given over to all folly; and God was He that had made
them thus. Therefore I cried aloud in the fervency of my passion and said,
“It is written, ‘On three things the world is stayed: on the Law, and on
the Worship, and on the Bestowal of Kindnesses;’ and lo, I know not the
interpretation of the Law; and worship is naught but vanity; and as for
kindness, my heart is dry and empty of love, so that there is no kindness
in me.”
On the third day after the sacrifice, I came to Sepphoris. My mother was
so far recovered of her sickness that she was no longer despaired of by
the physicians. For the time, my joy thereat, and our rejoicing together
(because the Lord had suffered us to look on one another again) drove away
my former searchings of heart: which notwithstanding presently came back
upon me. My mother took a delight in my continual presence, and that I
should sit by her bed, expounding unto her passages of the Law; and many a
time, while I was doing this, she would make mention of the title
wherewith I had been honoured by Rabbi Jonathan, who had called me “the
plastered cistern.” But oftentimes it was not in my heart to find any
words of comfort or hope, and when my mother longed for the draughts of
the Law I felt that I was a dried‐up cistern, and no longer full.
At the last, on a certain morning, my mother, having (as I suppose) noted
my silence before, spake aloud reproving me, albeit gently, and saying,
“Why flow not the drops of refreshment from the plastered cistern as in
former days?” But I replied in haste, “Call me no longer, O my mother, a
cistern. For lo, I am become even as a strainer, which letteth out the
wine and keepeth in itself nothing but the dregs.” Then my mother wept
bitterly, thinking that she had angered me, and that I had spoken falsely;
and I also wept, partly for that I had made her weep, but still more
because my words were true.
Then went I forth hastily into the street; and meeting Jonathan the son of
Ezra, and Abuyah the son of Elishah, I accompanied them. And we came to
the well that is on the road to Nazareth, about a thousand paces from the
town, and there we sat down to rest. For a time we were silent. Then I
turned to Rabbi Jonathan and said, “Simeon the Just was of the remnant of
the Great Synagogue. He used to say, ‘On three things the world is stayed:
on the Law, and on the Worship, and on the Bestowal of Kindnesses.’ Now
there was a certain young man which observed the Law, and worshipped duly
in the temple. Also he clothed the naked, and buried them that lay
unburied, and fed the hungry: but there was no kindness in his heart. Is
such an one, therefore, in the path of righteousness?” Then Abuyah replied
at once, “He is righteous. For it is written concerning the statutes and
judgments of the Law of the Lord that whosoever doeth them shall live in
them; but whether he shall do them easily or with difficulty, or gladly or
sorrowfully, concerning this, behold, nothing is written.” But Jonathan
the son of Ezra was silent for a while, and said at last, “Antigonus of
Soko used to say, ‘Be not as slaves that minister to their lord with
intent to receive recompense; but be ye as slaves that minister to their
lord without thought of recompense; and let the fear of Heaven be upon
you.’”
Then I replied, “True, oh my Master; but ought not the love of Heaven as
well as the fear of Heaven to be upon us? For is it not said, ‘Learn for
love, and honour will come in the end’?” “Thou speakest well,” said
Jonathan, “and it is written also as the chief of all the commandments,
‘Thou shalt love the Lord thy God, and Him only shalt thou serve.’” Then I
said, “But what if a man feel no love of God in his heart? For I have met
lately certain of the Gentiles, yea, and some also of our own nation,
which have no love of God; whereof some even constantly say that there is
no God. Yea, and even in mine own heart arise strange questionings as to
whence I came into this world, and whither I am going, and before whom I
am to give account and reckoning.”
Then Abuyah brake forth again: “Joseph son of Simeon, busy not thyself
with questions that are too high for thee: for it is said ‘Whosoever shall
consider four things, what is above, below, before, behind, it were better
for him that he had not come into the world.’” “Yea, but,” said I,
smiling, “it is said by the Wise, ‘Consider three things, and thou wilt
not come into transgression, Know whence thou earnest; and whither thou
art going; and before whom thou art to give account and reckoning.’”
