CHAPTER III. Pauden Gair's Receipt how to make a Bad Dinner a Good One

--The Stranger finds Fenton as mysterious as Himself.

The stranger, on reaching the inn, had not long to wait for dinner,

which, to his disappointment, was anything but what he had been taught

to expect. The fair “waiter” had led his imagination a very ludicrous

dance, indeed, having, as Shakspeare says, kept the word of promise to

his ear, but broken it to his hope, and, what was still worse, to

his appetite. On sitting down, he found before him two excellent salt

herrings to begin with; and on ringing the bell to inquire why he was

provided with such a dainty, the male waiter himself, who had finished

the field he had been ploughing, made his appearance, after a delay of

about five minutes, very coolly wiping his mouth, for he had been at

dinner.

“Are you the waiter,” asked the stranger, sharply.

“No, sir, I'm not the waiter, myself; but I and Peggy Moylan is.”

“And why didn't you come when I rang for you at first?”

“I was just finishin' my dinner, sir,” replied the other, pulling a bone

of a herring from between his teeth, then going over and deliberately

throwing it into the fire.

The stranger was silent with astonishment, and, in truth, felt a

stronger inclination to laugh than to scold him. This fellow, thought

he, is clearly an original; I must draw him out a little.

“Why, sir,” he proceeded, “was I served with a pair of d--d salt

herrings, as a part of my dinner?”

“Whist, sir,” replied the fellow, “don't curse anything that

God--blessed be his name--has made; it's not right, it's sinful.”

“But why was I served with two salt herrings, I ask again?”

“Why wor you sarved with them?--Why, wasn't it what we had ourselves?”

“Was I not promised venison?”

“Who promised it to you?”

“That female waiter of yours.”

“Peggy Moylan? Well, then, I tell you the fau't wasn't hers. We had a

party o' gintlemen out here last week, and the sorra drop of it they

left behind them. Devil a drop of venison there is in the house now.

You're an Englishman, at any rate, sir, I think by your discourse?”

“Was I not promised part of a fat buck from the demesne adjoining, and

where is it? I thought I was to have fish, flesh, and fowl.”

“Well, and haven't you fish.” replied the fellow. “What do you call

them!” he added, pointing to the herrings; “an' as to a fat buck, faith,

it isn't part of one, but a whole one you have. What do you call that.”

He lifted an old battered tin cover, and discovered a rabbit, gathered

up as if it were in the act of starting for its burrow. “You see, Peggy,

sir, always keeps her word; for it was a buck rabbit she meant. Well,

now, there's the fish and the flesh; and here,” he proceeded, uncovering

another dish, “is the fowl.”

[Illustration: PAGE 329-- A pair of enormous legs, with spurs on them]

On lifting the cover, a pair of enormous legs, with spurs on them an

inch and a half long, were projected at full length toward the guest, as

if the old cock--for such it was--were determined to defend himself to

the last.

“Well,” said the stranger, “all I can say is, that I have got a very bad

dinner.”

“Well, an' what suppose? Sure it has been many a betther man's case.

However, you have one remedy; always ait the more of it--that's the sure

card; ever and always when you have a bad dinner, ait, I say, the more

of it. I don't, think, sir, beggin' your pardon, that you've seen much

of the world yet.”

“Why do you think so,” asked the other, who could with difficulty

restrain his mirth at the fellow's cool self-sufficiency and assurance.

“Because, sir, no man that has seen the world, and knows its ups and

downs, would complain of sich a dinner as that. Do you wish for any

liquor? But maybe you don't. It's not every one carries a full purse

these times; so, at any rate, have the sense not to go beyant your

manes, or whatsomever allowance you get.”

“Allowance! what do you mean by allowance?”

“I mane,” he replied, “that there's not such a crew of barefaced liars

on the airth as you English travellers, as they call you. What do you

think, but one of them had the imperance to tell me that he was allowed

a guinea a-day to live on! Troth, I crossed mysolf, and bid him go about

his business, an' that I didn't think the house or place was safe while

he was in it--for it's I that has the mortal hatred of a liar.”

“What liquor have you got in the house?”

“No--if there's one thing on airth that I hate worse than another, it's

a man that shuffles--that won't tell the truth, or give you a straight

answer. We have plenty o' liquor in the house--more than you'll use, at

any rate.”

“But what descriptions? How many kinds? for instance--”

“Kinds enough, for that matther--all sorts and sizes of liquor.”

