LOVE'S PILGRIMAGE
It was nearly midnight, and still Sara and Morva sat over the fire in
earnest conversation. The March wind roared in the chimney, the sound
of the sea came up the valley. Outside, under the night sky, the furze
and broom bushes waved and bowed to each other, and in the sheltered
cwrt the daffodils under the hedge nodded and swayed in the wind; but
the two women inside the cottage were too much engrossed in their
conversation, and with their thoughts, to notice the wildness of the
night. Often they sat in silence, broken by occasional words of sorrow.
"Oh, poor 'n'wncwl Ebben! No wonder he was sitting thinking and
thinking in the chimney-corner!"
"No, no wonder indeed, och i! och i! But now he has done the best
thing for his own peace of mind."
"Peace of mind!" said Morva. "I am afraid he will never have that,
mother. He said when we were walking home together that he wished he
could die; and I'm afraid he will before long. He is breaking his
heart for his two sons."
Sara did not answer; she was gazing at the glowing fire, whose flames
and sparks chased each other up the chimney. At last she straightened
herself.
"Garthowen shall not die while I can help him, Morva," she said. "I
have seen all this coming, 'merch i, and I know now what my dreams have
meant lately. _They_ are calling me, Morva; _they_ have been calling
me since the turn of the year, and I have closed my ears. But
now"--and she stood up, though still leaning on her stick--"but now I
must go."
Morva looked at her in astonishment, for the aged form seemed to grow
young again with the strength of purpose within it. The gentle face
appeared to lose the wrinkles of age. In the fitful light of the fire,
it took again the lines of beauty and youth which had once belonged to
it.
"Thou must not be surprised, child," she added, "if some evening when
thou com'st home from the farm thou shalt find the house empty. The
key will be on the lintel, and thou must come in and wait in patience
till I return. I thought there was nothing more for me to do, but I
see it now," and with her stick she pointed into the dark corner where
the spinning-wheel stood, and the red earthen pitcher which went so
often to the well. "I see it, 'merch i; 'tis a journey for me. I
don't see quite where it ends, but I will be safe, Morva, for God is
everywhere. _They_ are calling me, and they will bring me safe home
again. Let me go, child; 'tis to fetch a blessing for Garthowen and
for thee, so don't thee fret, lass. Then my work will be done; there
will be only one more journey for me--the last! and from that thou wilt
not see me return. But I will be with thee, and thee must not sorrow
for me."
"Oh, mother," said the girl, burying her face in her apron, "are you
going to die? How can I live in this world without you?" And swaying
backwards and forwards, she cried bitterly.
"Not yet, my child, not yet; I have work to do and there are happy days
in store for us both; but some day, Morva, it must come, and when it
comes thou must not grieve for me. Come, 'merch i, 'tis late; let us
go to bed."
And the girl, somewhat comforted, dried her eyes and closed the rickety
door. She slept heavily after her late watching, so heavily that she
did not hear when Sara rose in the grey of the dawn. At her usual time
Morva rose too, and immediately missed her mother. A wild fear
throbbed through her heart as she searched in and out of the cottage.
"Mother!" she called up the step ladder which led to the loft, out in
the cwrt and in the garden. "Mother fâch! where are you?" But there
was no answer, and she realised that Sara had gone, and that she was
alone!
After the first pang of fright, a calmness and even happiness entered
her heart; she had learnt to put implicit trust in her strange
foster-mother, and a feeling of complete reassurance and content began
to take possession of her mind.
It would be well with Sara, for whatever she attempted she never failed
to accomplish, and it would be well with Garthowen too! "Her ways are
blessed," said the girl, clasping her hands, and returning to her
solitary breakfast. "The spirits have her in their keeping, that I
know, and she will come back and bring us joy and happiness!"
Whether in the depths of her heart it was dawning upon her what
blessing she expected from Sara's pilgrimage is difficult to know;
perhaps unconsciously she already nourished the hope which was to grow
with every day of her mother's absence, until it gilded her whole life
with a rapturous expectancy; at all events, it was a very blithe and
joyous maiden who brushed the dew off the sheep path to Garthowen in
time for the milking that morning. She would have sung one of Sara's
old Nature songs, had not the remembrance of the sorrow at the farm
kept her silent. The March wind blew keen and crisp around her, the
air was filled with the quivering songs of the larks, the furze was
bursting into bloom, even the bare blackthorn put on its speckled
mantle of white; what wonder was it in a world so fair, that Morva's
heart sang for joy? But as she turned round the Cribserth, a sudden
shadow came upon her, for here was Ebben Owens coming towards her, with
bent head and slow dragging step. She hurried forward to meet him.