Hereat Abuyah arose hastily from his seat in sore displeasure, and he
said, “Child, thou hast defiled thyself by going to a city of the Gentiles
which is not a place of the Law; for it is said, ‘Two that sit together
without words of the Law are a session of scorners;’ and again, ‘Betake
thyself to a place of the Law, and say not that it shall come after thee,
for thine associates will confirm it unto thee: and lean not unto thine
own understanding.’ Howbeit, I thank thee, O Lord my God and God of my
fathers, that Thou hast cast my lot among them that do frequent the
schools and synagogues, and not among such as frequent the theatre and the
circus. For both I and they work and watch: I to inherit eternal life, but
they for eternal destruction.” So saying he departed, and left me alone
with Jonathan the son of Ezra.
Jonathan sat still by my side saying naught, but gazing up into the
heaven, or else upon the trees round about us. For all around us were
orange‐trees and pomegranate‐trees; the leaves thereof scarce to be seen
for the multitude of white and scarlet blossoms; for the spring was now
something worn. The fields also and the gardens and the hedges of cactus,
by reason of the rains, were of a marvellous verdure, even above their
wont. Behind us, at a little distance, stood a grove of olive‐trees,
wherein the doves made a pleasant murmuring: and birds of divers colours
fluttered to and fro around the well. Nigh over our heads there were
passing larger birds, flying in a long train towards the country of the
Lake; and far off I could discern an eagle, like a spot, high up in the
sky. Then Jonathan spake unto me and said, “My son, dost thou not remember
the words of the Psalmist, how he praiseth the name of God because ‘He
sendeth the springs into the valleys, which run among the hills. They give
drink to every beast of the field: the wild asses quench their thirst. By
them shall the fowls of the heaven have their habitation, which sing among
the branches. He causeth the grass to grow for the cattle and herb for the
service of man: that he may bring forth food out of the earth; and wine
that maketh glad the heart of man, and oil to make his face to shine, and
bread which strengthened man’s heart.’ Doth not the sight of all this
glory and beauty cause thee also to say with the Singer of Israel, ‘O
Lord, how manifold are Thy works! in wisdom hast Thou made them all’?”
But I made answer, in the bitterness of my heart, according to the words
of the same Psalm, saying, “Thou hidest Thy face, they are troubled: Thou
takest away their breath, they die, and return to their dust.” Then
Jonathan bowed his head and answered nothing, but I continued, “Did not
the same hand which made the dove make also yonder eagle to destroy the
dove? Did not the God which chose out Israel from among the Gentiles to
serve Him, choose out Rome also to rend Israel in pieces? Thou speakest
after the manner of Philo the Alexandrine, who saith that God revealeth
Himself to us through His Word in the universe. But verily He revealeth
Himself not so unto me. Nay rather, unsearchable are the paths of the
Creator in the universe, and His ways in the World are past finding out.”
Then the old man covered his face with his hands and wept; but soon
raising his head he said, “Is it seemly that a son of Abraham should have
so little trust in the Lord? Bethink thee of the times when the Holy
Temple was burned with fire, and Judah led into captivity: did not all the
Gentiles say in those days, ‘God hath forsaken them’? Yet did the Lord
save Israel out of the hand of the daughter of Babylon, and out of the
hand of the Assyrian and the Philistine, as also out of the hand of the
Egyptian, in the days of old. Commit thy way therefore unto the Lord, and
trust in Him, and He shall bring the word of His prophets to pass.
“Is not the Lord our God perchance even now on the point to stop the
mouths of them that complained? Is there not even now, after four hundred
years, a prophet again in Israel? But if the Lord sendeth unto us a
prophet after so long a time, as it were from the dead, surely it is like
that He hath some great redemption in store for Sion. Even during this
week have I heard that John the prophet, who hath these six months
prophesied of a Deliverer shortly to come, hath of late prophesied that
the Redeemer is even now amongst us; and some say that it is a certain
Jesus, the son of Joseph, of the town of Nazareth, one famous in word and
deed. This Jesus, as they report the matter, being baptized of John,
beheld a vision of the Lord; and in that instant the Spirit of the Lord
fell upon him; insomuch that, since that time, he both speaketh as a
prophet and worketh signs as a man of God. Moreover, I had speech but
yesterday with some that say he is come into Galilee, and is even now in
these parts. Who knoweth whether this may not be true? But whether it be
true or false, trust thou in the Lord God of Abraham and of Isaac and
Jacob, whose arm is not shortened, and who is not a man that He should
lie.”