“Have you any wine?”

“Wine! Well, now, let me speak to you as a friend; sure, 't is n't wine

you'd be thinking of?”

“But, if I pay for it?”

“Pay for it--ay, and break yourself--go beyant your manes, as I

said. No, no--I'll give you no wine--it would be only aidin' you in

extravagance, an' I wouldn't have the sin of it to answer for. We have

all enough, and too much to answer for, God knows.”

The last observation was made _sotto voce_, and with the serious manner

of a man who uttered it under a deep sense of religious truth.

“Well,” replied the stranger, “since you won't allow me wine, have you

no cheaper liquor? I am not in the habit of dining without something

stronger than water.”

“So much the worse for yourself. We have good porther.”

“Bring me a bottle of it, then.”

“It's beautiful on draught.”

“But I prefer it in bottle.”

“I don't doubt it. Lord help us! how few is it that knows what's good

for them! Will you give up your own will for wanst, and be guided by a

wiser man? for health--an' sure health's before everything--for health,

ever and always prefer draught porther.”

“Well, then, since it must be draught, I shall prefer draught ale.”

“Rank poison. Troth, somehow I feel a liking for you, an' for that very

reason, devil a drop of draught ale I'll allow to cross your lips. Jist

be guided by me, an' you'll find that your health an' pocket will both

be the betther for it. Troth, it's fat and rosy I'll have you in no

time, all out, if you stop with us. Now ait your good dinner, and I'll

bring you the porther immediately.”

“What's your name.” asked the stranger, “before you go.”

“I'll tell you when I come back--wait till I bring you the portlier,

first.”

In the course of about fifteen mortal, minutes, he returned with a quart

of porter in his hand, exclaiming--

“Bad luck to them for pigs, they got into the garden, and I had to drive

them out, and cut a lump of a bush to stop the gap wid; however, I think

they won't go back that way again. My name you want? Why, then, my name

is Paudeen Gair--that is, Sharpe, sir; but, in troth, it is n't Sharpe

by name and Sharpe by nature wid me, although you'd get them that 'ud

say otherwise.”

“How long have you been here,” asked the other.

“I've been laborin' for the master goin' on fourteen years; but I'm only

about twelve months attendin' table.”

“How long has your fellow-servant--Peggy, I think, you call her--been

here?”

“Not long.”

“Where had she been before, do you know.”

“Do I know, is it? Maybe 'tis you may say that.”

“What do you mean? I don't understand you.”

“I know that well enough, and it is n't my intention you should.”

“In what family was she at service.”

“Whisper;--in a bad family, wid _one_ exception. God protect _her_, the

darlin'. Amin! _A wurra yeelsh!_ may the curse that's hanging over him

never fall upon her this day!”

A kind and complacent spirit beamed in the fine eyes of the stranger, as

the waiter uttered these benevolent invocations; and, putting his hand

in his pocket, he said,

“My good friend Paudeen, I am richer than you are disposed to give me

credit for; I see you are a good-hearted fellow, and here's a crown for

you.”

“No! consumin' to the farden, till I know whether you're able to afford

it or not. It's always them that has least of it, unfortunately, that's

readiest to give it. I have known many a foolish creature to do what you

are doing, when, if the truth was known, they could badly spare it; but,

at any rate, wait till I deserve it; for, upon my reputaytion, I won't

finger a testher of it sooner.”

He then withdrew, and left the other to finish his dinner as best he

might.

For the next three or four days the stranger confined himself mostly

to his room, unless about dusk, when he glided out very quietly, and

disappeared rather like a spirit than anything else; for, in point of

fact, no one could tell what had become of him, or where he could have

concealed himself, during these brief but mysterious absences. Paudeen

Gair and Peggy observed that he wrote at least three or four letters

every day, and knew that he must have put them into the post-office with

his own hands, inasmuch as no person connected with the inn had been

employed for that purpose.

On the fourth day, after breakfast, and as Pat Sharpe--by which version

of his name he was sometimes addressed--was about to take away the

things, his guest entered into conversation with him as follows:

“Paudeen, my good friend, can you tell me where the wild, ragged fellow,

called Fenton, could be found?”

“I can, sir. Fenton? Begorra, you'd hardly know him if you seen him;

he's as smooth as a new pin--has a plain, daicent suit o' clothes on

him. It's whispered about among us this long time, that, if he had his

rights, he'd be entitled to a great property; and some people say now

that he has come into a part of it.”

