The task that lay before Mrs. Grey was an uncongenial one, but she
entered upon it cheerfully and hopefully; nobody who knew her, would
need to be told that she went prayerfully, also. She found, as she
expected, intelligent, educated persons in Mr. and Mrs. Thayer, and as
he had retired from business, he had plenty of leisure to consult with
her.
"Things have always gone wrong with us," he said, as soon as the ice
was broken. "But we have at last reached a point when everything must
be placed on a new basis. I have tried my best with the children;
have talked to them by the hour together; have chastised them and
indulged them by turns, but all in vain. And now," he added, his voice
trembling, "I have just caught my eldest boy, Bob, in an act of theft."
"To a large amount?"
"Large for a boy of his age. And what makes it hard is, that I have
been lavish with him in every way. I did not suppose he had a wish
ungratified."
"_Ah!_" said Mrs. Grey, in a tone that declared she was beginning to
see daylight.
"Bob is a good-hearted boy," said Mrs. Thayer, "but his character leans
to shiftlessness. We have tried to tone him up, but if a child is born
without a backbone, what can one do?"
"May I ask in what way you have tried to tone him up?"
"Certainly," replied Mr. Thayer, in a tone of surprise. "We have talked
to him year in and year out."
"Does he like that?"
"No. He yawns in my face."
"Now, you want my honest opinion?"
"We do, most emphatically."
"Then, allow me to say that long talks to children seldom, if ever,
do any good. A single, loving, wise word dropped just at the right
moment, will do infinitely more. But something lies back even of
this. It is parental character. Now I don't want to know from which
of you two your boy gets his bias; perhaps it is from neither. But
he is one of the sort who never should have a promise made him, and
then left unfulfilled. He needs to see, every day, prompt, decisive
action; what he sees will tell more than what he hears. And, I say
it in all kindness, no human being who has his every wish gratified
is in a process of toning up. Such luxury tends to enervate, not to
strengthen."
"I meant it for the best," said Mr. Thayer, with a sigh. "I hoped to
win the lad's heart by kindness. But I see how it has all ended in
failure. Perhaps," he added, after a pause, "you ought to know the
whole story. I am careless about money matters; don't like trouble, and
have never kept any account with Bob. He got into the way of boasting
to other boys how much he had at his disposal; how much more than any
of them, and they dared him to prove that this was the case. In a great
hurry one day I threw some loose bills into a drawer, forgot them, and
perhaps never should have thought of them again, but a good friend of
mine came and told me that Bob was exhibiting a larger sum at school
than he thought it likely I had given him; and then the whole thing
came out."
"What did you do?"
"I talked to him, and then thrashed him."
"Are you sure it is a good thing to thrash a boy of that age?"
"Why, could I do less?"
"Of course I cannot legislate in this matter; but you may depend there
is a parental screw loose somewhere when a lad of fourteen has to be
thrashed. Are you sure that you have kept him out of temptation by
constant employment, for instance?"
"I never thought of that. Bob's a lazy fellow; he hates work, though
he's fond enough of play, to be sure."
"It is a vital point to keep children busy," said Mrs. Grey. "Taste for
this and that employment can be cultivated. Are you sure he would not
like to learn drawing? Or the use of tools? Or music?"
"He has no natural taste for either."
"Then how does he spend his time out of school?"
"I don't know, exactly; I suppose he lounges about the streets more or
less."
"What sort of boys are his intimate friends?"
"I don't know that either, exactly."
"I know," said Mrs. Thayer, "what boys visit him, but I do not know of
what sort they are. He always sees them in his own room."
Mr. Thayer was here called out, and Mrs. Thayer turned eagerly to her
guest.
"You see what my boy's father is," she said, "a kinder, a better man
does not exist; but he never has known how to manage Bob, and most of
the care of him has rested on me. And one parent is not enough for
children. Still, I did the best I could, and Bob was obedient at any
rate--for that I require of my children; but he slipped out of my
fingers in this wise. I was just going out to pay some visits, when a
boy came to invite him to dine with him. It was on a Friday, when there
are no lessons, so I gave my consent, only directing him to put on a
clean shirt, adding, remembering his indolence, 'You can go on no other
terms. Go directly and dress, or you will get to romping about and
forget it.' He promised, and I went out, returning in time to see him
just ready, to start in his soiled and crumpled shirt. I said to him,
'I'm sorry for you, Bob, but you know on what terms you were to go.'
He began to cry, and the face of the other boy lengthened. My husband
never had interfered before, nor has he ever since; but he interfered
so decidedly then, and was joined so vehemently by one of his brothers
who happened to be present, that it was next to impossible to hold out
against them. Bob went off in triumph, and my authority was for ever
ended. He has been growing worse ever since. His father meant no harm;
but he did not foresee, as I did, what would be the consequences of
this one mistake. Now, have you anything to suggest? Is our boy on the
absolute road to ruin?"
"Before I reply, please answer one question. How much hold have you on
his affections?"
"Very little. And since we have told him we could not love a boy guilty
of his crime, he has grown surly."
"Is it true that you do not love him?"
"Of course not."
"Why then tell him so?"
