"I s'pose an elephant would be the biggest?"
"No, boy; there are none in South America."
"Well, then, a rhinoceros?"
"No, there are none."
"Well, what is there, Daddy?"
"Well, dear, there are jaguars. I suppose a jaguar is the biggest."
"Then it must be thirty-six feet long."
"Oh, no, boy; about eight or nine feet with his tail."
"But there are boa-constrictors in South America thirty-six feet long."
"That's different."
"Do you fink," asked Dimples, with his big, solemn, grey eyes wide open,
"there was ever a boa-'strictor forty-five feet long?"
"No, dear; I never heard of one."
"Perhaps there was one, but you never heard of it. Do you fink you would
have heard of a boa-'strictor forty-five feet long if there was one in
South America?"
"Well, there may have been one."
"Daddy," said Laddie, carrying on the cross-examination with the intense
earnestness of a child, "could a boa-constrictor swallow any small
animal?"
"Yes, of course he could."
"Could he swallow a jaguar?"
"Well, I don't know about that. A jaguar is a very large animal."
"Well, then," asked Dimples, "could a jaguar swallow a boa-'strictor?"
"Silly ass," said Laddie. "If a jaguar was only nine feet long and the
boa-constrictor was thirty-five feet long, then there would be a lot
sticking out of the jaguar's mouth. How could he swallow that?"
"He'd bite it off," said Dimples. "And then another slice for supper and
another for breakfast--but, I say, Daddy, a 'stricter couldn't swallow a
porkpine, could he? He would have a sore throat all the way down."
Shrieks of laughter and a welcome rest for Daddy, who turned to his
paper.
"Daddy!"
He put down his paper with an air of conscious virtue and lit his pipe.
"Well, dear?"
"What's the biggest snake you ever saw?"
"Oh, bother the snakes! I am tired of them."
But the children were never tired of them. Heredity again, for the snake
was the worst enemy of arboreal man.
"Daddy made soup out of a snake," said Laddie. "Tell us about that
snake, Daddy."
Children like a story best the fourth or fifth time, so it is never any
use to tell them that they know all about it. The story which they can
check and correct is their favourite.
"Well, dear, we got a viper and we killed it. Then we wanted the
skeleton to keep and we didn't know how to get it. At first we thought
we would bury it, but that seemed too slow. Then I had the idea to boil
all the viper's flesh off its bones, and I got an old meat-tin and we put
the viper and some water into it and put it above the fire."
"You hung it on a hook, Daddy."
"Yes, we hung it on the hook that they put the porridge pot on in
Scotland. Then just as it was turning brown in came the farmer's wife,
and ran up to see what we were cooking. When she saw the viper she
thought we were going to eat it. 'Oh, you dirty divils!' she cried, and
caught up the tin in her apron and threw it out of the window."
Fresh shrieks of laughter from the children, and Dimples repeated "You
dirty divil!" until Daddy had to clump him playfully on the head.
"Tell us some more about snakes," cried Laddie. "Did you ever see a
really dreadful snake?"
"One that would turn you black and dead you in five minutes?" said
Dimples. It was always the most awful thing that appealed to Dimples.
"Yes, I have seen some beastly creatures. Once in the Sudan I was dozing
on the sand when I opened my eyes and there was a horrid creature like a
big slug with horns, short and thick, about a foot long, moving away in
front of me."
"What was it, Daddy?" Six eager eyes were turned up to him.
"It was a death-adder. I expect that would dead you in five minutes,
Dimples, if it got a bite at you."
"Did you kill it?"
"No; it was gone before I could get to it."
"Which is the horridest, Daddy--a snake or a shark?"
"I'm not very fond of either!"
"Did you ever see a man eaten by sharks?"
"No, dear, but I was not so far off being eaten myself."
"Oo!" from all three of them.
"I did a silly thing, for I swam round the ship in water where there are
many sharks. As I was drying myself on the deck I saw the high fin of a
shark above the water a little way off. It had heard the splashing and
come up to look for me."
"Weren't you frightened, Daddy?"
"Yes. It made me feel rather cold." There was silence while Daddy saw
once more the golden sand of the African beach and the snow-white roaring
surf, with the long, smooth swell of the bar.
Children don't like silences.
"Daddy," said Laddie. "Do zebus bite?"
"Zebus! Why, they are cows. No, of course not."
"But a zebu could butt with its horns."
"Oh, yes, it could butt."
"Do you think a zebu could fight a crocodile?"
"Well, I should back the crocodile."
"Why?"
"Well, dear, the crocodile has great teeth and would eat the zebu."
"But suppose the zebu came up when the crocodile was not looking and
butted it."
"Well, that would be one up for the zebu. But one butt wouldn't hurt a
crocodile."
"No, one wouldn't, would it? But the zebu would keep on. Crocodiles
live on sand-banks, don't they? Well, then, the zebu would come and live
near the sandbank too--just so far as the crocodile would never see him.
Then every time the crocodile wasn't looking the zebu would butt him.
Don't you think he would beat the crocodile?"
"Well, perhaps he would."
"How long do you think it would take the zebu to beat the crocodile?"
"Well, it would depend upon how often he got in his butt."
"Well, suppose he butted him once every three hours, don't you think--?"
"Oh, bother the zebu!"
"That's what the crocodile would say," cried Laddie, clapping his hands.
"Well, I agree with the crocodile," said Daddy.
"And it's time all good children were in bed," said the Lady as the
glimmer of the nurse's apron was seen in the gloom.