GOD
1
Half an hour later he was in his room again, and the real world had come
back to him. It had come back with the surprise of some supernatural
mechanism; it was as though the sofa, chairs, pictures had five minutes
before been grass and toadstools in a world of mist and now were sofa,
chairs and pictures again.
He was absolutely sane, whereas half an hour ago he had been held almost
by an enchantment. If Margaret were here with him now, here in his
room--not in that dim, horrible Rocket Road house, raised it might
almost seem by the superstitions and mists of his own conscience--ah!
how he would love her!
He was filled with a sense of energy and enterprise. He would have it
out with Rupert, laugh away his suspicions, reconcile him to the idea of
the marriage, finally drag Margaret from that horrible house. As with a
man who has furious attacks of neuralgia, and between the agony of them
feels, so great is the relief, that no pain will ever come to him again,
so Olva was now, for an instant, the Olva of a month ago.
Four times had the Pursuer thus given him respite--on the morning after
the murder, in St. Martin's Chapel on that same evening, after his
confession to Bunning, and now. But Aegidius, looking down from his
wall, saw the strong, stern face of his young friend and loved him and
knew that, at last, the pursuit was at an end. . . .
Bunning came in.
2
Bunning came in. The little silver clock had just struck a quarter to
one. The match was at half-past two.
Olva knew at his first sight of Bunning that something had happened. The
man seemed dazed, he dragged his great legs slowly after him and planted
them on the floor as though he wanted something that was secure, like
a man who had begun desperately to slip down a crevasse. His back was
bowed and his cheeks were flushed as though some one had been striking
him, but his eyes told Olva everything. They were the eyes of a child
who has been wakened out of sleep and sees Terror.
"What is it? Sit down. Pull yourself together."
"Oh! Dune! . . . My God, Dune!" The man's voice had the unreality of men
walking in a cinematograph. "Craven's coming."
"Coming! Where?"
"Here!"
"Now?"
"I don't know--when. He knows."
"You told him?"
"I thought it best. I thought I was doing right. It's all gone wrong.
Oh! these last two days! what I've suffered!"
Now for the first time in the history of the whole affair Olva Dune may
be said to have felt sheer physical terror, not terror of the mist,
of the road, of the darkness, of the night, but terror of physical
things--of the loss of light and air, of the denial of food, of physical
death. . . . For a moment the room swam about him. He heard, in the
Court below him, some men laughing--a dog was barking. Then he saw that
Bunning was on the edge of hysteria. The bedmaker would come in and find
him laughing--as he had laughed once before.
Olva stilled the room with a tremendous effort--the floor sank, the
table and chairs tossed no longer.
"Now, Bunning, tell me quickly. They'll be here to lay lunch in a
minute. What have you told Craven? And why have you told him anything?"
"I told him--yesterday--that I did it."
"That _you_ did it?"
"Yes, that I murdered Carfax."
"My God! You fool! . . . You fool!"
A most dangerous thing this devotion of a fool.
But, strangely, Olva's words roused in Bunning a kind of protest, so
that he pulled his eyes back into their sockets, steadied his hands,
held his boots firmly to the floor, and, quite softly, with a little
note of urgency in it as though he were pleading before a great court,
said--
"Yes, I know. But he drove me to it; Craven did. I thought it was the
only way to save you. He's been at me now for days; ever since that time
he stopped me in Outer Court and asked me why I was a friend of yours.
He's been coming to my room--at night--at all sorts of times--and just
sitting there and looking at me."
Olva came across and touched Bunning's arm: "Poor Bunning! What a brute
I was to tell you!"
"He used to come and say nothing--just look at me. I couldn't stand it,
you know. I'm not a clever man--not at all clever--and I used to try
and think of things to talk about, but it always seemed to come back to
Carfax--every time."
"And then--when you told me the other day about your caring for Miss
Craven--I felt that I must do something. I'd always puzzled, you know,
why I should be brought into it at all. I didn't seem to be the sort of
fellow who'd be likely to be mixed up with a man like you. I felt that
it must be with some purpose, you know, and now--now--I thought I
suddenly saw--
"I don't know--I thought he'd believe me--I thought he'd tell the police
and they'd arrest me--and that'd be the end of it."