"I thought thee wouldst turn back, lass, or make an excuse to pass me
by," he said.
"But no! no! no!" said the girl, linking her arm into the old man's,
and turning back with him, "'tis closer and closer we must cling
together, 'n'wncwl Ebben, dear, the further we go on the path of life.
Did you think that Morva could pass you by? Ach y fi! no indeed! But
where are you going so early?"
"To see Sara," said the old man--"to see if she will still be my friend
when she knows how bad I am."
"She knows it all," said Morva; "I told her last night, and her heart
was torn with sorrow and love for you; and now turn back with me to
Garthowen, for Sara is gone; the cottage is empty!"
"Gone!" said the old man, with a gasp, "Sara gone!"
"Yes--gone! 'Garthowen shall not die of grief while I can help him,'
she said; 'I am going a long journey, child, and ye must not grieve for
me; I will come back and bring joy and comfort with me.' That's what
she said," and Morva nodded her head emphatically. "Oh, she will come,
she will come, as she has promised, and bring you comfort; what it will
be I cannot tell," and leaning her head coaxingly on the old man's arm
she asked, in a playful tone of mystery, "now what can it be, this
great blessing she is going to bring you?"
"I don't know," said the old man, taking scant interest in her
surmises; he was thinking how he would bear this fresh loss!
"But what do you think?"
"A Bible, perhaps."
"A Bible!" said Morva impatiently, "no--no, not a Bible; Sara knows you
have plenty of them at Garthowen, and she has too much sense to bring
you another--no! 'tisn't that! but oh, what will it be, I wonder?"
And day after day this was the question that ran through her thoughts,
"What will it be, I wonder?"
Sitting down to her milking she sang with full voice once more the old
song which Daisy loved. Of late her voice had been very low, and the
song scarcely reached beyond Daisy's sleek sides, but to-day it came
back, and the farmyard was filled with happy melody.
Everything went on as usual in the farm. Ann tried to let no
difference be seen in her manner to her father, unless indeed she was a
little more tender and loving. The farm servants, who, if they had not
been at the Sciet, had yet heard the tale of disgrace, were unanimous
in their endeavours to comfort the old mishteer whom they loved with so
much loyalty.
"Pwr fellow bâch!" they said to each other, "'twas for his son after
all, and if he had kept it to himself nobody would have known anything
about it!"
He alone was altered, going about with a saddened mien and gentler
voice than of old, and apparently finding his chief solace in the
company of his little grandson, who followed him about as closely and
untiringly as Tudor did.
"Ah, we are brave companions, aren't we, Gwil?" he would sometimes ask
with a tremble in his voice.
"Odin (Yes, we are)," said the child.
"And thou lov'st thine old grandfather with all thine heart, eh?"
"Odw (Yes, I do!)," said the child, impatient to be gone.
They were sitting under the elder tree in the farmyard.
"Stop a minute," said the old man, in a husky, anxious voice, "if da-cu
(grandfather) had done anything wrong, wouldst love him still the same?"
"Oh, more!" said the boy, "because then we'd be two naughty boys!"
And while they sat under the elder tree, and Morva helped Ann with her
churning, five miles away, on the wind-swept high road, a bent figure
was trudging along, with slow but steady footsteps, with the thought of
them all in her mind, and the sweet memory of home in her heart, but
with an earnest purpose in her eyes; to bring happiness and hope to her
old friend, to the man who in the days gone by had jilted her, and torn
her heart strings, who had won her love, but had married another woman,
and regretted it ever after.
It was Sara, who had risen with the first streak of dawn, and snatching
a hurried breakfast had left her foster-daughter asleep. She had
lifted the lid of the coffer and had taken out the best half of her
scarlet mantle, leaving the worn and faded half hanging Over the
spinning wheel. "Morva would understand," she thought, "and would wash
it and lay it away in the coffer until her return." A gown too she
wore, instead of her peasant dress, a gown of red and black homespun,
which had been her best when she was first married. On her head a
black felt hat, with low crown, and slouching brim over her full
bordered cap of frilled muslin. Strong shoes with bows on the instep,
her crutch stick in her hand, and a little bundle of clothes tied up in
a cotton handkerchief completed her outfit, and thus equipped she stole
silently to the bedside where Morva lay, flushed with the heavy sleep
of youth and health.
