REVELATION OF BUNNING (II)
1
The next day the frost broke, and after a practice game on the Saul's
ground, in preparation for a rugby match at the end of the week, Olva,
bathed and feeling physically a fine, overwhelming fitness, went to see
Margaret Craven.
This sense of his physical well-being was extraordinary. Mentally he
was nearly beaten, almost at the limit of his endurance. Spiritually the
catastrophe hovered more closely above him at every advancing moment,
but, physically, he had never, in all his life before, felt such
magnificent health. He had been sleeping badly now for weeks. He had
been eating very little, but he felt no weariness, no faintness. It
was as though his body were urging upon him the importance of his
resistance, as though he were perceiving, too, with unmistakable
clearness the cleavage that there was between body and soul. And indeed
this vigour _did_ give him an energy to set about the numberless things
that he had arranged to fill every moment of his day--the many little
tinkling bells that he had set going to hide the urgent whisper of that
other voice. He carried his day through with a rush, a whirl, so that
he might be in bed again at night almost before he had finished his
dressing in the morning--no pause, no opportunity for silence. . . .
And now he must see Margaret Craven, see her for herself, but also see
her to talk to her about her brother. How much did Rupert Craven know?
How much--and here was the one tremendous question--had he told his
sister? As Olva waited, once again, in the musty hall, saw once more the
dim red glass of the distant window, smelt again the scent of oranges,
his heart was beating so that he could not hear the old woman's
trembling voice. How would Margaret receive him? Would there be in her
eyes that shadow of distrust that he always saw now in Rupert's? His
knees were trembling and he had to stay for an instant and pull himself
together before he crossed the drawing-room threshold.
And then he was, instantly, reassured. Margaret was alone in the dim
room, and as she came to meet him he saw in her approach to him that
she had been wanting him. In her extended hands he found a welcome that
implied also a need. He felt, as he met her and greeted her and looked
again into the grave, tender eyes that he had been wanting so badly ever
since he had seen them last, that there was nothing more wonderful than
the way that their relationship advanced between every meeting. They
met, exchanged a word or two and parted, but in the days that separated
them their spirits seemed to leap together, to crowd into lonely hours a
communion that bound them more closely than any physical intimacy could
do.
"Oh! I'm so glad you've come. I had hoped it, wanted it."
He sat down close to her, his dark eyes on her face.
"You're in trouble? I can see."
She bent her eyes gravely on the fire, and as slowly she tried to put
together the things that she wished to say he felt, in her earnest
thoughtfulness, a rest, a relief, so wonderful that it was like plunging
his body into cool water after a long and arid journey.
"No, it is nothing. I don't want to make things more overwhelming than
they are. Only, it is, I think, simply that during these last days when
mother and Rupert have both been ill, I have been overwhelmed."
"Rupert?"
"Yes, we'll come to him in a moment. You must remember," she smiled up
at him as she said it, "that I'm not the least the kind of person who
makes the best of things--in fact I'm not a useful person at all. I
suppose being abroad so long with my music spoiled me, but whatever it
is I seem unable to wrestle with things. They frighten me, overwhelm me,
as I say . . . I'm frightened now."
He looked up at her last word and caught a corner reflection in the old
gilt mirror--a reflection of a multitude of little things; silver boxes,
photograph frames, old china pots, little silk squares, lying like
scattered treasures from a wreck on a dark sea.
"What are you frightened about?"
"Well, there it is--nothing I suppose. Only I'm not good at managing
sick people, especially when there's nothing definitely the matter with
them. It's a case with all three of us--a case of nerves."
"Well, that's as serious a thing as any other disease."
"Yes, but I don't know what to do with it. Mother lies there all day.
She seldom speaks, she scarcely eats anything. She entirely refuses to
have a doctor. But worse than that is the extraordinary feeling that
she has had during this last week about Rupert. She refuses to see him,"
Margaret Craven finally brought out.
"Refuses?"
"Yes, she says that he is altered to her. She says that he will not let
her alone, that he is imagining things. Poor Rupert is most terribly
distressed. He is imagining nothing. He would do anything for her, he is
devoted to her."
"Since when has she had this idea?"
"You remember the day that you came last? when Rupert came in and had
found your matchbox. It began about then. . . . Of course Rupert has
not been well--he has never been well since that dreadful death of Mr.
Carfax, and certainly since that day when you were here I think that
he's been worse--strange, utterly unlike himself, sleeping badly, eating
nothing. Poor, poor Rupert, I would do anything for him, for them
both, but I am so utterly, utterly useless, What can I do?" she finally
appealed to him.
"You said once," he answered her slowly, "that I could help you. If you
still feel that, tell me, and I will do anything, anything. You know
that I will do anything."
