Flathead Mountain
When they saw that the intruders on their mountain were only two
little girls, the Flatheads grunted with satisfaction and drew back,
permitting them to see what the mountain top looked like. It was
shaped like a saucer, so that the houses and other buildings--all made
of rocks--could not be seen over the edge by anyone standing in the
plain below.
But now a big fat Flathead stood before the girls and in a gruff voice
demanded:
"What are you doing here? Have the Skeezers sent you to spy upon us?"
"I am Princess Ozma, Ruler of all the Land of Oz."
"Well, I've never heard of the Land of Oz, so you may be what you
claim," returned the Flathead.
"This is the Land of Oz--part of it, anyway," exclaimed Dorothy. "So
Princess Ozma rules you Flathead people, as well as all the other
people in Oz."
The man laughed, and all the others who stood around laughed, too.
Some one in the crowd called:
"She'd better not tell the Supreme Dictator about ruling the
Flatheads. Eh, friends?"
"No, indeed!" they all answered in positive tones.
"Who is your Supreme Dictator?" answered Ozma.
"I think I'll let him tell you that himself," answered the man who had
first spoken. "You have broken our laws by coming here; and whoever
you are the Supreme Dictator must fix your punishment. Come along with
me."
He started down a path and Ozma and Dorothy followed him without
protest, as they wanted to see the most important person in this queer
country. The houses they passed seemed pleasant enough and each had a
little yard in which were flowers and vegetables. Walls of rock
separated the dwellings, and all the paths were paved with smooth
slabs of rock. This seemed their only building material and they
utilized it cleverly for every purpose.
Directly in the center of the great saucer stood a larger building
which the Flathead informed the girls was the palace of the Supreme
Dictator. He led them through an entrance hall into a big reception
room, where they sat upon stone benches and awaited the coming of the
Dictator. Pretty soon he entered from another room--a rather lean and
rather old Flathead, dressed much like the others of this strange
race, and only distinguished from them by the sly and cunning
expression of his face. He kept his eyes half closed and looked
through the slits of them at Ozma and Dorothy, who rose to receive
him.
"Are you the Supreme Dictator of the Flatheads?" inquired Ozma.
"Yes, that's me," he said, rubbing his hands slowly together. "My word
is law. I'm the head of the Flatheads on this flat headland."
"I am Princess Ozma of Oz, and I have come from the Emerald City
to----"
"Stop a minute," interrupted the Dictator, and turned to the man who
had brought the girls there. "Go away, Dictator Felo Flathead!" he
commanded. "Return to your duty and guard the Stairway. I will look
after these strangers." The man bowed and departed, and Dorothy asked
wonderingly:
"Is _he_ a Dictator, too?"
"Of course," was the answer. "Everybody here is a dictator of
something or other. They're all office holders. That's what keeps them
contented. But I'm the Supreme Dictator of all, and I'm elected once
a year. This is a democracy, you know, where the people are allowed to
vote for their rulers. A good many others would like to be Supreme
Dictator, but as I made a law that I am always to count the votes
myself, I am always elected."
"What is your name?" asked Ozma.
"I am called the Su-dic, which is short for Supreme Dictator. I sent
that man away because the moment you mentioned Ozma of Oz, and the
Emerald City, I knew who you are. I suppose I'm the only Flathead that
ever heard of you, but that's because I have more brains than the
rest."
Dorothy was staring hard at the Su-dic.
"I don't see how you can have any brains at all," she remarked,
"because the part of your head is gone where brains are kept."
"I don't blame you for thinking that," he said. "Once the Flatheads
had no brains because, as you say, there is no upper part to their
heads, to hold brains. But long, long ago a band of fairies flew over
this country and made it all a fairyland, and when they came to the
Flatheads the fairies were sorry to find them all very stupid and
quite unable to think. So, as there was no good place in their bodies
in which to put brains the Fairy Queen gave each one of us a nice can
of brains to carry in his pocket and that made us just as intelligent
as other people. See," he continued, "here is one of the cans of
brains the fairies gave us." He took from a pocket a bright tin can
having a pretty red label on it which said: "Flathead Concentrated
Brains, Extra Quality."
"And does every Flathead have the same kind of brains?" asked Dorothy.
"Yes, they're all alike. Here's another can." From another pocket he
produced a second can of brains.
"Did the fairies give you a double supply?" inquired Dorothy.
"No, but one of the Flatheads thought he wanted to be the Su-dic and
tried to get my people to rebel against me, so I punished him by
taking away his brains. One day my wife scolded me severely, so I took
away her can of brains. She didn't like that and went out and robbed
several women of _their_ brains. Then I made a law that if anyone
stole another's brains, or even tried to borrow them, he would forfeit
his own brains to the Su-dic. So each one is content with his own
canned brains and my wife and I are the only ones on the mountain with
more than one can. I have three cans and that makes me very clever--so
clever that I'm a good Sorcerer, if I do say it myself. My poor wife
had four cans of brains and became a remarkable witch, but alas! that
was before those terrible enemies, the Skeezers, transformed her into
a Golden Pig."
"Good gracious!" cried Dorothy; "is your wife really a Golden Pig?"
"She is. The Skeezers did it and so I have declared war on them. In
revenge for making my wife a Pig I intend to ruin their Magic Island
and make the Skeezers the slaves of the Flatheads!"
The Su-dic was very angry now; his eyes flashed and his face took on a
wicked and fierce expression. But Ozma said to him, very sweetly and
in a friendly voice:
"I am sorry to hear this. Will you please tell me more about your
troubles with the Skeezers? Then perhaps I can help you."
She was only a girl, but there was dignity in her pose and speech
which impressed the Su-dic.