“And pray, what else do they say of him?”

“Wiry, then, I heard Father M'Mahon himself say that he had great

learnin', an' must a' had fine broughten-up, an' could, act the real

gintleman whenever he wished.”

“Is it known who he is, or whether he is a native of this neighborhood?”

“No, sir; he doesn't belong to this neighborhood; an' the truth is,

that nobody here that ever I heard of knows anything at all, barrin'

guesswork, about the unfortunate poor creature. If ever he was a

gintleman,” exclaimed the kind-hearted waiter, “he's surely to be

pitied, when one sees the state he's brought to.”

“Well, Paudeen, will you fetch him to me, if you know where he is? Say I

wish to see him.”

“What name, if you plaise,” asked the waiter, with assumed indifference;

for the truth was, that the whole establishment felt a very natural

curiosity to know who the stranger was.

“Never mind the name, Paudeen, but say as I desire you.”

Paudeen had no sooner disappeared than the anonymous gentleman went to

one of his trunks, and, pulling out a very small miniature, surveyed

it for nearly half a minute; he then looked into the fire, and seemed

absorbed in long and deep reflection. At length, after once more gazing

closely and earnestly at it, he broke involuntarily into the following

soliloquy:

“I know,” he exclaimed, “that resemblances are often deceitful, and not

to be depended upon. In this case, however, there is scarcely a trace

that could constitute any particular peculiarity--a peculiarity

which, if it existed, would strengthen--I know not whether to say--my

suspicions or my hopes. The early disappearance of that poor boy,

without the existence of a single vestige by which he could be traced,

resembles one of those mysteries that are found only in romances. The

general opinion is, that he has been made away with, and is long dead;

yet of late, a different impression has gone abroad, although we know

not exactly how it has originated.”

He then paced, with a countenance of gloom, uncertainty, and deep

anxiety, through the room, and after a little time, proceeded:

“I shall, at all events, enter into conversation with this person, after

which I will make inquiries concerning the gentry and nobility of the

neighborhood when I think I shall be able to observe whether he

will pass the Gourlay family over, or betray any consciousness of a

particular knowledge of their past or present circumstances. 'Tis true,

he may overreach me; but if he does, I cannot help it. Yet, after all,”

he proceeded, “if he should prove to be the person I seek, everything

may go well; I certainly observed faint traces of an honorable feeling

about him when I gave him the money, which, notwithstanding his

indigence and dissipation, he for a time refused to take.”

He then resumed his seat, and seemed once more buried in thought and

abstraction.

Our friend Paudeen was not long in finding the unfortunate object of the

stranger's contemplation and interest. On meeting him, he perceived that

he was slightly affected with liquor, as indeed was the case generally

whenever he could procure it.

“Misther Fenton,” said Paudeen, “there's a daicent person in our house

that wishes to see you.”

“Who do you call a decent person, you bog-trotting Ganymede.” replied

the other.

“Why, a daicent tradesman, I think, from--thin sorra one of me knows

whether I ought to say from Dublin or London.”

“What trade, Ganymede?”

“Troth, that's more than I can tell; but I know that he wants you, for

he sent me to bring you to him.”

“Well, Ganymede, I shall see your tradesman,” he replied. “Come, I shall

go to him.”

On reaching the inn, Paudeen, in order to discharge the commission

intrusted to him fully, ushered Fenton upstairs, and into the stranger's

sitting-room. “What's this,” exclaimed Fenton. “Why, you have brought me

to the wrong room, you blundering villain. I thought you were conducting

me to some worthy tradesman. You have mistaken the room, you blockhead;

this is a gentleman. How do you do, sir? I hope you will excuse this

intrusion; it is quite unintentional on my part; yet I am glad to see

you.”

“There is no mistake at all in it,” replied the other, laughing. “That

will do, Paudeen,” he added, “thank you.”

“Faix,” said Paudeen to himself, when descending the stairs, “I'm afeard

that's no tradesman--whatever he is. He took on him a look like a lord

when that unfortunate Fenton went into the room. Troth, I'm fairly

puzzled, at any rate!”

“Take a seat, Mr. Fenton,” said the stranger, handing him a chair, and

addressing him in terms of respect.

“Thank, you, sir,” replied the other, putting, at the same time, a

certain degree of restraint upon his maimer, for he felt conscious of

being slightly influenced by liquor.