Here Bunning took a handkerchief and began miserably to gulp and sniff.
"But, good heavens!" Olva cried, "you didn't suppose that they wouldn't
discover it all at the police-station in a minute! Two questions and
you'd be done! Why, man----!"
"I didn't know. I thought it would be all right. I was all alone that
afternoon, out for a walk by myself--and you'd told me how you did it.
I'd only got to tell the same story. I couldn't see how any one should
know---I couldn't really . . . I don't suppose"--many gulps--"that I
thought much about that--I only wanted to save you."
How bright and wonderful the day! How full of colour the world! And it
was all over, all absolutely, finally done.
"Now--look here, stop that sniffing--it's all right. I'm not angry with
you. Just tell me exactly what you said to Craven yesterday when you
told him."
Bunning thought. "Well, he came into my room quite early after my
breakfast. I was reading my Bible, as I used to, you know, every
morning, to see whether I could be interested again, as I used to be. I
was finding I couldn't when Craven came in. He looked queer. He's been
looking queerer every day, and I don't think he's been sleeping. Then
he began to ask me questions, not actually about anything, but odd
questions like, Where was I born? and Why did I read the Bible? and
things like that--just to make me comfortable--and his eyes were so
funny, red and small and never still. Then he got to you."
The misery now in Bunning's eyes was more than Olva could bear. It was
dumb, uncomprehending misery, the unhappiness of something caught in a
trap--and that trap this glittering dancing world!
"Then he got to you! He always asked me the same questions. How long
I'd known you?--Why we got on together when we were so different?--silly
meaningless things--and he didn't listen to my answers. He was always
thinking of the next things to ask and that frightened me so."
The misery in Bunning's eyes grew deeper.
"Suddenly I thought I saw what was meant--that I was intended to take it
on myself. It made me warm all over, the though of it. . . . Now, I was
going to do something . . . that's how I saw it!"
"Going to do something . . ." he repeated desperately, with choking
sobs between the words. "It's all happened so quickly. He had just said
absently, not looking at me, 'You like Dune, don't you?'
"When I came out with it all at once---I said, 'Yes, I know, I know what
_you_ want. You think that Dune killed Carfax and that _I_ know he did,
but he didn't _I_ killed Carfax. . . .'"
Bunning's voice quite rang out. His eyes now desperately sought Olva's
face, as though he would find there something that would make the world
less black.
"I wasn't frightened---not then---that was the odd thing. The only thing
I thought about was saving you---getting you out of it. I didn't see! I
didn't see!"
"And then---what did Craven say?" Olva asked quietly.
"Craven said scarcely anything. He asked me whether I realized what I
was saying, whether I saw what I was in for? I said 'Yes'---that it had
all been too much for my conscience, that I had to tell some one---all
the things that you told me. Then he asked me why I'd done it. I told
him because Carfax always bullied me---he did, you know---and that one
day I couldn't stand it any longer and I met him in the wood and hit
him. He said, 'You must be very strong,' and of course I'm not, you
know, and that ought to have made me suspect something. But it didn't.
. . . Then he said he must think over what he ought to do, but all the
time he was saying it I knew he was thinking of something else and then
he went away."
"That was yesterday morning?"
"Yesterday morning, and all day I was terrified, but happy too. I
thought I'd done a big thing and I thought that the police would come
and carry me off. . . . Nothing happened all day. I sat there waiting.
And I thought of you---that you'd be able to marry Miss Craven and
would be very happy.
"Then, this morning, coming from chapel, Craven stopped me. I thought he
was going to tell me that he'd thought it his duty to give me away. He
would, you know. But it wasn't that.
"All he said was: 'I wonder how you know so much about it, Bunning.' I
couldn't say anything. Then he said, 'I'm going to ask Dune.' That was
all . . . all," he wretchedly repeated, and then, with a movement of
utter despair, flung his head into his hands, and cried.
