_E.B.B. to R.B._
Wednesday Evening.
[Post-mark, October 8, 1845.]
Mr. Kenyon never came. My sisters met him in the street, and he had
been 'detained all day in the city and would certainly be here
to-morrow,' Wednesday! And so you see what has happened to Wednesday!
Moreover he may come besides on Thursday, ... I can answer for
nothing. Only if I do not write and if you find Thursday admissible,
will you come then? In the case of an obstacle, you shall hear. And it
is not (in the meantime) my fault--now is it? I have been quite enough
vexed about it, indeed.
Did the Monday work work harm to the head, I wonder? I do fear so that
you won't get through those papers with impunity--especially if the
plays are to come after ... though ever so 'gently.' And if you are to
suffer, it would be right to tongue-tie that silver Bell, and leave
the congregations to their selling of cabbages. Which is
unphilanthropic of me perhaps, ... [Greek: ô philtate].
Be sure that I shall be 'bold' when the time for going comes--and both
bold and capable of the effort. I am desired to keep to the respirator
and the cabin for a day or two, while the cold can reach us; and
midway in the bay of Biscay some change of climate may be felt, they
say. There is no sort of danger for me; except that I shall _stay in
England_. And why is it that I feel to-night more than ever almost, as
if I should stay in England? Who can tell? _I_ can tell one thing.
_If_ I stay, it will not be from a failure in my resolution--_that
will_ not be--_shall_ not be. Yes--and Mr. Kenyon and I agreed the
other day that there was something of the tigress-nature very
distinctly cognisable under what he is pleased to call my
'Ba-lambishness.'
Then, on Thursday!... unless something happens to _Thursday_ ... and I
shall write in that case. And I trust to you (as always) to attend to
your own convenience--just as you may trust to me to remember my own
'boon.' Ah--you are curious, I think! Which is scarcely wise of
you--because it _may_, you know, be the roc's egg after all. But no,
it _isn't_--I will say just so much. And besides I _did_ say that it
was a 'restitution,' which limits the guesses if it does not put an
end to them. Unguessable, I choose it to be.
And now I feel as if I should _not_ stay in England. Which is the
difference between one five minutes and another. May God bless you.
Ever yours,