They came together, in that terrible room, like two children out of the
dark. He suddenly caught her hand and she let him hold it. Then, very
gently, she withdrew it.
"I think that you can make all the difference," she answered slowly.
"Mother often speaks of you. I told you before that she wants so much to
see you, and if you would do that, if you would go up, for just a little
time, and sit with her, I believe you would soothe her as no one else
can. I don't know why I feel that, but I know that she feels it too. You
_are_ restful," she said suddenly, with a smile, flung up at him.
And again, as on the earlier occasion, he shrank from the thing that she
asked him. He had felt, from the very moment this afternoon that he had
entered the house, that that thing would be asked of him. Mrs. Craven
wanted him. He could feel the compulsion of her wish drawing him through
walls and floors and all the obstructions of the world.
"Of course I'll go," he said.
"Ah! that will help. It would be so good of you. Poor mother, it's
lonely for her up there all day, and I know that she thinks about
things, about father, and it's not good for her. You might perhaps say
a word too about Rupert. I cannot imagine what it is that she is feeling
about him." She paused, and then with a sigh, rising from their chair,
longingly brought out, "Oh! but for all of us! to get away--out of this
house, out of this place, that's the thing we want!"
She stood there in her black dress, so simply, so appealingly before
him, that it was all that he could do not to catch her in his arms and
bold her. He did indeed rise and stand beside her, and there in silence,
with the dim room about them, the oppressive silence so ominous
and sinister, they came together with a closeness that no earlier
intercourse had given them.
Olva seemed, for a short space, to be relieved from his burdens. For
them both, so young, so helpless against powers that were ruthless in
the accomplishment of wider destinies, they were allowed to find in
these silent minutes a brief reprieve.
Then, with the sudden whirring and shrill clatter of an ancient clock,
action began again, but before the striking hour had entirely died away,
he said to her, "Whatever happens, we are, at any rate, friends. We can
snatch a moment together even out of the worst catastrophe."
"You're afraid . . . ?" Her breath caught, as she flung a look about the
room.
"One never knows."
"It is all so strange. There in Dresden everything was so happy, so
undisturbed, the music and one's friends; it was all so natural. And
now--here--with Rupert and mother--it's like walking in one's sleep."
"Well, I'll walk with you," he assured her.
But indeed that was exactly what it _was_ like, he thought, as he
climbed the old and creaking stairs. How often had one dreamed of the
old dark house, the dusty latticed windows, the stairs with the gaping
boards, at last that thin dark passage into which doors so dimly opened,
that had black chasms at either end of it, whose very shadows seemed
to demand the dripping of some distant water and the shudder of some
trembling blind. In a dream too there was that sense of inevitability,
of treading unaccustomed ways with an assured, accustomed tread that
was with him now. The old woman who had conducted him stopped at a door,
hidden by the dusk, and knocked. She opened it and wheezed out--
"Mr. Dune, m'am;" and then, standing back for him to pass, left him
inside.
As the door closed he was instantly conscious of an overwhelming desire
for air, a longing to fling open the little diamond-paned window. The
ceiling was very low and a fierce fire burned in the fireplace. There
was little furniture, only a huge white bed hovered in the background.
Olva was conscious of a dark figure lying on a low chair by the fire, a
figure that gave you instantly those long white hands and those burning
eyes and gave you afterwards more slowly the rest of the outline. But
its supreme quality was its immobility. That head, that body, those
hands, never moved, only behind its dark outline the bright fire
crackled and flung its shadows upon the wall.
"I am sorry that you are not so well."
Mrs. Craven's dark eyes searched his face. "You are restful to me. I
like you to come. But I would not intrude upon your time."
Olva said, "I am very glad to come if I can be of any service. If there
is anything that I can do."
The eyes seemed the only part of her body that lived. It was the eyes
that spoke. "No, there is nothing that any one can do. I do not care for
talking. Soon I will be downstairs again, I hope. It is lonely for my
daughter."
"There is Rupert."
At the mention of the name her eyes were suddenly sheathed. It was like
the instant quenching of some light. She did not answer him.
"Tell me about yourself. What you do, what you care about . . . your
life."
He told her a little about his home, his father, but he had a strange,
overwhelming conviction that she already knew. He felt, also, that she
regarded these things that he told her as preliminaries to something
else that he would presently say. He paused.
"Yes?" she said.
"I am tiring you. I have talked enough. It is time for me to be back in
College."
She did not contradict him. She watched him as he said good-bye. For
one moment he touched her chill, unresponsive hand, for an instant their
eyes, dark, sombre, met. The thought flew to his brain, "My God, how
lonely she is . . ." and then, "My God, how lonely I am." Slowly and
quietly he closed the door behind him.