Olva, standing straight with his hands at his side, looked through his
window at the world---at the white lights on the lower sky, at the pearl
grey roofs and the little cutting of dim white street and the high grey
college wall. He was to begin again, it seemed, at the state in which
he'd been on the day after Carfax's murder. Then he had been sure that
arrest would only be a question of hours and he had resolutely faced it
with the resolve that he would drain all the life, all the vigour, all
the fun from the minutes that remained to him.
Now he had come back to that. Craven would give him away, perhaps . . .
he would, at any rate, drive him away from Margaret. But he would almost
certainly feel it his duty to expose him. He would feel that that would
end the complication with his sister once and for all---the easiest way.
He would feel it his duty---these people and their duty!
Well, at least he would have his game of football first---no one could
take his afternoon away from him. Margaret would be there to watch him
and he would play! Oh! he would play as he had never played in his life
before!
Bunning's voice came to him from a great distance---
"What are you going to do? What are you going to say to Craven?"
"Say to him? Why, I shall tell him, of course---tell him everything."
Bunning leapt from his chair. In his urgency he put his hands on Olva's
arm: "No, no, no. You mustn't do that. Why it will be as though I'd
murdered you. Tell him I did it. Make him believe it. You can---you're
clever enough. Make him feel that I did it. You mustn't, mustn't---let
him know. Oh, please, please. I'll kill myself if you do. I will
really."
Olva gravely, quietly, put his hands on Bunning's shoulders.
"It's all right---it had to come out. I've been avoiding it all this
time, escaping it, but it had to come. Don't you be afraid of it. I
daresay Craven won't do anything. After all he loves his sister and she
cares for him. That will influence him. But, anyhow, all that's done
with. There are bigger things in question than Craven knowing about
Carfax, and you were meant to tell him---you were really. You've just
forced me to see what's the right thing to do---that's all."
Bunning was, surely, in the light of it, a romantic figure.
Miss Annett came in with the lunch.
3
As Olva was changing into his football things, Cardillac appeared.
"Come up to the field with me, will you? I've got a hansom."
Olva finished tying his boots and stood up. Cardillac looked at him.
"My word, you seem fit."
"Yes, I'm splendid, thanks."
He felt splendid. Never before had he been so conscious of the right to
be alive. His football clothes smelt of the earth and the air. He moved
his arms and legs with wonderful freedom. His blood was pumping through
his body as though death, disease, infirmity such things---were of
another planet.
For such a man as he there should only be air, love, motion, the
begetting of children, the surprising splendour of a sudden death. Now
already Craven was waiting for him.
He had sent a note round to Craven's rooms; he had said, "Come in to see
me after the match---five o'clock. I have something to tell you."
At five o'clock then. . . .
Meanwhile it was nice of Cardillac to come. They exchanged no words
about it, but they understood one another entirely. It was as though
Cardillac had said---"I expect that you're going to knock me out of this
Rugger Blue as you knocked me out of the Wolves, and I want to show you
that we're pals all the way through."
What Cardillac really said was---"Have a cigarette? These are Turkish.
Feel like playing a game to-day?"
"Never felt better in my life."
"Well, these Dublin fellows haven't had their line crossed yet this
season. May one of us have the luck to do it."
"Pretty hefty lot of forwards."
"Yes, O'Brien's their spot Three I believe."
Olva and Cardillac attracted much attention as they walked through
the College. Miss Annett, watching them from a little window where she
washed plates, gulped in her thin throat with pride for "that Mr. Dune.
There's a gentleman!" The sun above the high grey buildings broke slowly
through yellow clouds. The roads were covered with a thin fine mud and,
from the earth, faint clouds of mist rose and vanished into a sky that
was slowly crumbling from thick grey into light watery blue.
The cold air beat upon their faces as the hansom rattled past Dunstan's,
over the bridge, and up the hill towards the field.
Cardillac talked. "There goes Braff. He doesn't often come up to a
game nowadays--must be getting on for seventy--the greatest half the
'Varsity's ever had, I suppose."
"It's a good thing this mud isn't thicker. It won't make the ball bad.
