A prominent volunteer officer who, early in the War, was on duty in
Washington and often carried reports to Secretary Stanton at the War
Department, told a characteristic story on President Lincoln. Said he:
“I was with several other young officers, also carrying reports to the
War Department, and one morning we were late. In this instance we were
in a desperate hurry to deliver the papers, in order to be able to catch
the train returning to camp.
“On the winding, dark staircase of the old War Department, which many
will remember, it was our misfortune, while taking about three stairs
at a time, to run a certain head like a catapult into the body of the
President, striking him in the region of the right lower vest pocket.
“The usual surprised and relaxed grunt of a man thus assailed came
promptly.
“We quickly sent an apology in the direction of the dimly seen form,
feeling that the ungracious shock was expensive, even to the humblest
clerk in the department.
“A second glance revealed to us the President as the victim of the
collision. Then followed a special tender of ‘ten thousand pardons,’ and
the President’s reply:
“‘One’s enough; I wish the whole army would charge like that.’”
“UNCLE ABRAHAM” HAD EVERYTHING READY.
“You can’t do anything with them Southern fellows,” the old man at the
table was saying.
“If they get whipped, they’ll retreat to them Southern swamps and bayous
along with the fishes and crocodiles. You haven’t got the fish-nets made
that’ll catch ‘em.”
“Look here, old gentleman,” remarked President Lincoln, who was sitting
alongside, “we’ve got just the nets for traitors, in the bayous or
anywhere.”
“Hey? What nets?”
“Bayou-nets!” and “Uncle Abraham” pointed his joke with his fork,
spearing a fishball savagely.