For an instant, my heart leaped up at the mention of the name of that
Jesus whom I had seen in the house of the father of Raphael; but then it
seemed not possible that one of so gentle an aspect should be the Redeemer
of Israel. Howbeit, I asked Jonathan concerning the vision that had been
reported to have been seen of Jesus; and he told me that it had not been a
vision of flames of fire, nor of angels, nor of thrones, nor of seraphim,
nor any such vision as had been seen of the prophets in times past, but a
vision of a dove descending from heaven. Hereat I marvelled and I said, as
I remember, in the bitterness and folly of my heart, that the times needed
an eagle, and, lo, the new prophet brought a dove.
But Jonathan rose up from his seat to depart, and paying no heed to my
last words, he spake kindly unto me and said, “If thy heart inclineth
thee, my child, to prove whether there be any avail for thee in a life of
contemplation, and whether thou mayest thereby attain peace; wherefore
goest thou not unto the village of Jotapata where the Essenes dwell?
Menahem the son of Barachiah is their chief ruler, a man that followeth
after holiness and seeth things to come; who, being my friend, will for my
sake receive thee kindly. Finally my child, offer up prayers unto God and
pour forth thy troubles before Him; neither think too evil of thyself nor
give place unto dark thoughts; and let not thy prayers be uttered at set
times and in set words, but let them express thy heart’s desire, according
as it is said, ‘Make not thy prayer an ordinance, but an entreaty before
Him who filleth all space (blessed is He).’ Think not also too evil of
thine own heart; but remember the saying, ‘Be not wicked unto thyself.’
And now farewell, for I must needs go back to the city.”
Saying these words, the old man departed and left me still sitting by the
well. But, as it was not yet the third hour of the day (and the Essene
village was distant not much more than a two hours’ journey, or three
hours’ at the most), it came into my mind that I would hearken unto the
voice of Jonathan, and visit the village of the Essenes that very day. So
I arose straightway and set out on my journey. I rested often during the
heat of the day, for I was weary with long watching and fasting; but a
little before noontide, I was come to the top of the mountain which
looketh down upon the village.
Then I looked, and lo, in the valley the Essenes busy at their labours,
even as the ants that move to and fro in an ant‐hill; and as near as I
could conjecture, they were to the number of three or four hundred thus
labouring together. But as I looked, behold, a sound as of one proclaiming
the hour of prayer; and lo, the fields were empty, neither was any one
anywhere to be seen. Presently they appeared again in white robes
thronging to the house of prayer. Then a sound, as of psalms sung by many
voices, rose up to my ears, and filled my heart with a deep peace. I
waited for the space of nearly an hour, till the assembly had broken up,
returning in their white robes to their several cottages. When I had
beheld all this, my heart rejoiced, and I said, “If only all Israel could
thus return to the Lord, then would the dough be no longer corrupt with
leaven, according to the saying; and the wrath of the Lord would be turned
from His people.” But then came into my mind the saying of Philo, that the
virtue towards man must come before the virtue towards God. I remembered
also that which I had often before heard of the Essenes, how they neither
marry nor give in marriage, but replenish their community by adopting the
children of others and by admitting of strangers into their number. Then I
bethought myself that if all the children of Israel should become Essenes,
Israel would speedily perish; neither could there be any Redemption. For
even now, though there had been Essenes these thirty or forty years, or
even more, yet did they number no more than three thousand or four
thousand men in all Israel; and of these almost all lived in the country,
avoiding towns for fear of defilement, and exceeding even the Pharisees in
the strictness wherewith they observe Sabbaths and obey the precepts of
the Law (save only in the matter of sacrifice). So, as I looked down upon
the village, and round upon the hills which shut it in and hid it from the
sight of men, the proverb came to my mind which sayeth that “a city that
is set upon a hill cannot be hid:” but said I, “the city of the Essenes
lieth in a valley.” Then I turned my back upon the place and would not go
down to see Menahem, but set out to return to Sepphoris.
