Deg wawr erioed a gerais,
may do as well, and sounds better.
A roist ofal i'm calon,
A brath o hiraeth i'm bron:
Ni wyr un ar a anwyd
A roist o gur, os teg wyd;
Enwa anhunedd yn henaint
A yr wyn fyth yr un faint.
The first line of the last couplet is too long, and I should write both
thus:
Enwa'n hunedd yn henaint
E yr wyn fyth yr un faint.
Again:
Cyrchaf, ac ni fynnaf au,
I dir angov drwy angau.
The last couplet is a beautiful expression; but it hath too much sweet in
it; what our poets call _Eisiau Cyfnewid Bogail_. _Ang_, _ang_, is a
fault, which our musicians term _too many_ _concords_; and therefore they
mix discords in music, to make it more agreeable to the ear. So the
rhetoricians call the same fault in their science, _Caniad y gog_.
Therefore, suppose you would turn it thus:
O dir ing af drwy angau.
Again:
Lle bo dyfnaf yr afon,
Ar fy hynt yr af i hon,
Oni roi, Gwen eurog wedd,
Drwy gariad ryw drugaredd.
_Eurog wedd_ is no great compliment to a fair woman; for _Gwen_, a
Flavia, loves to be called white; and the last line hath _gar_--_gar_,
therefore I would write thus, or the like:
Oni roi, Gwen ir ei gwedd,
Yn gywrain, ryw drugaredd.
But I do not like _ir ei gwedd_.
Af i graig fwyaf o gred
Y mor, i gael ymwared,
Ag o'r graig fawr i'r eigion
Dygaf gyrch i dyrch y don--