"My little daughter!" was all she said, but her eyes were full of tears
as she passed through the cwrt and took the sheep path which led to the
top of the moor. Reaching the brow of the hill she turned into a
narrow lane, over which the thorn bushes, just showing signs of their
budding greenery, almost met together. Under their branches she made
her way, to where the lane opened out to a grassy square, on which
stood a tiny whitewashed cottage. The thatch reached low over the
door, and its one window no bigger than a child's slate. There were no
signs of life, but Sara did not hesitate to raise the wooden latch and
open the door, which she found unbolted.
In the murky gloom of the cottage it was difficult at first to see
where the bed lay, but as space was circumscribed she had not far to
look; in fact, one curtained side of the bed made the wall of the
passage, and she had but to turn round this to see an old and wrinkled
face asleep on the pillow.
"I must wake her, pwr thing," said Sara, and she began to call softly,
"Nani, Nani fâch!"
The sleep of age is easily put to flight, and Nani opened her eyes.
"Sara ''spridion'!" she said, in astonishment. "Sara Lloyd, I mean,
but I was dreaming, Sara dear. What is it?" and she sat up not a
little disturbed, for Sara's name alone sufficed to arouse the latent
fear of the "hysbis" or occult, always lurking in the Celtic mind.
Sara only smiled as the word "'spridion" escaped the frightened woman's
lips.
"Is it time to get up?" she said, beginning to rub her eyes.
"No, no," said Sara, taking a seat by the bedside, and leaning upon her
stick. "Lie still, Nani fâch, and forgive me for awaking you, but I am
going a journey, and a journey that won't wait."
"Oh, dear!" said Nani, "are you going by the old trên, then? As for
me, I'm too frightened of it to go and see my own daughter. She's
asked me many times, and I would have good living there, but I wouldn't
venture in the trên for the whole world!"
"I'm not afraid of it," said Sara, "but I have never seen it. 'Twould
be strange to me, and the shipping comes more natural, so I'm going to
Caer-Madoc, for I know the steamer sails from there to Cardiff every
Tuesday. I hope I will be there in time; but tell me, Nani, about
Kitty your daughter."
"She is married again, and such a good husband she has. John Parry
nearly killed her, pwr thing, and then he died, and she married this
man--his name is Jones."
"But I want to know," said Sara, "did she say anything about Gethin
Owens when she was here?"
"She said she was never seeing him, and she didn't know why he was
keeping away from her, and the sailors were often seeing him about the
docks, but she didn't know where he was lodging now. There's glad I
was to see her; but indeed, Sara fâch, it cost me a lot of money, 'cos
she's got a good appetite, whatever. 'Tis a great waste to come all
that long way by the trên. She wants to come again, and if it wasn't
for the money--"
Sara, who had no sympathy with the parsimony of many of her class, rose
to go.
"Well, I won't stop longer, Nani fâch; good-bye and thank you."
When she saw her visitor was really going, Nani was profuse in her
offers of hospitality.
"Going! Caton pawb! not without breakfast?"
But Sara was gone, and already making her way to the high road which
led along the brow of the hill to Caer-Madoc. It was twenty years
since she had last been in the town, and even in this remote place
twenty years had brought changes--the busy streets, the shops, the
cries of the vendors of herrings and cockles, would have bewildered and
puzzled her had she not been possessed by a strong purpose and
sustained by that faith which can move mountains. Aided by old
memories she found her way to the quay and to the small steamer with
the long English name, which plied twice a week between the ports of
Caer-Madoc and Cardiff.
"Are you going to Cardiff?" she asked the master, who stood on the quay.
"Why, yes, of course this is the day, and we are starting in a quarter
of an hour. Who are you?" he said, looking with amused curiosity at
the quaint figure with her crutch stick and black bundle.
"I am Sara Lloyd of Garthowen Moor, and I want to go with you to
Cardiff. Will you take me?"
"Of course, little woman, if you can pay."
"Oh, yes," said Sara, undoing the corner of her pocket-handkerchief,
"how much is it?" and she held out a half-sovereign.
"Eight shillings--you pay in there," and he pointed to a red painted
shed, "but look you here, little woman, that big pocket doesn't suit
such a place as Cardiff, 'tis too easily got at; tie your money up
tight and put it inside the breast of your gown."
"Yes," said Sara, obeying, "and thank you."
"Look alive, then, and I will take you on board."
Sara found a seat near the prow of the ship.
