_Wit and Wisdom of the Upper Classes._
Her Royal Highness the Hereditary Grand Duchess of Solothurn was
driving one day down Pall Mall when she observed a poor pickpocket
plying his precarious trade. Stopping the carriage immediately,
she asked him gently what she could do for him. He was dumbfounded
for a reply, and, withdrawing his hand from the coat-tail of an
elderly major, managed to mumble out that he was a widower with a
wife and six children who were out of work and refused to support
him, though earning excellent wages. This reasoning so touched the
Princess, that she immediately gave him a place as boot-black in
the Royal Palace of Kensington. Discharged from this position for
having prosecuted H.R.H. for six months’ arrears of wages, he set
up as a publican at the “Sieve and Pannier” at Wimbledon, a licence
of some ten thousand pounds in value, and a standing example of the
good fortune that attends thrift and industry.
* * *
It is not generally known that the late Lord Grumbletooth rose
from the ranks. His lordship was a singularly reticent man, and
the matter is still shrouded in obscurity. He was, however, a
politician in the best sense of the word, and owed his advancement
to the virtues that have made England famous. The collection of
domestic china at Grumbletooth House will vie with any other
collection at any similar house in the kingdom.
* * *
Dr. Kedge, whose death was recently announced in the papers, was
the son of no less a personage than Mr. Kedge, of the Old Hall,
Eybridge. It is hardly fair to call him a self-made man, for his
father paid a considerable sum both for his education and for the
settlement of his debts on leaving the University. But he was
a bright-eyed, pleasant host, and will long be regretted in the
journalistic world.
* * *
Lady Gumm’s kindness of heart is well known. She lately presented
a beggar with a shilling, and then discovered that she had not the
wherewithal to pay her fare home from Queen’s Gate to 376, Park
Lane (her ladyship’s town house). Without a moment’s hesitation she
borrowed eighteen pence of the grateful mendicant, a circumstance
that easily explains the persecution of which she has lately been
the victim.
* * *
Lord Harmbury was lately discovered on the top of a ’bus by an
acquaintance who taxed him with the misadventure. “I would rather
be caught _on_ a ’bus than _in_ a trap,” said the witty peer. The
_mot_ has had some success in London Society.
* * *
Mr. Mulhausen, the M.F.H. of the North Downshire Hunt, has recently
written an article on “Falconry” for the _Angler’s World_. The
style of the “brochure” shows a great advance in “technique,” and
cannot fail to give a permanent value to his opinion on Athletics,
Gentleman-farming, and all other manly sports and pastimes.
Mr. Mulhausen is, by the way, a recently-elected member of the
Rock-climbers’ Club, and is devoted to Baccarat.
* * *
There is no truth in the rumour that Miss Finn-Coul, daughter of
Colonel Wantage-Brown, was about to marry her father’s second
wife’s son by an earlier marriage, Mr. James Grindle-Torby. The
Colonel is a strong Churchman, and disapproves of such unions
between close relatives; moreover, as C.O., he has forbidden the
young lieutenant (for such is his rank) to leave the barracks for a
fortnight, a very unusual proceeding in the Hussars.
* * *
Lady Sophia Van Huren is famous for her repartee. In passing
through Grosvenor Gate an Irish beggar was heard to hope that she
would die the black death of Machushla Shawn. A sharp reply passed
her lips, and it is a thousand pities that no one exactly caught
its tenor; it was certainly a gem.
* * *
It is well known that the Bishop of Pontygarry has no sympathy
with the extreme party in the Church. Only the other day he was
so incensed at a service held in Ribble-cum-Taut, that he fought
the officiating clergyman for half an hour in his own garden, and
extorted a complete apology. He also forbad anyone in the village
ever to go to Church again, and himself attended the Methodist
Chapel on the ensuing Sunday. Had we a few more prelates of the
same mettle things would be in a very different condition.