When they were alone, she fell on her daughter-in-law’s neck, sobbing
hysterically: “Oh, oh, oh, if he dies I shall go distracted. He
doesn’t dare to die ... now. If he was going to die, why couldn’t it
have been sooner? Oh, my God in heaven, what am I saying? Judith, can’t
you save him? Don’t you know what it would mean for him to die now?”
“Try to be calm, mother. The case isn’t quite desperate.”
“Oh, but my case is desperate. You don’t know.... If you could have
heard him, last night! He said the most terrible thing. He must have
been thinking it, or it wouldn’t have slipped out like that, when his
mind was wandering. When you think a thing over and over, you say it
without meaning to. He took my hands and said he was only a carpenter’s
son ... but Ch--rist was a carpenter’s son, too ... and it was worth
carrying a cross all these years, to have me, when I belonged to
another man.”
“Mother! Oh, this is pitiful.”
“I wanted to get down on my knees and tell him that I never belonged to
any other man. I wanted to confess that I was the vilest sinner, and
unworthy of his love. It wasn’t me, at all. I was standing to one side,
looking at David and me, and thinking what I would do it I was in Vine
Larimore’s place. And when I walked away, there didn’t seem to be any
floor under my feet.”
“Mother, dear, why didn’t you open your heart to him, when you were so
close?”
“No, no!” she cried, beating back the suggestion with baffled hands.
“You never had David look at you with condemnation. Oh, I would
rather have him slap my face. I could resent that. But to have him
condemn--and then forgive....” She swayed weakly, all her force
concentrated in the relentless mouth. “Judith, if he dies, it will
be on my head. You told me that it was as bad to sin in thought as to
carry out the desire. I wanted to kill David. Don’t look at me like
that. I have to tell you. There is no one else I can trust--and I’ll
babble it, when I don’t know I’m talking, if I don’t get it out of my
mind.”
“How do you mean, mother?”
“Twice I tried. Once when you were in Europe--when his health was so
poor--and I was going to give him the wrong medicine. And six weeks
ago, when he brought a lot of money home--and I thought it would look
as if a burglar did it. It was just after you took Theo to New York,
and we were alone in the house. At the last moment, my courage failed.
But if he dies, I will be held accountable for his murder. Judith, he
has to live. Don’t you see....”