CHAPTER XX

When considered in detail by Mr. Flushing and Mrs. Ambrose the

expedition proved neither dangerous nor difficult. They found also that

it was not even unusual. Every year at this season English people made

parties which steamed a short way up the river, landed, and looked at

the native village, bought a certain number of things from the natives,

and returned again without damage done to mind or body. When it was

discovered that six people really wished the same thing the

arrangements were soon carried out.

Since the time of Elizabeth very few people had seen the river, and

nothing has been done to change its appearance from what it was to the

eyes of the Elizabethan voyagers. The time of Elizabeth was only

distant from the present time by a moment of space compared with the

ages which had passed since the water had run between those banks, and

the green thickets swarmed there, and the small trees had grown to huge

wrinkled trees in solitude. Changing only with the change of the sun

and the clouds, the waving green mass had stood there for century after

century, and the water had run between its banks ceaselessly, sometimes

washing away earth and sometimes the branches of trees, while in other

parts of the world one town had risen upon the ruins of another town,

and the men in the towns had become more and more articulate and unlike

each other. A few miles of this river were visible from the top of the

mountain where some weeks before the party from the hotel had

picnicked. Susan and Arthur had seen it as they kissed each other, and

Terence and Rachel as they sat talking about Richmond, and Evelyn and

Perrott as they strolled about, imagining that they were great captains

sent to colonise the world. They had seen the broad blue mark across

the sand where it flowed into the sea, and the green cloud of trees

mass themselves about it farther up, and finally hide its waters

altogether from sight. At intervals for the first twenty miles or so

houses were scattered on the bank; by degrees the houses became huts,

and, later still, there was neither hut nor house, but trees and grass,

which were seen only by hunters, explorers, or merchants, marching or

sailing, but making no settlement.

By leaving Santa Marina early in the morning, driving twenty miles and

riding eight, the party, which was composed finally of six English

people, reached the river-side as the night fell. They came cantering

through the trees—Mr. and Mrs. Flushing, Helen Ambrose, Rachel,

Terence, and St. John. The tired little horses then stopped

automatically, and the English dismounted. Mrs. Flushing strode to the

river-bank in high spirits. The day had been long and hot, but she had

enjoyed the speed and the open air; she had left the hotel which she

hated, and she found the company to her liking. The river was swirling

past in the darkness; they could just distinguish the smooth moving

surface of the water, and the air was full of the sound of it. They

stood in an empty space in the midst of great tree-trunks, and out

there a little green light moving slightly up and down showed them

where the steamer lay in which they were to embark.

When they all stood upon its deck they found that it was a very small

boat which throbbed gently beneath them for a few minutes, and then

shoved smoothly through the water. They seemed to be driving into the

heart of the night, for the trees closed in front of them, and they

could hear all round them the rustling of leaves. The great darkness

had the usual effect of taking away all desire for communication by

making their words sound thin and small; and, after walking round the

deck three or four times, they clustered together, yawning deeply, and

looking at the same spot of deep gloom on the banks. Murmuring very low

in the rhythmical tone of one oppressed by the air, Mrs. Flushing began

to wonder where they were to sleep, for they could not sleep

downstairs, they could not sleep in a doghole smelling of oil, they

could not sleep on deck, they could not sleep—She yawned profoundly. It

was as Helen had foreseen; the question of nakedness had risen already,

although they were half asleep, and almost invisible to each other.

With St. John’s help she stretched an awning, and persuaded Mrs.

Flushing that she could take off her clothes behind this, and that no

one would notice if by chance some part of her which had been concealed

for forty-five years was laid bare to the human eye. Mattresses were

thrown down, rugs provided, and the three women lay near each other in

the soft open air.

The gentlemen, having smoked a certain number of cigarettes, dropped

the glowing ends into the river, and looked for a time at the ripples

wrinkling the black water beneath them, undressed too, and lay down at

the other end of the boat. They were very tired, and curtained from

each other by the darkness. The light from one lantern fell upon a few

ropes, a few planks of the deck, and the rail of the boat, but beyond

that there was unbroken darkness, no light reached their faces, or the

trees which were massed on the sides of the river.

Soon Wilfrid Flushing slept, and Hirst slept. Hewet alone lay awake

looking straight up into the sky. The gentle motion and the black

shapes that were drawn ceaselessly across his eyes had the effect of

making it impossible for him to think. Rachel’s presence so near him

lulled thought asleep. Being so near him, only a few paces off at the

other end of the boat, she made it as impossible for him to think about

her as it would have been impossible to see her if she had stood quite

close to him, her forehead against his forehead. In some strange way

the boat became identified with himself, and just as it would have been

useless for him to get up and steer the boat, so was it useless for him

to struggle any longer with the irresistible force of his own feelings.