“Well,” continued the stranger, “I am glad to see that you have improved

your appearance.”

“Ay, certainly, sir, as far as four pounds--or, I should rather say,

three pounds went, I did something for the outer man.”

“Why not the five?” asked the other. “I wished you to make yourself as

comfortable as possible, and did not imagine you could have done it for

less.”

“No, sir, not properly, according to the standard of a gentleman; but I

assure you, that, if I were in a state of utter and absolute starvation,

I would not part with one of the notes you so generously gave me,

scarcely to save my life.”

“No!” exclaimed the stranger, with a good deal of surprise. “And pray,

why not, may I ask?”

“Simply,” said Fenton, “because I have taken a fancy for it beyond its

value. I shall retain it as pocket-money. Like the Vicar of Wakefield's

daughters, I shall always keep it about me; and then, like them also, I

will never want money.”

“That is a strange whim,” observed the other, “and rather an

unaccountable one, besides.”

“Not in the slightest degree,” replied Fenton, “if you knew as much as

I do; but, at all events, just imagine that I am both capricious and

eccentric; so don't be surprised at anything I say or do.”

“Neither shall I,” replied “the anonymous” “However, to come to other

matters, pray what kind of a town is this of Ballytrain?”

“It is by no means a bad town,” replied Fenton, “as towns and times

go. It has a market-house, a gaol, a church, as you have seen--a

Roman Catholic chapel, and a place of worship for the Presbyterian and

Methodist. It has, besides, that characteristic locality, either

of English legislation or Irish crimes--or, perhaps, of both--a

gallows-green. It has a public pump, that has been permitted to run dry,

and public stocks for limbs like those of your humble servant, that are

permitted to stand (the stocks I mean) as a libel upon the inoffensive

morals of the town.”

“How are commercial matters in it?”

“Tolerable. Our shopkeepers are all very fair as shopkeepers. But,

talking of that, perhaps you are not aware of a singular custom which

even I--for I am not a native of this place--have seen in it?”

“What may it have been.” asked the stranger.

“Why, it was this: Of a fair or market-day,” he proceeded, “there lived

a certain shopkeeper here, who is some time dead--and I mention this to

show you how the laws were respected in this country; this shopkeeper,

sir, of a fair or market-day had a post that ran from his counter to

the ceiling; to this post was attached a single handcuff, and it always

happened that, when any person was caught in the act of committing a

theft in his shop, one arm of the offender was stretched up to this

handcuff, into which the wrist was locked; and, as the handcuff was

movable, so that it might be raised up or down, according to the height

of the culprit, it was generally fastened so that the latter was forced

to stand upon the top of his toes so long as was agreeable to the

shopkeeper of whom I speak.”

“You do not mean to say,” replied his companion, who, by the way, had

witnessed the circumstances ten times for Fenton's once, “that such

an outrage upon the right of the subject, and such a contempt for the

administration of law and justice, could actually occur in a Christian

and civilized country?”

“I state to you a fact, sir,” replied Fen-ton, “which I have witnessed

with my own eyes; but we have still stranger and worse usages in this

locality.”

“What description of gentry and landed proprietors have you in the

neighborhood?”

“Hum! as to that, there are some good, more bad, and many indifferent,

among them. Their great fault in general is, that they are incapable of

sympathizing, as they ought, with their dependents. The pride of class,

and the influence of creed besides, are too frequently impediments, not

only to the progress of their own independence, but to the improvement

of their tenantry. Then, many of them employ servile, plausible, and

unprincipled agents, who, provided they wring the rent, by every species

of severity and oppression, out of the people, are considered by their

employers valuable and honest servants, faithfully devoted to their

interests; whilst the fact on the other side is, that the unfortunate

tenantry are every day so rapidly retrograding from prosperity, that

most of the neglected and oppressed who possess means to leave the

country emigrate to America.”

“Why, Fenton, I did not think that you looked so deeply into the state

and condition of the country. Have you no good specimens of character in

or about the town itself?”

“Unquestionably, sir. Look out now from this window,” he proceeded, and

he went to it as he spoke, accompanied by the stranger; “do you see,”

he added, “that unostentatious shop, with the name of James Trimble over

the door?”

“Certainly,” replied the other, “I see it most distinctly.”

