MAUDE.
Harold did not finish his work at the Allen farm-house until Tuesday, so
it was not until Wednesday afternoon that he started to pay his promised
visit to Maude. Jerrie had seen her twice, and reported her as much
better and able to be up, although still very weak.
"She is so anxious to see you. Don't you think you can go this
afternoon?" she said to Harold, in the morning, as she helped him weed
the garden and pick the strawberries for dinner.
"Ye-es, I guess I can--if you'll go with me," he said.
He was so loth to be away from Jerrie when it was not absolutely
necessary, that even a call upon Maude without her did not seem very
tempting. But Jerrie could not go, for Nina and Marian Raymond were
coming to spend the afternoon, and Harold went alone to the Park House,
where he found Maude in the room she called her studio, trying to finish
a little water-color which she had sketched of the cottage as it was
before the roof was raised.
"I mean it for Jerrie," she had said to Harold, who stood by her when
she sketched it, "and I am going to put her under the tree, with her
sun-bonnet hanging down her back, as she used to wear it when she was a
little girl, and you are to be over there by the fence, looking at me
coming up the lane."
It was the best thing Maude had ever done, for the likeness to Jerrie
and to herself was perfect, while the cottage, embowered in trees and
flowers, made it a most attractive picture. Harold had praised it a
great deal, and told her that it would make her famous. But when the
carpenter work came on Maude put it aside until now, when she brought it
out again, and was just beginning to retouch it in places, as Harold was
announced.
She was looking very tired, and it seemed to Harold that she had lost
pounds of flesh since he saw her last. Her face was pale and wan, but
it flushed brightly as he came in, and she went forward to meet him.
"Hally, you naughty boy!" she began, as she gave him her hand. "Why
didn't you come before? You don't know how I have missed you. You must
not forget me now that Jerrie is at home."
She led him to a seat, and then herself sank into a large, cushioned
easy-chair, against which she leaned her head wearily, while she looked
at him with eyes which ought to have told how much he was to her, and so
put him on his guard, and saved the misunderstanding which followed.
"No, Maude, I couldn't forget you," he said; and without really knowing
that he was doing it, he put his hand upon the little, thin white one
lying on the arm of the chair.
Every nerve in Maude's body thrilled to the touch of Harold's hand upon
which she involuntarily laid her other one. One would have thought them
lovers, sitting there together, but nothing could have been farther from
Harold's mind. He was thinking only of Jerrie, and his resolve to
confide in Maude, and get her opinion with regard to his chance.
"Now is as good a time as any," he thought, wondering how he should
begin, and finding it harder than he had imagined it would be.
At last, after a few commonplaces, Maude told him again that he must not
neglect her now that Jerrie was at home.
"Neglect you? How can I do that?" he said, "when I look upon you as one
of my best friends, and in proof of it, I am going to tell you
something, or, rather, ask you something, and I hope you will answer me
truly. Better that I know the worst at first than learn it afterward."
Maude's face was scarlet with a great and sudden joy, and her eyes
drooped beneath Harold's as he went on stammeringly, for he began to
feel the awkwardness of telling one girl that he loved another, even
though that other were her dearest friend.
"I hardly know how to begin," he said, "it is such a delicate matter,
and perhaps I'd better say nothing at all."
Was he going to stop? Had he changed his mind--and would he not, after
all, say the words she had so longed to hear? Maude asked herself,
while he sat silent and unmoved, his thoughts very far from her to whom
he was so much.
Poor Maude! She was weak and sick, and impulsive and mistaken in the
nature of Harold's feelings for her; so judge her not too harshly, if
she at last did what Arthur would have called "throwing herself at his
head."
"I can guess what you mean," she said, after a pause, during which he
did not speak. "I have long suspected that you cared for me, and have
wondered you did not tell me so, but supposed that you refrained because
I was rich and you were poor; but what has that to do with those who
love each other? I am glad you have spoken; and you have made me very
happy; even if we can never be more to each other than we are now,
because I am going to die."
"Oh, Maude, Maude, you are mistaken. I--," came from Harold like a cry
of horror as he wrenched away his hand lying between hers.
What could she mean? How had she understood him? he asked himself, while
great drops of sweat gathered upon his forehead and in the palms of his
hands, as the past came back to him, and he could see that what he had
thought mere friendship for himself was a far different and deeper
feeling, while he unwittingly had fanned the flame, and was now reaping
the result.