He was drawn on and on away from all he knew, slipping over barriers

and past landmarks into unknown waters as the boat glided over the

smooth surface of the river. In profound peace, enveloped in deeper

unconsciousness than had been his for many nights, he lay on deck

watching the tree-tops change their position slightly against the sky,

and arch themselves, and sink and tower huge, until he passed from

seeing them into dreams where he lay beneath the shadow of the vast

trees, looking up into the sky.

When they woke next morning they had gone a considerable way up the

river; on the right was a high yellow bank of sand tufted with trees,

on the left a swamp quivering with long reeds and tall bamboos on the

top of which, swaying slightly, perched vivid green and yellow birds.

The morning was hot and still. After breakfast they drew chairs

together and sat in an irregular semicircle in the bow. An awning above

their heads protected them from the heat of the sun, and the breeze

which the boat made aired them softly. Mrs. Flushing was already

dotting and striping her canvas, her head jerking this way and that

with the action of a bird nervously picking up grain; the others had

books or pieces of paper or embroidery on their knees, at which they

looked fitfully and again looked at the river ahead. At one point Hewet

read part of a poem aloud, but the number of moving things entirely

vanquished his words. He ceased to read, and no one spoke. They moved

on under the shelter of the trees. There was now a covey of red birds

feeding on one of the little islets to the left, or again a blue-green

parrot flew shrieking from tree to tree. As they moved on the country

grew wilder and wilder. The trees and the undergrowth seemed to be

strangling each other near the ground in a multitudinous wrestle; while

here and there a splendid tree towered high above the swarm, shaking

its thin green umbrellas lightly in the upper air. Hewet looked at his

books again. The morning was peaceful as the night had been, only it

was very strange because he could see it was light, and he could see

Rachel and hear her voice and be near to her. He felt as if he were

waiting, as if somehow he were stationary among things that passed over

him and around him, voices, people’s bodies, birds, only Rachel too was

waiting with him. He looked at her sometimes as if she must know that

they were waiting together, and being drawn on together, without being

able to offer any resistance. Again he read from his book:

Whoever you are holding me now in your hand,

Without one thing all will be useless.

A bird gave a wild laugh, a monkey chuckled a malicious question, and,

as fire fades in the hot sunshine, his words flickered and went out.

By degrees as the river narrowed, and the high sandbanks fell to level

ground thickly grown with trees, the sounds of the forest could be

heard. It echoed like a hall. There were sudden cries; and then long

spaces of silence, such as there are in a cathedral when a boy’s voice

has ceased and the echo of it still seems to haunt about the remote

places of the roof. Once Mr. Flushing rose and spoke to a sailor, and

even announced that some time after luncheon the steamer would stop,

and they could walk a little way through the forest.

“There are tracks all through the trees there,” he explained. “We’re no

distance from civilisation yet.”

He scrutinised his wife’s painting. Too polite to praise it openly, he

contented himself with cutting off one half of the picture with one

hand, and giving a flourish in the air with the other.

“God!” Hirst exclaimed, staring straight ahead. “Don’t you think it’s

amazingly beautiful?”

“Beautiful?” Helen enquired. It seemed a strange little word, and Hirst

and herself both so small that she forgot to answer him.

Hewet felt that he must speak.

“That’s where the Elizabethans got their style,” he mused, staring into

the profusion of leaves and blossoms and prodigious fruits.

“Shakespeare? I hate Shakespeare!” Mrs. Flushing exclaimed; and Wilfrid

returned admiringly, “I believe you’re the only person who dares to say

that, Alice.” But Mrs. Flushing went on painting. She did not appear to

attach much value to her husband’s compliment, and painted steadily,

sometimes muttering a half-audible word or groan.

The morning was now very hot.

“Look at Hirst!” Mr. Flushing whispered. His sheet of paper had slipped

on to the deck, his head lay back, and he drew a long snoring breath.

Terence picked up the sheet of paper and spread it out before Rachel.

