_The Life of a Law-abusing Cheat._
_Dear Friend_,
For what am I beholding, it is to Nature alone; for as I am ashamed of
my birth, so I cannot condemn my Father for not bestowing Education on
me, since his condition was so low, yet his spirit so high, that he
would not beg himself though ready to starve, however would permit me,
which was the sole support of his and my life. I was ten years old
before I could meet with any preferment; one day Fortune favouring, she
offer’d to my view a Commodity, which with confidence and dexterity I
might carry off undiscovered. My hands presently successfully effected
what my mind suggested; it was but of small value, the utmost I could
get for it was a Link, with which that night I more than trebled what it
cost. This course I followed by night, and ran in errands by day, so
that I had furnished myself both with Cloaths and Money. In process of
time I was admitted as a Servant into a Scriveners House; my Master
taking a liking to me, put me to a Writing-school, where being
capacitated for his business, he puts me into the Shop, and instructs me
in his imployment. I had not been there long before I made my self very
eminent, by studying the Law, the Rudiments whereof I understood so
well, as I knew how to ingross an Indenture. This made my Master esteem
of me, and that estimation made me proud; and being not yet bound his
Apprentice, I thought I knew better things than to be his servant any
longer, and so left him. Then was I with an Attorney a while, afterwards
with a Counsellor, till thinking I had Law enough, I took an House,
resolving to see what I could do with it my self. I sollicited several
mens businesses, giving a general content, insomuch that my credit and
reputation increased dayly. Now did I marry for Wealth, having not the
least affection; for her face lookt much like a gammon of Bacon with the
skin off. Sometimes I liv’d with her, too long for any delight I took in
her; and being resolv’d to be rid of her, this stratagem I used. I
shewed her more kindness than formerly, pretending I would do nothing
but what I would consult with her about; which so wrought upon her love,
that she would have been content to have sacrificed her Soul to my
interest; and made her withal so opinionative, that she judged every
silly and unsavory expression she utter’d was no less than an _Oracle_.
Having brought my business thus far to perfection, I came home one
evening very melancholy: very inquisitive she was to know the cause. My
Dear, (said I) I will not conceal any thing from thee; such a Gentleman
hath injured me, and I cannot rest till I be revenged. Thou knowest my
Nature, if wrong’d I am implacable, it is a fault I cannot help. Come,
come, said my wife, let us go to bed, and there we will consult. Being
there she askt me how we should bring our revenge about? I seemed to
study awhile,—I have it now (said I) thou art with Child: he is one
tender of his reputation; tax him for being the Father of it, and that
will do the work to my full content: very loth she was, because of the
talk of the people; but I satisfied this poor silly harmless soul, by
telling her that as long as I knew her chaste, it was no matter what
others said of her: whereupon she condescended, and had the Person
before a Justice, where she swore positively that she was got with
Childe by that Gentleman. I presently took advantage of her Confession,
turned her off, leaving them both to the disposal of the Spiritual
Court. This was my first prank.
One of my Clients another time, having bought a good handsome Tenement,
had so much confidence as to put me in Possession; my Client having
purchased an Estate in the Country, was forced to be there to look after
the management of his Rural affairs, for some certain time; I took this
opportunity to forge a Lease to my self, at an easie Rent, from him that
constituted me his Trustee. I soon found a Chapman for it, and sold this
Lease, receiving a good round Fine, which had been a penny-worth indeed,
had the Title been good; unto this man I delivered possession, who dwelt
in it till the return of the right owner, who coming to his said house,
wonder’d to find every thing so contrary to his expectation, and
demanding of the Tenant by what power he inhabited in that dwelling, the
poor man shewed him his forged Lease, declaring that he had paid his
fine to such a man, nominating me, who at that time was not to be found.