2
That night the Shadow was nearer, more insistent; the closer it came
the more completely was the real world obscured. This obscurity was now
shutting oil from him everything; it was exactly as though his whole
body bad been struck numb so that he might touch, might hold, but
could feel nothing. Again it was as though he were confined in a damp,
underground cell and the world above his head was crying out with life
and joy. In his hand was the key of the door; he had only to use it.
Submission--to be taken into those arms, to be told gently what he
must do, and then--Obedience--perhaps public confession, perhaps death,
struggling, ignominious death . . . at least, never again Margaret
Craven, never again her companionship, her understanding, never again
to help her and to feel that warm sure clasp of her hand. What would she
say, what would she do if she were told? That remained for him now the
one abiding question. But he could not doubt what she would do. He saw
the warmth fading from the eyes, the hard stern lines settling about the
mouth, the cold stiffening of her whole body. No, she must never know,
and if Rupert discovered the truth, he, Olva, must force him, for his
sister's sake, to keep silence. But if Rupert knew he would tell his
sister, and she would believe him. No use denials then.
And on the side of it all was the Shadow, with him now, with him in the
room.
All things betray Thee Who betrayest Me.
The line from some poem came to him. It was true, true. His life that
had been the life of a man was now the life of a Liar--Liar to his
friends, Liar to Margaret, Liar to all the world--so his shuddering
soul cowered there, naked, creeping into the uttermost corner to escape
the Presence.
If only for an hour he might be again himself---might shout aloud the
truth, boast of it, triumph in it, be naked in the glory of it. Day
by day the pressure had been increased, day by day his loneliness had
grown, day by day the pursuit had drawn closer.
And now he hardly recognized the real from the false. He paced his room
frantically. He felt that on the other side of the bedroom door there
was terror. He had turned on all his lights; a furious fire was blazing
in the grate; beyond the windows cold stars and an icy moon, but in here
stifling heat.
When Bunning (the clocks were striking eleven) came blinking in upon him
he was muttering--"Let me go, let me go. I killed him, I tell you. I'm
glad I killed him. . . . Oh! Let me alone! For pity's sake let me alone!
I _can't_ confess! Don't you see that I can't confess? There's Margaret.
I must keep her---afterwards when she knows me better I'll tell her."
As he faced Bunning's staring glasses, the thought came to Him, "Am I
going mad?--Has it been too much for me?---Mad?"
He stopped, wheeled round, caught the table with both hands, and leaned
over to Bunning, who stood, his mouth open, his cap and gown still on.
Olva very gravely said: "Come in, Bunning. Shut the door. 'Sport' it.
That's right. Take off your gown and sit down."
The man, still staring, white and frightened, sat down.
Olva spoke slowly and very distinctly: "I'm glad you've come. I want to
talk to you. I killed Carfax, you know." As he said the words he began
slowly to come back to himself from the Other World to this one. How
often, sleeping, waking, had he said those words! How often, aloud, in
his room, with his door locked, had he almost shouted them!
He was not now altogether sure whether Bunning were really there or no.
His spectacles were there, his boots were there, but was Bunning there?
If he were not there. . . .
But he _was_ there. Olva's brain slowly cleared and, for the first time
for many weeks, he was entirely himself. It was the first moment of
peace that he had known since that hour in St. Martin's Chapel.
He was quiet, collected, perfectly calm. He went over to the window,
opened it, and rejoiced in the breeze. The room seemed suddenly empty.
Five minutes ago it had been crowded, breathless. There was now only
Bunning.
"It was so awfully hot with that enormous fire," he said.
Bunning's condition was peculiar. He sat, his large fat face white and
streaky, beads of perspiration on his forehead, his hands gripping the
sides of the armchair. His boots stuck up in the most absurd manner,
like interrogation marks. He watched Olva's face fearfully. At last he
gasped--
"I say, Dune, you're ill. You are really--you're overdone. You ought to
see some one, you know. You ought really, you ought to go to bed." His
words came in jerks.
Olva crossed the room and stood looking down upon him.
"No, Bunning, I'm perfectly well. . . . There's nothing the matter with
me. My nerves have been a bit tried lately by this business, keeping it
all alone, and it's a great relief to me to have told you."
The fact forced itself upon Bunning's brain. At last in a husky whisper:
"You . . . killed . . . Carfax?" And then the favourite expression of
such weak souls as he: "Oh! my God! Oh! my God!"
"Now look here, don't get hysterical about it. You've got to take it
quietly as I do. You said the other day you'd do anything for me. . . .
Well, now you've got a chance of proving your devotion."
"My God! My God!" The boots feebly tapped the floor.
