In the morning, when Lucia woke, her note to Maurice lay on the open
desk, where she had left it, and was the first thing to remind her of
what she had heard and done. She went and took it up to destroy it, but
laid it down again irresolutely.
"I do want him," she said to herself. "Without any nonsense, I ought to
see him again before he does anything. I ought to tell him I am sorry
for being so cross and ungrateful; and if he were married, or even
engaged, I could not do it; it would be like confessing to a stranger."
There was something very like a sob, making her throat swell as she
considered. He would perhaps see them again, Mr. Leigh said. Ought she
to trust to that chance? But then her courage might fail if he came
over just like any ordinary visitor; and her young cousins from Chester
were coming; and if they should be there, it would be another hindrance.
"And, oh! I must see him again," she said, "and find out whether we are
not to be brother and sister any more."
She said "brother and sister" still, as she had done long ago; but she
knew very well in her heart now, that _that_ had never been the
relationship Maurice desired. And so she tore her note into little bits,
and remained helpless, but rebelling against her helplessness. In this
humour she went to her mother's room.
Mrs. Costello was not yet up. Lucia knelt down by the bedside, and laid
Mr. Leigh's letter beside her.
"Mamma, I am very sorry," she said; "I think Mr. Leigh must have been
very unhappy before he would write to you so."
"I agree with you. He is not a man to take fright without cause,
either."
"Why do you say, 'to take fright?'"
"Why do I say so? Are you such a child still, that you cannot understand
a man like Maurice, always so tender towards women--Quixotically so,
indeed--making himself believe that he is doing quite right in marrying
a poor girl in Miss Landor's position, when, in fact, he is doing a
great wrong? It is a double wrong to her and to himself; and one for
which he would be certain to suffer, whether she did or not. And, Lucia
I must say it, whatever evil may come of it, now or in the future, is
our fault."
"Oh, mamma! mamma, don't say 'our'--say 'your'--if it is mine--for
certainly it is not yours."
"I will say your fault, then; I believe you feel it so."
"But, mamma, really and truly, is it anybody's fault? Don't people often
love those who can't care for them in return?"
"Really and truly, quite honestly and frankly, Lucia, was that the case
with you?"
Lucia's eyes fell. She could not say yes.
"I will tell you," Mrs. Costello went on, "what I believe to be the
truth, and you can set me right if I am wrong. You knew that Maurice had
always been fond of you--devoted to you, in a way that had come by use
to seem natural; and it had never entered your mind to think either how
much of your regard he deserved, or how much he really had. I will not
say anything about Percy; but I do believe," and she spoke very
deliberately, laying her hand on Lucia's, "that since Maurice went away,
you have been finding out that you had made a mistake, and that your
heart had not been wrong nearly so much as your imagination."
Lucia was still silent. If she had spoken at all, it must have been to
confess that her mother was right, and that was not easy to do. Whatever
suspicions she might have in her own heart, it was a mortifying thing to
be told plainly that her love for Percy was a mistake--a mere
counterfeit--instead of the enduring devotion which it ought to have
been. But she was very much humbled now, and patiently waited for what
her mother might say next.
"Well!" Mrs. Costello began again, "it is no use now to go on talking of
the past. The question is rather whether anything can be done for the
future. What do you say?"
"What can I say, mamma? What can I do?"
"I don't know. Maurice used to tell me of his plans, but he is not
likely to do that now. I would write and ask him to come over, but it is
more than doubtful whether he would come."
"He promised that if ever I wanted him he would come," Lucia said,
hesitating.
"If you were in need of him I am sure he would, but it would be a kind
of impertinence to send for him on that plea when it was not really for
that."
"But it _is_. Mamma, don't be angry with me again! Don't be disgusted
with me; but I want, so badly, to see him and tell him I behaved
wrongly. I was so cross, so ungrateful, so _horrid_, mamma, that it was
enough to make him think all girls bad. I should _like_ to tell him how
sorry I am; I feel as if I should never be happy till I did."
When, after this outbreak, Lucia's face went down upon her hands, Mrs.
Costello could not resist a little self-gratulatory smile. 'All may come
right yet,' she thought to herself, 'if that wilful boy will only come
over.'
"I think you are right," she said aloud. "Possibly he may come over, and
then you will have an opportunity of speaking to him, perhaps."
"Yes," Lucia said, very slowly, thinking of her note, and of the comfort
it would have been if she _could_ but have sent it. "Oh, mamma, if we
were but in England!"
"Useless wishes, dear. Give me your advice about writing to Mr. Leigh."
"You will write, will you not?"
"I suppose I must. Yet it is a difficult letter for me to answer."
"Could not you just say 'I will do what I can?'"
"Which is absolutely nothing--unless Maurice should really pay us a
visit here, a thing not likely at present."
So the conversation ended without any satisfaction to Lucia. Nay, all
her previous days had been happy compared to this one. She was devoured
now, by a restless, jealous curiosity about that Miss Landor whom Mr.
Leigh feared--she constantly found her thoughts reverting to this
subject, however she might try to occupy them with others, and the
tumult of her mind reacted upon her nerves. She could scarcely bear to
sit still. It rained all afternoon and evening, and she could not go
out, so that in the usual course of events she would have read aloud to
her mother part of the time, and for the other part sat by the window
with her crochet in her hand, but to-day she wandered about perpetually.