The Landlord could do no less than eject him his house, but finding him
so grosly abused, required nothing for the time he was in it, but left
him to the Law to require satisfaction of me. The abused being very much
troubled he should be thus deceived, made so strickt inquiry after me,
and so unwearied in his search, that at last he found me out, who said,
nothing should serve his turn, but he would for this cheat have the
rigor of the Law executed upon me; knowing of what a dangerous
consequence it was, I got my adversary arrested in an action of a
thousand pounds, who wanting Bayl was committed to _Newgate_, where
grief released me by his death from ensuing prejudice. I afterwards
forged a deed of Sale of an House hard by the former, which would have
made more for my advantage, had not this man discovered my design, which
made me the more inveterate against him and his. For this was alwayes my
temper, though nothing could provoke me to express my anger in company
(as having a perfect command over my passions in that nature) yet if any
durst prosecute his own or friends right in opposition to me, I seldome
left him, till I had either absolutely undone him, or so impoverisht
him, that he should be in no condition to hurt me, or help himself,
making him at last confess that he had been better to have sate down
with his first loss. And this I effected the easier, having a conscience
that scrupled nothing, and instruments that would swear anything. These
contrivances of mine made me generally reputed a _subtil_ and _knowing
man_, which brought me in multiplicity of business, with considerable
in-comes. Neither did I alone sollicite for such as were concern’d in
the Law, but I had my concernment with _Lifters_, who did put so great a
confidence in me, that what they got was left solely to my disposal,
either by sale or pawn, for which I had my brokage, and something else
beside. Now was I grown so famous (my Garb adding much to my fame, which
was very splendid) that if any intricate controversie, reference, or
Law-suit arose among my Neighbours, they knew no person fitter to make
their appeal to, than my self for arbitration. If any again wanted
either money, goods, nay a _cooler_ of concupiscence, I was adjudged the
best _Procurer_. By these means I tumbled in money; and to let the world
know it, I wore a several Suit every day, having besides Habits suitable
to any design. Now did those that knew me not, even adore me; those that
were acquainted with me, out of fear were forced to show me more than
ordinary respects. I confesse had I now walkt in a _medium_, this had
been the time (as they say there is a time allotted to every man) to
have made my self for ever. But Knaverie was so implanted in my Nature,
that I could not forbear cheating the dearest friend I had, if he
intrusted me, circumvent every man that had more honesty than my self;
and though I was sure to damn Soul and Body, yet I must attempt the
destruction of my adversary, and to speak the truth, I did not stick to
betray my friend, if any advantage would accrue to me thereby. For one
trick I serv’d an ancient Widow, I now and then find some internal
gripings, I cannot tell whether they proceed from conscience, because I
never knew what conscience was; and this it is. A Gentlewoman of my
acquaintance, whose sole dependance was upon Lodgers, and having taken
up a great many Goods to a considerable value to furnish her House,
befitting the reception of any person of quality, for which she was
indebted, and having too often put off her Creditor, came to me,
desiring the favour of me to procure her fifty pound, telling me, that
such a Knight, and such a Squire would stand bound with her; that will
not do (said I) for the Gentry have so many tricks to keep Citizens out
of their money. That they will have better security. Perceiving her
present necessities were very urgent, I knew I could do any thing with
her; wherefore I perswaded her to confess a Judgement: she agreed to it.
I told her such a day it should be done, but I would speak with the
Party first: according to the day prefixt I came, bringing with me a
Warrant of Attorny, with a friend or two to attest it; she confided so
much in me, as to seal before she receiv’d the moneys. That being done;
now come along with me (said I) to such a place, where the Money lyeth
ready. As we were going, there was a stop in a Lane by Carts & Coaches,
and by the help thereof I dodg’d her, she seeing me no more till it was
too late; for I came with an Execution a while after, and carried away
every pennyworth of Goods she had; yet so civil I was, that I would not
let her see it done, knowing it could not but be a great trouble to her,
to that intent about half an hour before I sent for her in my name, far
enough distant from her own Habitation. In this nature with some
variations as to the manner, I served several. Knowing I had a plentiful
invention, which seldom failed me, I scorned to be so idle as to make
use of one trick only, to bring about my ends; & as I had several, I
never made use of one trick twice, for fear of being _smoakt_. I seldom
went abroad, but I had some of my Complices at my heels, rarely going
together, unless necessity required it. I went into a _Coffee-house_ one
day, and sat me down at a common Table, (as the Room is to all Comers) a
little after came in one of my _Imps_, and sits himself down too. I had
then a very curious Ring upon my finger, which a Gentleman opposite to
me perceiving, pray Sir (said he) do me the favour as lend me a sight of
that Ring on your finger; I presently delivered him; having viewed it
and commended it, my Rogue must needs desire a sight of it too from this
Gentleman, who thinking no harm, gave it into his hands; after he had
lookt on it a while, he fairly marched off with it: I saw him, but would
not in the least take notice thereof, knowing where to find him. The
Gentleman imagined nothing to the contrary, but that the right Owner had
received it again. A little while after, I demanded very courteously my
Ring, excusing his detention thereof upon the account of forgetfulness.
The Gentleman starting, replied, Sir, I thought you had had it long
since. I told him I had it not; and as I delivered it unto him, I should
require it from no other person. He pisht at it, and in the conclusion
bad me take my course; and so I did, having first taken witness of the
standers by, I sued him, and recovered the value of my Ring twice over;
producing two in Court that swore point blank, that the one of them sold
it me for so much—. One thing I confess I frequently made use of, which
was this; If any person dy’d, and none durst administer, but leave the
Deceased’s Goods to the Creditors, then would I be sure to make my self
a principal Creditor by a forged Bond, and thereupon sue out letters of
administration, and sweeping all away, I wiped the nose of other
Creditors.