_From hence he goes, by the direction of his comrades, to a
new fashion _Bawdy-house_; he describes it, and relates
his own success._
Upon the division we found each mans share to amount to 40 _l._ a piece.
Being overjoy’d at our first good success, we resolv’d to return thanks
for our good fortunes in some private Meeting-house, where we might have
a Sister to assist in the carrying on the work of the day. The Devil in
all Societies never wants his Factor, or one to sollicit his business:
For, I had no sooner intimated my desires, but presently one of my
Rope-brokers gave me information of a place fit for that purpose, and
that the like was not any where to be found. Being prickt on with the
desire of novelty, and to understand the curiosities therein, I went
according to my directions solely; for company in such designs commonly
frustrates expectations. They advised me when I came to the door, to
pretend I came to enquire out lodgings: At the first, I verily thought
my self abused by these Rogues, or mistaken in the house, when I saw a
Porter standing at the door with his tipt-staff: To undeceive my self, I
confidently, yet civilly askt him, whether there were any Lodgings to be
let there? Yes Sir, (said he) which you may view if you will give your
self the trouble of walking in. I had no sooner entred the door, but I
was met by a grave Matron, who readily understood (as I conceived) my
approach, by her sentinels above in the windows. Madam (said I) I am
informed, that here are lodgings to be let. There is so, Sir, (said she)
and with that conducted me into her Parlor (which was gallantly
furnished) there to take a stricter view of me, as to my person, but
more especially my garb, by which she might partly judge how well lined
my pockets were. After the resolution of some trivial questions, for
discourse sake, she was so well satisfied in me, that she shewed me the
way up one pair of stairs, into a very large and fair Dining-room hung
with rich Tapistry, and adorned round with excellent Pictures, the
Effigies of divers Ladies (as I took them to be) renowned and celebrated
in all ages, for the fairest and most beautiful of that Sex. A servant
brought us up immediately after our entry into that room, a bottle of
Sack, without any order given, as I could perceive; out of which the old
Gentlewoman drank to me, expressing my welcome. For want of other
discourse (as I thought) because we were both silent a while, for I was
contemplating her face, in which I could then see still the goodly
ruines of a beautiful and handsome countenance; Sir, said she, as you
are a Gentleman, you may have some knowledge in that noble Art of
Limning, since for its excellency it is in these our days (and hath been
in most ages) much studied by the Gentry of this Nation; wherefore, your
judgement, Sir, which of all these Pictures is the best drawn, or
according to the rules of Physiognomy, hath the best features? Madam,
said I, I shall freely give you my judgement; which is, This, in my
opinion (pointing at one) for she hath a full large front, her archt
eye-brows are thick and black, without any stragling hairs; her eyes are
of the same colour, and by their intuitive faculty seem to penetrate
that which they look on; passing her cheeks, which carry in them an
excellent air, and her nose, which is neither too long nor too short,
view her lips, whose plumpness and redness resemble a double Cherry; and
then for the dimples in her cheeks and chin, I could make them the
subject of an whole days discourse: what might be said more of this
representation, I shall wave, wishing my self no greater happiness, then
to discourse the rest with the real substance; which is not impossible,
Sir, if you can have but the faith to believe your own eyes; and so
instantly thereupon withdrew her self, leaving me amazed at what I had
already seen, my heart the mean time beating an alarm to my passions, to
be all in readiness at the approach of this Celestial Creature. Hearing
a ruffling of Silks, I drew my eyes off the Picture, and looking towards
the door, there I saw enter an Angel; for I could not believe there
could be so much perfection in any one mortal: with profound reverence I
stood at a distance, admiring, or rather adoring her person, till she
smilingly and familiarly desired me to sit down. Being come to my self,
I could talk to her; and in half an hour, confidence had repossest her
ancient seat in me. It will not only take up too much time, but also
offend the ears of the modest Reader, here to insert what discourses we