That game against Monkstown the other day! My word. . . ."
But Olva was not listening. It seemed to him now that two separate
personalities were divided in him so sharply that it was impossible to
reconcile them.
There was Olva Dune concentrating all his will, his mentality, upon the
game that he was about to play. This was his afternoon. After it there
would be darkness, death, what you will--parting from Margaret--all
purely physical emotions.
The other Olva felt nothing physical. The game, confession to Rupert,
trial, imprisonment, even separation from Margaret, all these things
were nothing in comparison with some great business that was in progress
behind it all, as real life may go on behind the painted back cloth of a
stage. Here were amazing happenings, although at present he was confused
and bewildered by them. It was not that Olva was, actually, at the
instant conscious of actual impressions, but rather that great emotions,
great surprising happiness, seemed to shine on some horizon. It was as
though something had said to his soul, "Presently you will feel a joy, a
splendour, that you had never in your wildest thoughts imagined."
The pursuit was almost at an end. He was now enveloped, enfolded.
Already everything to him--even his love for Margaret--was trivial in
comparison with the effect of some atmosphere that was beginning to hem
him in on every side.
But against all this was the other Olva--the Olva who desired physical
strength, love, freedom, health.
Well, let it all be as confusing as it might, he would play his game.
But as he walked into the Pavilion he knew that the prelude to his real
life had only a few more hours to run. . . .
4
As he passed, with the rest of the team, up the field, he observed two
things only; one thing was Margaret, standing on the left side of the
field just below the covered stand--he could see her white face and her
little black hard hat.
The other thing was that on the horizon where the wall at the further
end of the field cut the sky there were piled, as though resting on the
top of the wall, high white clouds. For a moment these clouds, piled in
mountain shape of an intense whiteness with round curving edges, held
his eyes because they exactly resembled those clouds that had hung above
him on the day of his walk to Sannet Wood--the day when he had been
caught by the snowstorm. These clouds brooded, waiting above him; their
dazzling white had the effect of a steady, unswerving gaze.
They lined out. He took his place as centre three-quarter with Cardillac
outside left and Tester and Buchan on the other wing. Old Lawrence
was standing, a solid rock of a figure, back. There was a great crowd
present. The tops of the hansom cabs in the road beyond rose above the
wall, and he could hear, muffled with distance, shots from the 'Varsity
firing range.
All these things focussed themselves upon his brain in the moment before
the whistle went; the whistle blew, the Dublin men had kicked off,
Tester had fielded the ball, sent it back into touch, and the game had
begun.
This was to be the game of his life and yet he could not centre his
attention upon it. He was conscious that Whymper--the great Whymper--was
acting as linesman and watching every movement. He knew that for most
of that great crowd his was the figure that was of real concern, he
knew that he was as surely battling for his lady as though he had been
fighting, tournament-wise, six hundred years ago.
But it all seemed of supreme unimportance. To-night he was to face
Rupert, to state, once and for all, that he had killed Carfax, to submit
Margaret to a terrible test . . . even that of no importance. All life
was insignificant beside something that was about to happen; before the
gaze of that white dazzling cloud be felt that he stood, a little pigmy,
alone on a brown spreading field.
The game was up at the University end. The Dublin men were pressing and
the Cambridge forwards seemed to have lost their heads. It was a case
now of "scrum," lining out, and "scrum" again. The Cambridge men got the
ball, kept it between their heels and tried, desperately to wheel with
it and carry it along with them. It escaped them, dribbled out of the
scrimmage, the Cambridge half leapt upon it, but the Dublin man was upon
him before he could get it away. It was on the ground again, the Dublin
forwards dribbled it a little and then some one, sweeping it into his
arms, fell forward with it, over the line, the Cambridge men on top of
him.
Dublin had scored a try, and a goal from an easy angle followed--Dublin
five points.
