Mr. TIDMARSH, _after proposing to "join the ladies," much to the
relief of_ Lord STRATHSPORRAN, _has brought him in here on the
transparent pretext of showing him a picture_.
_Mr. Tid._ (_carefully closing the door_). I only just wanted to tell you
that I don't at all like the way you've been going on. It's not my wish to
make complaints, but there _is_ a limit!
_Lord Strath._ (_hotly_). There _is_--you're very near it now, Sir! (_To
himself._) If I quarrel with this little beggar, I shan't see MARJORY!
(_Controlling his temper._) Perhaps you'll kindly let me know what you
complain of?
_Mr. Tid._ Well, why couldn't you say you didn't smoke when my Uncle
offered you one of his cigars? You must have felt me kick you under the
table!
_Lord. Strath._ I did--distinctly. But I gave you credit for its being
accidental. And, if you wish to know, I said I smoked because I do. I don't
see why you should expect me to _lie_ about it!
_Mr. Tid._ I don't agree with you. I consider you ought to have had more
tact, after the hint I gave you.
_Lord Strath._ It didn't occur to me that you were trying to kick _tact_
into me. And, naturally, when I saw your Uncle about to smoke----
_Mr. Tid._ That was different, as you might have known. Why, _one_ cigar is
as much as my wife can stand!
_Lord Strath._ You--er--wouldn't wish her to smoke _more_ than one, surely?
_Mr. Tid._ (_outraged_). My wife smoke! Never did such a thing in her life!
She don't allow _me_ to smoke. She wouldn't allow Mr. GILWATTLE if he
wasn't her Uncle. And I can tell you, when she comes down in the morning,
and finds the curtains smelling of smoke, and hears you were the _other_, I
shall catch it!
_Lord Strath._ Sorry for you--but if you had only made your kick a trifle
more explanatory----
_Mr. Tid._ That's not _all_, Sir. When you saw me and my Uncle engaged in
talking business, what did you cut in for with a cock-and-bull story about
the Boxing Kangaroo being formed into a Limited Company, and say the
Kangaroo was going to join the Board after allotment? You couldn't really
believe the beast was eligible as a Director--an _animal_, Sir!
_Lord Strath._ Why not? They have _guinea-pigs_ on the Board occasionally,
don't they? But of course it was only a joke.
_Mr. Tid._ You weren't _asked_ to make jokes. My Uncle doesn't understand
'em--no more do I, Sir!
_Lord Strath._ No, I gathered that. (_Breaking out._) Confound it all, Sir,
what do you mean by this? If you didn't want me, why couldn't you tell me
so? You knew it before _I_ did! I don't understand your peculiar ideas of
hospitality. I've kept my temper as long as I could; but, dash it all, if
you force me to speak out, I will!
_Mr. Tid._ (_alarmed_). No, no, I--I meant no offence--you won't go and let
everything out now! It was a mistake, that's all--and there's no harm done.
You got your _dinner_ all right, didn't you? By the way, talking of that,
can you give me any idea what they'll charge me for this, eh? What's the
_regular_ thing now?
_Lord Strath._ (_to himself_). Extraordinary little bounder--wants me to
price his dinner for him! (_Aloud._) Couldn't give a guess!
_Mr. Tid._ Well, considering I sent round and all that, I think they ought
to make _some_ reduction--y'know. But _you_'ve nothing to do with that, eh?
I'm to settle up with BLANKLEY'S?
_Lord Strath._ I should say he would prefer your doing so--but it's really
no business of mine, and--er--it's getting rather late----
_Mr. Tid._ (_opening the door_). There, we'll go up. And look here, _do_
try and be a bit stiffer with my Uncle. It's too bad the way he goes on
my-lording you, y'know. You shouldn't encourage him!
_Lord Strath._ I wasn't aware I _did_. (_To himself._) Trying, this. But
never mind, I shall see MARJORY in another minute!
_Mr. Tid._ (_to himself_). The _airs_ these chaps give themselves! Oh, lor,
there's Uncle GABRIEL hooking on to him _again_. If he only knew! [_He
follows them upstairs uneasily._