"What can I do?" he said aloud, unconsciously, while from the chair in
which Maude was leaning back so wearily came a weak voice like that of a
child:
"Ring the bell, and give me my handkerchief."
He was at her side in a moment, bending over her, and looking anxiously
into the pallid face from which the bright color had faded, leaving it
gray, and pinched, and drawn. Had he killed her by blurting out so
roughly that she was mistaken, and thus filling her with mortification
and shame? No, that could not be, for as he brought her handkerchief,
she whispered to him:
"I am not mistaken, Hally. I am going to die, but you have made the last
days of my life very, very happy."
She thought he was referring to herself and her situation when he told
her she was mistaken, and with a smothered groan he was starting for the
camphor, as she bade him do, when the door opened, and Mrs. Tracy
herself appeared.
"What is it?" she asked, sharply; then, as she saw Maude's face, she
knew what it was, and going to her, said to Harold:
"Why did you allow her to talk and get excited? What were you saying to
her?"
Instantly Maude's eyes went up to Harold's with an appealing look, as if
asking him not to tell her mother then--a precaution which was needless,
as he had no intention to tell Mrs. Tracy, or any one, of the terrible
blunder he had made; and with a hope that the reality might dawn upon
Maude, he answered, truthfully:
"I was talking to her of Jerrie. I am very sorry."
If Maude heard she did not understand, for drops of pinkish blood were
oozing from her lips, and she looked as if she were already dead, as in
obedience to Mrs. Tracy's command Harold took her in his arms and
carried her to the couch near the open window, where he laid her down as
tenderly as if she were indeed his affianced wife.
"Thanks," she sighed, softly, and her eyes looked up at him with an
expression which half tempted him to kiss the lips from which he was
wiping the stains so carefully, while Mrs. Tracy, at the door, gave some
orders to a servant.
"You can go now," she said, returning to the couch, and dismissing him
with her usual hauteur of manner; while Maude put up her hand and
whispered:
"Come soon--and Jerrie."
Had Harold been convicted of theft or murder he could scarcely have felt
worse than he did as he walked slowly through the park, reviewing the
situation and wondering what he ought to do.
"If it almost killed her when she thought I loved her, it would surely
kill her to know that I do not," he thought. "I cannot undeceive her
now, while she is so weak; but when she is better and able to bear it, I
will tell her the truth.
"And if she dies?" came to him like the stab of a knife, as he
remembered how white she looked as he held her in his arms. "If she
does," he said, "no one shall ever know of the mistake she made. In this
I will be true to Maude, even should the world believe I loved her and
told her so. But, oh Heaven! spare me that, and spare Maude's life for
many years. She is too young, too sweet, too good to die."
This was Harold's prayer, and that of many others during the week which
followed, when Maude's life hung on a thread, and every bell at the Park
House was muffled, and the servants spoke only in whispers; while Frank
Tracy sat day and night in the room where his daughter lay, perfectly
quiet, except as she sometimes put up her hand to stroke his white hair
or wipe away the tears constantly rolling down his cheeks.
In Frank's heart there was a feeling worse than death itself, for keen
remorse and bitter regret were torturing his soul as he sat beside the
wreck of all his hopes and felt that he had sinned for naught. He knew
Maude would die, and then what mattered it to him if he had all the
money of the Rothschilds at his command?
"Oh, Gretchen, you are avenged, and Jerrie, too! Oh, Jerrie!" he said
one day, unconsciously, as he sat by his daughter, who, he thought, was
sleeping.
But at the mention of Jerrie's name her eyes unclosed and fixed
themselves upon her father with a look in which he read an earnest
desire for something.
"What is it, pet?" he asked. "Do you want anything?"
They had made her understand that she must not speak, for the slightest
effort to do so always brought on a fit of coughing which threatened a
hemorrhage. But they had brought her a little slate, on which she
sometimes wrote her requests, though that, too, was an effort. Pointing
now to the slate, she wrote, while her father held it:
"I want Jerrie."
"I thought so; and you shall have her for just as long as she will
stay," Frank said; and a servant was dispatched to the cottage with the
message that Jerrie must come at once, and come prepared to pass the
night, if possible.
