_E.B.B. to R.B._
[Post-mark, September 24, 1845.]
I have nothing to say about Pisa, ... but a great deal (if I could say
it) about _you_, who do what is wrong by your own confession and are
ill because of it and make people uneasy--now _is_ it right
altogether? is it right to do wrong?... for it comes to _that_:--and
is it kind to do so much wrong?... for it comes almost to _that_
besides. Ah--you should not indeed! I seem to see quite plainly that
you will be ill in a serious way, if you do not take care and take
exercise; and so you must consent to be teazed a little into taking
both. And if you will not take them here ... or not so effectually as
in other places; _why not go with your Italian friends_? Have you
thought of it at all? _I_ have been thinking since yesterday that it
might be best for you to go at once, now that the probability has
turned quite against me. If I were going, I should ask you not to do
so immediately ... but you see how unlikely it is!--although I mean
still to speak my whole thoughts--I _will do that_ ... even though
for the mere purpose of self-satisfaction. George came last night--but
there is an adverse star this morning, and neither of us has the
opportunity necessary. Only both he and I _will speak_--that is
certain. And Arabel had the kindness to say yesterday that if I liked
to go, she would go with me at whatever hazard--which is very
kind--but you know I could not--it would not be right of me. And
perhaps after all we may gain the point lawfully; and if not ... at
the worst ... the winter may be warm (it is better to fall into the
hands of God, as the Jew said) and I may lose less strength than
usual, ... having more than usual to lose ... and altogether it may
not be so bad an alternative. As to being the cause of any anger
against my sister, you would not advise me into such a position, I am
sure--it would be untenable for one moment.
But _you_ ... in that case, ... would it not be good for your head if
you went at once? I praise myself for saying so to you--yet if it
really is good for you, I don't deserve the praising at all. And how
was it on Saturday--that question I did not ask yesterday--with Ben
Jonson and the amateurs? I thought of you at the time--I mean, on that
Saturday evening, nevertheless.
You shall hear when there is any more to say. May God bless you,
dearest friend! I am ever yours,