WHEREIN "PUNCH" HINTETH AT A STARTLING CHANGE IN THE MODUS
OPERANDI OF LEGISLATION.--HE ALSO EXHIBITETH A PROFOUND KNOWLEDGE
OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS; AND SHOWETH HOW AT HOME WE ARE ALL ABROAD.
At a period when every Englishman, from the Minister to the Quack Doctor
(and extremes very often meet), is laying down his pseudo-political
principles, PUNCH desires to expound his practical and scientific plan for
increasing prosperity and preserving peace. Yes, at a moment like this,
when the party difference "'twixt Tweedledum and Tweedledee" has produced
a total stand-still; when Whigs cannot move, and when Tories will
not,--PUNCH steps forward to prescribe (without a fee) for the sinking
Constitution.
PUNCH _loquitur_.--A very great genius--one almost equal to myself--has
declared that of the great mass of mankind, ninety-nine out of every
hundred are lost in error. Every day proves the fact.--From the Peer, who
mistakes exclusiveness for dignity, and a power to injure for a right to
oppress, to the Peasant, who confounds aggression and insolence with
justice and independence, it is all error! error!! error!!!
Upon this fact rests the basis of my wonderful improvements. If the
majority be wrong, the inference is obvious--the minority must be right.
Then, in future, let everything be conducted by the minority--the sensible
few. Behold the consequences!
In those days we shall have Mr. Samuel Carter Hall, who polled three days
and got--one vote, declared County Member elect. Sibthorp shall be a man
of weight and influence, "giving to (h)airy nothing a local habitation and
a name." Roebuck shall be believed to have had ancestors; and shall wring
the nose of some small boy attached to _The Times_ newspaper; and the
Whigs--yes, the Whigs--shall be declared both wise and honest: though
Parliament has pronounced them fools, and the country has believed them to
be knaves.
_Pupil of Punch, respondet_.--That would be a change, Punch! Rather. Cast
your eye around and see the workings of this grand principle; the labours
of the many compassed by the few--steam and slavery.
_Punch_.--Very true! Let me now draw your attention to the real difference
between the English and some foreign governments:--
The Turkish minister generally loses his power and his head at the
same time; the English minister carries on his business without a
head at all. For the performance of his duty the former is
decapitated--the latter is incapacitated.
The Japanese legislator when disgraced invariably rips up his
bowels; the English legislator is invariably in disgrace, but has
no bowels to rip up. With some other nations the unsuccessful
leader gets bow-stringed and comfortably sown up in a sack; our
great man is satisfied with getting the sack, having previously
bagged as much as lay in his power.
(Next week I may probably continue the lecture and the parallels.)
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