had; therefore I shall wave them, and come to the conclusion. Sir, said
she, I question not but that you are acquainted with the customs of the
House. I protested to her, I was altogether ignorant. Why, you know that
you may call for what Wine you please, not exceeding four Bottles; and
if you please to eat, you shall have some choice bit suitable to the
season, &c., if you stay not all night, your expence shall be but forty
shillings, and you shall have to boot, the enjoyment of a Mistress
besides: but if you stay all night, then thus must you do (and with that
drew forth ten pieces of Gold) whether you fancy me or any else, that
matters not, you must deposit before you go to bed ten pound, laying it
underneath your own head, and for every kiss, &c., take a piece back
again, and if you draw in this manner all your own stake, you may next
day be dismist with a great deal of applause, without expending a penny,
but what you shall be pleased to distribute voluntarily among the
servants. I was stark mad to be at it, and so impatient, that I
presently told out ten pieces. Telling my money the next morning, I
found I had eight pound of my ten, but I deserved to have had my money
trebled: however, for the present, I thought forty shillings was never
better spent, nor husbanded with so much recreation and delight. By her
I understood what manner of cattel they were that frequented that house,
though prostitutes and free-booters, yet such as scorned a piece of
Country-dirt: some whereof, were persons of no mean quality, which came
thither to satisfie (what was impossible to do) their insatiate lusts,
and therefore enacted that Law or Custom of depositing ten pieces,
meerly to incite such who were confident of themselves to make trial of
their skill for the lucre of gain; and to the intent that it might not
be discovered, either by their Husbands, or such relations or friends
that had received causes of jealousie, they had their peeping-holes,
where they might plainly and fully see such who came upon the like
accounts. If the Gentleman was unknown to that Gentlewoman whose Picture
he elected to bear him company that night, she with much freedom would
appear, and tender her self as the subject of his pleasure; otherwise
abscond her self. If so, and the Gentleman press hard for a sight of her
the Picture represented, why then Madam Bawd finds some excuse or other,
as that Picture she bought casually at second-hand as she past through
_Long-lane_, or that it was the gift of some friend of hers; with many
other fictions, meerly to make him desist from the pursuance of his
desires. Being very much pleased in the satisfaction of my fancy, I took
my leave, not without some acknowledgement thereof, in these consequent
lines.
_What is a _Bawdy-house_? I fain would know:
It is a thing appears so by the show.
Is that a _Brothel_, or an house of State,
Where Tip-staff Porters do attend the gate?
Then there are many noble ones I see,
And Palaces may Courts of Bawa’ry be:
This was a stately house, and yet was such;
In stately houses Ladies take a touch.
It must be so, th’ have little else to do,
Then study how to answer those that woo.
Such pamper’d flesh must yield, and few gain-says
Their own lusts motions, but with formal nays;
Rather then want that satisfaction, most
Stick not to purchase it, though at the cost
Of health and wealth; delighting thus in sence,
They never think too much the recompence.
Why should they then fond souls rail at an Whore,
Since they themselves are on that very score?
And damn all _Brothels_ too to Hell; but stay
What house is not a _Brothel-house_ I pray?
Many I’ve seen, with this none can compare;
A new Exchange where Ladies sell their Ware
To none; they scorn thereon to set a price,
But leave it solely to the Chapman’s choice:
No Sale-shop, but a Game at _In_ and _In_;
Throw _In_ and _In_ but ten times, and you win.
Here by a female Council ’twas judg’d fit,
He that reaps pleasure here, must pay for it;
Not with his purse, so much as brawny back,
Solely affecting such who hold them tack:
And to provoke men on, no want of wine;
Nay, all delights do here in one combine
To raise mens fancy, that he may do o’re
That thing he did but even then before.
Her rosie dimpled cheeks, vermilion lips,
Did blush to see her ivory thighs and hips:
Her round soft belly swelled with pride below
Like a small Hill ’twas overspread with snow:
Let a warm hand but touch it, and it will
Its moisture into pearly drops distill;
We kist and parted, I sigh’d, she did sob;
She for her lusty _Lad_, I for my _Mob_._