As the L. C. C. have taken in hand the morals of the music halls, and
shown an inclination to supersede the Lord Chamberlain, it may be as
well to publish a rough sketch of a specimen scene from the afterpart
of a pantomime for the guidance of theatrical managers desirous of
standing well with the successors to the members of the Metropolitan
Board of Works. The "opening" would, of course, be written by "a
serious bard with a mission." No doubt the story would be told in a
manner most productive to the manufacture of prigs. The transformation
over, Clown, Pantaloon, Harlequin and Columbine would be discovered in
a group.
_Clown_ (_in the conventional tone_). Here we are again!
_Bumble_ (_representing the L. C. C._). Scarcely. Allow me to point out
that in future you will be entirely different.
_Clown_ (_as before_). Come along, old'un; let's make a butter slide.
_Bumble._ You must permit me to interpose. The Council cannot recognise
any practical joke of the kind. If you wish to have the same sort of
fun, pull up the streets in the most frequented thoroughfares in the
metropolis--the Strand and Fleet Street for choice.
_Clown_ (_as before_). Oh, here's a baby! Let's smash it!
_Bumble._ Please accept my advice. The Council do not object to
the keeping down of babies in the abstract. But personal violence
is contrary to the law. If you really wish to decrease the surplus
population, why not work it to death at a board-school? It may be a
slower process than throwing it over a lamp-post, but the incident will
be truer to life, and therefore more convincing.
_Clown_ (_as before_). Oh! old 'un, here's a peeler coming!
_Bumble_. Pray be under no apprehension. Until the Police Force is
placed under the direct control of the Council, the members will do
their best to protect you. It stands to reason that a great community
like London should have its own guardians under its own direct control.
_Clown_ (_as before_). And now let's jump through this building.
_Bumble_. Again I must put my veto upon your proceedings. If you were
to jump through that wall no doubt a placard would appear bearing
the legend "Somersault Place." This might be apt, but no change in
the nomenclature of the streets can be permitted without the direct
sanction of Spring Gardens.
_Clown_ (_as before_). And now let's pelt this house, and all who's in
it!
_Bumble._ Stop, stop! You are attacking our own sacred building. (_To_
Harlequin). Will you be so good as to change the _locale_. (Harlequin
_strikes building, which turns into the Mansion House_.) Now you may do
what you please. For the Corporation of the City of London is so effete
that we have no sympathy for it!
[_Scene of bustle and confusion, and curtain._
* * * * *
NEW MUSICAL WORK: _Leading Strings_.--If it isn't a title it ought
to be for the biographies of celebrated violinists from Paganini to
Joachim.
* * * * *