_E.B.B. to R.B._
Wednesday Morning.
[Post-mark, May 22, 1845.]
Indeed there was nothing wrong--how could there be? And there was
everything right--as how should there not be? And as for the 'loud
speaking,' I did not hear any--and, instead of being worse, I ought to
be better for what was certainly (to speak it, or be silent of it,)
happiness and honour to me yesterday.
Which reminds me to observe that you are so restricting our
vocabulary, as to be ominous of silence in a full sense, presently.
First, one word is not to be spoken--and then, another is not. And
why? Why deny me the use of such words as have natural feelings
belonging to them--and how can the use of such be 'humiliating' to
_you_? If my heart were open to you, you could see nothing offensive
to you in any thought there or trace of thought that has been
there--but it is hard for you to understand, with all your psychology
(and to be reminded of it I have just been looking at the preface of
some poems by some Mr. Gurney where he speaks of 'the reflective
wisdom of a Wordsworth and the profound psychological utterances of a
Browning') it is hard for you to understand what my mental position is
after the peculiar experience I have suffered, and what [Greek: ti
emoi kai soi][1] a sort of feeling is irrepressible from me to you,
when, from the height of your brilliant happy sphere, you ask, as you
did ask, for personal intercourse with me. What words but 'kindness'
... but 'gratitude'--but I will not in any case be _un_kind and
_un_grateful, and do what is displeasing to you. And let us both leave
the subject with the words--because we perceive in it from different
points of view; we stand on the black and white sides of the shield;
and there is no coming to a conclusion.
But you will come really on Tuesday--and again, when you like and can
together--and it will not be more 'inconvenient' to me to be pleased,
I suppose, than it is to people in general--will it, do you think?
Ah--how you misjudge! Why it must obviously and naturally be
delightful to me to receive you here when you like to come, and it
cannot be necessary for me to say so in set words--believe it of
Your friend,