They all moved back to the centre of the field and now the Cambridge
men, rushing the ball from a line-out in their favour, pressed hard. At
last the ball came to the three-quarters. Tester caught it, it passed to
Buchan, who as he fell flung it right out to Cardillac; Cardillac draw
his man, swerved, and sent it back to Olva. As Olva felt the neat hard
surface of it, as he knew that the way was almost clear before him, his
feet seemed clogged with heavy weights. Something was about to happen to
him--something, but not this. The crowd behind the ropes were shouting,
he knew that he was himself running, but it seemed that only his body
was moving, his real self was standing back, gazing at those white
clouds--waiting.
He knew that he made no attempt to escape the man in front of him; he
seemed to run straight into his arms; he heard a little sigh go up from
behind the ropes, as he tumbled to the ground, letting the ball trickle
feebly from his fingers. A try missed if ever one was!
No one said anything, but he felt the disappointment in the air. He
knew what they were saying--"One of Dune's off days! I always said you
couldn't depend upon the man. He's just too sidey to care what happens.
. . ."
Well they might say it if they would; his eyes were on the horizon.
But his failure had had its effect. Let there be an individualist in
the line and Tester and Buchan would play their well-ordered game to
perfection. They relied as a rule upon Whymper--to-day they had depended
upon Dune. Well Dune had failed them, the forwards were heeling so
slowly, the scrum-half was never getting the ball away--it was a
miserable affair.
The Dublin forwards pressed again. For a long time the two bodies of men
swayed backwards and forwards; in the University twenty-five Lawrence
was performing wonders. He seemed to be everywhere at once, bringing
men down, seizing, in a lightning flash of time, his opportunity for
relieving by kicking into touch.
Twice the ball went to the Dublin three-quarters and they seemed
certainly in, but on the first occasion a man slipped and on the second
Olva caught his three-quarter and brought him sharply to the ground. It
was the only piece of work that he had done.
More struggling--then away on the right some Dublin man had caught it
and was running. Some one dashed at him to hurl him into touch, but he
slipped past and was in.
Another try--the kick was again successful--Dublin ten points.
The half-time whistle blew. As the met gathered into groups in the
middle of the field, sucking lemons and gathering additional melancholy
there from, Olva stood a little away from them. Whymper came out into
the field to exhort and advise. As he passed Olva he said--
"Rather missed that try of yours. Ought to have gone a bit faster."
He did not answer, it seemed to be no concern of his at all. He was now
trembling it every limb, but his excitement had nothing to do with
the game. It seemed to him that the earth and the sky were sharing his
emotion am he could feel in the air a great exaltation. I was becoming
literally true for him that earth air, sky were praising at this moment,
in wonderful unison, some great presence.
"All things betray Thee who betrayest Me. . . ." Now he understood what
that line had intended him to feel--the very sods crushed by his boots
were leading him to submission.
The whistle sounded. His back now was turned to the white clouds; he was
facing the high stone wall and the tops of the hansom cabs.
The game began again. The Dublin men were determined to drive their
advantage to victory. Another goal and their lead might settle, once and
for all, the issue.
Olva was standing back, listening. The earth was humming like a top. A
voice seemed to be borne on the wind--"Coming, Coming, Coming."
He felt that the clouds were spreading behind him and a little wind
seemed to be whispering in the grass--"Coming, Coming, Coming." His very
existence now was strung to a pitch of expectation.
As in a dream he saw that a Dublin man with the ball had got clear away
from the clump of Cambridge forwards, and was coming towards him. Behind
him only was Lawrence. He flung himself at the man's knees, caught them,
falling himself desperately forward. They both came crashing to the
ground. It was a magnificent collar, and Olva, as he fell, heard, as
though it were miles away, a rising shout, saw the sky bend down to him,
saw the ball as it was jerked up rise for a moment into the air--was
conscious that some one was running.
5
He was on his knees, alone, on the vast field that sloped a little
towards the horizon.
Before him the mountain clouds were now lit with a clear silver light so
dazzling that his eyes were lowered.
About him was a great silence. He was himself minute in size, a tiny,
tiny bending figure.
Many years passed.
A great glory caught the colour from the sky and earth and held it like
a veil before the cloud.
In a voice of the most radiant happiness Olva cried--
"I have fled--I am caught--I am held . . . Lord, I submit."
