SCENE--_Interior of a School Board Office. Official discovered
hard at work, doing single-handed in London what is done by
nearly a thousand officials combined in "Bonnie Scotland."
Enter Female Applicant, with infant._
_Applicant_. Please, Sir, here's my boy. Can you take him?
_Official_. Certainly. Has he had any education?
_App._ Well, as he's rising five, not much.
_Off._ But does he know anything? For instance, has he learned any
English history?
_App._ Not that I know of.
_Off._ Has he dipped into geography?
_App._ Well, I don't think he has.
_Off._ Can he cipher at all?
_App._ Not very well.
_Off._ Does he know what two and two make?
_App._ Well, he has never said he does.
_Off._ Can he write?
_App._ Well, no, he doesn't write.
_Off._ But I suppose he can read? Come, he at least can read?
_App._ Well, no, Sir, I am afraid he's not much of a scholar. I don't
think he can read.
_Off._ Then he is absolutely ignorant--miserably ignorant.
_App._ Very likely, Sir,--you know best.
_Off._ Well, now, my good woman, I will tell you what we will do with
him. We will teach him to read, write, and cipher, and give him an
excellent education.
_App._ And you will take care of him, Sir?
_Off._ Of course we will take care of him; and as for his education,
we will--
_App._ Oh, Sir, so long as you looks after him, never you mind about
his education!
[_Exit infantless._
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