"I had to tell somebody. It was getting on my nerves. I suppose it gives
you a kind of horror of me. Don't mind saying so if it does."
Bunning, taking out a grimy handkerchief, wiped his forehead. He shook
his head without speaking.
Olva sat down in the chair opposite him and lit his pipe.
"I want to tell somebody all about it. You weren't really, I suppose,
the best person to tell. You're a hysterical sort of fellow and you're
easily frightened, but you happened to come in just when I was rather
worked up about it. At any rate you've got to face it now and you must
pull yourself together as well as you can. . . . Move away from the
fire, if you're hot."
Bunning shook his head.
Olva continued: "I'm going to try to put it quite plainly to you, the
Carfax part of it I mean. There are other things that have happened
since that I needn't bother you with, but I'd like you to understand why
I did it."
"Oh! my God!" said Bunning. He was trembling from head to foot and his
fat hands rattled on the woodwork of the chair and his feet rattled on
the floor.
"I met Carfax first at my private school---a little, fat dirty boy he
was then, and fat and dirty he's been ever since. I hated him, but I was
always pleasant to him. He wasn't worth being angry with. He always did
rotten things. He knew more filthy things than the other boys, and he
was a bully--a beastly bully. I think he knew that I bated him, but we
were on perfectly good terms. I think he was always a little afraid
of me, but it's curious to remember that we never had a quarrel of any
kind, until the day when I killed him."
Olva paused and asked Bunning to have a drink. Bunning, gazing at him
with desperate eyes, shook his head.
"Then we went on to Rugby together. It's odd how Fate has apparently
been determined to hammer out our paths side by side. Carfax grew more
and more beastly. He always did the filthiest things and yet out of
it all seemed to the world at large a perfectly decent fellow. He was
clever in that way. I am not trying to defend myself. I'm making it
perfectly straightforward and just as it really was. He knew that I knew
him better than anybody, and as we went on at Rugby I think that his
fear of me grew. I didn't hate him so much for being Carfax, but rather
as standing for all sorts of rotten things. It didn't matter to me in
the least whether he was a beast or not, I'm a beast myself, but it did
matter that he should smile about it and have damp hands. When I touched
his hand I always wanted to hit him.
"I've got a very sudden temper, all my family are like that--calm
most of the time and then absolutely wild. I hated him more up here
at College than I'd hated him at school. He developed and still his
reputation was just the same, decent fellows like Craven followed him,
excused him; he had that cheery manner. . . . Hating him became a habit
with me. I hated everything that he did--his rolling walk down the
Court, his red colour, his football . . . and then he ruined that fellow
Thompson. That was a poor game, but no one seemed to think anything of
it . . . and indeed he and I seemed to be very good friends. He used to
sneer at me behind my back, I know, but I didn't mind that. Any one's
at liberty to sneer if they like. But he was really afraid of me . . .
always.
"Then at last there was this girl that he set about destroying. He
seduced her, promised her marriage. I knew all about it, because she
used to be rather a friend of mine. I warned her, but she was absolutely
infatuated--wouldn't hear of anything that I had to say, thought it all
jealousy. She wasn't the kind of girl who could stand disgrace. . . .
She came to him one day and told him that she was going to have a baby.
He laughed at her in the regular old conventional way . . . and that
very afternoon, after he had seen her, he met me--there in Sannet Wood.
"He began to boast about it, told me jokingly about the way that he'd
'shut her mouth,' as he called it . . . laughed . . . I hit him. I meant
to hit him hard, I hated him so; I think that I wanted to kill him.
All the accumulated years were in that blow, I suppose; at any rate, I
caught him on the chin and it broke his neck and he dropped . . . that's
all."
Olva paused, finished his drink, and ended with--
"There it is--it's simple enough. I'm not in the least sorry I killed
him. I've no regrets; he was better out of the world than in it, and
I've probably saved a number of people from a great deal of misery. I
thought at first that I should be caught, but they aren't very sharp
round here and there was really nothing to connect me with it. But there
were other things--there's more in killing a man than the mere killing.
I haven't been able to stand the loneliness---so I told you."
The last words brought him back to Bunning, a person whom he had almost
forgotten. A sudden pity for the man's distress made his voice tender.
"I say, Running, I oughtn't to have told you. It's been too much for
you. But if you knew the relief that it is to me. . . . Though, mind
you, if it's on your conscience, if it burdens you, you must 'out' with
it. Don't have any scruples about me. But it needn't burden you. _You_
hadn't any-thing to do with it. You were here and I told you. That's
all. I've shown you that I want you as a friend."
For answer the creature burst suddenly into tears, hiding his face
in his sleeve, as small boys hide their faces, and choking out
desperately--
"Oh! my God! Oh! my God!"