And for the second time he heard God's voice--
"My Son . . . My Son."
He felt a touch--very gentle and tender--on his shoulder.
6
Many years had passed. He opened his eyes and saw the ball that had been
rising, many years ago, now falling.
The man whom he had collared was climbing to his feet; behind them men
were bending down for a "scrum." The shout that he had heard when he had
fallen was still lingering in the air.
And yet many years had passed.
"Hope you're not hurt," the Dublin man said. "Came down hard."
"No, thanks, it's all right."
Olva got on to his feet. Some one cried, "Well collared, Dune."
He ran back to his place. Now there was no hesitation or confusion. A
vigour like wine filled his body. The Cambridge men now were pressing;
the ball was flung back to Cardillac, who threw to Olva. The Dublin line
was only a few yards away and Olva was over. Lawrence kicked a goal and
Cambridge had now five points to the Dublin ten.
Cambridge now awoke to its responsibilities. The Dublin men seemed to be
flagging a little, and Tester and Buchan, having apparently decided that
Olva was himself again, played their accustomed game.
But what had happened to Dune? There he had been his old casual superior
self during the first half of the game. Now he was that inspired player
that the Harlequin match had once revealed him. Whymper had spoken to
him at half-time. That was what it was--Whymper had roused him.
For he was amazing. He was everywhere. Even when he had been collared,
he was suddenly up, had raced after the three-quarter line, caught them
up and was in the movement again. Five times the Cambridge Threes were
going, were half-way down the field, and were checked by the wonderful
Dublin defence. Again and again Cambridge pressed. There were only ten
minutes left for play and Cambridge were still five points behind.
Somebody standing in the crowd said, "By Jove, Dune seems to be enjoying
it. I never saw any one look as happy."
Some one else said, "Dune's possessed by a devil or something. I never
saw anything like that pace. He doesn't seem to be watching the game at
all, though."
Some one said, "There's going to be a tremendous snowstorm in a minute.
Look at those white clouds."
Then, when there were five minutes more to play, there was a forward
rush over the Dublin line--a Cambridge man, struggling at the bottom
of a heap of legs and arms, touched down. A Dublin appeal was made for
"Carried over," but--no--"Try for Cambridge."
A deafening shout from behind the ropes, then a breathless pause whilst
Lawrence stepped back to take the kick, then a shattering roar as the
ball sailed between the posts.
Ten points all and three minutes left to play.
They were back to the centre, the Dublin men had kicked, Tester had
gathered and returned to touch. There was a line-out, a Cambridge man
had the ball and fell, Cambridge dribbled past the ball to the half, the
ball was in Cardillac's hands.
Let this be ever to Cardillac's honour! Fame of a lifetime might have
been his, the way was almost clear before him--he passed back to Olva.
The moment had come. The crowd fell first into a breathless silence,
then screamed with excitement--
"Dune's got it. He's off!"
He had a crowd of men upon him. Handing off, bending, doubling, almost
down, slipping and then up again--he was through them.
The great clouds were gathering the grey sky into their white arms. Mr.
Gregg, at the back of the stand, forgetting for once decorum, white and
trembling, was hoarse with shouting.
Olva's body seemed so tiny on that vast field--two Dublin three-quarters
came for him. He appeared to run straight into the arms of both of them
and then was through them. They started after him--one man was running
across field to catch him. It was a race. Now there fell silence as the
three men tore after the flying figure. Surely never, in the annals of
Rugby football, had any one run as Olva ran then. Only now the Dublin
back, and he, missing the apparent swerve to the right, clutched
desperately at Olva's back, caught the buckle of his "shorts" and stood
with the thing torn off in his hand.
He turned to pursue, but it was too late. Olva had touched down behind
the posts.
As he started back with the ball the wide world seemed to be crying and
shouting, waving and screaming.
Against the dull grey sky far away an ancient cabman, standing on the
top of his hansom, flourished his whip.
But as he stood there the shouting died--the crowds faded--alone there
on the brown field with the white high clouds above him, Olva was
conscious, only, of the gentle touch of a hand on his shoulder.