"We are trying, in every way, to make him abhor the sin?"
"Poor boy! poor father! poor mother! What a series of mistakes!"
thought Mrs. Grey. "Where _shall_ I begin?" And then remembered she had
begun in her closet.
"I know," she then said, "that some children are born with such
amiable instincts, that they give little trouble to their parents
and teachers, and become, therefore, their pride and glory. But this
is the exception, not the rule. The _general_ rule is that the more
character a child possesses, the more he will be faulty. My impression
is, that most parental difficulties result from misconception on two
radical points. The first is a putting off of God's regenerating work
to a period in their children's lives when they can intelligently help
Him do it. The second is faith in self. Now I will not say that I know
it to be the case that some souls are regenerated before they enter
this world; I only suggest the thought for your reflection; but that
the mass of mankind enter it unregenerate, is the belief of all who
accept the Bible as Divine truth. This being the case, every parent who
undertakes to mould and fashion his child into a model of morality and
virtue with his own hands, makes a radical mistake. Divine must precede
parental work. Until a soul has been regenerated, labor spent on it is
external, and cannot reach the roots of being."
Mr. and Mrs. Thayer listened with some incredulity, yet with the
respect due to superior years.
At last Mr. Thayer said, "I must own that this theory is new to me,
and that I am not prepared to accept, as I am unwilling to reject it.
I have always believed that a soul must _will_ to be born again, and
that a child must reach an intelligent age before it would reach such a
point."
"Do you believe that those who die in infancy are lost, because they
never exercised faith in God, or willed to be His?"
"No, indeed."
"Well, how are they saved?"
"By special grace."
"And not through the exercise of faith on their part?"
"Certainly not."
"This concession, then, does away with the notion that faith is a
redeeming virtue--a meritorious act. Consequently, a child can be
regenerated before birth, at birth, or at an indefinitely early age
after birth; the sooner the better. Instead of spending ten or twelve
years in forming unholy habits, which it will require as many more to
outgrow, it may begin from its earliest consciousness to form holy
ones."
"Holy is a very holy word," said Mr. Thayer. "One hardly associates it
with a laughing child."
"It is undoubtedly a very holy word, when applied to a veteran saint;
but there has been a Holy Child on earth, the child Jesus; and in
virtue of that fact, all our sons and daughters may, at any early age,
become partakers of this grace."
Mr. and Mrs. Thayer were ominously silent. Mrs. Grey, therefore,
proceeded: "Holiness in a young child is in its germ. It may mean
little more than a genuine tendency to what is right. There will be
faults, and foibles, and mistakes, perhaps falls; why not? Is it to
be nearer perfection than its parents? They have faults and foibles,
and make fearful mistakes; many of them have seasons of terrible
backsliding, and falls that wring the hearts of all Christendom, if
they have stood high enough to be seen by it."
"I have prayed for the conversion of our children," said Mrs. Thayer,
"but expected it to come at some future time, when I wanted it to be a
marked, unmistakable experience."
"Why not, just as rationally, put off their beginning to love you till
they could give a good reason for it, and do it in a very decided way?
It seems to me the most natural thing in the world for the children of
Christian parents to begin to love Christ as soon as they hear who and
what He is. Their love may be poor and meagre, and lack intelligence;
but if it is genuine, it will wax stronger and stronger. If it does not
exist at all, you can only work on them through the sentiment of fear;
whereas love is the master-passion of the human soul."
"Oh," cried Mr. Thayer, holding up his right hand, "God is my witness,
that I would give this hand to see my children converted unto Him! I
never realized till now, what deep-seated yearnings I had for them. But
I supposed they must go through some process first; distress of mind,
repentance, faith."
"Faith they will have; faith that will put yours to the blush, if
they are trained aright, with prayer. They may pass through painful
processes later on in life, but not necessarily."
"But does not the Bible put repentance first?"
"It does, when addressing adults. I find no evidence that it thus
addresses a child of two years. I believe that if Christ were now on
earth, and should go into your nursery in order to save the two little
boys there, He would not say a word about repentance; He would do
something to make them love Him. Oh, how often I have rejoiced that the
first parental words that fell on my ear were tender, affectionate ones
about Him; that the law preached to me was, 'Do this because it will
please Him! Don't do that because it will grieve Him.'"
"I am impressed by what you say," Mr. Thayer remarked, looking at his
watch, "and could listen all night. But we have kept you up till eleven
o'clock in our selfish interests."
"I have kept myself up in the Master's interests," she said, fervently.
As the family gathered together at breakfast the next morning, she took
special pains to shake hands with Bob, and give him a smile. He was
surprised and pleased, for he had vaguely connected this visitor with
his own misdeed.
"They haven't told her, after all," he thought, and a faint spark of
gratitude arose in his heart. "And she ain't one of the long-faced
kind, either," he said to himself, as he glanced at her cheerful face.
There was a good deal of bustle after breakfast about getting the
children off to school. One fretted about her luncheon; another at
being directed to wear overshoes because he had a cold.
"Mamma," said the eldest daughter, "I'm going to have some girls to
lunch next Saturday. And I don't want any of _you_ in the room, either."
