_Philadelphia, Nov. 10, 1739._
_My dear Friend and Brother_,
I Love you in the bowels of JESUS CHRIST, as a proof of it, I send
this. I heartily wish I could correspond with you oftener. Your
advice would always be seasonable to me; because you have been a long
time in the school of CHRIST. I am but just now entering the list,
and frequently tremble at the consideration of what I am to do and
suffer.――But when I consider it is for JESUS CHRIST, who has called
me by his free grace into his marvellous light, and has promised to be
with us always, even unto the end of the world, a divine fire kindles
in my heart, and I long to call the lingring battle on. Satan hath
been busy with me since I saw you, especially since my retirement
on ship-board. I have often thought of the folly of those, who go
out of the world to avoid temptation. Satan now buffets me more
than when confined in a ship. I receive this as a great mercy at the
hands of the LORD to keep me in action, and to prepare me for greater
tokens of his love. Before I am exalted, I am always humbled by some
inward trials. They are the most soul-grieving, but they are the most
soul-improving conflicts. My dear friend, I can say from my heart,
“I am the chief of sinners:” I feel myself so wretched and miserable,
so blind and naked in myself, that satan would tempt me to write to
no one. But the LORD hath rebuked him, and after a long tedious hour
of temptation, fills my soul as it were with marrow and fatness, and
maketh my pen the pen of a ready writer. Oh that my mouth was filled
with his praise! As yet, blessed be GOD, in my darkest hours my
evidences have not been in the least clouded. I have been assured my
LORD hath forgiven all my iniquities, transgressions and sins, but I
cannot forgive myself. Oh that I should ever offend against such dying
love! Pray for me, my dear brother, pray for me, that I may never by
pride or sloth tempt the blessed spirit to depart from me. I fear not
falling finally; for GOD I believe chose me in CHRIST before ever the
earth and the world were made, as a vessel of his saving mercy; but I
fear I shall provoke him to let me fall foully, and then how will the
_Philistines_ rejoice? This consideration sometimes makes me to wish
that the LORD would cut off my strength in my journey, and shorten my
days. But wherefore do I fear? Ah me of little faith! You see, my dear
friend, how freely I have unbosomed my heart to you. I cannot call you
my friend, and yet hide from you GOD’s dealings with my soul. Salute
all that love our LORD JESUS in sincerity, and beseech them to pray
for your sincere friend, but the most unprofitable of his dear LORD’s
servants,
_G. W._