The Germans refer to the Armistice negotiations as
_Waffenstillstandeverhandlungen_. We hope it will be worse even than
they think.
***
There is no truth in the rumour that among the many new performances
of _Hamlet_ which are promised there will be one in aid of the fund
for brightening the lives of the clergy, with the Gloomy Dean as the
Gloomy Dane.
***
"We Americans do not consider ourselves the salt of the earth," says
Senator HENRY. No, but their bacon certainly is.
***
In view of the fact that there is a large quantity of marmalade
in the country, it has been decided to release it. This is such a
satisfactory solution of the problem that people are wondering whether
the Food Ministry thought of that one themselves.
***
Our heart goes out to the soldier who, when offered, on
demobilisation, the option of fifty-two shillings and sixpence or a
standard suit, replied that he would rather pay the fine.
***
The only surprising thing about Mr. C.B. COCHRAN'S proposal for a
Peace Fair in Hyde Park, to be arranged largely by himself, is that
there is no mention of a Serpentine dance for DELYSIA.
***
The Australian Government proposes to send returned Australian
soldiers to prospect for minerals in the Northern Territories. Whether
they will be interested in them after their experience in England in
failing to locate quarts is another matter.
***
Sir EDWARD ELGAR has dedicated his new orchestral work, "Polonia," to
M. PADEREWSKI. The report that the distinguished pianist-politician is
thinking of retorting with a fugue, "Stiltonia," is not confirmed.
***
The Aircraft Salvage branch announces that not less than one thousand
five hundred yards of the aeroplane linen which is being disposed
of to the public will be sold to one purchaser. In the event of the
purchaser deciding to use it as a pocket-handkerchief he can have it
hemstitched for a trifling sum.
***
Improvement is reported in the condition of the taxi-cab driver who
had a seizure in Piccadilly Circus while attempting to say "Thank you"
to a fare.
***
We are pleased to be able to announce that the Kensington man who last
week managed to board a tube train has consented to write a book about
it.
***
Writing to a contemporary a Leeds correspondent says that he does not
think much of an inactive corporation. As a matter of fact, since the
introduction of rationing we didn't think active ones were being worn.
***
As a result of munition work, says a health journal, quite a number of
men have given up smoking tobacco. We suppose the theory is that they
have now taken to smoking threepenny cigars.
***
Mrs. MAGGIE HATHWAY of Montana is to be congratulated upon running a
six-hundred-acre farm without the help of men's labour. After all we
men must admit that her sporting effort is a distinct score for the
second oldest sex in the world.
***
Anglesea Police Commission are offering one shilling and sixpence a
dozen for rats' tails to residents of the county. Some difficulty is
expected in distinguishing local from imported tails once they are
separated from the rat.
***
In connection with the offers for Drury Lane Theatre it appears that
one of the would-be purchasers declares that he was more syndicate
than sinning.
***
In connection with the epidemic of burglaries in London, _The Daily
Express_ has now published a leader note saying there have been too
many of late. It is hoped that this will have the desired effect.
***
We are glad to report that the gentleman who, at the BURNS festival,
upon being asked if he would take a little haggis replied that he
wouldn't mind trying a wing, managed to escape with his life.
***
A West Hampstead architect has designed a cottage in which there will
be no bricks in the walls, no timber in the roof, no slates or tiles
and no register grates. Too late. Jerry-builders accomplished that
trick years ago.
***
While walking in Highams Park, Chingford, says a contemporary, a
postman picked up a package containing one ounce of butter. To his
eternal credit let it be said that he at once took it to the nearest
police station.
***
The best brains of the country are still exercised by the alleged need
of brightening cricket. One of our own suggestions is that the bowler
should be compelled to do three Jazz-steps and two Fox-trots before
delivering the ball.
***
A typist recently fell from a moving train on the Isle of Wight
railway, but was able to get up and walk towards her destination.
We hear she had a good deal to say to the guard when she overtook
the train.
* * * * *
[Illustration: DEPARTURE FROM DOWNING STREET 10 A.M.