But as I went, my burden grew heavier than I could bear, and I cried unto
the Lord in the sore grief of my heart. For all Israel seemed unto me even
as sheep without a shepherd, a nation given over to servitude. For behold,
the Scribes, and Lawyers, and all the Pharisees, had set their thought on
vanity, and fed the people with chaff and not with wheat. Yea, they
despised the poor and simple, and said that the “people of the land” could
not attain to the knowledge of the Law. But as for the Priests and
Sadducees, they were given over to the pursuit of wealth and to the
pleasures of this world. And last of all, these Essenes were as naught
save for themselves alone. For they took for their watchword the saying,
“Withdraw thyself from an evil neighbour and consort not with the wicked:”
therefore were they of no avail to the sinners of my people. For albeit
that saying of Hillel was often in their mouths, which saith, “Be of the
disciples of Aaron, loving peace and pursuing peace;” yet did they forget
the last words of that saying, which bid us also to “love mankind and
bring men nigh unto the Law.” For the Essenes bring no man nigh unto the
Law save themselves only.
But when I came in my journey back to the well where Rabbi Jonathan and I
had discoursed together, then did my despair so weigh upon me that I could
not so much as cry unto the Lord; for the Lord seemed as one that heard
not; and even as I had made a circle in my journey that day, and was now
come back to the same place whence I had set forth at the first, and all
in vain, even so did I seem to have journeyed these many years in a circle
of vain thoughts, searching and groping after God; and all for naught.
“For,” said I, “I have gone from the Scribes of Galilee to the teaching of
John the Prophet, and from John the Prophet to the wisdom of the Greeks,
and from the wisdom of the Greeks to the teaching of Philo the Wise; and
yet seem I no nearer to God than before, but even where I was at the
first. And they which did profess to guide, have been unto me as no
guides. Therefore the foundations of my life are broken up, and the rock
of my trust is become as unstable as water. Whithersoever I look, I see no
one to avenge, no one to deliver; for the ways of the world are crooked,
and sin is stronger than righteousness.”
Then a Voice of the Lord spake unto me, and rebuked me in that, albeit I
compassed sea and land in search of guides, and had made much of them
which explain the Law and the Prophets, yet I had not given myself so
zealously to the true guides of Israel, even the Prophets themselves, of
whom John the son of Zachariah was one. Now they all with one consent
prophesied of a day of Redemption, and of a Redeemer; and without a
Redeemer their prophecies seemed maimed and void of fulfilment. Moreover
John the son of Zachariah had prophesied that the Redeemer should come
speedily, and that the rough places should be made smooth, and the crooked
places straight; and Jonathan the son of Ezra had spoken as if the
Redeemer were even now among us, yea in our own country of Galilee. So
falling on my face before the Lord, I besought the Almighty (blessed is
He) to make no long tarrying, but to have mercy upon me and either to take
away my life, or else to send the Redeemer unto me, even me, and to grant
me His salvation.
But as I arose, there came one behind me unperceived and touched my
shoulder; and he said unto me, “Wherefore weepest thou?” I started at his
voice, for there was a power in it; but I looked not up for weeping, but
made answer and said, “Because of the yoke of the Law; for it is written
‘Whoso receiveth upon him the yoke of the Law, THEY remove from him the
yoke of oppression and the yoke of the path of the world.’ But it is not
so with me. For from a child I have settled my heart to study the Law, and
to take upon me the yoke thereof, yet have I not attained to the knowledge
thereof. But the yoke of the world and the yoke of the oppression of
Israel weigheth heavily upon me.” Then he that spake said unto me, “Cast
away the heavy yoke and take upon thee the light yoke.”(2) So I looked up,
marvelling at such words, and behold, it was not the face of a stranger,
for I knew it; and yet again I knew it not, neither could I bring to mind
the name of him that spake to me. But I saw strength in his countenance,
and his face was as the morning‐star in brightness; and I rejoiced with a
great joy, for I knew that the Lord had sent unto me a teacher to guide my
feet into the path of life. So I replied, “What yoke, O Master?” And he
answered and said, “Take my yoke upon thee, and learn of me; for I am meek
and lowly of heart.” When I heard that, I was speechless and as one
astonied to hear such a saying, which seemed in part the words of a king,
and in part the words of a child. But when speech came back to me, I said,
“My heart is afflicted because of the wonder of the ways of the Lord, and
because His paths are past finding out.” But he answered, “They that
wonder shall reign, and they that reign shall rest.”(3) Now I perceived
not all the meaning of his words at the time; but thus much I did most
clearly perceive, that here was one that could guide me through all
wonderment and perplexity, even unto the haven of rest. But a sudden fear
fell upon me that peace would depart from my soul, if my Master should
depart; therefore with many entreaties I besought him to tarry that night
at my mother’s house. So when he had consented we straightway went to the
city. But, as we went, my mind still beat upon the thought that I had seen
my Master’s countenance before; yet could I not call to mind the when and
where.
