VAN. Now don't suppose, Fastman--I can't bear it. Remember that's your
answer--I have the authority of her husband. You shall revenge me! Cut
him out, Fastman! Spit at him! kick him! pull his nose! while I go
into training, in order that I may finish him! Spifflicate him!
pulverise him! Don't speak. (_crosses to C._) You have your full
instructions. Follow me, Rebecca--go to the butcher's and get me a raw
beef steak--I am now going to breakfast. (_to FASTMAN, as he is
leaving the stage_) Remember--I have the authority of her husband. Now
I'll go into training.
_Exit with REBECCA, C. D. to L._
FAST. I never was more astonished in my life! Why, what a greenhorn I
have been all this while! She must have laughed in her sleeve at me
finely. Oh, oh! I must go a different way to work with the lady.
(_loud knockings at the door, R., in which MRS. BOBBINS was locked by
VANDYKE_) What's all that knocking? Some one is locked in here. (_he
goes to door and unlocks it._)
_Enter MRS. BOBBINS, R. door._
MRS. BOBBINS. (_R., speaking as she comes down without seeing
FASTMAN_) I can't bear this any longer. I am determined to know what
it all means! (_seeing FASTMAN_) Mr. Fastman!
FAST. (L.) Yes, my charmer, I am here! Don't be afraid!
MRS. BOBBINS. (_astonished_) What do you mean, sir?
FAST. Come, come, don't let there be any more of this prudery. I'm
sure you'll give me the preference--you wouldn't make a comparison
between a young fellow like me and such an old Guy Fawkes as Bobbins?
MRS. BOBBINS. How dare you, sir, speak of my husband in this
disrespectful manner?
FAST. Your husband! Come, come, that's a little too good, Constantia.
_I know all about that._
MRS. BOBBINS. Constantia! You impertinent young man!
FAST. Yes, Constantia--_dear_ Constantia! I doat upon the very ground
you tread upon! Now you shall listen to me--
(_falling on his knees._
_Enter BOBBINS, C. from L._
AUGUS. (C.) What is all this?
MRS. BOBBINS. (_aside_) Good heavens! my husband!
FAST. (_getting up slowly_) Ah, Bobbins, old fellow! how are you? (_go
to L._)
AUGUS. (_in amazement_) Sir, my astonishment knows no bounds.