“Well, sir, in that shop lives a man who is ten times a greater

benefactor to this town and neighborhood than is the honorable and right

reverend the lordly prelate, whose silent and untenanted palace stands

immediately behind us. In every position in which you find him, this

admirable but unassuming man is always the friend of the poor. When an

industrious family, who find that they cannot wring independence, by

hard and honest labor, out of the farms or other little tenements

which they hold, have resolved to seek it in a more prosperous country,

America, the first man to whom they apply, if deficient in means to

accomplish their purpose, is James Trimble. In him they find a friend,

if he knows, as he usually does, that they have passed through life with

a character of worth and hereditary integrity. If they want a portion of

their outfit, and possess not means to procure it, in kind-hearted

James Trimble they are certain to find a friend, who will supply their

necessities upon the strength of their bare promise to repay him.

Honor,--then--honor, sir, I say again, to the unexampled faith,

truth, and high principle of the industrious Irish peasant, who, in no

instance, even although the broad Atlantic has been placed between them,

has been known to defraud James Trimble of a single shilling. In all

parochial and public meetings--in every position where his influence

can be used--he is uniformly the friend of the poor, whilst his high

but unassuming sense of honor, his successful industry, and his firm,

unshrinking independence, make him equally appreciated and respected

by the rich and poor. In fact, it is such men as this who are the

most unostentatious but practical benefactors to the lower and middle

classes.”

He had proceeded thus far, when a carriage-and-four came dashing up the

street, and stopped at the very shop which belonged to the subject

of Fenton's eulogium. Both went to the window at the same moment, and

looked out.

“Pray, whose carriage is that.” asked the stranger, fastening his eyes,

with a look of intense scrutiny, upon Fenton's face.

“That, sir,” he replied, “is the carriage of Sir Thomas Gourlay.”

As he spoke, the door of it was opened, and a lady of surpassing

elegance and beauty stepped out of it, and entered the shop of the

benevolent James Trimble.

“Pray, who is that charming girl?” asked the stranger again.

To this interrogatory, however, he received no reply. Poor Fenton

tottered over to a chair, became pale as death, and trembled with such

violence that he was incapable, for the time, of uttering a single word.

“Do you know, or have you ever known, this family?” asked the other.

After a pause of more than a minute, during which the emotion subsided,

he replied:

“I have already said that I could not--” he paused. “I am not well,”

said he; “I am quite feeble--in fact, not in a condition to answer

anything. Do not, therefore, ask me--for the present, at least.”

Fifteen or twenty minutes had elapsed before he succeeded in mastering

this singular attack. At length he rose, and placing his chair somewhat

further back from the window, continued to look out in silence, not so

much from love of silence, as apparently from inability to speak. The

stranger, in the mean time, eyed him keenly; and as he examined his

features from time to time, it might be observed that an expression

of satisfaction, if not almost of certainty, settled upon his own

countenance. In a quarter of an hour, the sound of the carriage-wheels

was heard on its return, and Fenton, who seemed to dread also a return

of his illness, said:

“For heaven's sake, sir, be good enough to raise the window and let in

air. Thank you, sir.”

The carriage, on this occasion, was proceeding more slowly than

before--in fact, owing to a slight acclivity in that part of the street,

the horses were leisurely walking past the inn window at the moment the

stranger raised it. The noise of the ascending sash reached Miss Gourlay

(for it was she), who, on looking up, crimsoned deeply, and, with one

long taper finger on her lips, as if to intimate caution and silence,

bowed to the stranger. The latter, who had presence of mind enough to

observe the hint, did not bow in return, and consequently declined to

appropriate the compliment to himself. Fenton now surveyed his companion

with an appearance of as much interest and curiosity as the other had

bestowed on him. He felt, however, as if his physical powers were wholly

prostrated.

“I am very weak,” said he, bitterly, “and near the close of my brief and

unhappy day. I have, however, one cure--get me drink--drink, I say; that

is what will revive me. Sir, my life, for the last fourteen years, has

been a battle against thought; and without drink I should be a madman--a

madman! oh, God!”

The other remonstrated with him in vain; but he was inexorable, and

began to get fierce and frantic. At length, it occurred to him, that

perhaps the influence of liquor might render this strange individual

more communicative, and that by this means he might succeed in relieving

himself of his doubts--for he still had doubts touching Fenton's

identity. In this, however, he was disappointed, as a circumstance

occurred which prevented him from then gratifying Fenton's wish, or

winning him into confidence.

The Black Baronet; or, The Chronicles Of Ballytrain The Works of William Carleton, Volume One · 第 3 / 41 章