But even as we entered into the house, behold, my mother was crying aloud,
being tormented beyond measure by her disease: and when my Master heard
it, he asked who cried thus, and I answered and told him concerning my
mother’s condition. Then straightway he desired to go into the upper
chamber where she lay; and having gone in, he looked steadfastly at her,
and took her by the hand, and said, as one having authority, “Arise:” and
immediately my mother arose and went about as one whole. Now it came to
pass, that when he looked steadfastly at my mother, even in that instant I
knew his face, that it was the face of the stranger that had looked after
the like manner upon Raphael the son of Joazar, even the face of Jesus of
Nazareth; and then also in that same instant it was borne to my mind that
this was he of whom Jonathan had spoken, concerning whom John the son of
Zachariah had prophesied, saying that he was the Messiah of Israel: and I
marvelled that I had not known him before; but I perceived that, albeit
the same, yet was he not the same; so great a glory and a brightness, as
of power from heaven, now reigned in his countenance. All this, I say, I
perceived even when he was gazing on my mother; but I durst not for my
life speak to him then. But when my mother was made whole and arose from
her bed, then straightway I fell down on my knees and bowed before him;
and I spake also to my mother all the words of Jonathan the son of Ezra,
how that John had affirmed my Master to be the Redeemer of Israel: and I
believed, and my mother also, and all our household.
On the morrow, when I would fain have accompanied Jesus to Capernaum (for
he was journeying thither), he suffered me not, but said that he must
needs go to Capernaum alone; but I was to remain for nine days at
Sepphoris with my mother, and on the tenth day I might go down to
Capernaum. But he suffered me to go with him about twelve or thirteen
furlongs out of the town, and there I was to bid him farewell.
He did not speak many words to me by the way; but what I noted especially
in him (as being that wherein he differed from all my former teachers) was
that he spake not according to rule, nor out of any books, nor traditions,
but as it were out of himself. For he taught as one having authority.
There was also yet another difference. For most of the Pharisees were wont
to walk with their faces turned up to the sky, or else with their eyes
half shut, repeating, as they went, certain passages of the Law, or
prayers, or precepts of the Elders; and if they met women they would avoid
them; and of children also they took no note, except it were to instruct
them or question them in the Law and the Traditions; moreover they walked
with a sour and austere countenance. But Jesus was in all respects
different from these. For he looked on all things, and in all things
seemed to see joy and gladness, taking note even of the smallest matters,
such as the flowers of the field, and the birds of the air, and also of
the trees, and the cornfields. Moreover, as often as we met women on the
way, he saluted them courteously and shunned them not.
But most marvellous of all, in my judgment, was the manner of his dealing
with children. For so it was, as I remember, that when we were passing by
a hamlet, about six furlongs from Sepphoris, a little child ran out from
the door of a house, even under the feet of our asses, insomuch that we
had much ado to prevent the asses from trampling down the child. But when
I rebuked the child somewhat vehemently, Jesus chid me; and presently,
after we had ridden on awhile in silence, he turned to me and bade me
always have respect unto little children; “For,” said he, “their angels do
always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.” Then he added
words still stranger and harder for me to understand, that “Except a man
were born again and become as a little child, he could in no wise enter
into the Kingdom of Heaven.”
But I returned, marvelling greatly at his words and pondering them in my
mind. For I could in no wise perceive how we could redeem Israel and drive
out the Tetrarch from Tiberias, and the Romans from Jerusalem, and set up
the Kingdom of God, and all this by becoming as little children.