It had been very dreary for Maude during the time she had been shut up
in her room, to which no one was admitted except her father and mother,
the doctor, and the nurse. Many messages of inquiry and sympathy,
however, had come to her from the cottage, and Grassy Spring, and Le
Bateau, where Ann Eliza was still kept a prisoner with her sprained
ankle; and once Jerrie had written a note full of love and solicitude
and a desire to see her. As a postscript she added:
"Harold sends his love, and hopes you will soon be better. You don't
know how anxious he is about you. Why, I believe he has lost ten pounds
since your attack, for which he seems to blame himself, thinking he
excited you too much by talking to you."
Frank read this to Maude, who, when he came to the postscript laughed
aloud, as a child laughs at the return of its mother, for whom it has
been hungering. This was the first word she had had from Harold, except
that he had called to inquire for her, and she had so longed for
something which should assure her that he remembered her as she did him.
She had no distrust of him, and would as soon have doubted that the sun
would rise again as to have doubted his sincerity; but she wanted to
hear again that he loved her, and now she had heard it, and, folding her
hands upon her breast, she fell into the most refreshing sleep she had
had since her illness. Could Maude have talked and seen people, or if
she had been less anxious to live, she would probably have told Jerrie
and Nina, and possibly Ann Eliza Peterkin, of what had passed between
herself and Harold, but she had not seen them; while life, with Harold
to love her, looked so bright and sweet, that if by keeping silence she
could prolong it, she would do so for months, if necessary. To live for
Harold was all she wished or thought about; and often when they hoped
she was sleeping, she lay so still, with her eyes closed and her hands
folded upon her breast, she was praying for life and length of days,
with strength to make Harold as happy as he ought to be, and was
thinking of and planning all she meant to do for him if she lived and
they were married. First to Europe, where she would be so proud to show
him the places she had seen, and where Jerrie would be with them, for in
all her plans Jerrie had almost as prominent a place as herself.
"I am nothing without Jerrie," she thought. "She keeps me up, and Jerrie
will live with us, and Mrs. Crawford; but not here, for Harold could
never get along with mother and Tom; we will build a house together,
Hally and I, with Jerrie to help and plan--build one where the cottage
stands, or near it, so Jerrie can still see the old Tramp House she is
so fond of. Not a house like this, with such big rooms, but a pretty,
modern Queen Ann house, with every room a corner room, and a bay-window
in it. And Harold will have an office in town, and I shall drive down
for him every afternoon and take him home to dinner and to Jerrie."
Such was the nature of Maude's thoughts, as she lay day after day upon
the couch, too weak to do more than lift her hands or raise her head
when the dreadful paroxysms of coughing seized her and racked her
fragile frame. Still she was very happy, and the happiness showed itself
upon her face, where there rested a look of perfect content and peace,
which her father and mother had noticed and commented upon, and which
Jerrie saw the moment she entered the room.
Sitting down beside her, she told her how lovely she looked in her
pretty rose-colored wrapper, and how sorry every one was for her, and
that both she and Nina would have been there every day, only they knew
they could not see her. Then, as Maude's eyes fixed themselves steadily
upon her, with a look of inquiry, she set her teeth hard, and began:
"I don't think any one has been more sorry than Harold. Why, for the
first few days after you were taken so ill he just walked the floor all
the time he was in the house, and when grandma asked what ailed him, he
said, 'I am thinking of Maude, and am afraid my call upon her was the
cause of the attack.'"
"N-n--" Maude began, but checked herself in time, and taking up her
slate, wrote, "Tell him it was not his call. I am glad he came."
All day and all night Jerrie sat by her, sometimes talking to her and
answering the questions she wrote upon the slate, but oftener in perfect
silence, when Maude seemed to be asleep. Then Jerrie's tears fell like
rain, the face upon the pillow looked so much like death, and she kept
repeating to herself the lines:
"We thought her dying when she slept,
And sleeping when she died."
When the warm July morning looked in at the windows of the sick-room,
bringing with it the perfume of hundreds of flowers blooming on the
lawn, and the scent of the hay cut the previous day, it found Jerrie
still watching by Maude, her own face tired and pale, with dark rings
about her eyes, which were heavy with tears and wakefulness. She had not
slept at all, and her head was beginning to ache frightfully when the
nurse came in and relieved her, telling her breakfast was ready. Maude
was awake, and wrote eagerly upon the slate:
"You'll come back? You'll stay all day? You do me so much good, and I am
a great deal better for your being here."
Jerrie hesitated a moment; her head was aching so hard that she longed
to get away. But selfishness was not one of Jerrie's faults, and putting
her own wishes aside, she said:
"Yes, I will stay until afternoon, and then I must go home. I did not
tell you that Harold was going away to-night, did I?"