At this exhibition Mrs. Thayer blushed. She found it not so pleasant to
have the children betray themselves to Mrs. Grey present, who was quite
another person to Mrs. Grey absent.
Two or three little altercations arose, meantime, between the children.
"I don't see why you should have lunch all to yourself," said Julia, a
girl of ten.
"Well, it's enough that I see it," retorted Esther.
"Mamma won't let you, I know; will you, mamma?"
"I've got to have an excuse for tardiness," said Esther, turning to her
mother.
"Another excuse? I've a good mind not to give you any. Now, I can't
have this. It is the third time this week."
And so on, and so on.
When they were fairly off, Mrs. Thayer burst into tears of mingled
shame and pain.
"You see how it is," she said. "Esther regards us as natural enemies,
whom she cannot allow to share her interests. And her love of dress
tries me, too. And there is Julia following in her steps. If it were
not for the younger children I should have no comfort. It is strange
that they should degenerate so; in their nursery I saw very little of
the unlovely traits they are developing now."
"Well, now, Mrs. Grey, have you any counsel to give us?" asked Mr.
Thayer. "We are ready to bear reproof and to amend our ways if you can
suggest a change."
Mrs. Grey replied, very earnestly, "It is not so much outward change
that you two need, as a new deep-seated principle within. I think you
have dealt with your children too much on the outside. The first thing
to _require_ is obedience. The first thing for them to _acquire_ is
tenderness of conscience. All the lectures, and all the chastisements
in the world will come to naught if this is lacking. A moment's
reflection will show you that a time will come when parental law must
cease, and that they must then become a law unto themselves. The best
lock and key, the best bar and bolt, is conscience. Now we will allow
that you have partially erred in this regard; what is the remedy for
that and every other error? I maintain that the only remedy is prayer.
The Divine hand can overrule your mistakes; no other can."
Mr. and Mrs. Thayer maintained an embarrassed silence.
At last Mrs. Thayer said: "Perhaps you have laid the axe to the root
of all our difficulties. I do not think we have realized our human
insufficiency till quite lately."
"Thank God, that you realize it now. The next step to such realization,
is a laying hold of His strength. I have been watching Bob; he does not
look like a vicious boy; if you manage wisely, he may never repeat the
offence that has caused you such pain."
"And what would you counsel in regard to him?"
"I do not know. I have never had to deal with such a case. If he were
my boy I should just go to God with my ignorance, and expect to gain
wisdom how to act. But let me say, just here, that my experience with
boys and girls forbids free use of money. As soon as they reach a
proper age, they should have, if possible, an allowance, and be obliged
to keep account of every penny of it. I should say in relation to Bob,
that he should be indulged very sparingly, and obliged to restore to
a mill all he has taken, even if it takes years to do it. This long
discipline will do him good. 'The way of transgressors is hard;' let
him learn that so effectually that he can never forget it. One thing
more. You have told him that you do not love him; go on in that path,
and you will lose your boy. You must not only love him, you must
let him know that you do by constant acts of kindness. God makes a
distinction between the sinner and his sin; He loves the one and hates
the other; we must do the same."
The unhappy parents began to feel their burden lightened.
"Then, you think there is hope for our poor boy?" they asked.
"I _know_ there is just as long as you enclose him in your prayers. He
will be as safe as an insect in a piece of amber."
"But the insect is dead."
"Yes, but how much better hath God made a human soul that cannot die?"
"I have not breathed so freely for a month," said Mrs. Thayer.
"Will you give us some hints now about Esther? You see what she is,
superficially; but she has good qualities, and far more character than
Bob."
"How happens it that she wants to exclude you all from her pleasures?"
"I don't know; but she does, and so mortifies and grieves me."
"Have you always taken care to show sympathy with her in her pursuits,
her friends, and the like?"
"Perhaps not all I might."
"I fancy this interest is all that is wanting. You might try and see.
By the bye, have you any absorbing pursuit or friendship yourself?"
"Yes, I have many."
"Perhaps, then, you have unconsciously weaned the child from you by
only half listening to what she has had to say about hers."
"Did you observe that she informed me that she was going to have
friends to lunch, instead of asking permission?"
"Certainly."
"And what should you do in such a case? Reason with her?"
"No; I should simply provide no entertainment. As things stand,
however, giving her warning to that effect."
"You have no idea how angry she will be."
Mrs. Grey was silent.
"And then how she'll tease!"
"The sooner she learns the uselessness of teasing the better."
Mrs. Thayer twisted her pocket-handkerchief around her fingers
uneasily. At last she said:
"I can't tell you how I dread entering on this contest."
"There need be no contest. It takes two for that, and I don't propose a
fight."
"What am I to do, then?"
"Do nothing while the tempest lasts. After it is over, speak to her
kindly, but firmly; and state it as a simple fact that a new leaf is to
be turned over in the family life."
"It won't do any good. Esther has such a will. I shall only provoke
her!"
"You can't provoke her if you speak gently and lovingly."
"But I can't do that. When she has one of her tantrums I lose my
temper."
"Then before you speak to her, speak to God. He will sweeten and humble
you if you will let Him do it."