"Time to deal finally with Tino," announced an evening paper last
week, thereby doing a great deal to allay a disquieting impression
that the matter was to be left to eternity.
***
"KING CONSTANTINE," says the _Berliner Tageblatt_, "has as much right
to be heard as a common criminal." We agree, though few of his friends
have put it quite so bluntly.
***
The _Lokalanzeiger_ devotes three columns of a recent issue to the
advantages of the British blockade as a compulsory refiner of the
German figure. A still more desirable feature of it, which the
_Lokalanzeiger_ omits to draw attention to, is its efficacy in
reducing the German swelled head.
***
We know of no finer example of the humility of true greatness than the
KAISER'S decision to allow the War to continue.
***
A Berlin newspaper says that after the coronation of the EMPEROR KARL
at Budapest one of the jewels was missed from the Crown. Fortunately
for the relations between the two Empires, the German CROWN PRINCE is
in a position to prove an _alibi_.
***
To facilitate the delivery of milk, a certain Dairymen's Association
has suggested to the Food Controller that they should have recourse to
a pool. In most districts, however, recourse will be had as usual to
***
Lord RHONNDA'S appeal to the public to keep tame rabbits has been
enthusiastically taken up by all the smart people, and enterprising
_maisons_ are already offering driving coats, sleeping baskets and
silk pyjamas for the little pets at prices ranging from two guineas
upwards.
***
The tallest giraffe in the world has just died at the Zoo. The animal
came from Kordofan, where, Mr. POCOCK tells us, all the really tall
ones have been told.
***
It is reported that General VON BISSING is retiring from Belgium as
his health shows no signs of improvement. The blood baths he has been
taking have not afforded the expected relief.
***
It was stated at a London Tribunal that the War Office has just given
a contract for 2,400 waste-paper baskets. If further evidence was
required of our unshakable determination to carry the War to a
successful conclusion, it is surely provided by this indication of the
extent to which the public are helping the War Office with suggestions
as to how to win it.
***
Attention has been called to the waste of time and money involved in
the calling of grand juries where there are only one or two trifling
cases to be tried, and it is suggested that they might be able to
combine their juridical functions with some useful employment. A
correspondent who signs himself "Lifer" points out to us that the
grand jurymen he has met are just the men the nation needs for the
Tribunals if the combing-out process is to be effectual.
***
A man who was to have appeared before the Law Society Tribunal excused
himself on the ground that he was suffering from melancholia, and
regret was expressed by the military representative that he should
have been misinformed as to the nature of the entertainment.
***
The admission of a Stuttgart professor that trousers are a German
invention has given the liveliest satisfaction to our Highland
regiments, who have long had an intuitive feeling that the Hun
was guilty of even blacker crimes than those of which we had been
officially informed.
***
A "Longer Course for Cadets" is announced by a morning paper. The
Food Controller is to be asked to make public his reasons for this
obviously unfair discrimination between soldiers.
***
Men's wear, it is reported, will be twenty-five per cent. dearer this
year than last, but a good example in economy is rumoured to have been
set by a well-known actor manager, who now only wears a crease in one
leg of his trousers.
***
A burglar who broke into a Manchester wine stores made off with a
large sum of money, but none of the wine was taken. This once again
proves that total abstinence is absolutely essential to business
success.
***
Consternation has been caused among the pessimists (who have declared
that this will be a long War) by the recent statement of M. Louis
RABOURDIN, the French scientist, that in five thousand years the world
will be uninhabited.
***
A solicitor has been arrested in Ireland under the Defence of the
Realm Act for refusing to give away the confidential correspondence
of his client. The suggestion that a lawyer should be required to
give away anything has aroused a storm of indignant protest in both
branches of the profession.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Lady_ (_who has been damaged by motor-car_). "I SEZ TO
THE SHOVER, I SEZ, 'YOU MAY 'AVE AN ENGLISH NIME, BUT YOUR CONDUCK'S
TOOTON.'"]
* * * * *
"ARGENTINE MEAT SHIPMENTS.
The only shipment of mutton to the Continent during the week
was 18,000 quarters of beef to France."--_Sheffield Daily
Telegraph_.
Even the oxen in neutral countries are feeling a little sheepish.
* * * * *
"A large section of the city will find its water supply rather
intermittent in consequence of a burst of the Rivington water
main at Twig-lane, Huyton, near Prescot. The main has an
internal diameter of forty-four miles."--_Liverpool Paper_.
What an awful bore!
* * * * *
"SEVENTEEN-YEAR LOCUSTS TO APPEAR NEXT SUMMER.
State Collee, Pa, Dec. 11.--The 17-yearg lgocgugsgt is due to
appear agagingg gnext summer, according to C.H. Hadley, Jr.,
an entomo-legeggggbmn TTMMggggob rr . . j Eas logist at the
Pennsylvania State College."--_Erie Daily Times_.
The news has had a decidedly discomposing effect already.
* * * * *
"A gamble with death in the Strand--seeing that the stake
is precisely the same--should be quite as enthralling as a
hairbreadth 'scape on the plains of Texas, even though
the gambler wears a top-hat instead of sheepskin
trousers."--_Manchester Guardian_.
The writer understates the case. The substitution of a top-hat for
trousers would add a piquancy of its own to the situation.
* * * * *