FAMILY LIFE.
The words Family--Home--Household--all express one idea. They imply a
relationship existing between certain individuals, a circle or sphere
separate from the mass of human beings, within which there are special
duties to be performed and a special life has to be lived. It is not
necessary to define particularly what is meant by the word Family, for
it is well understood by all of us.
Family life is peculiar to man.--The lower animals have nothing in all
respects resembling it. In some particulars their mode of life
occasionally approaches it, but not in all. The birds of the air, for
instance, care tenderly for their offspring, but when these come to
maturity the relation between them and their parents comes to an end.
The family relation on the other hand lasts through life, and is only
broken by the hand of death, if even then. The family has been
instituted by God for the welfare of man. The condition in which we
come into the world requires it--our training for the work of life
demands it--it is specially adapted to promote the great ends of human
existence.
Family life is that which most truly leaves its mark upon us.--In the
family habits are formed which make us what we are for the rest of our
life. Home influences accompany us to the very end of our journey.
Let any one ask himself what are the chief sources of his virtues, and
he will feel that a large proportion of them are derived directly or
indirectly from association with his fellow-creatures in the family.
The training of parents, the affection and influence of mothers and
sisters, powerfully and lastingly affect our intellectual and moral
nature. From a wise father we learn more than from all our teachers.
When a celebrated artist, Benjamin West, was asked "What made him a
painter?" his reply was, "It was my mother's kiss." "I should have
been an atheist," said a great American statesman, "if it had not been
for one recollection, and that was the memory of the time when my
departed mother used to take my little hand in hers, and caused me on
my knees to say, 'Our Father, who art in heaven.'" On the other hand,
those who have been so unfortunate as to have had an unhappy home
rarely emancipate themselves from the evil effects of their upbringing.
If they do, it is after the severest struggle. "The child," it has
been said, "is the father of the man," and it is in the family the
child receives his first impressions for good or for evil. The world
he first lives in is his home.
Family life supplies a great test of character.--When Whitefield was
asked whether a certain person was a Christian, he replied, "I do not
know. I have never seen him at home." People are often one thing in
the world and another in their own family. In the close intercourse of
the home circle they exhibit themselves in their true colors. A man
who is a good son or a good brother is generally found to be a good
man. If he is a source of evil in his own home, in his intercourse
with the world he will, sooner or later, be found wanting.
It is beyond the scope of this book to dwell at length upon the duties
incumbent on the various members of a family. It may be sufficient to
indicate generally the feelings which should animate the young persons
who belong to it. Probably most of those into whose hands this manual
will come are members of a family. What should therefore be their
conduct at home is a question that well deserves their consideration.
1. _Obedience_ is the fundamental principle of family life. Every
family has a head, and that head must rule. "Order is heaven's first
law." Where there is no obedience there can be no order in a family.
The first form of authority which is placed before the child is that of
the parent, and to the parent he has to be subject. "Children," says
the apostle, "obey your parents in all things, for this is well
pleasing unto the Lord." Even for those members of a family who have
grown out of the state of childhood obedience must be the rule, though
in their case it is not to be, as in the case of the child,
unquestioning obedience, but is to be founded on reason, affection and
gratitude. With them obedience takes the form of reverence, or, to use
a more familiar word, respect. The child is bound to obey his parent
without hesitation or reply; the young man who has entered into greater
liberty than the child will still respect his parents' wishes and
cherish reverence for their authority. This feeling on his part is
termed in the Scriptures _Honor_. "Honor thy father and thy mother" is
one of the Ten Commandments, and can never cease to be included among
moral and religious obligations. It is opposed to everything like
unseemly familiarity, discourtesy of treatment, insolence in reply, or
deliberate defiance. It implies respect for age and experience, and a
sense of the great sacrifices a parent has made for his children's
welfare. It is said that in our time the bonds of parental authority
are being loosened, and that young men do not regard their parents with
the deference that once was invariably shown towards them; that they do
little to smooth the path of life for them when they grow old and weak,
and are more ready to cast them on the public charity than to
contribute to their support. Such a state of things would be shameful,
if true. It would indicate a corruption of social life at the
fountain-head that must lead to serious consequences. The family is
the nursery both of the State and of the Church, and where the purity
and well-being of family life is impaired, both State and Church are
sure to suffer. There should be therefore an earnest and prayerful
endeavor upon the part of the young to cherish towards their parents
that loving sense of their superiority which is implied in the word
Honor. "Let them learn first," says St. Paul (1 Tim. v. 4), "to show
piety at home, and to requite their parents; for that is good and
acceptable before God." There can be no more pleasing memory for a
young man to have than this, that he has been a dutiful son; none more
bitter than this, that he has set at defiance, or neglected, those to
whom he owes so much.