"We'll have to tie a few weights to you by and by, I'm thinking, or
you'll be blown away," said the captain, as he kindly arranged some
boxes and baskets so as to shelter her a little from the strong March
wind.
"Am I the only passenger?"
"Yes. 'Tis mostly goods we carry, but sometimes we have a stray
passenger. And where would you be going now so far from Garthowen Moor
in your old age?"
Welsh curiosity is a quantity that has to be taken into account.
"I am going to Cardiff."
"Yes, yes; but when you get there?"
"I don't know for sure."
The captain looked grave.
"You have a daughter, perhaps, or a son at Cardiff?"
"No, neither," said Sara. "'Tis the oldest son of Garthowen I am
seeking for--Gethin Owens, have you ever seen him?"
"Gethin Owens!" said the captain, in a tone of surprise. "What? the
dark brown chap with the white teeth and the bright eyes like a
starling's?"--Sara nodded--"and gold rings in his ears?"
"That's him," said Sara. "Do you know him?"
"Caton pawb! as well as if he was my own son. He's mate of the
_Gwenllian_, trading to Monte Video and other foreign parts. The
_Gwenllian_ sailed about four months ago and would be back about now.
Is that what you are expecting?"
"Yes," said Sara, "Ebben Owens Garthowen is wearing his heart away
longing for his son, and I think if I can see him I have news for him
that will bring him to the old home."
"Well, well," said the captain, "little did I think the mate of the
_Gwenllian_ was the son of my old friend Ebben Owens Garthowen! Why!
long ago I have been stopping with him, when he was a young man and I
the same. I remember he was courting a handsome girl there, the finest
lass you ever set your eyes upon, straight she was, and tall, with
brown hair and dark blue eyes, like the night sky with the stars in it;
oh! she was a fine lass, and she carried her pail on her head as
straight as a willow wand," and the old captain clasped his own waist
above the hips, and strutted about with an imaginary pail on his head.
"Well, I heard afterwards that Ebben Owens treated her shocking bad,
and married another girl, with money, but they say he never cared for
her, and was never happy with her; and serve him right, say I. Dear!
dear! how the time slips by!"
"Yes," said Sara, "he is an old man now, and in sore trouble. I live
on his land, and I want to bring happiness back to Garthowen."
"Of course, of course!" said the captain, "but indeed; little woman,
I'm afraid you'll have hard work, for there's something strange about
that lad lately; he's keeping with the English sailors when he's in
port and avoiding all his old companions. I have heard my son tell of
him too, and how altered he is, and how angry the Welsh sailors are
with him, but I believe he is stiddy and upright."
"Well," said Sara, "if I can only have a word with him 'twill be all
right."
"Jâr-i! you have pluck, little woman, and 'tis well to have a friend
like you. Well, I'll do my best for you. I'll find you a night's
lodging and somebody to show you the way about next day. Mrs. Jones,
Bryn Street, would take you in; it's where I go myself when I do spend
a night ashore."
"A hundred thanks. That's where I'd like to go because I know her and
her mother."
When the captain left her she fell into a reverie, her sweet, patient
face, with its delicate complexion, lighted up by the images of
retrospection; the dark blue eyes, which held so much insight and
purpose in their depths, were still beautiful under their arched
eyebrows, the soft, straight fringe of hair combed down over her
forehead like a little child's showed the iron-grey of age, and the
mouth, a little sunken, told the same tale, but the spirit of love and
peace within preserved to Sara a beauty that was not dependent upon
outward form. It was felt by all who came in contact with her, and
perhaps was the cause of the curious feeling of awe with which her
neighbours regarded her.
As the little puffing steamer ploughed her way through the clear, green
water, the ever-changing sky of a March day overhead, the snow-white
wreaths of spray, the clear white line of the horizon, the soft grey,
receding shore, all unheeded by the captain and his three subordinates,
aroused in Sara's mind the intense pleasure that only a heart at peace
with itself and with Nature can feel, and as she leant her soft veined
hands on her crutched stick, resting her chin upon them, a little
picturesque figure on the commonplace, modern steamer, the romance of
life which we are apt to associate only with the young, added its charm
to the thoughts of the woman of many years. The beauty of the world,
the joy of it, the great hopes of it, all filled her soul to
overflowing, for she believed her journey would bring light and
happiness to Ebben Owens. This had been the desire of her young life,
and would now be granted to her in her old age. Yes! Sara's heart was
full of joy and gratitude, for she knew neither doubt nor fear.