She even opened the piano and began to sing her merriest old songs, but
that soon ceased. She found the novel they were reading insufferably
stupid, and took up a volume of Shakespeare for refreshment, but it
opened naturally to the 'Merchant of Venice,' and, to the page where
Portia says:--
"Though for myself alone,
I would not be ambitious in my wish,
To wish myself much better, yet for you
I would be trebled twenty times myself;
A thousand times more fair, ten thousand times more rich;
That only to stand high on your account,
I might in virtues, beauties, livings, friends,
Exceed account."
She shut the book--yes, this was a true woman, who for true love thought
herself and all she possessed too little to give in return; but for the
little, foolish, blind souls that could not see till too late, what
_was_ true love, she was no fit company.
The evening passed on wearily, and Mrs. Costello, who had her own share
of disquiet also, though it was mixed with a little amusement at the
impetuosity of these young people, who were so dear to her and so
troublesome, did very little in the way of consolation.
Next day, the weather had cleared again, and was very lovely. In the
afternoon, Lucia persuaded Mrs. Costello to go with her to the beach.
There they got chairs, and sat for a long while enjoying the gay, and
often comical, scene round them. Numbers of people were bathing, and
beside the orthodox bathers, there was a party of little boys wading
about with bare legs, and playing all sorts of pranks in the water.
A little way to the left of where they sat, there was a curious kind of
wooden pier, which ran far away out into the sea and terminated in a
small square wooden building. The whole thing was raised on piles about
five or six feet above the present level of the water which flowed
underneath it. The pier itself, in fact, was only a narrow bridge or
footpath railed partly on one side only, partly on both, and with an
oddly unsafe and yet tempting look about it. Lucia had been attracted by
it before, and she drew her mother's attention to it now--
"Look, mamma," she said, "does not it seem as if one could almost cross
the Channel on it, it goes so far out. See that woman, now--I have
watched since she started from this end, and now you can scarcely
distinguish her figure."
"There is a priest coming along it--is it not Father Paul?"
"I do believe it is. I wish he would come and talk to you for a little
while, and then I would go."
"You need not stay for that, dear. I shall sit here alone quite
comfortably, if you wish to go out there."
"I should like very much to go. I want to see what the sea looks like
away from the beach. There is no harm, is there?"
"None whatever. Go, and I will watch you."
Lucia rose to go.
"It _is_ Father Paul," she said, "and he is coming this way."
She lingered a minute, and the priest, who had recognized them, came up.
Mrs. Costello told him of Lucia's wish to go out on the pier, and he
assured her she would enjoy it.
"The air seems even fresher there than here," he said; and she went off,
and left him and her mother together.
For a few minutes they talked about the weather, the sea, and the people
about them, as two slight acquaintances would naturally do; but then,
when there had been a momentary pause, Father Paul startled Mrs.
Costello, by saying,
"Last night, madam, you told me of persons I had not heard of for
years--this morning, strangely enough, I have met with a person of whom
you probably know something--or knew something formerly."
"I?" she answered. "Impossible! I know no one in France."
"This is not a Frenchman. He is named Bailey, an American, I believe."
"Bailey?" Mrs. Costello repeated, terrified. "Surely he is not here?"
"There is a man of that name here--a miserable ruined gambler, who says
that he knows Moose Island, and once travelled in Europe with a party of
Indians."
"And what is he doing now?"
"Nothing. He is the most wretched, squalid object you can imagine. He
came to me this morning to ask for the loan of a few francs. He had not
even the honesty to beg without some pretence of an intention to pay."
"Is he so low then as to need to beg?"
"Madame, he is a gambler, I repeat it. If he had a hundred francs
to-night, he would most likely be penniless to-morrow morning."
"And he claimed charity from you because of your connection with
Canada?"
"Exactly. Having no other plea. I was right, madame: you know this man?"
"He was my bitterest enemy!" she answered, half rising in her vehemence.
"But for him I might have had a happy life."
Father Paul looked shocked.
"Forgive me," he said, in a troubled voice, "I am grieved to have spoken
of him."
"On the contrary, I am thankful you did so. If I had met him by chance
in the street, I believe he could not change so much that I should not
know him, and he--"
She stopped, then asked abruptly,
"You did not mention me?"
"Most assuredly not."
"Yet he might recognise me. What shall I do?"
She was speaking to herself, and not to her companion now, and she
looked impatiently towards the pier where Lucia was slowly coming back.
Presently she recovered herself a little, and asked a few more
questions about Bailey. She gathered from the answers that he had been
some time at Bourg-Cailloux, getting gradually more poverty-stricken and
utterly disreputable. That he was now wandering about without a home, or
money even for gambling. She knew enough of the man to be certain that
under such circumstances he would snatch at any means of obtaining
money, and what means easier, if he only knew it, than to threaten and
persecute her. And at any moment he might discover her--her very
acquaintance with Father Paul might betray her to him. She cast a
terrified look over all the groups of people on the beach, half
expecting to see the well-remembered features of Bailey among them; but
he was not there. Close by her, however, stood Lucia, and at a little
distance the carriage, which had been ordered to fetch them, was just
drawing up.