2. _Affection_ is the atmosphere that should pervade the household.
"Without hearts," it has been truly said, "there is no home." A
collection of roots, and trunk, and branches, and leaves, do not make a
tree; neither do a number of people dwelling together make a home. "A
certain number of animal lives that are of prescribed ages, that eat
and drink together, by no means makes a family. Almost as well might
we say that it is the bricks of a house that make a home. There may be
a home in the forest or in the wilderness, and there may be a family
with all its blessings, though half its members be in other lands or in
another world. It is the gentle memories, the mutual thought, the
desire to bless, the sympathies that meet when duties are apart, the
fervor of the parents' prayers, the persuasion of filial love, the
sister's pride and the brother's benediction, that constitute the true
elements of domestic life and sanctify the dwelling." [1] These
beautiful words are true. It is love that makes home. The dweller, in
a distant land sends again and again his thoughts across the sea, and
reverts with fond affection to the place of his birth. It may be a
humble cottage, but to him it is ever dear because of the love which
dwelt there and united those who dwelt there by ties that distance
cannot sever. Even the prodigal in the matchless parable of our Lord,
herding with the swine and eating of their husks, was led to a higher
and a better life by the remembrance of his father's house. A home
without love is no home, any more than a body without a soul is a man.
It is only a corpse.
3. _Consideration_ for those with whom we live in the family is the
chief form which affection takes. Each member has to remember, not his
own comfort and wants, but the comfort and wants of those with whom he
dwells. His welfare as an individual he must subordinate to the
welfare of the household. There are various forms which want of
consideration takes, and all of them are detestable. (_a_) Tyranny,
where the strong member of a family insists on the service of those
weaker than himself. (_b_) Greed, where one demands a larger share of
comfort, food, or attention than that which falls to the others. (_c_)
Indolence, where one refuses to take his proper part in the maintenance
of the family, spending his wages, perhaps, on his own pleasures, and
yet expecting to be provided for by the labor of the rest. (_d_)
Discourtesy, where, by his language and manners, he makes the others
unhappy, and, perhaps, by his outbursts of temper fills the whole house
with sadness. (_e_) Obstinacy, which will have its own way, whether
the way be good or not. All these forms of selfishness are violations
of the true law of family life, and render that life impossible. In
the family, more than in any other sphere, everyone should bear the
burdens of others. Everyone should seek, not his own, but another's
welfare, and the weak and feeble should receive the attention of all.
4. _Pleasantness_ should be the disposition which we should specially
cultivate at home. If we have to encounter things that annoy and
perhaps irritate us in the outer world, we should seek to leave the
irritation and annoyance behind when we cross the threshold of our
dwelling. Into it the roughness and bluster of the world should never
be permitted to come. It should be the place of "sweetness and light,"
and every member may do something to make it so. It is a bad sign when
a young man never cares to spend his evenings at home--when he prefers
the company of others to the society of his family, and seeks his
amusement wholly beyond its circle. There is something wrong when this
is the case. "I beseech you," said one addressing youth, "not to turn
home into a restaurant and a sleeping bunk, spending all your leisure
somewhere else, and going home only when all other places are shut up."
A young man, it is admitted, may find his home uninviting through
causes for which he has not himself to blame. Still, even then he may
do much to change its character, and by his pleasant and cheerful
bearing may bring into it sunshine brighter than the sunshine outside.
5. The highest family life is that consecrated by _Religion_. The
household where God is acknowledged, from which the members go
regularly together to the house of God, within whose walls is heard the
voice of prayer and praise, is the ideal Christian family. In such a
family the father is the priest, daily offering up prayers for those
whom God has given him, at the family altar. He makes it his duty, and
regards it as his privilege to bring up his children in "the nurture
and admonition of the Lord," and by personal example and teaching to
train them up as members of the household of faith. Unlike those who
leave the religious instruction of their children entirely to others,
he loves to teach them himself. A household thus pervaded by a
Christian atmosphere is a scene of sweet and tender beauty. Such a
household is well depicted by our Scottish poet, Robert Burns, in his
"Cotter's Saturday Night." There we see how beautiful family life may
be in the humblest dwelling.
From scenes like these old Scotia's grandeur springs,
That makes her lov'd abroad, rever'd at home.
[1] Dr. James Martineau.