"If you are really Princess Ozma of Oz," the Flathead said, "you are
one of that band of fairies who, under Queen Lurline, made all Oz a
Fairyland. I have heard that Lurline left one of her own fairies to
rule Oz, and gave the fairy the name of Ozma."
"If you knew this why did you not come to me at the Emerald City and
tender me your loyalty and obedience?" asked the Ruler of Oz.
"Well, I only learned the fact lately, and I've been too busy to leave
home," he explained, looking at the floor instead of into Ozma's eyes.
She knew he had spoken a falsehood, but only said:
"Why did you quarrel with the Skeezers?"
"It was this way," began the Su-dic, glad to change the subject. "We
Flatheads love fish, and as we have no fish on this mountain we would
sometimes go to the Lake of the Skeezers to catch fish. This made the
Skeezers angry, for they declared the fish in their lake belonged to
them and were under their protection and they forbade us to catch
them. That was very mean and unfriendly in the Skeezers, you must
admit, and when we paid no attention to their orders they set a guard
on the shore of the lake to prevent our fishing.
"Now, my wife, Rora Flathead, having four cans of brains, had become a
wonderful witch, and fish being brain food, she loved to eat fish
better than any one of us. So she vowed she would destroy every fish
in the lake, unless the Skeezers let us catch what we wanted. They
defied us, so Rora prepared a kettleful of magic poison and went down
to the lake one night to dump it all in the water and poison the fish.
It was a clever idea, quite worthy of my dear wife, but the Skeezer
Queen--a young lady named Coo-ee-oh--hid on the bank of the lake and
taking Rora unawares, transformed her into a Golden Pig. The poison
was spilled on the ground and wicked Queen Coo-ee-oh, not content with
her cruel transformation, even took away my wife's four cans of
brains, so she is now a common grunting pig without even brains enough
to know her own name."
"Then," said Ozma thoughtfully, "the Queen of the Skeezers must be a
Sorceress."
"Yes," said the Su-dic, "but she doesn't know much magic, after all.
She is not as powerful as Rora Flathead was, nor half as powerful as I
am now, as Queen Coo-ee-oh will discover when we fight our great
battle and destroy her."
"The Golden Pig can't be a witch any more, of course," observed
Dorothy.
"No; even had Queen Coo-ee-oh left her the four cans of brains, poor
Rora, in a pig's shape, couldn't do any witchcraft. A witch has to use
her fingers, and a pig has only cloven hoofs."
"It seems a sad story," was Ozma's comment, "and all the trouble arose
because the Flatheads wanted fish that did not belong to them."
"As for that," said the Su-dic, again angry, "I made a law that any of
my people could catch fish in the Lake of the Skeezers, whenever they
wanted to. So the trouble was through the Skeezers defying my law."
"You can only make laws to govern your own people," asserted Ozma
sternly. "I, alone, am empowered to make laws that must be obeyed by
all the peoples of Oz."
"Pooh!" cried the Su-dic scornfully. "You can't make _me_ obey your
laws, I assure you. I know the extent of your powers, Princess Ozma of
Oz, and I know that I am more powerful than you are. To prove it I
shall keep you and your companion prisoners in this mountain until
after we have fought and conquered the Skeezers. Then, if you promise
to be good, I may let you go home again."
Dorothy was amazed by this effrontery and defiance of the beautiful
girl Ruler of Oz, whom all until now had obeyed without question. But
Ozma, still unruffled and dignified, looked at the Su-dic and said:
"You did not mean that. You are angry and speak unwisely, without
reflection. I came here from my palace in the Emerald City to prevent
war and to make peace between you and the Skeezers. I do not approve
of Queen Coo-ee-oh's action in transforming your wife Rora into a pig,
nor do I approve of Rora's cruel attempt to poison the fishes in the
lake. No one has the right to work magic in my dominions without my
consent, so the Flatheads and the Skeezers have both broken my
laws--which must be obeyed."
"If you want to make peace," said the Su-dic, "make the Skeezers
restore my wife to her proper form and give back her four cans of
brains. Also make them agree to allow us to catch fish in their lake."
"No," returned Ozma, "I will not do that, for it would be unjust. I
will have the Golden Pig again transformed into your wife Rora, and
give her one can of brains, but the other three cans must be restored
to those she robbed. Neither may you catch fish in the Lake of the
Skeezers, for it is their lake and the fish belong to them. This
arrangement is just and honorable, and you must agree to it."
"Never!" cried the Su-dic. Just then a pig came running into the room,
uttering dismal grunts. It was made of solid gold, with joints at the
bends of the legs and in the neck and jaws. The Golden Pig's eyes
were rubies, and its teeth were polished ivory.
"There!" said the Su-dic, "gaze on the evil work of Queen Coo-ee-oh,
and then say if you can prevent my making war on the Skeezers. That
grunting beast was once my wife--the most beautiful Flathead on our
mountain and a skillful witch. Now look at her!"
"Fight the Skeezers, fight the Skeezers, fight the Skeezers!" grunted
the Golden Pig.
"I _will_ fight the Skeezers," exclaimed the Flathead chief, "and if a
dozen Ozmas of Oz forbade me I would fight just the same."
"Not if I can prevent it!" asserted Ozma.
"You can't prevent it. But since you threaten me, I'll have you
confined in the bronze prison until the war is over," said the Su-dic.
He whistled and four stout Flatheads, armed with axes and spears,
entered the room and saluted him. Turning to the men he said: "Take
these two girls, bind them with wire ropes and cast them into the
bronze prison.".
The four men bowed low and one of them asked:
"Where are the two girls, most noble Su-dic?"
The Su-dic turned to where Ozma and Dorothy had stood but they had
vanished!