CHARIVARIA.

A gentleman with a foreign name who was arrested in the neighbourhood of

the Tyne shipyards last week with measuring gauges and a map in his

possession explained, on being charged, that he was looking for work. It

is possible that some hard labour may be found for him.

* * *

"Members of Parliament will not suffer," was the comfortable statement

of Mr. JOSIAH WEDGWOOD during a speech on the subject of the War. As a

matter of fact, owing to the French cooks employed at the House of

Commons having returned to their country, the _menu_ at the House will

have to consist, until the end of the session, of plain English fare.

* * *

The foresight of the British Public in refusing to subscribe the large

amount of money asked of them for the Olympic Sports in Berlin is now

apparent.

* * *

Although still under twenty-one years of age, and therefore not yet

liable for military service, GEORGES CARPENTIER has gallantly joined the

colours as a volunteer. It would be pleasant if he and the Russian

HACKENSCHMIDT could shortly meet in Berlin.

* * *

A dear old lady writes to say that she was shocked to read that Sir

ERNEST SHACKLETON'S ship, on leaving the Thames, was hooted at by

sirens, and that such conduct makes her ashamed of her sex.

* * *

Meanwhile, thoughtful persons are wondering whether there will be any

fighting at the South Pole. It will be remembered that the Austrians

were also fitting out a South Pole expedition, and friendly rivalry

between the two nations may soon become impossible.

* * *

The W.S.P.U. has written to the Press to contradict the statement that

the Union has issued instructions that acts of militancy are to be

suspended during the European crisis. The Union, we understand,

considers the statement calculated to cause serious injury to its

reputation.

* * *

Which reminds us that _The Liverpool Evening Echo_ was, we fancy, the

only paper in the country to announce a sensational victory for

feminism, and we congratulate our contemporary on its _coup_. We refer

to the following announcement:--"At a meeting of the Fellows of All

Souls' College, Oxford, Mrs. Francis William Pember was elected Warden

in place of the late Sir William Anson."

* * *

The Hon. Sec. of the Fresh Air Fund appeals to ladies to send him their

hair combings, every pound of which will provide a poor child with a day

in the country. We like this idea of turning Old Hair into Fresh Air.

* * *

The London General Omnibus Company is appointing one lady and a number

of men to act as interpreters and guides. Their costumes, we should say,

will attract a considerable amount of attention, for the lady, we are

told, will wear a braided frock coat and black skirt and straw-topped

peak hat, while the men will work in double shifts.

* * *

By the way it is rumoured that several of our railway companies intend

to follow the example of the L. G. O. C. and employ interpreters to

translate to passengers the names of the railway stations as announced

by porters and guards.

* * *

At the recent meeting of the British Medical Association at Aberdeen a

doctor advocated the eating of onions and garlic. This should certainly

produce an uninhabited area in one's immediate neighbourhood, and so

render one less liable to catch infectious diseases.

* * *

"I know not," says Mr. ARNOLD BENNETT, "why I find an acrid pleasure in

beholding mediocrity, the average, the everyday ordinary, as it is; but

I do." Can it be, ARNOLD, because we are all attracted by our opposites?

* * *

We are authorised to deny the allegation that Lord GLADSTONE, when he

was booed upon his arrival at Waterloo from South Africa, remarked

gaily, "Ah, I see I have not done with my friends the Booers yet!"

* * *

It is nice to know in these days of lost reputations that Oriental

hospitality, at any rate, shows no signs of decadence. A correspondent

has come across the following announcement in a tailor's shop in

Tokio:--"Respectable ladies and gentlemen may come here to have fits."

* * * * *

Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 147, August 12, 1914 · 第 4 / 43 题