Maude shook her head, and Jerrie went on:
"You know, perhaps, that some time ago a Mr. Wilson, of Truesdale, sued
Peterkin for some infringement on a patent, or something of that sort."
Maude nodded, and Jerrie continued:
"The suit comes off to-morrow, and Harold is subpœnaed as a witness,
as he was in Peterkin's office a while and knows something about the
arrangement between them. I am sorry he has got to swear against
Peterkin; it will make him so angry, and he hates Harold now. The suit
is to be called in the morning and Judge St. Claire and Harold are going
to-night on the five o'clock train; and as he may be gone a day or two I
must be home to see to packing his bag. But I will stay with you just as
long as I can."
She said nothing of her head which throbbed in a most peculiar way,
making her dizzy and half blind as she went down to breakfast, which she
took alone with Mrs. Tracy. Frank had eaten his long before, and was now
pacing up and down the piazza with his head bent forward and his hands
locked together behind him.
Tom seldom appeared until after ten, and when Jerrie went for a few
moments into the grounds, to see if the fresh air would do her good, she
found him seated in an armchair under a horse chestnut tree, stretching
himself and yawning as if he were just out of bed.
"Jerrie, you here? Did you stay all night? If I'd known that, I'd have
made an effort to come down to breakfast, though I think getting up in
the morning a bore. Why, what's the matter? You look as if you were
going to faint. Sit down here," he continued, as he saw Jerrie reel
forward as if she were about to fall.
He put her into the chair and stood over her, fanning her with his hat
and wondering what he should do, while for a moment she lost
consciousness of the things about her, and her mind went floating off
after the picture on the wall in Wiesbaden, which was haunting her that
morning.
When she came to herself, Tom and Dick and Billy were all three hovering
around, and so close to her that without opening her eyes she could have
told exactly where each one was standing, Tom by the smell of tobacco,
with which his clothes were saturated, Billy by the powerful scent of
white rose with which he always perfumed his handkerchief, and Dick,
because, as she had once said to Nina when a child, he was so clean and
looked as if he had just been scrubbed. The two young men had come to
inquire for Maude, and had found Jerrie half swooning under the tree,
with Tom fanning her frantically and acting like a wild man.
Jerrie had seen Dick twice since her refusal of him, and both times her
manner, exactly like what it had always been to him, had put him at his
ease, so that a looker-on would never have dreamed of that episode under
the pines when she nearly broke his heart. Billy, however, was more
conscious. He had not seen Jerrie since he took her home in his
dog-cart, and his face was scarlet and his manner nervous and
constrained as he stood before her, longing and yet not daring to fan
her with his hat just as Tom was doing.
Of the three young men who had sought her hand, Billy's wound was the
deepest, and Billy would remember it the longest; for, mingled with his
defeat, was a sense of mortification and hatred of his own personal
appearance, which he could not help thinking had influenced Jerrie's
decision.
"And I don't blame her, by Jove!" he said to himself a hundred times.
"She could not marry a pigmy, and I was a fool to hope it; but I shall
love her just the same as long as I live; and if I can ever help her I
will."
And when at last Jerrie was better, and assured him so with her own
sweet graciousness of manner, and put her hand upon his shoulder to
steady herself as she stood up, he felt that paradise was opening to him
again, and that although he had lost Jerrie as a wife, he still had her
as a friend, which was more than he had dared expect.
"Are you better now? Can you walk to the house?" Tom asked.
"Oh, yes; the giddiness is gone," Jerrie replied. "I don't know what
ails me this morning."
Never before could she remember having felt as she did now, with that
sharp pain in her head, that buzzing in her ears, and, more than all,
that peculiar state of mind which she called her "spells," and which
seemed to hold her now, body and soul. Even when she returned to Maude's
room her thoughts were far away, and everything which had ever come to
her concerning her babyhood came to her again, crowding upon her so fast
that once it seemed to her that the top of her head was lifting, and she
put up her hand to hold it in its place. And still she staid on with
Maude, although two or three times she arose to go, but something kept
her there--chance, if one chooses to call by that name the something
which at times molds us to its will and influences our whole lives.
Something kept her there until the morning was merged into noon and the
noon into the middle of the afternoon, and then she could stay no
longer. The hour had come when she must go, for the other force which
was to be the instrument in changing all her future was astir, and she
must keep her unconscious appointment with it.