GREETINGS
=WHAT TO SAY WHEN INTRODUCED=
As explained in the foregoing chapter, the correct formal greeting is:
"How do you do?" If Mrs. Younger is presented to Mrs. Worldly, Mrs.
Worldly says "How do you do?" If the Ambassador of France is presented to
her, she says "How do you do?" Mrs. Younger and the Ambassador likewise
say "How do you do?" or merely bow.
There are a few expressions possible under other circumstances and upon
other occasions. If you have, through friends in common, long heard of a
certain lady, or gentleman, and you know that she, or he, also has heard
much of you, you may say when you are introduced to her: "I am very glad
to meet you," or "I am delighted to meet you at last!" Do not use the
expression "pleased to meet you" then or on any occasion. And you must not
say you are delighted unless you have reason to be sure that she also is
delighted to meet you.
To one who has volunteered to help you in charitable work for instance,
you would say: "It is very good of you to help us," or, "to join us."
In business a gentleman says: "Very glad to meet you," or "Delighted to
meet you." Or, if in his own office: "Very glad to see you!"
=INFORMAL GREETINGS=
Informal greetings are almost as limited as formal, but not quite; for
besides saying "How do you do?" you can say "Good morning" and on
occasions "How are you?" or "Good evening."
On very informal occasions, it is the present fashion to greet an intimate
friend with "Hello!" This seemingly vulgar salutation is made acceptable
by the tone in which it is said. To shout "Hul_low_!" is vulgar, but
"Hello, Mary" or "How 'do John," each spoken in an ordinary tone of voice,
sound much the same. But remember that the "Hello" is spoken, not called
out, and never used except between intimate friends who call each other by
the first name.
There are only two forms of farewell: "Good-by" and "Good night." Never
say "Au revoir" unless you have been talking French, or are speaking to a
French person. Never interlard your conversation with foreign words or
phrases when you can possibly translate them into English; and the
occasions when our mother tongue will not serve are extremely rare.
Very often in place of the over-worn "How do you do," perhaps more often
than not, people skip the words of actual greeting and plunge instead into
conversation: "Why, Mary! When did you get back?" or "What is the news
with you?" or "What have you been doing lately?" The weather, too, fills
in with equal faithfulness. "Isn't it a heavenly day!" or "Horrid weather,
isn't it?" It would seem that the variability of the weather was purposely
devised to furnish mankind with unfailing material for conversation.
In bidding good-by to a new acquaintance with whom you have been talking,
you shake hands and say, "Good-by. I am very glad to have met you." To one
who has been especially interesting, or who is somewhat of a personage you
say: "It has been a great pleasure to meet you." The other answers: "Thank
you."
=IN CHURCH=
People do not greet each other in church, except at a wedding. At weddings
people do speak to friends sitting near them, but in a low tone of voice.
It would be shocking to enter a church and hear a babel of voices!
Ordinarily in church if a friend happens to catch your eye, you smile, but
never actually bow. If you go to a church not your own and a stranger
offers you a seat in her pew, you should, on leaving, turn to her and
say: "Thank you." But you do not greet anyone until you are out on the
church steps, when you naturally speak to your friends. "Hello" should not
be said on this occasion because it is too "familiar" for the solemnity of
church surroundings.
=SHAKING HANDS=
Gentlemen always shake hands when they are introduced to each other.
Ladies rarely do so with gentlemen who are introduced to them; but they
usually shake hands with other ladies, if they are standing near together.
All people who know each other, unless merely passing by, shake hands when
they meet.
A gentleman on the street never shakes hands with a lady without first
removing his right glove. But at the opera, or at a ball, or if he is
usher at a wedding, he keeps his glove on.
=PERSONALITY OF A HANDSHAKE=
A handshake often creates a feeling of liking or of irritation between two
strangers. Who does not dislike a "boneless" hand extended as though it
were a spray of sea-weed, or a miniature boiled pudding? It is equally
annoying to have one's hand clutched aloft in grotesque affectation and
shaken violently sideways, as though it were being used to clean a spot
out of the atmosphere. What woman does not wince at the viselike grasp
that cuts her rings into her flesh and temporarily paralyzes every finger?
The proper handshake is made briefly; but there should be a feeling of
strength and warmth in the clasp, and, as in bowing, one should at the
same time look into the countenance of the person whose hand one takes. In
giving her hand to a foreigner, a married woman always relaxes her arm and
fingers, as it is customary for him to lift her hand to his lips. But by a
relaxed hand is not meant a wet rag; a hand should have life even though
it be passive. A woman should always allow a man who is only an
acquaintance to shake her hand; she should never shake his. To a very old
friend she gives a much firmer clasp, but he shakes her hand more than she
shakes his. Younger women usually shake the hand of the older; or they
both merely clasp hands, give them a dropping movement rather than a
shake, and let go.
=POLITE GREETINGS FROM YOUNGER TO OLDER=
It is the height of rudeness for young people not to go and shake hands
with an older lady of their acquaintance when they meet her away from
home, if she is a hostess to whose house they have often gone. It is not
at all necessary for either young women or young men to linger and enter
into a conversation, unless the older lady detains them, which she should
not do beyond the briefest minute.
Older ladies who are always dragging young men up to unprepossessing
partners, are studiously avoided and with reason; but otherwise it is
inexcusable for any youth to fail in this small exaction of polite
behavior. If a young man is talking with some one when an older lady
enters the room, he bows formally from where he is, as it would be rude to
leave a young girl standing alone while he went up to speak to Mrs.
Worldly or Mrs. Toplofty. But a young girl passing near an older lady can
easily stop for a moment, say "How do you do, Mrs. Jones!" and pass on.
People do not cross a room to speak to any one unless--to show politeness
to an acquaintance who is a stranger there; to speak to an intimate
friend; or to talk to some one about something in particular.