It was a continuation of the poem on God which he had begun in the

chapel, and it was so indecent that Rachel did not understand half of

it although she saw that it was indecent. Hewet began to fill in words

where Hirst had left spaces, but he soon ceased; his pencil rolled on

deck. Gradually they approached nearer and nearer to the bank on the

right-hand side, so that the light which covered them became definitely

green, falling through a shade of green leaves, and Mrs. Flushing set

aside her sketch and stared ahead of her in silence. Hirst woke up;

they were then called to luncheon, and while they ate it, the steamer

came to a standstill a little way out from the bank. The boat which was

towed behind them was brought to the side, and the ladies were helped

into it.

For protection against boredom, Helen put a book of memoirs beneath her

arm, and Mrs. Flushing her paint-box, and, thus equipped, they allowed

themselves to be set on shore on the verge of the forest.

They had not strolled more than a few hundred yards along the track

which ran parallel with the river before Helen professed to find it was

unbearably hot. The river breeze had ceased, and a hot steamy

atmosphere, thick with scents, came from the forest.

“I shall sit down here,” she announced, pointing to the trunk of a tree

which had fallen long ago and was now laced across and across by

creepers and thong-like brambles. She seated herself, opened her

parasol, and looked at the river which was barred by the stems of

trees. She turned her back to the trees which disappeared in black

shadow behind her.

“I quite agree,” said Mrs. Flushing, and proceeded to undo her

paint-box. Her husband strolled about to select an interesting point of

view for her. Hirst cleared a space on the ground by Helen’s side, and

seated himself with great deliberation, as if he did not mean to move

until he had talked to her for a long time. Terence and Rachel were

left standing by themselves without occupation. Terence saw that the

time had come as it was fated to come, but although he realised this he

was completely calm and master of himself. He chose to stand for a few

moments talking to Helen, and persuading her to leave her seat. Rachel

joined him too in advising her to come with them.

“Of all the people I’ve ever met,” he said, “you’re the least

adventurous. You might be sitting on green chairs in Hyde Park. Are you

going to sit there the whole afternoon? Aren’t you going to walk?”

“Oh, no,” said Helen, “one’s only got to use one’s eye. There’s

everything here—everything,” she repeated in a drowsy tone of voice.

“What will you gain by walking?”

“You’ll be hot and disagreeable by tea-time, we shall be cool and

sweet,” put in Hirst. Into his eyes as he looked up at them had come

yellow and green reflections from the sky and the branches, robbing

them of their intentness, and he seemed to think what he did not say.

It was thus taken for granted by them both that Terence and Rachel

proposed to walk into the woods together; with one look at each other

they turned away.

“Good-bye!” cried Rachel.

“Good-by. Beware of snakes,” Hirst replied. He settled himself still

more comfortably under the shade of the fallen tree and Helen’s figure.

As they went, Mr. Flushing called after them, “We must start in an

hour. Hewet, please remember that. An hour.”

Whether made by man, or for some reason preserved by nature, there was

a wide pathway striking through the forest at right angles to the

river. It resembled a drive in an English forest, save that tropical

bushes with their sword-like leaves grew at the side, and the ground

was covered with an unmarked springy moss instead of grass, starred

with little yellow flowers. As they passed into the depths of the

forest the light grew dimmer, and the noises of the ordinary world were

replaced by those creaking and sighing sounds which suggest to the

traveller in a forest that he is walking at the bottom of the sea. The

path narrowed and turned; it was hedged in by dense creepers which

knotted tree to tree, and burst here and there into star-shaped crimson

blossoms. The sighing and creaking up above were broken every now and

then by the jarring cry of some startled animal. The atmosphere was

close and the air came at them in languid puffs of scent. The vast

green light was broken here and there by a round of pure yellow

sunlight which fell through some gap in the immense umbrella of green

above, and in these yellow spaces crimson and black butterflies were

circling and settling. Terence and Rachel hardly spoke.

Not only did the silence weigh upon them, but they were both unable to

frame any thoughts. There was something between them which had to be

spoken of. One of them had to begin, but which of them was it to be?

Then Hewet picked up a red fruit and threw it as high as he could. When

it dropped, he would speak. They heard the flapping of great wings;

they heard the fruit go pattering through the leaves and eventually

fall with a thud. The silence was again profound.

“Does this frighten you?” Terence asked when the sound of the fruit

falling had completely died away.

“No,” she answered. “I like it.”

She repeated “I like it.” She was walking fast, and holding herself

more erect than usual. There was another pause.

“You like being with me?” Terence asked.

“Yes, with you,” she replied.

He was silent for a moment. Silence seemed to have fallen upon the

world.

“That is what I have felt ever since I knew you,” he replied. “We are

happy together.” He did not seem to be speaking, or she to be hearing.

