LAURETTA _discovered. Enter_ JUSTICE CREDULOUS _and_
LIEUTENANT O'CONNOR.
_Just_. Why, you little truant, how durst you wander so far from
the house without my leave? Do you want to invite that scoundrel
lieutenant to scale the walls and carry you off?
_Lau_. Lud, papa, you are so apprehensive for nothing.
_Just_. Why, hussy----
_Lau_. Well, then, I can't bear to be shut up all day so like a
nun. I am sure it is enough to make one wish to be run away with--and
I wish I was run away with--I do--and I wish the lieutenant knew it.
_Just_. You do, do you, hussy? Well, I think I'll take pretty
good care of you. Here, Humphrey, I leave this lady in your care. Now
you may walk about the garden, Miss Pert; but Humphrey shall go with
you wherever you go. So mind, honest Humphrey, I am obliged to go
abroad for a little while; let no one but yourself come near her;
don't be shame-faced, you booby, but keep close to her. And now, miss,
let your lieutenant or any of his crew come near you if they can.
[_Exit_.]
_Lau_. How this booby stares after him! [_Sits down and
sings_.]
_O'Con_. Lauretta!
_Lau_. Not so free, fellow! [_Sings_.]
_O'Con_. Lauretta! look on me.
_Lau_. Not so free, fellow!
_O'Con_. No recollection!
_Lau_. Honest Humphrey, be quiet.
_O'Con_. Have you forgot your faithful soldier?
_Lau_. Ah! Oh preserve me!
_O'Con_. 'Tis, my soul! your truest slave, passing on your father
in this disguise.
_Lau_. Well now, I declare this is charming--you are so
disguised, my dear lieutenant, and you look so delightfully ugly. I am
sure no one will find you out, ha! ha! ha!--You know I am under your
protection; papa charged you to keep close to me.
_O'Con_. True, my angel, and thus let me fulfil----
_Lau_. O pray now, dear Humphrey----
_O'Con_. Nay, 'tis but what old Mittimus commanded. [_Offers to
kiss her_.]
_Re-enter_ JUSTICE CREDULOUS.
_Just_. Laury, my--hey! what the devil's here?
_Lau_. Well now, one kiss, and be quiet.
_Just_. Your very humble servant, honest Humphrey! Don't let me--
pray don't let me interrupt you!
_Lau_. Lud, papa! Now that's so good-natured--indeed there's no
harm. You did not mean any rudeness, did you, Humphrey?
_O'Con_. No, indeed, miss; his worship knows it is not in me.
_Just_. I know that you are a lying, canting, hypocritical
scoundrel; and if you don't take yourself out of my sight----
_Lau_. Indeed, papa, now I'll tell you how it was. I was sometime
taken with a sudden giddiness, and Humphrey seeing me beginning to
totter, ran to my assistance, quite frightened, poor fellow, and took
me in his arms.
_Just_. Oh! was that all--nothing but a little giddiness, hey!
_O'Con_. That's all, indeed, your worship; for seeing miss change
colour, I ran up instantly.
_Just_. Oh, 'twas very kind in you!
_O'Con_. And luckily recovered her.
_Just_. And who made you a doctor, you impudent rascal, hey? Get
out of my sight, I say, this instant, or by all the statutes--
_Lau_. Oh now, papa, you frighten me, and I am giddy again!--Oh,
help!
_O'Con_. O dear lady, she'll fall! [_Takes her into his
arms_.]
_Just_. Zounds! what before my face--why then, thou miracle of
impudence!--[_Lays hold of him and discovers him_.]--Mercy on me,
who have we here?--Murder! Robbery! Fire! Rape! Gunpowder! Soldiers!
John! Susan! Bridget!
_O'Con_. Good sir, don't be alarmed; I mean you no harm.
_Just_. Thieves! Robbers! Soldiers!
_O'Con_. You know my love for your daughter--
_Just_. Fire! Cut-throats!
_O'Con_. And that alone--
_Just_. Treason! Gunpowder!
_Enter a_ SERVANT _with a blunderbuss_.
Now, scoundrel! let her go this instant.
_Lau_. O papa, you'll kill me!
_Just_. Honest Humphrey, be advised. Ay, miss, this way, if you
please.
_O'Con_. Nay, sir, but hear me----
_Just_. I'll shoot.
_O'Con_. And you'll be convinced----
_Just_. I'll shoot.
_O'Con_. How injurious----
_Just_. I'll shoot--and so your very humble servant, honest
Humphrey Hum. [_Exeunt separately_.]