[Illustration: Swedish Politeness.]
STOCKHOLM approached by lovely river (that is, we approached Stockholm
by lovely river), with banks and hills covered with pine and birch
trees, and studded with villas, where the Stockholm people live away
from the town. "Studded" is a good word, but phrase sounds too much
like "studied with SASS," as so many of our best artists did. Lovely
for boating. Why don't the Swedes row? _They don't._ Lots of islands,
and everybody as jolly as sand-boys, especially on Sanday. By the way,
what's a "sand-boy"? Why _toujours_ jolly?
Stockholm a stunning place, all built round a huge palace, copy of
the Pitti Palace in Florence. Lifts to take the people up-hill, and a
circular tramway all round the town for one penny. Lots of soldiers in
uniforms like Prussians or Russians, whichever you like. Such swagger
policemen, all tall and handsome, with beautiful helmets and lovely
coats. What would an English cook say to them?
Cathedral with tombs of GUSTAVUS VASA, GUSTAVUS ADOLPHUS, and
BERNADOTTE. What was BERNADOTTE doing here? Didn't like to ask. Piled
up with kettledrums and flags taken from the Russians. I noticed in
Russia their churches were equally piled up with drums and flags taken
from the Swedes. Exchange is no robbery.
[Illustration: Snack Sideboard. "Lax and Snax."]
Lunch. First view of the Swedish snacks before lunch and dinner. A
side-table with caviare Lax, cut reindeer tongue, sausages, brown
bread, prawns, kippered herrings, radishes, sardines, crawfish,
cheeses. Should spell it "Lax and Snax." Three silver tubs of
spirit--Pommerans, Renadt, and Kummin--tried 'em all. All good. "We
had a good time--Kummin." The Kummin was goin',--rather. Ceiling of
_restaurant_ all mirrors--self keeping an eye on self.
National Museum. Splendid collection. Stone, bronze, and iron periods.
Poor pictures. No end of palaces to see, till one is sick of 'em.
[Illustration: Fête in Honour of the Poet Bellman.]
Swedes have a poet, BELLMAN, evidently who wrote Bacchanalian songs.
They have a national holiday on July the 26th, and go to _Fête_ in
a Wood, where bronze head of BELLMAN is, cover it with garlands and
roses, and sing and have a good time before it, just like an old Greek
offering to Bacchus. I saw it. And in the evening a _fête_ where
they carry a child got up as Bacchus, and seated on a barrel with a
wine-cup. A regular jolly drinking procession. They have a wonderful
open air _restaurant_ called The Hasselbacken, where you dine in
delightful little green arbours, and lots of Swedish girls about.
Capital dinners, A 1 wine, and first-rate music with full band. No
charge to go in; you pay before leaving, though. Very good waiting.
[Illustration: Dinner in the Arbour.]
The Swedes are very polite, and take their hats off on the slightest
provocation, and keep them off a long time, specially whilst talking
to a lady. When talking to _two_ ladies, of course they keep 'em off
double the time.
Altogether a delightful place. But they all say you should come in the
_winter_. Wish I could. FLOTSAM, Y.A.
P.S.--The Swedish girls are as a rule very handsome. Tall, with long
legs. Men good-looking also.
I can't very well do myself; I can "do myself" remarkably well, but I
mean I cannot sketch myself in a cut; but _Mr. Punch_, in cuts I have
done, is far more expressive than I can make anyone else.
* * * * *
THE COMPLIMENTS OF THE SEASON (_with Mr. Punch's kind regards_).--The
most Popular of Colonial Strikers--Our illustrious guests, the
Australian Cricketers.
* * * * *
"WANTED!"
WANTED, by a well-travelled lady, of æsthetic and refined tastes, a
comfortable and congenial home with a Duchess. The Advertiser, who is
a person of much intelligence, and a most agreeable gossip, regards
her pleasant companionship as an equivalent for the social advantages
(including carriage-drives, and an introduction to the very best
society), for which she is prepared to offer the very handsome
remuneration of ten shillings a week.
* * * * *
HORSE WANTED.--Must have been placed in a recent Derby, and show a
good racing record. Thoroughly sound in wind and limb, expected to
be equal to carrying 13 stone in the Park, or to doing any work from
a four-in-hand down to single harness in a hearse. On the advertiser
being furnished with a suitable beast, he will be prepared to put
down a five-pound note for him, payable by ten-shilling monthly
instalments.
* * * * *
HOME REQUIRED FOR AN INDIAN CHIEF.--The Advertiser, who has recently
received a consignment of Savages from Patagonia, and has had to
entertain their Monarch in his residence at Bayswater, as he is
about to pay a four weeks' visit to the Continent, is anxious in
the meantime to find a suitable home for him in some quiet suburban
family, who would not object to some fresh and lively experience
introduced into the routine of their domestic circle, in consideration
for a small payment to defray the slight extra cost involved in his
support. He will give little trouble, an empty attic furnished with a
hearth-rug supplying him with all the accommodation he will require,
while his food has hitherto consisted of tripe, shovelled to him on a
pitchfork, and stout mixed with inferior rum, of which he gets through
about a horse-pailful a day. His chief recreation being a "Demon's
War Dance," in which he will, if one be handy, hack a clothes-horse to
pieces with his "baloo," or two-edged chopper-axe, he might be found
an agreeable inmate by an aged and invalid couple, who would relish a
little unusual after-dinner excitement, as a means of passing away a
quiet evening or two. Applicants anxious to secure the Chief should
write at once. Three-and-sixpence a-week will be paid for his keep,
which, supplying the place of the rum in his drink (which has been
tried with effect) with methylated spirit mixed with treacle, affords
an ample margin for a handsome profit on the undertaking.
* * * * *
[Illustration: MUCH MORE SUITABLE.
NEW UNIFORM FOR HER MAJESTY'S HORSE GUARDS, SUGGESTED TO MR. PUNCH BY
RECENT CAVALRY EVOLUTIONS ON THE THAMES.]
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