“Very happy,” she answered.

They continued to walk for some time in silence. Their steps

unconsciously quickened.

“We love each other,” Terence said.

“We love each other,” she repeated.

The silence was then broken by their voices which joined in tones of

strange unfamiliar sound which formed no words. Faster and faster they

walked; simultaneously they stopped, clasped each other in their arms,

then releasing themselves, dropped to the earth. They sat side by side.

Sounds stood out from the background making a bridge across their

silence; they heard the swish of the trees and some beast croaking in a

remote world.

“We love each other,” Terence repeated, searching into her face. Their

faces were both very pale and quiet, and they said nothing. He was

afraid to kiss her again. By degrees she drew close to him, and rested

against him. In this position they sat for some time. She said

“Terence” once; he answered “Rachel.”

“Terrible—terrible,” she murmured after another pause, but in saying

this she was thinking as much of the persistent churning of the water

as of her own feeling. On and on it went in the distance, the senseless

and cruel churning of the water. She observed that the tears were

running down Terence’s cheeks.

The next movement was on his part. A very long time seemed to have

passed. He took out his watch.

“Flushing said an hour. We’ve been gone more than half an hour.”

“And it takes that to get back,” said Rachel. She raised herself very

slowly. When she was standing up she stretched her arms and drew a deep

breath, half a sigh, half a yawn. She appeared to be very tired. Her

cheeks were white. “Which way?” she asked.

“There,” said Terence.

They began to walk back down the mossy path again. The sighing and

creaking continued far overhead, and the jarring cries of animals. The

butterflies were circling still in the patches of yellow sunlight. At

first Terence was certain of his way, but as they walked he became

doubtful. They had to stop to consider, and then to return and start

once more, for although he was certain of the direction of the river he

was not certain of striking the point where they had left the others.

Rachel followed him, stopping where he stopped, turning where he

turned, ignorant of the way, ignorant why he stopped or why he turned.

“I don’t want to be late,” he said, “because—” He put a flower into her

hand and her fingers closed upon it quietly. “We’re so late—so late—so

horribly late,” he repeated as if he were talking in his sleep.

“Ah—this is right. We turn here.”

They found themselves again in the broad path, like the drive in the

English forest, where they had started when they left the others. They

walked on in silence as people walking in their sleep, and were oddly

conscious now and again of the mass of their bodies. Then Rachel

exclaimed suddenly, “Helen!”

In the sunny space at the edge of the forest they saw Helen still

sitting on the tree-trunk, her dress showing very white in the sun,

with Hirst still propped on his elbow by her side. They stopped

instinctively. At the sight of other people they could not go on. They

stood hand in hand for a minute or two in silence. They could not bear

to face other people.

“But we must go on,” Rachel insisted at last, in the curious dull tone

of voice in which they had both been speaking, and with a great effort

they forced themselves to cover the short distance which lay between

them and the pair sitting on the tree-trunk.

As they approached, Helen turned round and looked at them. She looked

at them for some time without speaking, and when they were close to her

she said quietly:

“Did you meet Mr. Flushing? He has gone to find you. He thought you

must be lost, though I told him you weren’t lost.”

Hirst half turned round and threw his head back so that he looked at

the branches crossing themselves in the air above him.

“Well, was it worth the effort?” he enquired dreamily.

Hewet sat down on the grass by his side and began to fan himself.

Rachel had balanced herself near Helen on the end of the tree trunk.

“Very hot,” she said.

“You look exhausted anyhow,” said Hirst.

“It’s fearfully close in those trees,” Helen remarked, picking up her

book and shaking it free from the dried blades of grass which had

fallen between the leaves. Then they were all silent, looking at the

river swirling past in front of them between the trunks of the trees

until Mr. Flushing interrupted them. He broke out of the trees a

hundred yards to the left, exclaiming sharply:

“Ah, so you found the way after all. But it’s late—much later than we

arranged, Hewet.”

He was slightly annoyed, and in his capacity as leader of the

expedition, inclined to be dictatorial. He spoke quickly, using

curiously sharp, meaningless words.

“Being late wouldn’t matter normally, of course,” he said, “but when

it’s a question of keeping the men up to time—”

He gathered them together and made them come down to the river-bank,

where the boat was waiting to row them out to the steamer.

The heat of the day was going down, and over their cups of tea the

Flushings tended to become communicative. It seemed to Terence as he

listened to them talking, that existence now went on in two different

layers. Here were the Flushings talking, talking somewhere high up in

the air above him, and he and Rachel had dropped to the bottom of the

world together. But with something of a child’s directness, Mrs.

Flushing had also the instinct which leads a child to suspect what its

elders wish to keep hidden. She fixed Terence with her vivid blue eyes

and addressed herself to him in particular. What would he do, she

wanted to know, if the boat ran upon a rock and sank.

“Would you care for anythin’ but savin’ yourself? Should I? No, no,”

she laughed, “not one scrap—don’t tell me. There’s only two creatures

the ordinary woman cares about,” she continued, “her child and her dog;

and I don’t believe it’s even two with men. One reads a lot about

love—that’s why poetry’s so dull. But what happens in real life, eh? It

ain’t love!” she cried.

Terence murmured something unintelligible. Mr. Flushing, however, had

recovered his urbanity. He was smoking a cigarette, and he now answered

his wife.

“You must always remember, Alice,” he said, “that your upbringing was

very unnatural—unusual, I should say. They had no mother,” he

explained, dropping something of the formality of his tone; “and a

father—he was a very delightful man, I’ve no doubt, but he cared only

for racehorses and Greek statues. Tell them about the bath, Alice.”

“In the stable-yard,” said Mrs. Flushing. “Covered with ice in winter.

We had to get in; if we didn’t, we were whipped. The strong ones

lived—the others died. What you call survival of the fittest—a most

excellent plan, I daresay, if you’ve thirteen children!”

“And all this going on in the heart of England, in the nineteenth

century!” Mr. Flushing exclaimed, turning to Helen.

“I’d treat my children just the same if I had any,” said Mrs. Flushing.

Every word sounded quite distinctly in Terence’s ears; but what were

they saying, and who were they talking to, and who were they, these

fantastic people, detached somewhere high up in the air? Now that they

had drunk their tea, they rose and leant over the bow of the boat. The

sun was going down, and the water was dark and crimson. The river had

widened again, and they were passing a little island set like a dark

wedge in the middle of the stream. Two great white birds with red

lights on them stood there on stilt-like legs, and the beach of the

island was unmarked, save by the skeleton print of birds’ feet. The

branches of the trees on the bank looked more twisted and angular than

ever, and the green of the leaves was lurid and splashed with gold.

Then Hirst began to talk, leaning over the bow.

“It makes one awfully queer, don’t you find?” he complained. “These

trees get on one’s nerves—it’s all so crazy. God’s undoubtedly mad.

What sane person could have conceived a wilderness like this, and

peopled it with apes and alligators? I should go mad if I lived

here—raving mad.”

Terence attempted to answer him, but Mrs. Ambrose replied instead. She

bade him look at the way things massed themselves—look at the amazing

colours, look at the shapes of the trees. She seemed to be protecting

Terence from the approach of the others.

“Yes,” said Mr. Flushing. “And in my opinion,” he continued, “the

absence of population to which Hirst objects is precisely the

significant touch. You must admit, Hirst, that a little Italian town

even would vulgarise the whole scene, would detract from the

vastness—the sense of elemental grandeur.” He swept his hands towards

the forest, and paused for a moment, looking at the great green mass,

which was now falling silent. “I own it makes us seem pretty small—us,

not them.” He nodded his head at a sailor who leant over the side

spitting into the river. “And that, I think, is what my wife feels, the

essential superiority of the peasant—” Under cover of Mr. Flushing’s

words, which continued now gently reasoning with St. John and

persuading him, Terence drew Rachel to the side, pointing ostensibly to

a great gnarled tree-trunk which had fallen and lay half in the water.

He wished, at any rate, to be near her, but he found that he could say

nothing. They could hear Mr. Flushing flowing on, now about his wife,

now about art, now about the future of the country, little meaningless

words floating high in air. As it was becoming cold he began to pace

the deck with Hirst. Fragments of their talk came out distinctly as

they passed—art, emotion, truth, reality.

“Is it true, or is it a dream?” Rachel murmured, when they had passed.

“It’s true, it’s true,” he replied.

But the breeze freshened, and there was a general desire for movement.

When the party rearranged themselves under cover of rugs and cloaks,

Terence and Rachel were at opposite ends of the circle, and could not

speak to each other. But as the dark descended, the words of the others

seemed to curl up and vanish as the ashes of burnt paper, and left them

sitting perfectly silent at the bottom of the world. Occasional starts

of exquisite joy ran through them, and then they were peaceful again.

The Voyage Out · 第 20 / 27 章